Death Is Never Permanent

Ahhh yeah I know I never do the “right” thing. I think I am incapable of being a good girl, when danger rings...I just- go for it. So by the time you read this I'm sure you got that I went to the club that night, though not really looking to fight in any way. I knew when to fold 'em and know when to hold 'em so to speak. I couldn't fight; hell I couldn't pull my arm away from my side because my shoulder hurt so fucking much, so how would I fight? That's my reasoning.

Technically I'm doing nothing bad or illegal, I'm just going to the club, not participating so it all works out right? Well maybe not....

Shimmy had mysteriously gotten a text and had to scurry off somewhere, I still don't know where but it was definitely suspicious to say the least. So instead of him going/coming with me, I went alone. I dressed up some, not much though. I had on a nicer looking v-neck t shirt with some swirling design on it, faded dark blue skinny jeans (without holes), black Vans and of course my tags. Nothing special. I let my hair go after a quick shower so I know it would dry wavy but considering I was too lazy to buy a straighter I dealt with it. I put on some quick makeup consisting of cover-up and a bit of eye liner and then I was out the door, walking down the street until I got far enough away to “hail” a taxi.

Once inside the club I felt at home. Peacefully and happily at home; I was back in my element. I could smell the sweat, cologne, and a mix of other things- making it gross- but I love it still.

I said a quick 'hi' to Jermine and Jasey in passing before heading straight over to the bar.

“Yo, bring on da vodka Ry” I spoke, raising the arm I could in front of me and moving my fingers with my palm out over the counter.

“Hey babe” he smiled before grabbing a bottle and handing it to me.

“Gracias.” I almost squeaked in pure joy before bringing the top immediately up to my lips. I swallowed just as a pair of hands covered my eyes and a voice whispered deep sounding words in my ear. I felt the persons face nearly touching my own and almost flipped-

“I found you...” Wait, I recognize that voice!

“Matt?” I whispered pulling his hands down with my one, and turning slightly to my right. I was right, it was him. I stared at him wide eyes, just…staring into his hazel looking eyes. Weird.

“Wow.” I heard him say as he took in a breath. I bit my tongue as I looked over him; he changed but not much at all. He still wore the same types of clothes but now he had on a bandana and backwards facing ball cap. I've never seen him wear one before now, in fact I remember him telling me once he didn't like them when I wore one of Jinx's when I stole it from him for the night. “You changed so much didn't you...” He said smirking some. I stood up with the bottle still in hand and hugged him with my one arm, around his neck.

“I missed you.” I whispered as he picked me up around the waist and put me onto the counter. I looked at him incredulously.

“Believe me; I missed you just as much...maybe even more.” There was a silence as we stared at each other again. I continued biting my lip until he broke the silence between us.

“I can’t believe it; you're all grown up aren't you.” I shrugged some knowing he didn't know anything about my being in jail, and to tell you the truth I didn't really want him to know.

“Is um...Is that a good thing?” I smiled at my sarcastic comment.

“You're damn fucking straight it is.” I laughed watching cautiously as he brought his hands up to my face, his thumbs slightly running over my cheek- his rough fingers feeling incredibly safe on my face, protecting me in a way.

“AHH ‘EM!” Someone cleared their throat beside us. Matt dropped his hands down to my thighs and hips and we both looked over to our sides.

I pretty much growled and glared daggers at Lucas.

Meanwhile, Matt just looked confused between me and a very amused looking Lucas.

“Soooo... I see you actually came.” Lucas drawled, while I glared even more. “Oh, sorry am I interrupting something?” For the first time I saw him actually look towards Matt but only a brief glance before his sight settled on me once again.

“Go away Lucas.” I spoke plainly. No emotion whatsoever came out, just boredom. But then his eyes were on Matt for the second time, and this time it was different. Both of them seemed to suddenly be sizing each other up or whatever, staring and looking at each other intimidatingly. Waiting to see who would look away first.

“Fine. Have fun with your fucking whore, man.” Lucas smirked as he spoke words directed towards Matt; he briefly smiled a sarcastic smile at me and finished by beginning to walk away.

I was just going to let it go, I didn't have the desire to fight him back, even with words... Matt however didn’t have the same thing as I did, in mind. He roughly flinched and stepped a single step away from me before he grabbed Lucas's shoulder and turned him around, punching him in the mouth. A painful crack echoed through the room, I swear. Even over the blasting music. And it only escalated from there. People all over were staring at the confrontation that I personally wanted to just…avoid all together. I can’t deal with this shit right now!

“Don't you DARE fucking talk about her like that you little shit head!” Matt yelled as more of the crowd started noticing the fight happening. Now everyone was completely ignoring the other “matched” fight going on and focused fully on the “new” more “exciting” one.

