Venom and Hope

I couldn't get him off my mind, all night I tossed and turned in bed. It seemed like every time I closed my eyes I saw his face, haunting my nightmares.

Finally, I decided to give up on sleep and watch some TV. But nothing was on at 2:30 in the morning except for infomercials, so I just sat there in the sick, blue glow of the TV, while some balding man with a cheesy smile sold some useless junk for $19.95. I started to think things over; I started to think that maybe I was overreacting and everything will be fine once we go on tour and everybody will be saying "I told you so" and I'll feel like an idiot for keeping this stupid grudge for a year. But then I thought of how it was all his fault I was upset and got all angry again. I probably changed my mind like 20 times before I became mentally exhausted and passed out on the couch.

I woke up with a blanket over me and the TV turned off. Ahhh, the joy of good roommates. I looked at my watch and found out that it was 1:30 in the afternoon, "How did they let me sleep this late?" I thought as I got up and made my way into the kitchen. Jackson was sitting at the table reading some book; he was always reading. I think it kept his head from exploding. Hey, he was around women all day.

He looked up at me. "Nice hair."

"Thanks, I'm making a fashion statement."

He shook his head and went back to his book. "You look like a fucking hobo."

"You are too kind." I got out a glass and poured myself some green tea. I needed caffeine and our coffee pot broke like 2 months ago. Nothing ever gets fixed in this apartment.

"Where's Jazz?"

"I don't know. Why don't you go look for her?" I could tell I was annoying him, but I didn't care. He was funny when he was mad.

"I feel lazy today."

"And that's different from any other day how?"

I glared at him and sipped my green tea. He just went right back to reading. I soon got bored with him and started to look for Jazz, but she wasn't anywhere. I got frustrated and went back into the kitchen.

"Jackson, I can't find her!"

He closed his eyes to think for a while. "I think she went to the store. She was complaining about how we have no food."

"That's absurd! We have tons of food." I opened the cabinet to behold two boxes of cocoa pebbles, a box of Girl Scout cookies and a couple packages of ramen noodles. "Well maybe not tons but"

He cut me off. He was also looking at me strange. "Hey, I wasn't the one who was complaining."

I sighed. Things were too boring, but I had no motivation to go do something. "I'm bored!!!"

"Then read a book."

"I don't have any."

"Then watch TV, anything, just leave me alone!"

"Not a people person today are you?" He chose to ignore me. I was being annoying, even I knew it.

"Fine, I'll just leave then." I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I really did look like a fucking hobo. My hair was falling out of a messy bun and all sticking up at odd angles and my clothes were all wrinkled and my shirt was stretched out, exposing one of my shoulders. Funny what sleeping on the couch can do to you.

I decided to take a shower; letting the warm water sooth away my sorrows. Not like I had any, or at least ones I'll admit to, but still taking a shower always made me feel calm and more like an adult. I totally forgot whatshisname and the tour. I was starting to feel normal (or at least normal for me) again.

I got out of the shower and realized that I didn't have any clean clothes to put on, so I wrapped a towel around me and started to go to mine and Jazz's room. But Jazz had just come home and I was curious to see what she bought, so I went to the kitchen instead.

"Hey Roz, nice to see you finally woke up."

"Hello." I looked at the paper bags on the floor. "Why did you go shopping?"

"We had almost no food and half of the food we do have is expired."

I made an ugly face and poked though the bags. It was all the same boring groceries that normal people buy, except for the excessive amounts of cereal. We practically lived that sugary goodness.

"Are you two gonna help me put this stuff away or what?"

I was about to say that I'd help her but then I realized I was still in a towel and went to go get dressed. When I came back, they had everything put away.

"Thanks for your wonderful help Roz."

"Don't mention it."

"Are you feeling better about the whole touring thing?" That was not something I wanted to discuss, even with her.

"Hey, did you know that our coffee maker has been broken for like ever?"

"Yeah, Jackson broke it. But you didn't answer my question." Jazz had this weird habit of chewing on her lip when she was annoyed. I always found that terribly distracting.

"We really should get that fixed or get a new one or something."

"Damn it Roz! Stop changing the subject!"

"You changed it first!"

"So I'll take that as a no; you're not feeling better right?"

I rolled my eyes. I would have much rather forgotten about the tour until we left for it. But people just didn't want me to do that.

"If that's the way you want to put it then no. I'm not feeling better. Okay! There, I said it. End of Discussion."

"Okay. I'm just worried about you, you know that right?"

"Yes"