Breathe, And For A Moment Enjoy The Freedom In This Perfect Chaos

It's been 6 months since my father first informed me of his knowledge of mine and Brendon's relationship. Brendon has been nothing but perfect these last few months and I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. I honestly think that through all this, our relationship has grown stronger than ever.
You see, my home life still isn't going to well. The beating my father gave me that night when I first called Brendon seemed like nothing now. It's become a ritual for him to drink after dinner. Pretend that my mom is okay and that I'm not 'a faggot with a boyfriend'. I hate to see him like this regardless of the pain he puts me through. He is still my father after all. I just try to block out the bad times and remember all the good. It's getting harder though, pretending like nothing is happening. It's getting worse and it scares be because every night it seems I have nightmares of his fury going to far and resulting in a major injury or even death.

Brendon decided about a month ago that if I didn't call him every night by 10 pm, he would come over and check up on me. This new rule resulted after him finding me knocked unconscious on the living room floor, one night we were supposed to go to the movies. If he had it his way, I wouldn't even be living there anymore but I managed to make a deal with him. If I had one more broken bone, yes one more as in there have been sprains and brakes over the past months, I would move out of the house and into a more secure environment. Until then though I compromised in calling him nightly. This wasn't a bad decision, he understood that I couldn't just up and leave this mess. Thats what got me here in the first place am I not correct? But either way, at that time of the night, it felt like we were both holding our breathe.
I often wondered why my father didn't just kick me out of the house himself, if he hated me that much.
I got the nerve to ask him one night as I curled myself into a ball at his feet, "Why dad? Why do you do this? Why not just kick me out?"
His thin lips turned into a smirk as he lowered his first, "Because you little shit, I have a reputation in this society. I can't kick you out until you're 18 when I can just play it off as college. I don't need you bringing me down with you." He slurred. His words shocked me at how though out they were for a drunken man. I guess he just put a lot of thought into the matter beforehand. He then picked up his foot and dug it into my side, moving his heal back and forth to widen the range of pain. He repeated his actions for what felt like hours until my whole chest felt numb. That night resulted in two cracked ribs and a bit of internal bleeding. But still, I couldn't tell what hurt worse. The physical or the mental affects of his words.

My mother just sat in her bed, placed in the corner of her bedroom. The door facing open and revealing the house to her observing eyes. I would walk past her room and catch her eye a few times a week. She always looked sad, her eyes where becoming dull, while her skin lost its color. Her hair was always down and wrapped around her shoulders to frame her face. The same position, the same expression. It felt so familiar to me become we were both in the same position. Hurt and trapped by the ones we though loved us. I wish every day and night I could take back whatever I did to her to make her act this way towards me. I'm not sure what she wishes for on her own time but I'm pretty sure its along the same lines as my wishes. Just to take back what tore us all apart.

"Hey Ry. You okay?" Brendon asked bringing me from my thoughts. I looked up at him, his face positioned so that his eyebrows were slightly knitted and his lips pursed in worry.

"Yeah Bren. I'm fine. Just a bit tired." I answered. We were currently sitting in his car, parking in the student lot of our high school. We had a good half hour before first period so there was no rush to get into the building and to our classes.

"You sure? You look a bit pale. I can take you to my house where you can just relax and sleep for the day. No one would be home." He offered bringing his hand up to my forehead to check my temperature.

"Really Brendon, it's okay. I'll be fine. If I'm really not feeling that good I promise to go to the nurse." He didn't look convinced but went a long with it anyways. We then stepped out of the car, grabbing out school bags. He met me at the back bumper of his car, where he slung his arm around my waist. I hissed in pain and slightly bent over to try and ease the pain. Brendon's eyes went wide at my reaction. He grabbed onto my shoulders, pulling me up where I looked at him through squinted eyes.

"Ryan! What the hell happened? Oh my god, you are so not okay. Come here, let me see." He demanded, bringing me in closer to him. He slowly lifted the back of my shirt, gasping in what it revealed. There on my lower back and hip bone was a large deep purple and black bruise. The skin was tender and in areas completely warping away from being pulled by the blows it received last night. I hunched over slightly as Brendon ran a finger over the area. I tried to hold back a cry but none the less, my breath hitched.

"Come on," Brendon whispered pulling me into him careful to avoid my injury. "I'll take you my house." I just nodded numbly following him back into the car.

****

At Bren's house, the two of us laid on his full sized bed. My head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me protectively. We both drifted in and out of sleep as we clung to each other as if our lives depended on it. But to us, it felt like our lived did depend on each other.

"Ry? You awake?" A steamy voice made its way into my ear making my lips turn upward.

"Yeah" I answered nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck and reaching back to adjust the slipping heating pad while sat atop my bruise.

"I have to tell you something Ry," He started taking a deep breathe. "I can't take it anymore Ryan. It hurts me so, so much to see your beautiful body broken down like this. You don't deserve this Ry. This has all been hurting me as much as it has you. Every bruise or broken bone rips my heart to shreds and all I want to do is take you in my arms and hold you and never let anything come near me. Ryan I know you want to stay and try to work things out with your parents but this has come to a whole new level here. I'm afraid something is going to be taken to far one of these nights. I can't loose you Ry. I can't loose you because I love you so much it hurts. Just please, let me take care of you. Please." He finished. My hand gripped onto his shirt as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, pulling myself as close to him as possible.

"I-I know Bren. I know." I choked out trying to suppress the tears from rolling down my face.

"Will you let me take care of you Ryan?" He asked right next to my ear before placed a gentle kiss to my temple.

It took me a minute to answer, "Yes Brendon."