Death Is Never Permanent

-Blaire's pov-

“Wow you really grew up.” I heard Brian say as I rolled my eyes and opened the door. That’s what they all say; everyone seems to think that but it isn’t true…is it?

“What are you doing here?” I let him in and pushed the door closed behind me.

“Yo Blaire!” I heard from somewhere else deep inside the apartment.

“Hey Shimmy.” I called out responding to him as I looked at Brian waiting for an answer as to why he was here in the first place. He was never the fondest of me to be plain and simple.

“We need to talk Blaire...” How did I know that this was coming? I groaned inwardly in annoyance.

“Okay…” For some reason I got a bad feeling about this- just then Shimmy came in the hallway.

“Oh hi! Um. I thought I heard people talking.” I looked at Shimmy wide eyed…he had no hair. Like literally, all of it was shaved. “I'm just going to… let you two alone-” he then ran for dodge and disappeared back into the kitchen where he always seemed to be...boys and their incessant hunger, damn them. I couldn’t believe that he left me hanging though, just ran away leaving me for the “wolves” or wolf that is Brian.

“We're leaving tomorrow night, we have to get back home...” I nodded completely understanding, their home is in New York, not LA which was on the whole other side of the country and then some. “Matt just wanted to see you in person.” I didn't mind, I knew they would have to go sooner or later. He breathed out deeply in the awkward silence that encircled us both, strangely and tensely. I looked down at my feet knowing what was going to come out of his mouth next, was going to be bad. He had that aspect written all over his face.

“He has a girlfriend Blaire.”

“I know...” I whispered, looking down guiltily. I should have known anyways.

“Do you love him?”

“I don't know...” I whispered again.

“You can’t keep playing this game with him, either you do...or you don't.” I looked up. I honestly didn't know what my feelings were. What 17 year old really knows what love is, what true love is? Not too damn many! And I definitely am NOT one of them. I could fight like no tomorrow; I was experienced in it... but not in the whole “love” aspect of life that was for sure. I couldn't answer him because I really didn't know... I couldn’t give him that specific answer that he seemed to want so badly.

“You need to let him go Blaire, you know? You're an awesome girl and you're like my little sister, I love you just like one but I don't want you to get hurt... I don't want my best friend to get hurt either. When we leave he's going back to Jenna, he loves her as she does him and I hate to say this, and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're just... you stand between them both. Matt still has that love for you and it’s going to only end up badly for everyone if he keeps going from you to her.”

“…Okay…” I whispered, holding back a mixture of rage, anger and sadness in my blurry eyes “You guys can go back and forget about me, I'll do the same to you... Just- Just forget about me.” I mumbled before looking up at him and his frowning face.

“Don't hate me. It’s the truth and I know, that you know it is too.”

“Yeah.” I muttered nodding some as he grabbed me around the shoulders to hug me. I just stood there limp and numb. Unmoving and spiraling into the great unknown of a dark black abyss…Oh wait, that’s right. It is known… and is actually a common place of numbness for me… Rejection and hardship, anger and depression, sadness and hate and angst- all in one simple place.

~*~*~*~

The next 2 days I spent at home, pretty much only laying around and thinking about everything.

I felt like shit and just didn't feel like going to school...or work, or going anywhere for that matter. I didn’t feel like doing anything at all.

Shimmy being the crazy guy he is known to be, has been literally shoving food down my throat and he won’t leave me alone either. Like I understand why, either. It isn't really a bad thing however it does get annoying when all you want, is to be left alone completely... without him bugging you constantly and at every waking whim.

You know, I'm not really even upset about the whole Brain/Matt issue...I mean Brian is right, right? If my boyfriend cheated on me with some random girl from his past I'd be pissed, and it would probably move me in fury and I would dump him without so much as allowing him to even explain... I can’t do that to Matt, even though I don't know what he really is to me. I don’t want him to hurt, or cause problems in his life- any further problems anyways.

