Finding Love

When I was little, my dad was my hero. He was a big shot doctor saving people’s lives but now things have changed. He went from the most important guy in my life to someone that I didn’t want anything to do with. He made promises that he never kept, like the one he made the day we left Boston for New York.

Flashback

I was mad, I didn’t want to leave, and I wanted to stay with my dad. Why did I have to go with my mom, why couldn’t I stay with him? I ran my fingers through my hair, slowly packing my boxes with my toys and things. I hated packing; it seemed so final, that I would never see my dad again. Why did this happen? A knock sounded in my room causing me to turn my head and see my dad standing there with a frown on his face.

“Princess,” He started sighing. “Your mom is waiting for you. You really should be done with this already.”

“I don’t want to go, Dad. I want to stay with you,” I said hugging him tightly.

My dad pressed a kiss to my forehead, “I know, Princess but your mom needs you. It’s hard starting over in a new city and you will have Andrew. I promise you just because you are in New York and I’m in Boston, won’t change anything, I’ll always be there for you. You mean the world to me and I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” I said wiping my tears. He gave me a small smile before helping me pack.

End of Flashback

As my dad helped me pack, I thought it was just a temporary thing that I would be back in Boston before a year was up and that my dad loved me. He didn’t keep his promise, nothing was the same after that day and he was never there for me again. I wasn’t his Princess anymore. I didn’t want to go to this stupid dinner, I didn’t want to see him but I did want to see Sam, my brother, my best friend growing up and that is why I decided to go. Quinn said she would go with me, and was going to meet me in my apartment about an hour before the dinner. I straightened out my green tank and dark blue jeans before putting my white cardigan on, I didn’t want to do this but she was going too. I was going to put on a brave face and do this. I heard my front door open and I took a deep breath before walking out to the main area. When I saw Quinn, I knew something was wrong.

“What’s wrong?” I asked biting my lip, my nervous tick.

"I can't go," She said biting her lip, on the verge of tears.

“Quinn, what’s going on?” I asked worried. “Is everything okay?”

"No," she said sniffling a little. "My dad had a heart attack earlier while he was at work, about to come home. My mom and I are headed to the hospital now since he just got out of surgery."

I took a deep breath, “I’m going with you.”

"No," Quinn said with a determined look in her eyes. "You are going to go have dinner with your dad and Sam, and then you are going to call me to see where I am. You need to go to this dinner Lillie Mae."

“No,” I started but I saw the look in her eyes. “Call me if you need me. I don’t care if I’m in the middle of the dinner, if you call me, I’ll leave.”

“I will sweetie, don't worry." She said to me as we headed out my door together. "I want you to at least try and have a good time though, if not for my sake, then for Sam's"

I gave her a hug, “I love you. I’ll call you as soon as this stupid dinner is over.”

We said our good-byes and I headed towards the Hilton; of course my dad had to stay at the best hotel in town. I didn’t want to go to this stupid dinner. Andrew had already left for the dinner, about an hour before I did. He was meeting dad and Sam before dinner to do “manly” bounding whatever that meant. As I walked into the Hilton, I saw someone that I wasn’t expecting to see, Quinn’s Sam. What was he doing here? He couldn’t be Sam…my brother…just because they have the same name doesn’t mean anything, but what if it did?
I slowly walked over to him with a small smile on my face, “Sam, how are you?”

Sam turned to me with a small smile. "Oh, hey Lillie Mae. I'm good, a little nervous, but good. How are you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, was he nervous because he was meeting some girl here and messing with my friend, or was he nervous because he is Sam waiting on his little sister, “What are you doing here?”

"I'm kinda waiting for my little sister. I haven't seen her since our parents divorced when we were younger. You actually remind me of her a lot, especially with your name being Lillie Mae..." He slows down his talking as he realizes something. "Wait, what are YOU doing here?"

“My dad is in town,” I started looking at him closely. “He wanted to talk to me. Funny thing, you remind me of one of my brothers, Samuel Alexander Porter, he’s around your age.”

