I Gave My Life For You
1/1
“Brian! Stop!” I giggled as my husband placed butterfly kisses up and down my neck. I tried pushing him away, but he pinned my arms up behind my head. I started so squirm under him.
“Now now, there is no need for this. I’m just giving you lovin!” He said into my neck, his breath sending chills all over my body. I turned my head and looked at him. He smiled down at me and kissed me lightly.
“See, that lovin I like. Not when you are tickling the crap out of me,” I said against his lips. He just smirked and kissed me lightly again before getting off me and walking over to the dresser. He picked up his phone and sighed. I saw his back tense up and he dropped his phone. He placed his hands on the dresser and stared into the mirror. I looked at him in the mirror and raised an eyebrow. He looked at me and turned around.
“Work?” I asked. He nodded and walked over to me. I sighed and sat up, holding the sheet against my naked chest. He leaned down, cupping my face between his hands. He looked deep into my eyes and smiled.
“It won’t be long, I promise,” he said and kissed me deeply. I moaned into the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck, dropping the sheet. I heard him groan and pull away. He looked down at my naked chest and smirked.
“It’s very hard right now to just call and say that I am sick,” he said, the smirk never leaving his lips. I felt my cheeks warm up and I laughed at him. I pushed him away from me. He laughed at me and walked over to the closet.
I watched, as he got dressed into his nice suit and shoes. He fixed his hair like normal, spiked and all over the place. The guys at the office don’t mind at all that he is covered in tattoo’s, has a couple of piercing’s and has crazy hair. He is the best out of all of them, besides the big man that owns everything.
Once he was ready he walked over and sat down next to my laying body and placed his hand on the bed behind my back and leaned down and kissed me.
“Three hours, tops. It’s just a meeting,” he said. I just nodded and kissed him deeply.
After a heavy make-out session we pulled away, breathless.
“Call the girls, do something girly. You know where the card is,” he said. I sighed and shook my head.
“You know I won’t use it,” I said sitting up as he got off the bed. I wrapped the sheet around me and got up too. I followed him down the stairs and next to the door by the garage.
“I know, but its there,” he said grabbing his briefcase and keys. He turned and kissed me lightly one last time. Then he kneeled down and kissed my stomach lightly.
“I know you aren’t big enough yet, but don’t hurt your mommy,” he said rubbing my stomach softly. I smiled lovingly down at him. He stood and kissed me lightly before saying his goodbyes and walking out the door. I walked over to the window and watched as he backed out and drove away.
I sighed and rubbed my barely there stomach. I walked back up the stairs and got ready.
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“I cannot believe that you are going to have a baby!” Val said as we all walked around the mall. I just smiled and nodded.
“Brian is so excited. He was telling me that if it’s a girl or boy, he is going to teach them how to play the guitar,” I said looking at her. She smiled and nodded.
“Of coarse. Matt is already trying to get Jake to sing, and he is only two,” Val said, laughing. I laughed too and looked ahead.
We walked around for a little bit, stopping in some baby stores to look at things. And stopping in Victoria Secret to grab some ‘sexy time’ clothes for now, and when I get bigger.
We were walking back to our cars when we both got a call at the same time. We looked at each other with confused faces. We both answered our phones.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Is this Rachel Haner?” A voice asked. I started to bite my thumbnail.
“Yes, who is this?”
“This is Paul Jones. I worked with your husband. There has been a accident,” he said. My heart dropped. My mind started getting jumbled with thoughts.
What happened? How did it happen? Is Brian alright? Is he in the hospital? Is he…
He told me to come to the hospital as soon as I could. I closed my phone and looked over at Val. She was in tears. Which then made me realize that I had rivers of tears flowing down my cheeks.
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“What do you mean he was gunned down? He was at the office!” I yelled at the Doctor.
“I’m sorry ma’am. But that’s what we were told when he was brought in. You can see him whenever you would like,” he said and walked away. I just broke down and cried. Jimmy was there, holding me while I cried.
“You need to calm down, just a tad hun. I know this is stressful, but it’s not good on the baby,” he said into my ear, while rubbing my back. I took deep breaths and calmed down some. I got up and wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Want me to come with you?” Jimmy asked, standing up also. I shook my head and hugged him.
“No…I’ll be fine,” I said. He just looked at me with sad eyes and nodded.
“I’ll be right here if you need me,” he said, kissing my head and sitting back down. I nodded and headed towards Brian’s room.
As I got closer and closer, my heart started to beat faster and faster.
I had no idea what state he was in. I didn’t know if I could handle it.
As I reached his room, I stood in front of the door, my hand on the doorknob. I took some deep breaths and shakily opened the door.
New tears ran down my cheeks as I saw my husband laying there, tubes and wires coming off of every part of his body. His torso was covered in a white bandage, with red spots on them. His face was bruised and cut all over. I sobbed and ran over to his bed.