“Come on; get outta’ bed. I'm takin’ you somewhere.” Shimmy said running into my now bedroom (I at least moved stuff around finally). He grabbed my arm that wasn't still hurting and he tried lifting me out of the sitting position I currently was in, against the wall. Being the fun person I really am, I shrunk down so I lay flat on the bed making it harder for him to pull me up. Not to mention that I kept moving around my legs and arm as he tried to pick me up. Hehe. He pouted a moment before slipping his arms under my legs at the knees and shoulders, me fighting him the whole time, to pick me up bridal style. I’ll give him this much, he is one determined bastard.

“You know technically you don't weigh like anything, it’s easy to just pick you up when you're being moody in times like these and take you wherever! I’ll just drag you with me to get you outta’ the house. It's much easier actually... and effective too.” He spoke all happy-like causing me to roll my eyes at his apparent “perkiness.”

“You better not fucking drop me!” I pouted, arms crossed over my chest while scowling at his strange giddiness. Then again, why am I even thinking that his happiness is strange-cause it’s not! “And please enlighten me. Where is this magical place you must take me to at this very moment?! Why can’t it just wait Shimmy?” I felt him shrug and I looked up to his face... I still honestly cannot believe he completely shaved his head... I mean, it's weird; I'm used to seeing him with like, actual hair. Long hair at that.

“It's 11 at night, you need to get out.”

“No I don't, just let me go back to sleep.”

“Stop your moping around, just cause Brian said to leave them alone doesn't mean you have to seclude yourself...Come on let’s get out and do fucking something, go somewhere for a change.”

“NO!” I fought back, knowing in the back of my mind that I would never win against this-thing. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try my damndest.

“YES!” He dropped me off in the bathroom. “Now an outfit and everything you possibly need to get ready is in there, get ready we are leaving in 20 minutes and AH, ah, ah YES you ARE coming!” I tried to get out of it with some kind of excuse but he cut me off from my protest, that wasn’t even allowed to leave my mouth. “- No matter what!” He smirked at me, believing he had won, oh boy was he wrong. I glared at him as I shut and locked the bathroom’s door.

I smiled after, thinking I would just stay in here for however long I need to.

I did actually get a shower though, I might as well do something while I'm cooped up in here, right? I got out after about 15 minutes, smelling entirely of vanilla and brown sugar as I wrapped a fluffy blood-red towel around my body. My arm was getting better, and my bruises were turning weird colors so they were healing as well, despite how bad they looked now. Even the cuts were completely scabbed over. I looked terrible, even worse than after a fight because it takes time for everything to really come out, the marks, the bruises and scabbed over gashes, the aches and pains... it fucking kills whenever the adrenaline wears off and the after effects set in.So although you don’t hurt or see anything to prove you were hurt that day, the following ones were pure hell on earth…filled with pain and well…pain.

“BLAIRE GET OUT HERE!” Shimmy yelled over the humming of the fan; I turned it on trying to make the small room less steamy. He also beat on the door like a wild banshee. “You are going! Don't think you won't just by staying in there, put on the outfit and get ready I'm sure you will have fun, I promise!” There was silence as I took a look at the skimpy, slutty outfit. “I’ll buy you somethi-” I cut that sentence off as I whipped open the door, holding the outfit in my hands and glaring at him.

“Are you fucking insane? You think I'm going to wear this fucking shit?!” I growled at him. He smiled and nodded innocently. “NO, I'm NOT wearing this fuck!” I sneered, throwing it at him and going back inside the confines of my bathroom. He wrapped an arm around my waist and came inside with me. “Please, just leave me alone Shimmy!” I groaned and leaned over some to rest my hands on the bathroom sink.

“Come on. You wear this stuff. It’s just... shorter. That’s the only difference...” He mumbled the last part so it was barely audible. His arms were wrapped around my towel covered waist and his head (cheek) lay on my back, between my shoulder blades.

