Love Is a Four Letter Word, and So Is Liar

Boys like him were over rated. Boys liked are over rated. So why did I fall in love with him?

I honestly don't know.

Maybe it was the way he made me laugh. Or the way he told me I was beautiful. Maybe it was the way his eyes shined when he smiled at me. Maybe it was the way he talked to me about anything and everything. Or maybe it was the way he accepted me for who I was. Maybe it was the way he understood where I was coming from.

Whatever it was...it worked. He toyed with my emotions. He tricked me into believing his lies. His game plan worked out great. It worked out exactly the way he planned it.

I was the silly girl who believed his lies. I was the silly girl who got fooled. I was the silly girl sitting on the couch waiting for his call, but being disappointed when he didn't.

Disappointment.

That was something he me made me feel about him quite often, but did I stop loving him? nope. I would convince myself of some lie of why he never called, or came around when he said he would.

Lies, and secrets.

That's what my life turned out to be in the end. Those two things became my enemy and my best friend.

Lonely.

It was what became of me when everything was said and over with. I ended up right where I started when I met him.

Heartbroken, sad, and angry.

This is what I felt when he walked out on me. Would he ever know? No because I will never let him see me at my weakest. Even though he can see right through my actions, and my lies, I will not let him see what he did to me. I will not give him the pleasure. I refuse to give into him.

Now that I gave you that brief introduction to my life now, let me introduce myself: I am Bianca. I'm 19 almost going on 20. I was born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada. That is one place I will not be visiting anytime soon. I worked hard to get out of there. I now live in Chicago. I'm going to school to become a nurse; I work part time at the local hospital, and live in a apartment with my best friend, Kayla.

Even since that boy ruined my life, I picked myself up, and tried to put the pieces back together. There was still a lot missing, but I worked with what I had together. Though that was not much.

Now I know you're wondering about this boy who ruined my life. We dated three out of the four years of high school. He was everything I wanted. I was perfect, he was perfect, until he found something new. Everything I thought we were was nothing but a lie. He never really did care. All the times I let him come over and cry on my shoulder was a way to get me to fall harder for him. His motives were well calculated and I didn't see it.

He said that he had an opportunity and was going to take it. He said that he would call. He said he loved me. He said he would miss me. He said lots of things to keep me waiting.

Then I heard the songs he wrote. The songs that hurt, and reminded me of so much of what we've been through. I cried through out the entire Cd. I cried believing he moved on.

Then I realized: I was just another song.

He didn't care about me, he cared about his music. Music was his life, not me. It was the reason he left. It was the reason he got out of Las Vegas. It was the reason he left me.

Before I was unable to admit, and I am still unable to admit. But after everything that he did to me, my heart still belongs to that boy:

Ryan Ross.