Arranged to Marry a Guitar God

I decided that since he wanted to play this game then two can play so I walked out of the house and down to the park about a quarter mile away. When I got there I sat down on a swing and started to think about everything that has happened.

*God I wish I knew what the hell was wrong with Syn. I mean I know it has to do with the whole...*

Becky: Hey mind if I sit down?
Me: You can if you want.

Becky sat down in the swing next to me.

Becky: What’s wrong you look like someone killed your dog?
Me: Just Syn is acting all weird. And I don’t know why. He told me that if I don’t get it then I never will.
Becky: Well what happened?

So I explained everything that happened with my father.

Becky: Damn well I think that he feels hurt, mad, and disappointed.
Me: At who though?
Becky: I mean I don’t know for a fact but probably hurt that you didn’t tell him; pissed off at your father for letting it happen and caring more about the guy then his daughter and disappointed in himself for treating you the way he did.
Me: But why can’t he just tell me that instead of avoiding me?
Becky: Well he isn’t all that great at emotions and stuff. But honey I will tell you that he is crazy for you. That boy has been to my house at least 3 times this week interrupting things he shouldn’t just to talk about you for hours.
Me: Really?
Becky: Really it is rather annoying no offense to you or anything but my boyfriend stopped coming over because of Bri.
Me: I am sorry.
Becky: It is ok but I have to go I need to get some things done. But if you ever need someone to talk to I am hear for you.
Me: Thanks.

Becky left and I just sat there swinging. I don’t know how long I was in that park but it was dark the next time I heard someone walk up.

Me: Rae I don’t want to talk.
Rae: How did you know it was me without looking up?
Me: Because Val called you because Becky called and told her that she saw me at the park then Matt told her that Syn hasn’t seen me since he left about 4 hours ago and you figured I was either at a graveyard or a park which ever was closest. Am I right?
Rae: Some times I think I am too predictable.
Me: You are but it isn’t a bad thing.
Rae: So you running away from your problems again?
Me: Nope just hiding.
Rae: Why do you do this?
Me: This time because the guy I am falling for isn’t there to catch me. Plus the fact he pretty much ignores me.
Rae: You need to stop running or hiding from shit Jaz. What happened to the girl I met? The girl who didn’t care what everyone thought and wasn’t afraid of anything?
Me: That girl finally realized that her cousin molested her.
Rae: You can’t keep letting that run your life.

I stood up and turned to face her.

Me: Then tell me how to live my life Rae. Since it seems I can’t live it right. I mean how is it not supposed to run my life when it must really bother Syn since he found out he wants nothing to with me. I mean really if this is how I want to run my life then let me. But I can’t change the way he feels about it so why the hell should I even give a damn about how my life goes?
Rae: Jaz, come on don’t be like this.
Me: What the hell do you want from me Rae? I am doing all I can but it will never be enough. I am not good enough and I never will be. So fucking stop living in your fairytale land where Syn and I will fall magically in love and nothing in the world can hurt us. Because hell he isn’t in love with me, I don’t care what everyone says. He DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE ME! I am ok with that. I am done with all of the bullshit. I promised myself a long damn time ago that I would never explain myself to anyone and I will not continue trying to explain myself anymore.

With that I walked off.