So Long to Realize It Was Always You

I knew leaving her without a word was the best thing I could do. I couldn't quite grasp how she didn't remember. I sure as hell did. The second I saw her I knew exactly who she was. She was Caitlin, the girl I fell in love with. She was the girl that I dreamed about day and night, the girl I wanted to spend time with. I wanted to make her my girlfriend.

When we had that interview together we had a spark. There was something about the way we interacted that felt like more than an interview. It felt like she was that little girl I wanted to be with so badly.

She was just every guy's dream and I never wanted someone like I wanted her. The want for her was still present deep, deep in my heart, and I don't think it would ever go away. I knew that she didn't and wouldn't feel the same way I did. No matter how much I loved her she wouldn't return those feelings.

That was until I took her out on a date. I knew she adored Greek food, so I decided taking her to a Greek restaurant would be a good choice. She loved the idea and that made me happy. On that date we hit it off like I never had with anyone before. She was every guy's dream and I would be lucky for her to want me now.

When we went over to Chicago I made sure I called dibs on her. I didn't mean to make her sound like an object. I just wanted to make sure I got all the time I could with her. When we were in the plane she fell asleep on my shoulder and it felt great. I think the guys kind of knew I had a little thing for Caitlin. If only they knew she was the girl who broke my heart all those years ago.

We were getting ready for practice and I wasn't really in the mood to play. I just wanted Caitlin to remember who I was, and who I still am. I wanted her to realize that I was the guy who she was meant to be with. What were the odds that of all people she gets to work for the Flyers? Was it just coincidence that I was the guy she got to interview first? It had to have meant something right?

"Hey Scott, you ready to go?" Jeff called from the kitchen.

Yes he and I decided to room together. He was the only one who knew about Caitlin,
although he didn't realize it was this Caitlin.

"Scott?" He called again.

I didn't bother responding to him. I honestly couldn't have cared less about today.

"Dude what's the matter?" He asked.

"Nothing," I said.

"Dude it's something." He said.

"Yea how would you know?" I asked angrily.

"Besides the tone you just used on me, there are a few other things." He said.

"Oh really, like what?" I spat.

"You haven't talked to anyone in the past two days. You don't want to play hockey, all you want to do is sleep. Fuck man, what's wrong with you?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said.

"You're a bad liar, a really bad liar and you know something if you want to act this way fine, but I'd fed up of dealing with you." He said.

I was able to see how mad Jeff was with me. Did I really care? No I didn't give a fuck how pissed he was. He could remain pissed at me for how long he felt needed.

"You being mad or not at me makes no difference." I spat.

"Yes it does, I'm your teammate and your roommate." He said.

"so?" I questioned.

"I have no significance to your life?" He asked.

"Jeff," I said.

"Naw man if you're gonna talk to me this way it's not worth it." He said.

"It has to do with Caitlin." I said.

"What about her man?" He asked.

"I left her." I said.

"What the fuck?" He asked.

"Remember that story I told you about that girl?" I asked.

"Yea the one that you loved." He said.

"Yes her, well uh-"

"Fuck no! It's Caitlin isn't it?" He asked.

"Yea." I said.

"Dude it's cool, I bet she'll be totally okay with it."

"No she won't I told her I didn't want to see her again." I said.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" He asked.

"She didn't remember who I was so forget it, it's not worth it." I said.

"Whatever man, she's so not worth it." He said.

"Stop being sarcastic." I said.

"I want you to go and get her." He said.

"No I refuse to do anything of that nature." I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because she broke my heart once and I don't want her to do it to me again." I yelled.

"Scott you're a moron! Maybe she's changed, could it be that maybe she just forgot and wasn't thinking of the Scott she knew when she was young?"

"Jeff please, if she wants me now it's only because of what I am!"

"How can you say that? Maybe the media's right, maybe you're a dick after all." Jeff said.

That last comment stung quite a bit actually. I wasn't expecting my roommate and, best friend to say that to me. Was he right about that he said? Was I really the dick that the media made me out to be?

"Man I didn't mean that, it just it came out." He said.

"No Jeff you did mean it, and it's fine." I said.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yea it's all I needed to hear." I said.

Jeff walked off and I stormed out of the house. I knew exactly what I needed to do.

"Dude where are you going?" A few of the guys asked me.

"I need to fix something before I'm too late." I said.

I went out the apartment door and I went around everywhere. I realized that I wasn't exactly sure where she was staying. She could be anywhere, Philly was a large place! Damn I should have thought this plan out a little better.

I walked for about twenty minutes when I realized maybe she'd be at the studio practicing for her weekly, sports reports. That was about thirty minutes away. I had no choice, but to walk, there was no way I was walking all the way back to the apartment.

Finally I got there, man was I tired. I slowly walked in and there she was, looking beautiful as always. She was looking directly into the camera and her eyes still shined amazingly. She looked so happy with practicing. Maybe I should just go and not bother her, she wouldn't want to see me. As I was about to turn around she turned around and saw me. Well there was no way I was leaving now.

I wasn't sure if I should let her finish or walk up to her right now, then I noticed that she was walking in my direction.

"Scott?" She asked.

I didn't know what to say. I just pulled her close to me and pressed my lips up against hers. She kissed back and I felt a lot of passion.

"I still love you." I said as I pulled away.