Backdrop

“Okay…so far you took us to three different streets, two houses and one old lady who you considered to be your long lost aunt. Now you want us to go to the grocery store because your dad works as the deli manager there. I believe not.”

Mark was pissed.

I understand why, of course, but then again he never really had much patience anyways.

The girl -for we have no idea if her name really is Suissa- just stared blankly at the window with Jimmy in her lap, as if in thought. I think her arm is broken in two places, although I’m not sure if one or both is from the time when she jumped out the window.

We really need to _bring drag her to a hospital. She’s so uncooperative. No matter what we say, she just giggles and turns her attention to Jimmy. And she keeps calling him JimJim like a little kid. No one corrects her. _{I mean, hey, its kinda cute.}

But anyways, I don’t know if I did a good job or not setting her arm the right way. An X-ray and a doctor would be lovely, but we have no money or papers for that stuff. If only we could find her parents…But then what? We deliver her clean and fixed back to a place where she’s going to get hurt again? I think naught.

“Come on! Just tell us where your home is!”

“My mommy told me not to talk to strangers”

“Yeah, well it’s too late. You already ate our food, too.”

She looked dubious for a moment. Then she feigned confidence.

“I didn’t ask you to.”

Hmm. Maybe she feels obliged?

I cleared my throat and plunged into their conversational war, “You owe us an explanation for all we did to you. As payment”

She wiggled around and didn’t say anything.

“It’s just one small explanation.”

<.<o<O>o>.>

But it wasn’t just “one small teensy-weensy explanation” at all.

They were about to ask me about all that I’m living for. All that I’m dying for. All that I want, and more.

My silly naive mind trusts them, no matter how much I don’t.

Suddenly I felt disgusting. Dirty. Rotten.

I stopped, and giggled to myself. I don’t have time for these feelings.

To make myself feel better, I conjured up images of people on fire, heads cut off and on poles, women screaming, men dying and children smiling through it all.

After a bit of this, I sighed in relief and turned to face Blackie and Brownie with a grin.
After all, they are right. I do owe them for the food.

My breath was shaking slightly as I said, “How much do you want to know?”

Blackie looked smug and Brownie triumphant.

Blackie took advantage right away.

“Everything. Start from as far as you can remember about your childhood.” He looked at my arm. “After we get back from the hospital. First off, what’s your name? We need to sign you into a facility.”

“Mifflin.”

“Age?”

“Fifteen.”

“Alright… Okay Mark? Take a left at the next alley. I know a guy, “Shitz” is what he calls himself. He’s good with papers. He can probably sell us something cheap.”

Brownie, while still driving, turned and looked sharply at Blackie.

“How do you know this “Shitz”? You didn’t get into dope, did you?”

“No, no. I wanted to check out the casinos to try my luck,” he looked guiltily at the new leather seats. “He has my photo from a while ago when I needed to get into a casino, and I saved his life from a copper once, so he owes me.”

There's that word again. Owe. Just three letters can spill secrets and spit lies.

Brownie quickly looked Blackie over once more and turned back to the road, muttering something that sounded like “We’ll get you checked later”.

Ion the other hand went back to petting JimJim, hoping they forgot about me and my debt.

Naturally, things just don’t swing that way.

“Alright…Mifflin… talk on the way to Shitz. Start with your childhood. What was it like? When did they start abusing you? Why do they abuse you, if you even know?”

I sat and stared at the seat for a while, thinking. Brownie had his head tilted back a bit in the car seat, as if straining to listen. Blackie looked scared to know the truth, but prepared. JimJim was the only normal one here.

Large, shaky breath in, slow shaky one out. Repeat until calm.

I did this a few times and it seemed to work, then I jumped right in.

“My childhood was…fun. If my mind chose to remember it that well. My parents always let me cook the food, and showed me how to clean. It was…interesting. They didn’t love me the way they do now, back then. No, that came for the first time when I was ten. I burnt the turkey for thanks giving, and it was the only one we could afford at the time.” I laughed a little here, just a tad to high pitch and slightly hysterical. “That’s before my daddy got fired and went to a better job, one where he made more money and got promoted so he can come home sooner to pleasure his little girl.”

Flashbacks came at me now, hard and fast.

“Jim! We promised we would stop this, don’t!”

He turned to face her, away from me as I struggled to get loose.

“Luise, don’t bother my family bonding time,” he held his belt a little tighter around my throat. “now go. Make. Me. Dinner.”

He turned back to me, holding the belt high and above his head as he watched me choke.

Now from when I was fourteen.

He was sitting in a chair smoking a cigar and drinking beer.

Mommy was standing and screaming at him.

“You don’t care that she’s been our daughter for fourteen years?! And now she wants to end her life for what we did to her childhood? Are you even human?”

He turned to face her.

“Don’t forget it was you who started this. Besides, she’s old enough to know what she wants to do with her life, now you go and concentrate on the food.” He got a drunken look in his eyes as he came closer to her with the bottle. “See, all better now…all better for everyone now…” he cooed as she slumped forward into his arms. Her head was still bleeding as he slid her skirts up…

One from when I was eleven, next Thanks Giving.

Daddy was drinking again when he got home from work. Mommy was stressed as she repeatedly splashed me with hot oil from the French fries we were going to eat. The premade turkey was heating up in the oven.

“JimJim, we made you your favourites! Mashed potatoe-”

She was suddenly roughly grabbed from behind and thrown on to the couch. It was that night I got to watch my mommy being raped for the first time. I didn’t know what to do, so I finished frying the potatoes.

He came for me next, with mommy holding me down the whole time.

After they were both finished telling me what a good fuck I was, they brought the knives out and carved little letters, little flicks and flecks of careful marks all over my body and into my once-pale skin. That was also the first time it felt sogood The next morning I woke with large, purple marks covering every inch of my body, crowned by the pretty red cuts and flowing red hair that made them look like princesses. I had pretty princesses all over my body. And I was the prettiest of them all.

I stared into the car seat again. JimJim was nuzzling me like a puppy. Or maybe I was the puppy. I patted him on the head again.

I looked at Brownie again. He was slumped forwards and driving fast. His knuckles were white. Blackie was chewing his lips. Finally he spoke.

“I am so sorry.”

I laughed a little here.

“For what? The only thing you did was feed me pancakes.”

He didn’t say anymore so we all sat in silence.

After a while Brownie croaked out, “We’re here.”

I felt that that silence was like the calm before the storm.