Death Is Never Permanent

There were seating arrangements already planned ahead of time.

Yeah, I was next to Lucas; he sat to my left but then on my right and around the table was where things started to get a little... weird.

SJ was here, he doesn't like Lucas but is at least trying to get along with him; hopefully anyways. He was one of the only cousins I could stand and this already was going south.

They both were staring with eyes set to kill across the table from one another despite the truce made earlier to get along for the week. Then there was SJ's younger sister Rosalinda and older sister Leslie... They both seemed to be hitting on Lucas and glaring at me...HARD. They never liked me unlike SJ, but they weren't mean, mean to me. Not to my face anyways. But now... now they seem to be.

Also there was some girl I never met before, she was blond and your typical snobby prep type of girl who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me... but that’s quite alright, I want nothing to do with her either. With her was some dude that wouldn't stop glancing over at me. It was annoying! Plus get this! They are my ”brothers” girlfriend and her brother...

Creepy and ewwww.

Speaking of Nich, he was sat directly to my left. Beside me. Oh the joy this will be.

I tried to just ignore him but then things got sort of tense as everyone seemed to figure out that there was a general dislike between the two of us, as siblings (though I wouldn't consider him an actual “brother of mine anymore...not after the shit he put me through from the very word 'go.' ) So much for that-once- close relationship, huh NICHCOLI?!

Nich kept looking over at me too, out of the corner of his eye, but I would just narrow my eyes at him or look away quickly as our vision seemed to catch one another’s.

I think he finally had enough because he suddenly grabbed my upper arm and hauled me out of my chair. All before the main course of the meal was served, I’ll have you. I shook my head as Lucas went to pounce; literally, his hands clenched the table as he made a move to jump up and out of his own seat. I swear he would have if I hadn’t been watching and holding his gaze. I shook my head and he seemed to calm some, but he never un-tensed any from what I could tell.

Nich drug me out to the hallway before turning and looking at me. I ripped my arm out of his bruising grip and slapped him before proceeding to punch him, making him stumble backwards. He didn't like that very much...

“You Bitch.” He grabbed me and easily threw me to the ground in my heels, damn them to (the nonexistent) shoe hell!

Fancy cement seated setting benches were scattered against the walls down the expansive hallways. Wouldn’t you know, my luck, as I went down my head hit harshly against one. The back of my head felt like it had been split open; it burned and ached so incredibly bad.
Nich started to come down towards me, crouching.

“You remember what I said to you?” He smirked and cackled under his breath as I began kicking him crazily until he came down too. Yes I remember very plainly that he said, thank you very much. I’ve had months alone in a pitch dark padded cell to remember and think about them!

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I screamed hurrying to scoot away and get up; now standing over top of him but a few feet away. He was holding his bleeding stomach...guess I got him good? “Why the hell are you like this...” I whispered after he just stared at me; the harsh look in his eyes faltering, flickering from anger laced into caring and sadness.

What did I do to him? Why do I deserve to be treated like this? Being treated like shit by my own brother, someone whom I used to look up to- I couldn't tell if he was high or drunk at the moment, the lights were too dim and I wasn't close enough, but I wouldn't dare go any closer, not now. But even still, are either an excuse to treat someone the way he is? Really?

“I love you Valencia, you know that.” He said plainly as he sat up.

“You love me?!” I scoffed, screaming once again

“YEAH! I really do!” He stood up in front of me. Then I began my rant...

“Is that supposed to be some kind of sick joke? If I remember right you were going to kill me NICH. KILL. ME! Then you just left me there all alone, to get caught by the police... You didn't care, fuck you! You never cared and you definitely don't care now!”

Grabbing me and then stuffing me into the nearest door, (it just so happened to be an empty room, a den type of thing) he then shocked me by hugging me. (Or tried to since I pushed him away out of habit and my not wanting him to touch me after what he's done.)

“If I didn't love you I would have let dad rape you again last night like he probably would have... I saw him eying you in your drunken craze from across the room and I took you before he got to you.” So Nich is the one that took me up to the room... that explains a lot... he definitely wasn't Lucas or drunk. But I ignored that fact as the rest came out of his mouth. “... They were and still are watching.”

