Hearts & Spades

Swan residence.
Forks, Washington.
2008.

I restlessly pace around the house with Esme, looking up every now and then with the slightest rustle of branches, the tiniest crack of a twig; any small indication of movement, really. I pick up a pine branch and it engulfs in flames, the air filling with the scent of burning needles. Yum.
I toss it aside in disgust and it quickly extinguishes. There’s no other way to put it, I’m restless. I miss running from city to city, staying in world class hotel rooms and hunting without fear of being found. I miss my friends, my second family, the ones who never questioned me or my secret fears. That’s not to say I’m regretting my choice to stay with the Cullens, because I don’t. I just wish there was a way I could balance both lives. Honestly, I never saw myself pacing around my adoptive brother’s girlfriend’s house. Try saying that five times fast.
“Bored?”
I freeze and turn around slowly, finding myself face to face with someone I haven’t seen in nearly 15 years.
“Melody,” I finally manage to say.
She smiles. “Hey kid.”
“How long have you known where I am?”
“Honestly? A few years now, but Aro decided it was best we give you space,” she shrugs, dragging her toe through the dirt.
“Oh how generous…” I mutter.
“I’m going to forget you said that, because you know how he is with our thoughts. Anyway,” she continues, “I’m here because he wishes for you to rejoin the Volturi.”
“Really.” An awkward silence fills the air between us and I look down at my sneakers. “Wow. Going back… there.”
“He figures you’ve had enough time.”
“I… I don’t know, Mels.”
“You’ll have to get over him sooner or later,” Melody points out.
“Yeah, well, as long as she’s still walking, I’d prefer later,” I snap, then look back down. “Sorry, I just… I’m trying to keep it… buried, to say the least.”
Silence fills the air again and she nods. “I’m guessing that’s a no, then.”
I nod. “That’s a no.”
“Alright,” she sighs. “Great. Now I get to be the one to deliver the bad news.” She starts to walk away, but turns at the last minute and looks at me, her eyes half hidden by her hood. “Just so you know, Cassandra’s gone.”
“How am I supposed to know if she won’t show up again?” I mutter.
“No, Ivory. By gone, I mean dead.”
I glance up in surprise. “What?”
Melody nods. “She created an immortal child. A little 9 year old girl, who she left behind in Russia. They executed her about 3 years ago.” A slight smile frames her lips. “Maybe that’ll help with your decision. You’re always welcome to come back.”
Then she disappears.

~~~~~~

1 week.

“I’m going out,” I nod to Carlisle as I grab my black wool jacket from the coat rack and start to slip out the door.
“Ivory, wait.”
I turn and look at him.
“If there was something going on, you’d tell us.” It’s not really a question, more like a statement to be confirmed.
“Honestly?” I consider it for a while. “It depends.”
He nods after a few moments. “I see. Don’t be out too long.”
“Right, Dad,” I smile, walking out and closing the door behind me. I glance at my phone, going to my secret email account and sending a blank message to an address I know by heart. The reply comes a few seconds later.

The Regency.
San Francsico, California.

I glance around the lobby, which is surprisingly full for 11 o’clock on a Wednesday night. The far right-hand corner is furnished with cream-colored fabric couches, and three people sit casual distances from each other, looking anywhere but the door and not making any attempt at conversation. I walk by, looking straight ahead and heading through a maze of hallways to the service door that leads to a back alley, and mess with the zipper of my black leather boots.
“Ivory!!” Miles cries cheerfully, tackling me in a massive huge. I smile and hug back. “Hey darling.”
“Oh my God, we thought that you’d never call us this month! I missed you,” he pouts as I stand on my toes and play with his hair.
“I missed you too, sweetie.” I hug Beccy and Bryony, my smile getting wider with each one. “How have you guys been?”
“Steadily getting richer, of course,” Bryony grins.
“How are things with the vegetarians?” Beccy’s mouth curls up in disgust. “Ugh. I can’t imagine. It sounds so gross.”
I shrug. “Meh. I’ve gotten used to it. I’d go insane if we didn’t have our hunting trips, though.”
They all laugh and I grin, walking slightly towards the front like I always do. “Alright. Where do you guys wanna go?”
“Anywhere’s fine with me,” Miles smiles.
“Just get me some real blood!” I laugh, breaking into a run.

~~~~~~

Miles and Beccy work damage control, as usual, and I sit on the roof of the hotel with Bryony, swinging my legs over the edge.
“I have a problem,” I say suddenly, breaking the silence.
“You’re just realizing that?” she teases, and I shake my head.
“Well, yeah, I have a problem but… it’s not that. It’s something else.”
She frowns. “Okay, you never admit something’s wrong unless it’s serious.”
“This is beyond serious…” I sigh. “Melody talked to me a week ago.”
“They found you?” she asks incredulously.
“Bry, they’ve known where I’ve been for a while now. She came to invite me to rejoin.” I mess with the bracelets on my right wrist to keep myself from looking up.
“What’d you say?”
“I said no. You know why I can’t go back there. But…”
“Uh-oh. Why doesn’t it end there?”
“Right before she left, she said…” I take a deep breath. “She said that Cassandra is gone.”
“Well, who knows if the bitch will come back?” Bryony points out.
“That’s the thing. Not ‘gone’ like she left, but ‘gone’ as in dead.”
“No way! What happened?”
“She created an immortal child,” I explain. “That’s illegal. Oh damn. I never told you the laws, did I?”
“I know them because I saw them in your memories. But Miles and Beccy really don’t know any except the common sense of not revealing ourselves.”
“Good,” I nod. “Keep it that way.”
“Keep them in the dark?” she frowns.
“No, keep them using common sense.” I offer a small smile. “You’re the leader now, kid.”
“That’s a scary thought…” she comments, blowing her hair out of her face. “Me in charge.”
“You’re doing a pretty damn good job.”
“Why did you decide to stay with the Cullens anyway?” Bryony asks suddenly, turning to look at me. “I mean, we could have left like they wanted us to but… you just randomly joined them.”
I tilt my head up and look at the moon, framed with thick fog. “I’m trying this new thing where I’m honest all the time. And the honest answer is… I missed being in a family. As in, staying in a house and living with people and I missed parents and… It’s complicated. You’d have to be a shrink to really understand.”
She nods. “Right.”
“I’m just confused,” I shrug. “I’ve always been confused.”
“You let people decide for you,” she says softly. “That’s why you left the Robertsons for the Volturi, that’s why you left the Volturi and ended up finding us, that’s why you left us for the Cullens. You need to decide for yourself.”
“That’s easier said than done,” I sigh.
“True, but isn’t it worth trying? You always told us to forget the past.”
“I’m such a hypocrite. I’m holding onto my past.”

Boardwalk.
Almost midnight.
Santa Cruz.
1995.

I stare at the paper crumpled in my hand, then wind my arm back and throw it as hard as I can, watching it sail over the ocean and land in the water. It sinks under the waves and I stare at the spot where it disappeared. I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of love letters.

Ivory.
You’ve left for England as I write this, and I need to get out the words I want to say before I forget them. I don’t know what’s come over me or why C is drawing me in, but I don’t feel the same way about her that I do about you. I understand this sounds completely cliché, but it’s true. And if you were to ask me about my regrets, I’d say I have two. My first is, of course, this whole deal with C. But my second is the fact we lost so much time, between when I met you and when I finally saw you again. There are so many things I want to say but I’m going to go ahead and write this down.
I love you more than anything or anyone.
Don’t ever doubt that.

-Alec