“Brian?” I choked out as I stood next to his bed. His eyes fluttered open and he looked at me. It took him a second to come to, but once he did, tears ran down his face.
“Babe…” he choked out. I just cried and sat on a space on his bed.
“Shh… Don’t talk baby,” I said holding onto his hand, running my fingers over the back of his hand.
“No…I…need to…” he said, his voice cracking. I tried so hard to not cry. I wiped the tears away from his face with my hand, being careful not to hurt him.
“Just…. kiss me…please…” he said. I nodded and smiled at him. I leaned down and gently kissed him on his lips.
“Always wanting loving,” I said. He just smirked and coughed a little.
“I’ve…. lied to you,” he said looking deep into my eyes.
“I…I was…in a…gang…” he said, new tears running down his cheeks.
“We…we…” he stopped and coughed. I just held his hand, but his coughs got more gurgled and I saw blood splatter onto his lips. I screamed and ran out into the hall.
“HELP! SOMEONE! HELP!”
I ran back into the room and held onto his hand.
“Brian, stay strong, please baby,” I said, tears just pouring out of my eyes.
Doctors and Nurses ran into the room, as did Jimmy. He started to pull me out.
“No! NO!” I yelled as Jimmy pulled me out of the room.
My stare on Brian got blocked by the doctors.
“No! Jimmy! NO!” I screamed and collapsed in his arms. Everything went black.
When I came to, I was in the waiting room with Jimmy holding me like a baby.
“Oh thank god,” he said and kissed my forehead.
“What happened to me? No…Brian!” I yelled and stood up, but then fell to the ground.
“Babe…You passed out. They said it was just shock,” Jimmy said helping me up.
“Your baby is fine, by the way,” he said rubbing my stomach. I just nodded.
“Brian?” I asked like a baby, looking up at him. His head fell and he shook his head.
“No…No! Jimmy. You’re lying. He is fine!” I yelled. Getting up again, this time getting my balance before heading back to Brian’s room. I opened the door and saw the bed empty.
“No…No…No! WHY?!” I screamed and fell to the ground.
The love of my life was gone. The only one that ever loved me. My first best friend, my first and only boyfriend, the one I shared my first kiss with, the one I made love to for the first time, my husband, the father to my child. Was gone.
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Two weeks later I was still laying in bed, wearing one of Brian’s shirts and his sweat pants, holding onto the envelope that Brian had wrote to me and left with his will.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to open it. I didn’t want to know what was inside of it. I didn’t think I could handle it.
I sighed and rolled over in the bed and saw the left side of the bed was empty. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I crawled over to the side of the bed and grabbed onto a pillow, hugging it close to me. It smelled just like him.
“Why did you have to leave Brian? Why? You left me way to early. What about our child? He or she can’t grow up without a father….” I cried into the pillow. I felt warmth on my back.
“Open it,” I heard a voice whisper in my ear. I knew that voice anywhere. Brian’s.
I sat up fast and looked behind me. Only to find it empty, besides the envelope sitting right behind me. I sighed and crossed my legs, grabbing the white envelope.
I stared at it and slowly opened it. I pulled out the white paper and opened it.
My dearest Rachel,
I have let you down. I know I have. I lied to you for so many years. I never worked for a big company; I never went to the office. That is the only thing I ever lied to you about. I loved you so much; it would kill me every time I had to leave you.
I was in a gang. I would go out and kill Rachel. I would kill fathers, sons, daughters, mothers, anyone. I would get assigned to someone…and would have to go kill them. No question asked, no begging, no pleads. I would just…. kill.
Someone was after you and our baby. I had to kill him baby. I couldn’t let him get near you. So I went and found him.
I love you so much. And I know you are probably laying in bed, in my clothes, crying into my pillow. But baby, you can’t. Get out there. Do what you love, be around everyone that loves you so much. I know I’m not there with you anymore, but I am. I will always be with you. When the sun shines, that’s me. When you feel the breeze from the ocean, that’s me. When you hear weird sounds at night in the house, don’t worry, it’s me. When you feel someone behind you, that’s me. When you feel someone grab that very, very, nice ass of yours, don’t freak. It’s just me, claiming what is mine.
I love you so much Rachel. You will be fine without me. You will be an amazing mother. I will be watching over you and our son all the time. Yes, I have strong feeling that it is a boy.
In the end, I gave my life for you.
So go live your life Rachel. Be the free spirit woman that I fell in love with, and still is in love with.
I love you.
Always with you,
Brian
I sobbed and clutched the letter to my chest.
As my cries slowed down a little bit I felt a warm breeze wash over me. I smiled, knowing that it was Brian.
“I love you too Brian, I love you so much,” I said, kissing his wedding ring that was on a chain around my neck.
