Status: Complete
Past Lives
4
April 2001
To say I was happy for Brooks was an understatement, I was thrilled.
Making the jump from college to professional hockey was such a huge thing to any hockey player. A gateway to the rest of their lives per say.
For the past few months, Brooks has focused on hockey 24/7. Working extra hard at practice, playing exceptionally well during the games, and even in his off time he was watching tapes on his performance, seeing what he could better to make it at the highest level.
And for our relationship, well, it was falling apart.
I spent my time studying, doing community service around campus, and hanging with Jamie. The most I saw of Brooks was when he was on the ice or right after the game.
After the last home game of the season, where BC had defeated Wisconsin 4-2, Jamie and I went down to meet up with Brooks and Brian.
I was standing there talking to Rob when I heard Brooks walk up behind me.
“Hey Ads.”
I turned around and smiled. “Hey good game. You laid out that number 10 pretty hard.”
He smiled and gave me a hug. It wasn’t his normal type of hug, this time he hugged me tighter and didn’t seem to want to let go.
“You want to go somewhere so we can talk?” He asked.
I thought for a moment. “Sure.”
A short time later, we were walking down Beacon Street in silence.
“I’m leaving in three weeks.”
I stopped and looked at him. “Wait what.”
“I’m leaving middle of May. Going to start looking at places in Wilkes Barre and set up there before relaxing for a month before conditioning and prospect camp start up.”
“And you couldn’t tell me this a couple months ago? You give me short notice?”
“Babe, I’m sorry. But with everything here and us not seeing each oth-.”
I held my hand up. “Us not seeing each other has nothing to do with me. You wrapped yourself into this season and leaving that you forgot about me. I mean, over the span of the past few months it seems like a chore for you to even talk to me.”
“You know that’s not true! I love you Adisyn. I’ve just been distracted lately. I’m sorry.”
I stood there for a minute staring at him. “And I am a distraction from your game. I get it.”
He sighed. “I want us to work out I do. But you are going to finish out your degree here and I am going to be in Pennsylvania and-“
“I will have school work and you will have hockey games so we will never talk. Yeah I know. Just come out and say what you want to Brooks.” I said impatiently, knowing what was coming.
“What I am getting at is if we do stay together, it is going to be even harder than it has here. And I don’t want to put you through that.”
“No, you want to be the single hockey player living the high life. I get it Brooks. You are over me. You chose a lifestyle over me.” I said starting to walk away. “God, I love you. And as much as it hurts me to say this, fuck off. If you really wanted to be with me, we could find a way to make this work. But you are just giving up. So go fuck yourself.”
“Ads wait.” He called after me.
I stopped and hailed a cab. “No, I won’t wait. I’m done waiting for you to try to be the guy I fell in love with. Have fun in the big leagues Brooks.”
I got in the cab and as it started to drive away, tears fell down my face.
To say I was happy for Brooks was an understatement, I was thrilled.
Making the jump from college to professional hockey was such a huge thing to any hockey player. A gateway to the rest of their lives per say.
For the past few months, Brooks has focused on hockey 24/7. Working extra hard at practice, playing exceptionally well during the games, and even in his off time he was watching tapes on his performance, seeing what he could better to make it at the highest level.
And for our relationship, well, it was falling apart.
I spent my time studying, doing community service around campus, and hanging with Jamie. The most I saw of Brooks was when he was on the ice or right after the game.
After the last home game of the season, where BC had defeated Wisconsin 4-2, Jamie and I went down to meet up with Brooks and Brian.
I was standing there talking to Rob when I heard Brooks walk up behind me.
“Hey Ads.”
I turned around and smiled. “Hey good game. You laid out that number 10 pretty hard.”
He smiled and gave me a hug. It wasn’t his normal type of hug, this time he hugged me tighter and didn’t seem to want to let go.
“You want to go somewhere so we can talk?” He asked.
I thought for a moment. “Sure.”
A short time later, we were walking down Beacon Street in silence.
“I’m leaving in three weeks.”
I stopped and looked at him. “Wait what.”
“I’m leaving middle of May. Going to start looking at places in Wilkes Barre and set up there before relaxing for a month before conditioning and prospect camp start up.”
“And you couldn’t tell me this a couple months ago? You give me short notice?”
“Babe, I’m sorry. But with everything here and us not seeing each oth-.”
I held my hand up. “Us not seeing each other has nothing to do with me. You wrapped yourself into this season and leaving that you forgot about me. I mean, over the span of the past few months it seems like a chore for you to even talk to me.”
“You know that’s not true! I love you Adisyn. I’ve just been distracted lately. I’m sorry.”
I stood there for a minute staring at him. “And I am a distraction from your game. I get it.”
He sighed. “I want us to work out I do. But you are going to finish out your degree here and I am going to be in Pennsylvania and-“
“I will have school work and you will have hockey games so we will never talk. Yeah I know. Just come out and say what you want to Brooks.” I said impatiently, knowing what was coming.
“What I am getting at is if we do stay together, it is going to be even harder than it has here. And I don’t want to put you through that.”
“No, you want to be the single hockey player living the high life. I get it Brooks. You are over me. You chose a lifestyle over me.” I said starting to walk away. “God, I love you. And as much as it hurts me to say this, fuck off. If you really wanted to be with me, we could find a way to make this work. But you are just giving up. So go fuck yourself.”
“Ads wait.” He called after me.
I stopped and hailed a cab. “No, I won’t wait. I’m done waiting for you to try to be the guy I fell in love with. Have fun in the big leagues Brooks.”
I got in the cab and as it started to drive away, tears fell down my face.