Death Is Never Permanent

-Ale's POV-

“Yeah Valencia Olivia Blaire! That is her name now:WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?!” I yelled once again in my cell phone at the obviously stupid police officer who couldn't do his job to save his life. I swear I want to fucking strangle him right now. He isn't helping me out with this in even the littlest, slightest bit. He just keeps asking questions like...'please repeat the name, please spell the name, gender, is that her name etc.' Over and over and overagain. Come on! How hard is it to understand and comprehend asshole?

I took a deep breath even though inside I was fuming.

About an hour ago I visited the local police station in New York City asking about Blaire. It was a long shot, but they were the police they should be able to help me out, you know? They hadn't, so instead I went home to deal with the situation.

I needed to find her. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is wrong...something major. It has been over a week and I haven't heard from her at all. It just wasn't like her. Even in the worst circumstances she would have caved in by now, she only has so many people she will willingly trust and without them she isn't the same. She always forgives and comes back, talks to them, whatever it may be. Her still not even muttering a word by even a phone call-

If she would have ran, she would have taken her clothes and car no questions asked, but she didn't. She may be a fighter and have nice things although there is no way she could afford to buy all new things to replaces the ones left behind. Her car alone was her most prized procession, her baby if you will. I knew right then thinking about her Porsche, that she didn't run like the other guys thought she had; but of course they won't fucking listen to me! Despite the age differences, which I am constantly reminded of, I still know more about her than they obviously do.

Best friends for life. Or so we were last time I checked-

I suddenly heard a fit of giggles from the doorway. I looked to my right and watched out of the corner of my eyes as Matt came swaying in the front door, being that I am in the living room that was right there next to the door I also seen the slutty girl he brought home. Though of course, I heard her first.

“You know what, never mind. “ I told the policeman rudely, flipping my cell phone shut and standing up stalking over to the two bodies. I pulled the girl, mauling his face, off of him, opened the door and threw her out as Matt yelled and fought against me trying to get to the door. You know I could still hold my own in a fight I'm no Blaire but he isn't gonna do much of anything to me that I couldn't to him plain and simple but his ignorance was pissing me off.

I slammed the door shut with such force it shook the wall and made the blond slut scream in terror, I briefly saw her running away through the front yard as well. Then I turned my attention angerly back to a very drunk, Matt.

“Shut up! Don't even talk” I cut him off from him trying to talk back to me, like I said. Not in the f'n mood. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! She is MISSING Matt. Blaire is missing and you don't even give a shit! You wont even try to help! Instead all you do is bring girl after girl after fucking girl home here! You fuck 'em and move on to the next- whatever happened to you and BLAIRE?!” He looked at me angry but damn, that was nothing compared to me...I was fucking fuming! Seeing red and only red.

“You can't judge me ALEXZANDR! You don't know what its like!” He looked at me with tears in his eyes as he screamed right back at me. And yes, like serious, actual tears. “She hates me. She doesn't want me in her fucking life. So there you go, I'm not!”

“She's missing Matt!”

“You think I don't care? Well I DO, more than anything in the world! I just-”

“If you gave a fuck you would be out there.... helping. me. to. FIND. Her! Not fucking random chicks! If that doesn't prove that you don't care I don't know what else possibly would!” I stopped yelling my rant towards him as I watched him sink to the floor, tears actually coming out.

“I miss her...” he sobbed.

“That isn't an excuse to have meaningless sex with random women! Not when you-” I yelled again.

“I miss her more than anything. I...I...” He whispered in a slurred, pathetic sounding voice.

“If you care...you would show it. You would help me find her...find out where she went, why, anything. Help me find her, Matt.” I said quieter trying to plead with him.

“I do care.... she's missing because of me. She can't stand me Ale. Hell, I cant fucking stand my own damn self so why would she?” I looked back down at him and in that moment I knew that he felt like I did. He missed her. He loved her in whatever way it was; and he wanted her back just as much as I truly did.

“She doesn't hate you. She loves you dude...” He looked up at me shaking his head, but trying to smile somewhat in the process. He seemed to be trying to brush the words off, yet he was failing miserably at doing so.

We all missed her for different reasons and are dealing with it differently (depending on who we are.) Matt apparently is the crash and burn sort of emotional train wreck at the moment, 'When will the others crack?' I wondered.

I also realized that under that tough guy image, he may just miss her more than us all combined.

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-Blaire's Pov-

I sat in a chair behind the defendants desk waiting for the sentence they were eventually handing me. I sighed silently as the judge went on and on about every minute detail in my “criminal” record. Hell, somehow they even found witnesses and people to question about my “fighting habits.” 'Fuck them all!' I screamed in my head with every word spoken. Much to my dismay, everything was accurate and did nothing to help my case. I quickly thought over the past few years before finally tuning back in when there was a slight pause in the judges speech.

I looked up through my eyelashes to see the older woman watching me with a stern look on her face.

“I said, do you understand me Miss Blaire?” She spat out. Apparently she didn't quite like the fact that I wasn't paying attention to her speaking.

“Yes?” I lied not knowing what I agreed to “understand.”

