Do Something Crazy

“Tori!” I screamed, trying to separate the two from killing each other. “Tori, stop it!” She didn't listen and continued to throw swings at Sammi, knocking her to the ground and getting on top of her, punches hitting her dead on. “Ah! Pauly, stop her!” I grabbed his arm and pushed him.

“Why me?!”

“Just do it!”

“Alright, alright. Damn, I better not lose an eye or some shit.” He moved in quickly, grabbing Tori around the waist and yanking her up. Mikey grabbed Sammi and pulled her to the other side of the room.

“You slut!” Sammi yelled.

“Who the fuck are you calling a slut?!” Tori yelled, fighting against Pauly.

“No, no.” Pauly pulled her back. “Cut it out, Tori.”

“She called me a slut, Pauly!”

“You fucked Mike and Ronnie! And you haven't even been here a week! You're a fucking whore!” Tori stopped struggling, shoulders slumping.

“Okay.” I stepped forward. “Both of you need to chill the fuck out.” I turned to Sammi. “You are way out of line, my friend.”

“Excuse me? Out of line?”

“You just called my best friend a whore. You're lucky I don't punch you in the face.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “And, I'm sorry, but you can't do better than Ronnie. He's the best thing you had.”

“Had? Please. He's still mine.”

“No.” Ronnie spoke up. “I'm not. I just fell out of love with you for the last time, Sam.”

“What? You're gonna pick this slut over me?”

“Apparently.”

“That's it!” Sammi pulled away from Mike. “I'm done. I am so over all of you. I'm leaving. For good.”

“Good riddance.” Tori mumbled. “Bye bitch.”

“What the fuck happened while we were gone?” Snooki and Vinny came inside, dressed in their uniforms.

“Sam's leaving.” Pauly said.

“Really?” Snooks grinned, but she wiped it away. “I mean...really?”

“Yeah.” I laughed. “Really.”

That night, “in honor of Sammi,” we went to the club all dressed up fancy and shit. I thought it was stupid. Everyone (except like, Angelina) was sick of Sammi starting trouble and was grateful she was leaving. But whatever. Mike's covering the drinks so...fuck it.

You know what I don't understand?

I'm friends with Angelina, I am, but that bitch needs to back the fuck off. She's messing with my Snooks, she's being a hoe, and she's trying to fuck Vinny. I heard her talking about it to Jenni; she'd pull the drunk card and pretend it was an accident. But she actually wanted him. Because Snooks liked him.
(And I'm positive she knows about my little crush on him, too.)

That jealous bitch needs to back. off.

I have been drinking all night. Pina coladas, daiquiris, beers, and Tori even got me to drink a sip of whiskey (disgusting). I was drunk off my ass.

And guess what happened? I'm in the car, we're on our way back to the house, then I turn to say some drunk statement and there's Angelina.

Kissing Pauly.

What the fuck.

And then! When we got home that fucking whore had the nerve to get into Vinny's bed. Like, are you kidding me? How much of a slut can you be?

I stomped right into his room and cleared my throat, ignoring my headache.

“Excuse me.” My words slurred. “Angelina, I need to talk to you.”

“I'm busy.”

“Get the fuck up, bitch.” I scowled, pulling her up and dragging her out of his room.

“What the fuck?” She stumbled behind me. “The fuck is your problem?”

“My problem?” I laughed. “Right now, you. Back off Vinny. You're only trying to fuck him cause Snooks likes him.”

“What? I didn't even know Nicole liked him! Why don't you learn your facts before starting shit?”

“Listen, bitch.” I stepped closer. “Shut your fucking mouth. You knew damn well how Snooki felt. And then you kiss Pauly too? What the fuck? What happened to Jose?”

“Oh, I get it. You're mad cause Pauly wants me and not you!”

“Pauly wants...oh, okay.” I rolled my eyes. At this point, the others were watching curiously, although drunk out of their minds. I kicked off my heels, getting in her face. “Let's see who Pauly wants after this.” I am not the type to legit fight over a guy. But this bitch is just stupid. I will show her who's man is who's. The hard way. She shoved me away from her, yelling some bullshit, and I heard Pauly yell.

“Yo, back the fuck off, Angelina!” Bahahaha. He totally wants her, right? Yeah. Okay.

Round 2 of the Jersey Shore brawl has begun.

In this corner, at 5”5 in heels, Brianna! And in this corner, weighing 322 pounds...The Staten Island Dump!

Ding, ding, ding. Fight!

I think I just broke her nose on the table...

Whoops.

Hey, guess what? She's leaving with Sammi tomorrow. She's packing all her shit now.

I've come to the conclusion that today was amazing.

Thank you and goodnight.