Breathe, And For A Moment Enjoy The Freedom In This Perfect Chaos
Chapter 2
"So, what did you have to tell me that was important?" Brendon asked while he violently
pressed the blue button of his guitar hero guitar.
"Oh, it was nothing." I lied through my teeth praying he would just drop it. But I should know
by now he never drops things.
"Oh come on Ryro, you never say things that are nothing and if you saying its important, than
its definitely something. Just tell me. What could it hurt?"
Oh if only he knew. It, this, that idea, could hurt a lot.
"No matter what I promise not to be mad or upset or disappointed in whatever it is. You can
tell me anything." By this point he had stopped playing the video game and was just looking
at me with curious eyes. The animated crowd started booing as the TV flashed 'failed'
across its screen. If only its computerized memory could realize how fitting it was for this
moment in my life. This was make or brake for me. Either I loose my best friend or I gain a
boyfriend. Either way I really don't think I'm ready for such a big step.
"My dog Rosie is going to die!" I lied hoping to god he would believe me. His face softened
for a minute before he caught on and realized I in fact don't even have a dog. "Don't lie to me
Ross. I can see right through you."
Lie. If you could see through me you would be able to see my heart go bonkers ever time
you came near and see my brain melt with every touch you place on me.
"Really, Brendon, its nothing." I tell him walking over to the couch and packing my
belongings back into my backpack.
"If its nothing Ryan, why wont you just tell me?" He asked almost looking worried.
"Bren, please just drop it OK?" I pleaded zipping up the pouch and slinging it over my shoulder.
He spun me around gripping my shoulders tight so I couldn't get away but loose enough not
to hurt me. "Please Ryan. You're really scaring me." His eyes burning deep into mine, all
feeling melting away.
"You'd hate me for it Bren. It's better if you don't know. Trust me." I felt tears prickle my eyes. I
wanted nothing more than to kiss his full lips but every time that thought came to mind a
small voice was also telling me no and reminding me of all the things that could go wrong.
"please." He begged not taking his eyes from mine.
This is it. Moment of truth.
I leaned forward pushing my lips to his for only a second. "I love you." I whispered before
breaking from his grip sprinting out of his house.
No, no, no what the hell have I done?
I think you know what you did.
Yeah, but gah. I ruined everything.
It isn't to bad. You still have Spencer.
But I want Brendon.
I think you're going to have to wait on that one.
I've been pacing back and forth in my room for a good 3 hours in my room. I watched as the
clock ticked away the time. My cell phone was gripped tightly in my hand on both loud ring
and vibrate just in case he called. "This is crazy." I told myself. "I just ruined my friendship
with my best friend and I'm not even gay." Tears pricked at my eyes just as they had back at
Brendon's house.
"Honey? Are you OK? You've been up here pacing ever since you came home." My mother
stood in my door frame giving me a worried look.
"Yeah mom. I'm OK. Just had a bad day." I attempted to smile just to reassure her I was fine
even though I in fact far from it.
"OK, well dinner will be ready soon." She gave me a small nod.
"Oh, I'm not really hungry. Plus I still have alot of homework." I told her feeling my stomach
lurch at the idea of food.
"Well you really should eat but that's fine I guess. Better get started on that homework." She
said eying my still zipped backpack that I had thrown against my wall.
"Sure thing mom. good night."
She smiled and closed my door behind her. I sighed and sat down on my office chair
grabbing my backpack. Might as well get started on the work now. I pulled out a random
piece of paper and stared at it trying to figure out if it was math or science.
Before I got that chance, my phone started going off. The small screen flashed a picture of
Brendon with the caption of 'Brenny' underneath it.
pressed the blue button of his guitar hero guitar.
"Oh, it was nothing." I lied through my teeth praying he would just drop it. But I should know
by now he never drops things.
"Oh come on Ryro, you never say things that are nothing and if you saying its important, than
its definitely something. Just tell me. What could it hurt?"
Oh if only he knew. It, this, that idea, could hurt a lot.
"No matter what I promise not to be mad or upset or disappointed in whatever it is. You can
tell me anything." By this point he had stopped playing the video game and was just looking
at me with curious eyes. The animated crowd started booing as the TV flashed 'failed'
across its screen. If only its computerized memory could realize how fitting it was for this
moment in my life. This was make or brake for me. Either I loose my best friend or I gain a
boyfriend. Either way I really don't think I'm ready for such a big step.
"My dog Rosie is going to die!" I lied hoping to god he would believe me. His face softened
for a minute before he caught on and realized I in fact don't even have a dog. "Don't lie to me
Ross. I can see right through you."
Lie. If you could see through me you would be able to see my heart go bonkers ever time
you came near and see my brain melt with every touch you place on me.
"Really, Brendon, its nothing." I tell him walking over to the couch and packing my
belongings back into my backpack.
"If its nothing Ryan, why wont you just tell me?" He asked almost looking worried.
"Bren, please just drop it OK?" I pleaded zipping up the pouch and slinging it over my shoulder.
He spun me around gripping my shoulders tight so I couldn't get away but loose enough not
to hurt me. "Please Ryan. You're really scaring me." His eyes burning deep into mine, all
feeling melting away.
"You'd hate me for it Bren. It's better if you don't know. Trust me." I felt tears prickle my eyes. I
wanted nothing more than to kiss his full lips but every time that thought came to mind a
small voice was also telling me no and reminding me of all the things that could go wrong.
"please." He begged not taking his eyes from mine.
This is it. Moment of truth.
I leaned forward pushing my lips to his for only a second. "I love you." I whispered before
breaking from his grip sprinting out of his house.
No, no, no what the hell have I done?
I think you know what you did.
Yeah, but gah. I ruined everything.
It isn't to bad. You still have Spencer.
But I want Brendon.
I think you're going to have to wait on that one.
I've been pacing back and forth in my room for a good 3 hours in my room. I watched as the
clock ticked away the time. My cell phone was gripped tightly in my hand on both loud ring
and vibrate just in case he called. "This is crazy." I told myself. "I just ruined my friendship
with my best friend and I'm not even gay." Tears pricked at my eyes just as they had back at
Brendon's house.
"Honey? Are you OK? You've been up here pacing ever since you came home." My mother
stood in my door frame giving me a worried look.
"Yeah mom. I'm OK. Just had a bad day." I attempted to smile just to reassure her I was fine
even though I in fact far from it.
"OK, well dinner will be ready soon." She gave me a small nod.
"Oh, I'm not really hungry. Plus I still have alot of homework." I told her feeling my stomach
lurch at the idea of food.
"Well you really should eat but that's fine I guess. Better get started on that homework." She
said eying my still zipped backpack that I had thrown against my wall.
"Sure thing mom. good night."
She smiled and closed my door behind her. I sighed and sat down on my office chair
grabbing my backpack. Might as well get started on the work now. I pulled out a random
piece of paper and stared at it trying to figure out if it was math or science.
Before I got that chance, my phone started going off. The small screen flashed a picture of
Brendon with the caption of 'Brenny' underneath it.