“Please rise Miss Blaire.” I obeyed, not actually wanting to but did as I was told to, anyways. “Well, with that being said- After taking into consideration your circumstances as well as the report from one...Judge Harvey...” She looked up at me over top the lenses in her reading glasses then, “I would like you to answer this truthfully, no excuses, no other explanations, understood?” I nodded

“What do you feel your punishment should be?” I gulped and bit my lip. I wanted so bad to yell “LET ME FREE” over and over, pleading with them if I needed to. Instead, I couldn't think of an answer to give her.

“After all, you have been convicted of illegal activities...namely underground fighting, assault, criminal activity. These are not petty offenses Valencia, you are barely 17 years old; your life can already said to be thrown away with the way this is all playing out. You do understand you are convicted of very serious felonies...Do you not?

“You are facing 2 years probation to 20 years in state prison with the assault charges alone, then to top it off 5 additional years of probation to 99 additional years if convicted also of engaging in organized criminal activity...Not0 to mention the fines coming with them and the other charges that have been brought about against you.” I closed my eyes as tears threatened to fall, I honestly felt like dying right then and there. My life was over just like that. A lifetime in prison because Nich beat me shit-less and I got caught because I couldn't move. All because of him, my brother who I thought gave somewhat of a shit about me unlike everyone else in my family. I felt dizzy and my heart ached in my chest as the realization dawned on me.

“Well what is your answer?” The older woman asked, finally seeming some what sympathetic. I shrugged.

“Whatever you give me ma'am.” I said quietly yet respectfully, for fear of breaking out in tears. Tears are not a good thing to be having right now, not ever.

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-Fast forward 1 month-

I sat in my padded dorm-like-cell, at 'El Paso de Robles Youth Correctional Facility.' I wasn't doing anything, just sitting on my bed which was pretty much just a cot, as I bit my already badly bit up nails. (They bled and stung as I ripped the nail off into the skin, pulling it off and repeating the process all day long. I'm surprised I honestly had any nail left on any of my fingers.) Needless to say, it was an extremely bad habit picked up from always being alone in isolation. Speaking of which, I currently am experiencing that fun right now!

Lets just say I wasn't welcomed warmly, it resulted in two kids going to the hospital and me being sent into isolation for the first time when I hadn't even been at the place for 12 hours. Then it also sort of happened again yesterday. I don't even know what happened. It was like that fight in the club months ago- I just lost all control of myself and became numb like a zombie. I went insane beating up these kids with absolutely no experience whatsoever in fighting whatsoever, just going psycho on them... They were probably in here for petty theft or something like that. Completely clueless to my world.

So because of my psychoticness, I was also told this morning that I am ”too dangerous” or something like that so they were now forced to transfer me to an adult facility. All I know that it was supposedly somewhere closer to LA, I assume. I didn't really care. I don't care.

Seriously, how could I?

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The following day I woke up to the door being opened inside the isolation room, light streamed in brightly blinding my sight. I got handcuffs put loosely yet snugly still, onto my wrists before being taken towards an armed van. I wasn't pushed, I was just sort of sandwiched between two women guards as I walked on my own accord down a very narrow hallway to the 'exit.' No one made me do anything, which I was extremely grateful for, so because of it, I didn't fight back. I just didn't have it in my to even try as of now... I stepped into the van and then watched as I was locked into the back part, before being escorted towards and into an airport.

I wasn't moved anywhere close to LA, it was quite the opposite really: Pelican Bay State Prison. So much further away than the first facility for youths...

It was a very unique place to say the least. I was driven up the long driveway where there was no way of escaping. It actually reminded me a lot of the school except here there were armed guards and tall, electric, barbed wired fences everywhere; much, much more intimidating in looks in comparison to the school.

So, how to describe this place. Well, it's in a remote place in the middle of nowhere only 11 miles from Oregon's border also more than 750 miles north of LA (hence the plane.)

I was beyond terrified.

I wasn't in just a place which housed childish felons anymore... these are some of the worst, most dangerous inmates in all of California. A maximum security prison, “where prisoners identified as gang members, prisoners with a history of violence, crimes or serious rules violations within prison, and other prisoners considered major management threats are incarcerated.” If I remember the speech I was given correctly.

Which did I do? The rules violations? The violence? I mean going from some stupid ass youth prison place to super-max? How the fuck is that justified let alone possible?

....actually I think that last statement about being beyond terrified is an understatement. I was way past that and then some more.

A soon as the car stopped I was ripped out of the van roughly and marched (more like pushed from behind and stumbled as a result) to wherever they planned on taking me. It was a lot different from hours before, so much more different. I knew my being here had to be a mistake; It had to be? Right? Please, I am begging to God right now.

But what could you do, what could I do? No one would take any time to listen nor care about some tiny girl. I'm sort of the least of the problems here right now.

As I walked past the various fences, other prisoners came up to the inside of them; and you name it they did it. In that sort walk I went form confused and scared to extremely disgusted, petrified and majorly depressed upon realizing I'll have to deal with this shit and more over the next who knows how long.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to survive this.

The guards took me inside another electric fence which had enormous amounts of open space around it and inside of it.

I ended up in the [SHU inside the fence- Security housing unit Basically, an x shaped cluster of white buildings with individual padded cells. I was un-cuffed and thrown into the cell like a rag doll; Instantly darkness encompassed the small room completely...no light, not even a hint of glow from the moon, there was nothing in the room whatsoever no bed nor blanket nor pillow nor window.

I was completely, undeniably, alone.