Past Lives

As Ads and Brooks left me, I wandered the dance floor. I needed a distraction. I needed something. My system was pumped with alcohol, my mind was racing and I needed a way to cope.

On the one hand, I liked Scuds. In a way, I loved him. But it wasn't the way I should after a year of sleeping with him. He was one of my best friends...I just happened to know a lot more about him than most people did.

But that kiss with Craig...I had never felt anything like that with Scuds...or anyone. And there was the other hand. Something just felt insanely right about Craig. It wasn't forced. It wasn't pure lust. It wasn't me wanting some. That kiss had basically knocked me on my ass and it hadn't even been a very sexy kiss. It was a simple, "Does this feel right?" kiss.

What scared me was how right it felt.

I jumped a little as I felt a pair of hands on my hips. "Want to dance?" a voice said, lips next to my ear. I turned around to see Scuds with a hungry look in his eyes and a hopeful smile. How could I do this to my best friend? Why did I have to constantly hurt people I loved?

Shaking my head, I slid his hands off my hips. "Not right now. I don't feel well." It was true; I was stick to my stomach. Scuds couldn't hide his disappointment. Nodding, he said, "Want me to drive you home?"

"I have my car..." I really shouldn't be driving. I had been doing shots and I knew myself.

"Jamie, I don't know if you should drive..."

You have no idea how true that is. You didn't see what I consumed. I shrugged. "I should be fine." I'd get out of the club and find a way home. I didn't know what, but I'd find a way.

Rob looked skeptical. "...Alright...you better text me when you get home."

I nodded. "Promise."

Now I had to leave. I pulled my keys from my pocket and headed out the door. I had no idea what to do. Ads was with Brooks and there was no way I was going to interrupt them. Scuds...I knew if he took me home I'd end up sleeping with him. I couldn't keep stringing him along. Sid had already left. Flower was with Vero. Max was probably looking for a hookup. I hadn't seen Gods anywhere. The older guys weren't there.

"Hey...Jamie..."

I looked up and saw Craig walking my way. "I saw you at the bar and then you didn't look too well when you left." He sat down on the curb and patted the empty space next to him for me to join. "Are you ok?" he asked as I sat down.

Craig Adams had just met me and he was making sure I was alive and well. Craig Adams didn't have to do that.

Craig Adams may have just proved himself.

I didn't know what to tell him. I wanted to say that everything was fine. I wanted to say that everything was going to be ok. I wanted to tell him that he was the first guy to sweep me off my feet.

But I didn't say any of those things. Instead I said, "I think I drank too much too fast..." I pushed hair out of my face. "...I don't think I can drive..."

Craig looked concerned. "Did you drive yourself down here?"

I nodded. Craig rubbed my back. Not in a "I want to get in your pants right now" way, but a "I want to make sure you stay alive" way. Quietly, he said, "Want me to drive you?"

"How will you get back to your car?" I asked. I didn't want to make a huge deal of it.

He smiled. "I can take a cab back."

I handed him my keys. "Your chariot, Sir Knight."

...Dear God, maybe I was drunk.

He laughed and helped me up. "Come on, my favorite lush."

I giggled. "You barely know me!"

I pointed my car out to him while he said, "I've heard some of the college stories." He opened my door and smiled as he saw me blush. "Don't worry," he added. "I thought they were funny."

I shook my head. "Did you hear the one where I called Brian Gionta a manwhore and told him I hoped he picked up STDs from the puck bunnies he was fooling around with?"

The fear that Craig was going to crash my car would be an understatement. I was sure that my car was toast the way he was laughing hysterically.

"I seriously wish I could have been there for that."

I couldn't remember a good chunk of the ride. I was too excited about sitting in the car with him. He was so close...

...But I didn't want to sleep with him. If anything happened, I wanted it to be legit. I wanted this to work. I didn't want to be bed buddies. I wanted something more.

As Craig pulled into my driveway, he saw the lights off. "Ads isn't home?"

I shook my head. "She's with Brooks."

Craig looked concerned. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

I thought about it. Before I could say no, I nodded yes. Craig smiled. "Come on, Tips."

Tilting my head, I asked, "Tips?"

He laughed as he opened my door and helped me out. "Tipsy." I giggled and he carried me inside and upstairs. He set me on my bed and walked to the door. "I'll let you change."

Craig stepped out and I grabbed pjs. I was amazed by what a gentleman he was. As soon as my tank top and baggy pants were on, I opened the door. He smiled at me. "I'm glad you remembered what went where."

I lightly pushed him. "Jerk."

He smiled. "At least I care." He kissed my cheek. "Go to sleep, Jamie. I'll check on you in the morning."

I nodded towards my room. "Where are you going to sleep?"

He looked down the stairs. "I'll sleep on the couch. Your bed looks amazing, but you're inebriated and I don't want you to do anything you'll regret...and vice versa."

I hugged him. "Thank you."

He kissed my cheek. "You're welcome."

--

Craig was good on his word. He checked on me the next morning before he went to practice. When Ads came home, I was making myself some lunch. She ran into the kitchen and jumped onto the counter with a look of panic.

I threw her an apple and said, "What's wrong?"

She shook her head as she juggled the apple. "Jamie...Brooks..."

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE HURT YOU-"

"No!" She shook her head. "Jamie, that's not it at all."

I put my hands on my hips. "Then what is it?" I was worried. What was going on that had Ads so worked up? She was normally the composed one.

Ads took a breath. "Jamie...he asked me to move in with him."

That was not what I was expecting. I leaned back against the counter and I couldn't help to smile. I knew that Ads was freaking out, but really, that was the smartest thing Brooks had done in ages. They should have been married ages ago, except Brooks was a moron. Maybe he was finally figuring it out.

"Why are you smiling?" Ads set the apple down. "I'm freaking out. I don't want to make the wrong choice. I don't want to ruin everything. If this goes badly, I don't want to go through the heartbreak again. Jamie, this will change everything-"

"For the better," I finished for her.

"For the bet-" She stopped. "What?"

"Ads, you'll see if you can really live with him. And besides," I smiled, "You won't have to worry about if I'm home or not." I winked at her and she grimaced. "But what if-"

I shook my head. "Ads...this is great for you." I smiled. "You and Brooks are in love. You're perfect for each other." I gave her a hug. "This will work out if it's meant to."

Ads thought about it. "Maybe you're right..."

I smiled. "This is a huge decision. You don't have to make it now." I grabbed an apple of my own and jumped up to sit on the counter next to Ads. "Besides, I'd have to figure out what to do with all this space...I'd miss you."

I hadn't wanted to be selfish, but I really would miss Ads if she left. We'd lived together since college. Not having her around all the time would be...bizarre. Scary, even. But I guess we all had to grow up some time.

Ads smiled. "You can't get rid of me that easily." Should thought for a second. "We could have weekly dinners!" I laughed and she said, "No, really! We could alternate houses each week and who cooks. It would be so much fun!"

Ads was sold. She jumped off the counter and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, excitement radiating from her. "Jamie, I'm going to do it." She spun around like a little kid. "I'm going to move in with Brooks!"

I was thrilled for her. She was my best friend, my sister, and she was moving in with the love of her life. She deserved to be happy and I wanted nothing but the best for her. But her moving out to live with the love of her life made me realize something that I hadn't really though about until that point:

I wanted that. I wanted someone who loved me. I wanted someone who didn't just want sex.

It was time to grow up.