Sam looked at me, trying to figure me out. "Your birthday wouldn't happen to be December 27, 1990 would it?"

“Yup,” I said with a small smile as Drew walked over to us, I could tell by his face he was annoyed that it was taking forever for us to get to the table. “Drew, hold your horses for one second. We’ll be right over.”

He rolled his eyes and stood by Sam.

“LILLIE BEAR!" Sam said with a huge smile, enveloping me into a hug. "I had no idea you were my sister!"

I hugged him back, “I just figured it out. I found it weird at first, the name thing but I rationalized that there has to be other Sam Porters out there. Plus, I thought you were still in Boston then. Wait, Quinn…”

“What about Quinn?” Sam said as he hugged me back.

I broke the hug and bit my lip, “You’re my brother and she is my best friend.” I put the emphasis on best. “And I don’t even know you anymore.”

“Do you not want me to date her? Even though it would make both of us really happy?” Sam asked looking at me questioningly.

“No,” I started. “I don’t want you to hurt her.”

“I’m not going to turn out like dad,” Sam said sounding a little offended.

“I never said you would,” I said narrowing my eyes. “I just said I didn’t want Quinn to get hurt.”

“Guys,” Andrew said talking for the first time in a while. “Dad is waiting. Stop the standoff for now.”

“Quinn isn’t going to get hurt by me. I’d rather gauge my eyes out than hurt her,” Sam said as we followed Andrew to the table.

I wanted to believe him, I did but out of all of us, Sam was the most like our father. I wanted to believe that he wouldn’t hurt her, I wanted to so bad, but there was a part of me that never fully trusted anyone since John and of course my dad. As I got closer to the table, I saw him and her. What was she doing here? I studied my dad, he looked the same as he did the day we left, expect his brown hair, that I had inherited, I got the red from my mom, was graying and his eyes, my eyes, were framed in his normal black rimmed glasses. He hadn’t changed. My dad must have felt eyes on him because as I looked him over, he slowly lifted his head and our eyes connected. Jade green with Jade green. I saw a smile spread across his face but I couldn’t help but frown. He had broken too many promises for a smile.

“Princess,” He said hugging me tightly.

I pushed away; I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of getting what he wanted, “Dad, how nice to see you.”

My dad frowned, obviously wasn’t expecting that reaction from me, “Lillie Mae, you’ve grown up so much. I’ve missed you.”

“A lot changes when you haven’t seen someone in seven years,” I said sitting down next to Andrew and Sam. “Seven years is a long time.’

“I know,” My dad said with a frown. “I wish I had seen you more over the last seven years.”

I wanted to scream cut the crap, you don’t care about anyone but yourself but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, the only thing I wanted to know, is why Heather was here. Why did he bring the home-wrecker to this dinner party, “What is she doing here?”

“Lillie Mae Porter,” My dad said narrowing his eyes. “You were raised better than that.”

“DeMario,” I stated. “My last name isn’t Porter, it is DeMario. I changed it when you let Marcus adopt me two years ago, or did you forget that you let another man adopt your only daughter, your princess”

“Lillie, knock it off,” Drew said looking at me. “I know you’re upset but this isn’t the time or the place to act like this.”

“Now you’re going to talk to me?” I said looking at him. “For six years, you’ve ignored the fact that I exist so don’t start with me. I didn’t even want to come tonight but Quinn said that I should. She convinced me to come.”

“Lillie Mae,” Heather started. “Your dad wanted to see you, doesn’t that mean anything?”

“It is seven years too late,” I said rolling my eyes. “It has been seven years since we left Boston, not once did you call, not once did you visit. You promised me that nothing would change, that you would be there for me. But obviously you’re one to break promises.”

I could see every word I was saying was cutting deep at my dad, good, he deserved to feel a little pain after all the pain he’s caused.