“They?” He nodded “THEY WH-!?” He clamped a hand over top of my mouth to keep me from yelling like I was in my mind. Hey, if you were in my situation you would be yelling too and you know it!

“They've been following me. Watching me. They have been for a while... They still are” I rolled my eyes, Oh My God.

“Nich, are you high?” I looked into his eyes, trying my hardest to figure it out but ended up not being able to tell in the end because he kept avoiding my eyes looking everywhere else but where I needed him to, for me to see his pupils. “Look at me!” He glanced down under his eyelashes at my shorter body. I lightly grabbed his chin-“There is no one following YOU! It’s the drugs Nichcoli, the drugs that are-”

“No!” He hissed in a scoff, “They work for dad...” he looked around in paranoia “He had them follow you but then switched to me whenever I enrolled you in that fucking school. They want their money, I don’t know what that means but they are torturing me, following me...listening to every word I say and watching every fucking move I fucking make! Dad’s with them somehow…” He sighed and looked at me like an older brother would, caring. “And it isn't just the drugs talking, wasn’t. That was a onetime slip up; I’m sorry. I relapsed that one time for the first and last time in a while.” He pleaded with me to believe him, his eyes did. The pupils weren’t dilated more than they should be in the darkness, and the color was bright with hope; hope that I could understand and know that what he was saying was truthful.

Excuse me for being highly reluctant to do so. He can’t just beg for forgiveness and expect me to hand him it on a gold platter. It’s going to take a lot for me to finally forgive, that and for me to trust him again.

“That night?” I demanded, starting to slightly pace in front of him. I still didn’t understand that part of his explanation.

“They were there, at the club. They wanted money...wanted it all and you wouldn't fight me. Sure, I was high and a little drunk but I had too. They threatened us both- said they would kill us if I didn't make some money so...” He trailed off looking at me, pleadingly. “I didn't plan on it being you in the ring... I put my name on the list thinking that I could make some easy money, fighting some scrawny kid. I never expected you to be there, you were supposed to be in that school!” His voice rose a bit before he froze and once again looked all around, eying the door more specifically.

“They don’t know what you look like; dad does but no one else. I couldn’t let them know I was going to bail out because I would be fighting my baby sister, the person I’m trying to protect! I had to make it look like I wouldn't just give up without a fight when you tap’d out; that I was willing to fight and it wasn't planned because sorry to hand it to you but it looked set up the way you came in and all...” I glared at him as he continued giving me the information I wanted but wasn't sure was 100% true “I knew it was you but you're a tough girl...I thought I could rough you up a little and run before I really hurt you. Anything is better than death, don't you think? Death is permanent, and that what would have happened if nothing came out of that night. A broken bone will go away, heal; bruises and cuts will too”

“Death is never permanent, not like that. There is always a way out of the situation Nich. Something a person can change in their lifestyle, to live longer; ways to get out of the rut you're in; something to look forward to in the future even as motivation... Cuts and broken bones scar, they are permanent (if you forgotten)...but I would much rather be dead than almost be killed by my brother like that.” I mumbled, sincerely.

“I'm sorry, but they don't feel that way and neither do I. I don't want you to die because I'm a dick head and can't do something right.”

“So you are fighting for dad basically.” I said out loud trying to make myself believe that very statement. Fighting to get the money to pay off our own father; his fighting and giving money as payment, is all that is keeping the two of us alive.

“Yeah. You did it." He shrugged "It isn't hard really, especially here where I don't know anyone... The only bad part is that the pot is smaller, I got to go in at least 4 times to cash in the same amount for once in LA or NYC. It's ridiculous really...” He paused for a good minute before speaking again, breaking the suffocating silence. “He keeps wanting more too...money wise." He looked up at my face, being completely concerned for my well being he added "Be careful, he's going to try to get you back and when does...he's gonna use you like he never has before...” Nich said walking towards the door just as my phone started to ring; a call from Jeffie.

Jeffie does call at the most inconvenient moments, you know? I swear he is the one watching and waiting to screw with my head.