“Damn right it's fucking shorter!” I almost screamed and jumped away from him so that his arms dropped to his sides. See, he admits it! And yet still he wants me to wear the thing.

“Please? Please? Please? Just try it on; then if you don't want to wear it you can put on something else.” He was now down on his knees begging and giving me a pouty look, too bad I didn't buy it.

-

“I Can not believe you talked me into this.” I muttered, un-amused as I sat in the backseat of some kind of fancy, souped-up car that Shimmy's friend ‘Tack’ was driving. He was weaving in and out of traffic moving further and further away from the city, going about oh 50 miles an hour over the ‘slow’ speed limit of 45 at the moment. He reached up to 110 at one point. Now I am not only scared and paranoid, but I am also going out of my mind thinking about wrecking or getting pulled over and being sent back to jail. I was also concerned as to how he could go this fast in traffic and where he was actually taking me.

“You love me, admit it!” Shimmy joked around, yelling loudly over the sound of music coming from the “sound system” and the beeping from cars as we past them all. Shimmy was turned around from the front passenger’s side seat to look at me, a moment. I glared at him before-

“HEY WATCH THE FUCK OUT!” I screamed as Tack ran through 2 straight red lights (yes he was going so fast it was a blur, red over head zoom, red over head and gone again) going straight towards a line of oncoming traffic in the all to obvious, one way street. Zack turned the steering wheel quickly all the way to the left and braked before speeding up again, laughing at me but barely missing the cars by about a foot- if that.

So help me… if I live through this, he is the first on my kill list at the moment!! Or at least I'll kick his ass so bad he would wish he was fucking dead!

“We're heeerrreeee!” Shimmy sang as he jumped out into a crowd of people and opening my door. He seemed unfazed by our many encounters with death, just now. I got out shakily and looked at the hundreds of people around. All the girls were dressed much like me, skirts so short there was almost nothing left to any man’s imagination and besides that, these girls dressed in see-though material; you could see their asses! As if I needed that mental image.

Extremely tight torn up shirts or corsets, tons of shimmery makeup and extremely fancy hair do’s, as well as big jewelry, designer handbags and 5 inch stiletto type heels topped off each and every one of their looks. The guys all were in fancier, excuse me for the categorizing and labeling but in, clothes you only really see worn in the “ghetto” side of town. Bright colors, shiny screening, “bling” hanging down low on their necks, pants down their ankles... BUT they all looked like they had money, lots of it. Some of the things they wore looked beyond designer, something that only billionaires would be able to afford.

I felt way out of place, at whatever this place is.

Shimmy grabbed my hand as he pushed his way through the crowds, I followed without any form of objection while Tack drove the car to park it in one of the ‘lines’ with all the others.
I was way out of my element here.

The dress I settled on wearing, the one Shimmy picked out wasn't anything compared to these girls. It was a turquoise and black corset type of dress with a frilly bottom and ribbons everywhere. I also wore the heels he got which actually were comfortable and the leggings from school. At least I was covered, but I still felt awkward wearing this kind of stuff; I’m not usually one to wear dresses like this.

Shimmy also was the odd ball in the crowd but he didn't seem to give a shit, he acted as if he owned the fucking place. Everyone greeted him in some way as we passed by, and he only nodded… weird.

“What is this?” I giggled thinking “… The Fast and the Furious?” I laughed more at the reference while we finally got to the entrance and went inside the building.

“You can say that.” Shimmy smiled and spoke in a kidding voice. I rolled my eyes but they widened when I got inside. His simple, odd smile then turned into a gaping smirk.

“This...” He stood behind me, holding onto my waist, each hand on one of my hips and motioned around while I continued to gape. “This, Is my scene.” He whispered in my ear as I turned my head to look at him. 'Wow' I mouthed. Hip hop music blared, people weregrinding dancing, even fancier and more expensive looking cars lined the inside of the ‘garage’ with their owners nearby showing them off, alcohol was abundant and money was being thrown around endlessly at the very center of the room.

I wondered...