My dad took a deep breath, “Lillie Mae, I know that I’ve hurt you and your brothers but I’m trying. I just want a chance to show you that I’ve changed.”

I shook my head, “It has been seven years! Seven years! You don’t know the first thing about me or who I’ve become, why should I give you another chance to break my heart?”

“Because everyone deserves a second chance,” He said sighing. “I’ve made many mistakes in my life but you and your brothers aren’t one of them. I love you, sweetie. I just wish that it didn’t take me so long to figure out what is important in life.”

“And what exactly is that?” I asked taking a sip of water.

My dad smiled and grabbed Heather’s hand, “Family and love. Which brings us the reason why I came here; besides seeing my children. Heather and I have decided that it is time we make it official and get married.”

“You’re what?” I asked taking a deep breath. “You’re marrying her?”

My dad nodded, “Yes, Lillie Mae, I’m marrying Heather. I love her and after seven years, I think it is time, don’t you?”

I couldn’t believe this. He was marrying the one person in the world that ruined everything, “No. I don’t think so. I don’t think you should be getting married at all. I’m not happy.”

“I figured that already,” He said with a stern voice. “I know that I hurt you and I thought you coming here meant that you were ready to move on but obviously, you only came to show me how much I have hurt you. I wish I could go back and change those seven years, but I can’t. I’m trying to reach out and make a connection again. I just wish you would see that.”

I bit my lip to hold in the tears that I wanted to cry, that I wouldn’t. He wasn’t my dad, well he was but He had hurt me too much and now he is here saying he’s sorry, like that changes anything. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know if I wanted to say anything or if I just wanted to leave but I was hungry, so I would sit this dinner out but I wasn’t happy about being there.

Andrew looked from my dad to me then back to my dad before talking, “Why now? Why did you come all this way to tell us you were getting married?”

“I thought it would be better in person,” My dad said sighing. “And Samuel ran away, I figured I could find him here, and break it to all three of you at the same time.”

“It just doesn’t make sense,” He said looking at me. “You’ve been out of our lives, Lillie Mae and mine, for seven years, all we got were crappy birthday cards, then all of sudden you want us in your life again.”

“Yea,” I started to say. “It doesn’t make sense. Why now?”

Heather smiled, “Because we decided it was the best time to get married. I know it doesn’t make sense but when you know it’s time, it’s time, no matter what.”

The table fell silent, no of us knew what to say. I had things to say but I think my dad got the idea and I didn’t need to yell at him anymore. I wanted too but I wasn’t going to. I didn’t want to speak anymore to my dad; I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be as far away as I could be but I knew that I had to be here, that I had no choice. I silently prayed that Quinn would call me and tell me to get to the hospital, I wanted to leave so bad. The waitress came over and we ordered our food, I didn’t know what to say, my dad was marrying the tramp that broke our family apart and I didn’t know how to handle that.

“There is actually more,” Heather said with a small smile.

I looked at her praying that she wasn’t pregnant, I did not want to have a brother or sister that was related to her. “You’re not pregnant are you?”

She laughed, “God, no. We, your father and I, want you kids to be in the wedding.”

“Are you kidding me?” Sam asked all of a sudden. I looked over to him and could tell he was outraged. “I’ve never had the balls to ask this, but now I’m going to. What does she have,” pointing to Heather, “That mom didn’t have? You told me that you would never get married again, what has she done that made you change your mind? Do you even care that she’s the woman that helped you ruin your family? Does she have you brain washed or something?”

My dad looked at Sam with a frown on his face, “I thought I would never get married again after the divorce from your mother. I did love your mother but sometimes things are just meant to be. I don’t regret being with your mother because it gave me the three of you but if there is one thing I would change is how the divorce came about. I shouldn’t have cheated on your mother but I fell in love with Heather and after much convincing, I realized that it was time to settle down and get married again.”

“This is bull shit,” Drew said standing up. “I’m done. You don’t deserve us being there after everything you put us through. You ruined our family, I haven’t seen Sam in seven years, hell I made a mistake too; I pushed Lillie Mae away because she looks like you. I was so pissed at you that I missed my sister growing up. Go to hell, and don’t expect me at your wedding.”