“I got to go or someone will be suspicious.” I nodded watching Nich walk out, leaving me alone in the huge room as I answered and talked to Jeffie for a brief little while.

I want to believe Nich. It does seem to fit, after all how would my parents afford the house they have, and all the other shit? There has to be some sort of income, and Nich was once like me. A fighter. All those years ago when I saw him fight he was really good, better than I am today actually. He could do it still, fight that is, he may be rusty but it all comes back to you easily with the adrenaline rush. It hurts worse that next morning than what you are used to dealing with upon waking up but still; winning all of them... that could be a whole bunch of money, despite how much each win is worth. Money adds up over time. I know the parents weren't working because God forbid they actually have to do something to earn their own livings. So they have to be getting it somewhere.

We are supposed to be their kids, you know? They provide for us and love us. Ours are the exception though, the opposite of the definition of ‘parent’... Instead they make us slaves and work for them so they didn't and don’t need to. In the past I've wondered why they even had kids... Are we mistakes that happened, did they want us and just have changed over time, or did they plan on our lives being lived as slaves to them?

I'll be damned if I have to work for their spending money again, and Nich... he needs to get out...disappear somewhere quick before it’s too late. Threats can only work so well... they only work on that one person or set of people you are threatening. Once they are done with you, and don’t seem to feel that they need you for whatever reason, You’re done. They’ll go out and basically find a new candidate to scare, that goes on till he or she isn't scared and leaves and so on and so forth, over and over. It’s all fake... with my father and his people anyways, they couldn't do anything to us ‘cause we could easily kill them. The only fight they have is a gun, yes it kills but it’s also cowardly. If given a true go at it, like in a ring, fight it out...They all would be done for.

“Everything okay?” Lucas whispered into my ear as I sat back down. I looked at Nich next to me and then to Lucas, nodding and smiling slightly. Then after, out of sheer curiosity I was looking around...I still was up in the air with the whole explanation of the fight club and him fighting against me. So naturally I was also questioning the “followers” as well. And the creepy thing is… that sure enough, a few men (ones I recognized as my father’s friends) looked over at our table, watching a moment before looking away. They were trying to be discreet but not doing it very well. How come I never noticed before? Am I really that unobservant?

Still, a plan already was coming into play in my mind...

The rest of that day and the night for that matter, which were filled of bachelor and bachelorette parties, went by in a blur. I technically couldn't go to the bars, strip clubs, or whatever the hell they (as in the “girls”) were doing because of only being 17 but to be honest I'm glad I couldn't. I didn't want to spend an entire night with them anyways.

So for something to do, Lucas and I went out on the “town” or as much “town” as there really was in an extremely small village type of town. First on the agenda was food, both of us were starved. Lucas drank some at the restaurant we went to (damn him and being legal at 22) but I refuse to drink again for a long, long time after the previous drunken night “stunt.” (Just thought I'd add that.)

There wasn't much to do afterward, though we did go to the park. Yes the park...I felt like such a kid but I didn't care.

I discarded my heels on the grass surrounding the wood chipped park and ran up the handicapped ramp entrance to the jungle gym, not bothering to climb the ladder. Lucas stood there laughing a moment before walking over to the big extravagant display of twisted metals. He easily just stepped up onto the landing instead of using the ladder at all, and I huffed a bit but took off towards the monkey bars. He chased after me, trying to reach out to me. I touched the ground hanging there off the bars, so I just let go and ran, ducking underneath the colorful tunnels and looping around the fire poles.

“Boo!” Lucas jumped out at me and I screamed, my voice echoing in the chilly, damp air. His hands and arms grabbed my hunched over, laughing body, and rocked us right to left once I straightened up and leant back into him. He was warm, much more than I was in my sleevless dress and leggings.

I continued to play as he watched laughing, chasing and attacking me every once and a while. It was actually a lot of fun, I should be a kid more often. Play on the jungle gym, swing, slide down the slide. The whole shebang!