“Hey!” I screamed going towards them. Both had a hold of each other’s collars and punching with the other free hand wherever they could. “HEY! Stop it!” I yelled trying to get in between them and break them apart. But I stopped when I saw some random guy in the crowd slip Lucas a knife to use against Matt. “MATT!” I screamed trying to get him away “Stop it!” I screamed tears coming to my eyes knowing what could happen with weapons.

I had seen my fair share of fights involving homemade knives and they only resulted in death...it was at Pelican Bay. I’ll never forget the haunting sights of what happened in there…
Lucas lunged and got Matt in the arm and I knew I couldn't do anything more; nothing at all.

I couldn't stop the people in jail and I couldn’t help Matt against Lucas either. I just stood back out of their way, tears running down my face with the horrific memories; people fighting in front of me, the blood splattering against my clothes and skin. I could feel the wetness of the drops, hear the screams of agony as a horrible make-shift weapon was slowly plunged deeper and deeper- I feel responsible in a way for all of the fights that went on while in jail. It was always my “gang” against another’s, each and every time. The other prison based “gang” was basically trying to claim me. That’s why the increase of fights took place; and each were over me. I didn't have any control then, and I didn't have any now either, I was just a girl. A fucking useless, damsel in distress-like bitch.

Matt and Lucas were just like those guys, they were fighting because of me.

I felt arms wrap around my arms and body; I looked up and they obviously were Jasey’s. She had a sorry look on her face as she held tightly onto my sobbing body. I turned a bit before leaning my head against her shoulder and wrapping my hands slightly around her forearms which were lying across my chest. I held on for dear life.

All the yelling, cheering and screaming in pain made the memories so vivid and real again...

-
Eventually the two were broken apart by Jermine and the idiotic bodyguard from the front door (who now was deathly afraid of my by the way). Both of them instantly looked towards me... Lucas and Matt both.

I seethed and glared at them both for obvious reasons; my fright long since being replaced by that fury I am now facing.

Matt came over to me slowly, staring at me. Luckily he wasn’t majorly hurt. By the looks of it, he seemed perfectly fine besides some shallow cuts and a bit of blood. Luckily he didn’t get stabbed.

Matt then took me gently from Jasey's arms. I meanwhile continued my glare.

“Let’s go home.” He whispered sadly into my ear; I think he got the memo that I am pissed at him.

I didn't want to go anywhere with him because I was furious and upset but I didn't want to fight him either. I might be mad, but I was also exhausted. You just feel… drained completely after reliving the past; and crying. I don’t know and never will understand why though.

“Yeah, lets!” Lucas yelled in our direction, smirking at us as we paused. Or rather Matt paused from pulling me with him; a hand idly lay on my mid-back. “Why don't you go home and fuck your boyfriend Valencia.” Lucas teased in his smirk ridden tone of voice and I just snapped. I turned before you could think of saying a single word or flip him off whichever you personally would prefer to get a point across; and got right up in his face.

“Like I said...You know nothing about me...” I sneered quieter, yet just as deadly.

“Maybe you're right.” He said frowning some, but why?

“I bet you've had so many one night stands you don't even count anymore.” Some red-headed girl spoke, she giggled while talking in her high pitched, squeaky voice.

“Oh, yeah? Sure. If you say so… bitch.” I snapped towards her.

“I bet you haven't...” Lucas said, sort of in a sad way but he was still sort of smirking again too...It never fails.

“Come on Blaire.” Matt cooed into my ear while wrapping his bloody arm lightly around my waist, but I wouldn't, I was NOT about to allow Lucas to say this shit about me.

“Whatever.” I mumbled sadly, remembering the past and pushing Matt's arm off of my waist and the other off my back, looking down at my toes instead. Before I could turn to move, a hand brought my chin up to look at the man in front of me. Lucas.

“Really? Who was your first then?” Lucas knew I wasn’t a virgin. He had to. He smiled at me like he found out my dirtiest secret.
My face fell into a deep frown and I looked down towards my feet backing up slightly from him one step at a time.

“I take it that your first wasn't enjoyable then?” And the crowd erupted into laughs and boo's aimed towards me. For a moment I had completely forgotten that he was basically yelling every word out at me, so that every single person could hear; otherwise there wasn’t much sound at all, everyone was intent on listening.

My heart was breaking and more tears were coming up, I just… couldn't let him see. But I still wanted to make something clear to him... dead clear.

I took 2 steps towards him and grabbed a bunch of the front of his plaid shirt, pulling downwards so he came down to my height.

“Sure it was… You tell me... Is getting raped by your father and his friends fun?” I whispered in a sneering voice, let him go and pushed myself away from his wide-eyed, shocked expression through the crowds and out of the club. I didn't know this but after turning around, Lucas gulped and continued to look at me regretfully as I disappeared further into the crowd, sorrow was written all over his face.

(3rd person POV)

Matt shook his head in disgust, knowing that she told him because of his reaction even though he couldn’t hear a word.

“Nice going you fucking bastard” was snarled in a yell before Matt followed Blaire out of the club, trying to catch up to her fleeing body quickly.