Before anyone could stop him, Drew walked out of the restaurant and hotel, he was pissed and I didn’t blame him.

I seriously wondered what my father was on when he came here to tell us that he was marrying the tramp that broke our family apart. Did he seriously expect us to just accept it and be happy for him? I shook my head and stood up, “I’m leaving too. I do not want any part of this shame. Seven years, you wait seven years to come see it and it is because you want me to in your wedding to the person that tore apart our family. I’m sorry but I can’t. I can’t be happy for you; I can’t be in a wedding that shouldn’t be happening. Now, if you excuse me, my best friend needs me right now.”

As I walked out the door, I had one regret and that was that the night I got my brother back in my life, was also the night that I came to terms, that my dad and me would never have the same relationship ever again. I quickly walked away from the hotel towards the hospital that I knew Quinn would be at but I quickly stopped and called her. I wanted to make sure she was still there. The phone rang until she picked up, “Hey Quinn, where are you?”

"Mom and I are at home. The doctor's got him stable, and said he needed rest. Mom had to drag me out of the hospital because I just wanted to stay there with him." She said, with a depressed tone in her voice.

“Okay,” I said turning on my heel and heading the other direction. “I’m on my way home then. I’m going to stop by the store and pick up ice cream, what do you and mom want?”

Quinn asked mom. "Mom wants Ben & Jerry's Cake Batter, and I would like Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough please."

I nodded and entered the store picking up a pint of what they wanted and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Rocky Road for myself, “I’ll be there in 15 minutes, see you soon.” I heard her whisper a goodbye as I hung up the phone and paid for the ice cream and headed back to our apartment complex. When I got there, I went straight to Quinn’s apartment; not wanting to go home tonight, my mom would ask too many questions. I sighed as I opened the door to her apartment, “Mom, Quinn, I’m here with ice cream for all.”

Quinn came out of the living room and into the hallway dressed in her black silk pajamas. She only wore that when she was feeling really down. She was also caring a bag of lays original chips. She could never have ice cream unless she had something salty to go before or after. "You are the most amazing friend ever," She said to me as she gave me a hug.

I pulled out my ice cream and smiled at her, “Trust me after the night I had, I need ice cream too.”

"Oh, how did the dinner go?" Quinn said sitting next to her mom after she handed her the ice cream.

“Crappy,” I said digging into the ice cream. “He’s getting married to her. Both Drew and I stormed out before dinner ended. He wants me to be a part of their wedding and I found out why Drew pushed me out of his life. Apparently, I look too much like my dad.”

"Are you two going to be in it?" Quinn asked after a spoonful of her ice cream. "Is Drew going to change now?"

“No,” I said shaking my head. “I’m not stepping a foot into that wedding. I don’t about Drew changing but I know he won’t be there either. I think all three of us are on the same page, Sam blew up, asking dad what Heather had that mom didn’t, and Drew basically told him that he wouldn’t be at the wedding because the relationship tore our family apart and I said the same thing. How can he expect us to accept the fact that he broke our family apart and now wants to marry the person that helped him do just that?”

"Wow that's tough." Quinn said giving me a hug. "So you finally saw your brother Sam after all this time?"

I looked at her unsure if I should tell her about Sam but I quickly decided that was something he should tell her, “Yea that was the only good part.”

"Well that's awesome to hear," She said smiling. "Tell me about him!"

“Well,” I started running my fingers through my hair. “He’s a lot like me, stubborn, head strong but he is very caring. He looks a lot like our dad, expect his eyes, I’m the only one that got our father’s eyes. My dad said he ran away from home, which doesn’t surprise me after the outburst I saw tonight. He is the typical older brother but growing up we were the best of friends. I think you would love him if you two were to meet.”