After a while, I was exhausted. Lucas sat on the swing and pulled my standing body to sit with him on his lap. His hair tickled my skin as we just stared up at the stars above us, everywhere. They were bright in the blackened sky and with the moon, lit up the ground below it just enough to see objects where no man made lights were. Never before had I seen so many stars; you just don’t living in the city. Yet it’s all I’ve ever known. Look up into the city sky and see skyscraper buildings and smog.

I fell asleep on the couch that night, watching random TV in the den. Lucas was there with me and did the same. I was laid against his side, snuggled into his chest, a blanket all around my body whenever I woke up again. His arms were locked in place around my stomach, daring to me tried to move.

The day after was when things really started to go downhill. It was my aunts wedding and things should have in her opinion been "perfect."
She wasn’t exactly “thrilled” to walk into the den and find the two of us sleeping there. And all went downhill after that…
After getting ready and touching up my make up, I walked out to the outdoor seating section thing (since they decided on a backyard wedding at this resort thing out in the mountains). It really was beautiful, just a little strange (for lack of a better descriptive word), but then again you need to know my aunt. She has some pretty interesting ideas; I swear she can be considered mentally retarded in some way.

The wedding ended up as being like this… super sleazy type of atmosphere, it was perfect for her in many ways. That part wasn't unexpected exactly but at the same time her whole ceremony and stuff wasn't exactly what I figured it would be like since it was a WEDDING! For God's sakes, it’s supposed to be wedding-like. You know?

Lucas whispered randomly to me the whole time, and just let’s say not laughing and actually staying quiet in a super silent setting is hard! People kept looking at me like I was crazy and Lucas joined in with them to make it seem like he wasn't doing anything at all too. Because of him I almost had to run out so I wouldn’t burst out laughing; but then I met my father’s glare and I froze up instantly.

My father was up to something, I could feel it in my bones. I thought about it as I started ignoring Lucas and watching the extremely long, yet interesting ceremony.

The reception in the resort was fine; it wasn't too exciting considering I was constantly looking over my shoulder trying to find my father who disappeared 10 minutes in and hasnt been seen again afterward. He could be anywhere.

My mother was missing too; though I’m pretty sure she was with the baby. I overheard one of my uncles and aunts talking about where she was since they hadn’t seen her much either. Yeah… that baby; the one who my mother was pregnant with all that wonderful time ago whenever I was in the hospital because of the school fire. Well, I have yet to meet this brother or sister of mine. They (unknown gender) are always with the nanny. My mom doesn’t even take care of it! Or at least from what I could tell, she didn’t a majority of the time. It’s sad, and I even asked but she wouldn’t even tell me anything; not even the gender or name of the baby… I’m starting to get just a bit suspicious here…

“I'm going to use the bathroom.” I mumbled to Lucas as I pulled away from his body and arm that was wrapped around my stomach. Why did I even tell him that…? I shook my head a bit as I turned and began walking away a step or two.

“Kay.” He smiled as I left his side for the first time in a while these past few days, in public that is. I weaved back and forth through the swarms of dancing and chatting people in search of the bathroom. It took a few minutes but finally I got there.

After finishing I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked plain, pale, you know... the usual. My eyes popped out with the black and turquoise blue eye shadow I had on, light blue eyeliner and glittery black mascara didn’t help much either. I was aching inside to lash out and fight again, it’s been way too long and it was making me jittery, like I needed a fix or something. That was the only thing I saw in my eyes; the will to fight something, someone. My hair was half up, half down and curled messily into style. Makeup covered up the “imperfections,” namely the yellowish green bruises in my skin on my neck. The ocean colored blue dress hung gently tied around my neck and just slightly touched the floor. I turned looking over my shoulder at my tiny body, sighing. Finally, after crossing my arms over my stomach, I walked out of the bathroom going towards the reception room once again.

It was then that something slammed into the back of my head and it erupted, exploding in pain. Whimpering, I tried to get away in the empty hallway but arms violently grabbed at me as something else was smashed into the side of my head. I proceeded to gasp and fall to the floor hitting my forehead hard on the cement under me also.

With three blows to my head, I was out in an all too familiar unconsciousness.