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Nine months later, Brian was right. We did have a baby boy, who I named after his father.
Brian Elwin Haner III.
“Now now, there is no need for this. I’m just giving you lovin!” He said into my neck, his breath sending chills all over my body. I turned my head and looked at him. He smiled down at me and kissed me lightly.
“See, that lovin I like. Not when you are tickling the crap out of me,” I said against his lips. He just smirked and kissed me lightly again before getting off me and walking over to the dresser. He picked up his phone and sighed. I saw his back tense up and he dropped his phone. He placed his hands on the dresser and stared into the mirror. I looked at him in the mirror and raised an eyebrow. He looked at me and turned around.
“Work?” I asked. He nodded and walked over to me. I sighed and sat up, holding the sheet against my naked chest. He leaned down, cupping my face between his hands. He looked deep into my eyes and smiled.
“It won’t be long, I promise,” he said and kissed me deeply. I moaned into the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck, dropping the sheet. I heard him groan and pull away. He looked down at my naked chest and smirked.
“It’s very hard right now to just call and say that I am sick,” he said, the smirk never leaving his lips. I felt my cheeks warm up and I laughed at him. I pushed him away from me. He laughed at me and walked over to the closet.
I watched, as he got dressed into his nice suit and shoes. He fixed his hair like normal, spiked and all over the place. The guys at the office don’t mind at all that he is covered in tattoo’s, has a couple of piercing’s and has crazy hair. He is the best out of all of them, besides the big man that owns everything.
Once he was ready he walked over and sat down next to my laying body and placed his hand on the bed behind my back and leaned down and kissed me.
“Three hours, tops. It’s just a meeting,” he said. I just nodded and kissed him deeply.
After a heavy make-out session we pulled away, breathless.
“Call the girls, do something girly. You know where the card is,” he said. I sighed and shook my head.
“You know I won’t use it,” I said sitting up as he got off the bed. I wrapped the sheet around me and got up too. I followed him down the stairs and next to the door by the garage.
“I know, but its there,” he said grabbing his briefcase and keys. He turned and kissed me lightly one last time. Then he kneeled down and kissed my stomach lightly.
“I know you aren’t big enough yet, but don’t hurt your mommy,” he said rubbing my stomach softly. I smiled lovingly down at him. He stood and kissed me lightly before saying his goodbyes and walking out the door. I walked over to the window and watched as he backed out and drove away.
I sighed and rubbed my barely there stomach. I walked back up the stairs and got ready.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“I cannot believe that you are going to have a baby!” Val said as we all walked around the mall. I just smiled and nodded.
“Brian is so excited. He was telling me that if it’s a girl or boy, he is going to teach them how to play the guitar,” I said looking at her. She smiled and nodded.
“Of coarse. Matt is already trying to get Jake to sing, and he is only two,” Val said, laughing. I laughed too and looked ahead.
We walked around for a little bit, stopping in some baby stores to look at things. And stopping in Victoria Secret to grab some ‘sexy time’ clothes for now, and when I get bigger.
We were walking back to our cars when we both got a call at the same time. We looked at each other with confused faces. We both answered our phones.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Is this Rachel Haner?” A voice asked. I started to bite my thumbnail.
“Yes, who is this?”
“This is Paul Jones. I worked with your husband. There has been a accident,” he said. My heart dropped. My mind started getting jumbled with thoughts.
What happened? How did it happen? Is Brian alright? Is he in the hospital? Is he…
He told me to come to the hospital as soon as I could. I closed my phone and looked over at Val. She was in tears. Which then made me realize that I had rivers of tears flowing down my cheeks.
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“What do you mean he was gunned down? He was at the office!” I yelled at the Doctor.
“I’m sorry ma’am. But that’s what we were told when he was brought in. You can see him whenever you would like,” he said and walked away. I just broke down and cried. Jimmy was there, holding me while I cried.
“You need to calm down, just a tad hun. I know this is stressful, but it’s not good on the baby,” he said into my ear, while rubbing my back. I took deep breaths and calmed down some. I got up and wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Want me to come with you?” Jimmy asked, standing up also. I shook my head and hugged him.
“No…I’ll be fine,” I said. He just looked at me with sad eyes and nodded.
“I’ll be right here if you need me,” he said, kissing my head and sitting back down. I nodded and headed towards Brian’s room.
As I got closer and closer, my heart started to beat faster and faster.
I had no idea what state he was in. I didn’t know if I could handle it.
As I reached his room, I stood in front of the door, my hand on the doorknob. I took some deep breaths and shakily opened the door.
New tears ran down my cheeks as I saw my husband laying there, tubes and wires coming off of every part of his body. His torso was covered in a white bandage, with red spots on them. His face was bruised and cut all over. I sobbed and ran over to his bed.
