Trust These Words Are Stone

So it seems inevitable that once something goes amazing in your life and you feel more indestructible than Superman, you remember that your life is pretty much shit. I came to this conclusion about five seconds after Gerard left and I decided to check my text messages.

"Frank, I'm on my over. We have to talk....I hate all these loose ends between us."

From Shaun, of course. Fabulous.

Maybe I should leave, oh or I could move to Antarctica where he'll never find. Yeah, that would solve all my problems. I'll have a fresh start at life as an Eskimo wrestling polar bears and penguins. That will work perfectly. But I'll probably need to buy a new sweater and some boots and-

Daydreaming never gets me anywhere.

I'm snapped out of my trance by the sound of my front door opening. Shaun hasn't knocked in years, so it's obvious whenever he comes over.

"Frank!" he calls from the hall.

My pesky feet with a mind of their own, pull me like a magnet to stand and walk timidly to the front room where a wave of tension washes over me.

"Hey..." I awkwardly greet.

He continues to stand by the door as he bites his lip. I used to think it was cute when he did that, now I scold myself for it. Have I been leading him on?

"Okay," he starts, "I need to get this off my chest, so here it goes.
"Look...You're probably still beyond pissed at me for being such a douche bag, and I don't blame you at all, but I just want to tell you again that I didn't mean any of it. I love you, Frankie. I shouldn't but I can't help these feelings anymore," his lip quivers and he avoids eye contact at all costs, "For the past ten months you're all I think about during the day and all I dream about at night. You're basically everything to me, and it just kills me that we're not together. And I know when people make these cheesy little speeches they're supposed to say that 'I'm happy as long as you're happy blah blah," but in all honesty, I'll never be happy without you, but I'll live..."

He's crying now, and I can feel tears welling up behind my eyes.

Finally, his melancholy eyes connect with mine as he awaits a response.

Too bad I have no idea what the fuck to say.

"Shaun.....I'm sorry." My apologetic eyes brim with tears while I break my best friend's heart.

"I just needed to tell you that..." he finishes, turning away, he slips out the door meekly.

That was undoubtedly the worst thing I've ever done.

Hold your head high, heavy heart.