“He sounds amazing." She said, giving her a questioning look. "But what's wrong? You never run your fingers through your hair when you're talking, unless something is wrong."

“Do you think I’m making a mistake?” I asked looking at her. “With the wedding, should I go? Will I regret it later when I’m getting married or having kids? Will I regret not having my dad in my life?”

"You know you're making the right choice. You have Marcus and he's more of your dad and your Dad actually is." Quinn said, not buying it. "Now, do you want to tell me what's really on your mind?"

“The thing is…” I started to say, as there was a knock on the door sounded. I looked at Quinn as she walked to the door and came back followed by Sam. “Sam, what are you doing here?”

"He asked if he could come over." Quinn said. "He said that he had a bad dinner with his dad and wanted to see me. I told him you were here and he said he didn't care."

I snorted, yea bad dinner with his dad, understatement of the century, “Join the club on the bad dinner. I’m the president; you can be my vice president.”

"Yeah, I just couldn't take him anymore." Sam said, thinking Quinn knew already.

"What are you guys talking about? I feel left out,” Quinn said.

“You wanted to know what was bothering me before,” I said looking at Sam. “Did I ever tell you what my last name was before Marcus adopted me?”

"Isn't it Alex's last name?" Quinn asked, slightly confused.

“Porter,” I said looking at Sam again. “I have a brother named Samuel Porter, Sam. He is 18.”

Quinn looked between me and Sam, "Isn't that exactly your name and age Sam?"

“Quinn,” I started. “He is Sam.”

Quinn still looked confused. "But, Sam lives with his father. Your brother ran away a year ago. They can't be the same."

I looked at Sam, “You live with dad? Then why did he say you ran away?”

Sam scratched the back of his head. "I kind of lied to you Quinn."

I stood up from my spot, “You lied to her? Why? You said you weren’t like him!”

Sam looked at me with guilt in his eyes. "I just didn't want to lose her before I even had her. I didn't think she'd like me any more if she knew that I ran away."

"I would've understood!" Quinn said with tears in her eyes.

“Sam,” I said hugging Quinn. “Quinn.” I didn’t know what to say, my brother had lied to my best friend, thus hurting her like he said he wouldn’t.

Quinn wiped the tears from her face. "I don't know what to say to him Lillie Mae." She said, not being able to look at Sam in the face currently.

I nodded, “I know, but he was just doing what he thought at the moment was the best, even it was idiotically stupid.” I looked at Sam, “It might be the best if you were to leave.”

“Yea, I think that's best," Quinn said, still not looking up.

“Just, please go Sam,” I said hugging Quinn tightly. “Just ask Nate for my number and we’ll talk about Dad.”

Quinn looked up as she heard the door of her apartment close. "Why didn't he tell me?" she said in a raspy voice, where you could tell she'd been crying.

“Because he thought it was best,” I said sighing. “He just didn’t think it through. I think he didn’t want you to think something bad about him. Runaways don’t have the best reputations.”

"But I wouldn't have! You know that!" She said, letting more tears fall. "I've never judged anyone until I got to know them!"

I sighed, “I know but boys in my family aren’t the smartest in the world. I mean look at the role model they had.”

"This is true," Quinn said, hugging me.

“How about we go get some sleep? And in the morning we can go see dad?” I asked frowning. My brother was an idiot. I would deal with him later.

"Okay," She said with a sad smile. "Do you wanna spend the night? I told both our mom's I'd be asking you."

“If I go home, I’ll have to tell mom about tonight, I’m not ready for that,” I said sighing. “I know she won’t care that he’s getting married but she be pissed that’s the reason he came to see us.”

"Yea, I know." She said, giving me a hug, as we headed towards her room.

I sighed and got ready for bed, by the time I came out of the bathroom, Quinn was already out like a light. I sent Nathan a text telling him to give Sam my number because we had things we needed to discuss and that the dinner went crappy but I couldn’t wait to see him on Monday. As I snuggled into the bed, the only thing that was on my mind was everything was about to change.