“Brian?” I choked out as I stood next to his bed. His eyes fluttered open and he looked at me. It took him a second to come to, but once he did, tears ran down his face.
“Babe…” he choked out. I just cried and sat on a space on his bed.
“Shh… Don’t talk baby,” I said holding onto his hand, running my fingers over the back of his hand.
“No…I…need to…” he said, his voice cracking. I tried so hard to not cry. I wiped the tears away from his face with my hand, being careful not to hurt him.
“Just…. kiss me…please…” he said. I nodded and smiled at him. I leaned down and gently kissed him on his lips.
“Always wanting loving,” I said. He just smirked and coughed a little.
“I’ve…. lied to you,” he said looking deep into my eyes.
“I…I was…in a…gang…” he said, new tears running down his cheeks.
“We…we…” he stopped and coughed. I just held his hand, but his coughs got more gurgled and I saw blood splatter onto his lips. I screamed and ran out into the hall.
“HELP! SOMEONE! HELP!”
I ran back into the room and held onto his hand.
“Brian, stay strong, please baby,” I said, tears just pouring out of my eyes.
Doctors and Nurses ran into the room, as did Jimmy. He started to pull me out.
“No! NO!” I yelled as Jimmy pulled me out of the room.
My stare on Brian got blocked by the doctors.
“No! Jimmy! NO!” I screamed and collapsed in his arms. Everything went black.
When I came to, I was in the waiting room with Jimmy holding me like a baby.
“Oh thank god,” he said and kissed my forehead.
“What happened to me? No…Brian!” I yelled and stood up, but then fell to the ground.
“Babe…You passed out. They said it was just shock,” Jimmy said helping me up.
“Your baby is fine, by the way,” he said rubbing my stomach. I just nodded.
“Brian?” I asked like a baby, looking up at him. His head fell and he shook his head.
“No…No! Jimmy. You’re lying. He is fine!” I yelled. Getting up again, this time getting my balance before heading back to Brian’s room. I opened the door and saw the bed empty.
“No…No…No! WHY?!” I screamed and fell to the ground.
The love of my life was gone. The only one that ever loved me. My first best friend, my first and only boyfriend, the one I shared my first kiss with, the one I made love to for the first time, my husband, the father to my child. Was gone.
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Two weeks later I was still laying in bed, wearing one of Brian’s shirts and his sweat pants, holding onto the envelope that Brian had wrote to me and left with his will.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to open it. I didn’t want to know what was inside of it. I didn’t think I could handle it.
I sighed and rolled over in the bed and saw the left side of the bed was empty. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I crawled over to the side of the bed and grabbed onto a pillow, hugging it close to me. It smelled just like him.
“Why did you have to leave Brian? Why? You left me way to early. What about our child? He or she can’t grow up without a father….” I cried into the pillow. I felt warmth on my back.
“Open it,” I heard a voice whisper in my ear. I knew that voice anywhere. Brian’s.
I sat up fast and looked behind me. Only to find it empty, besides the envelope sitting right behind me. I sighed and crossed my legs, grabbing the white envelope.
I stared at it and slowly opened it. I pulled out the white paper and opened it.
My dearest Rachel,
I have let you down. I know I have. I lied to you for so many years. I never worked for a big company; I never went to the office. That is the only thing I ever lied to you about. I loved you so much; it would kill me every time I had to leave you.
I was in a gang. I would go out and kill Rachel. I would kill fathers, sons, daughters, mothers, anyone. I would get assigned to someone…and would have to go kill them. No question asked, no begging, no pleads. I would just…. kill.
Someone was after you and our baby. I had to kill him baby. I couldn’t let him get near you. So I went and found him.
I love you so much. And I know you are probably laying in bed, in my clothes, crying into my pillow. But baby, you can’t. Get out there. Do what you love, be around everyone that loves you so much. I know I’m not there with you anymore, but I am. I will always be with you. When the sun shines, that’s me. When you feel the breeze from the ocean, that’s me. When you hear weird sounds at night in the house, don’t worry, it’s me. When you feel someone behind you, that’s me. When you feel someone grab that very, very, nice ass of yours, don’t freak. It’s just me, claiming what is mine.
I love you so much Rachel. You will be fine without me. You will be an amazing mother. I will be watching over you and our son all the time. Yes, I have strong feeling that it is a boy.
In the end, I gave my life for you.
So go live your life Rachel. Be the free spirit woman that I fell in love with, and still is in love with.
I love you.
Always with you,
Brian
I sobbed and clutched the letter to my chest.
As my cries slowed down a little bit I felt a warm breeze wash over me. I smiled, knowing that it was Brian.
“I love you too Brian, I love you so much,” I said, kissing his wedding ring that was on a chain around my neck.
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Nine months later, Brian was right. We did have a baby boy, who I named after his father.
Brian Elwin Haner III.