My Box of Secrets

Card Number 2: The Truth

"I don't think I'll ever believe someone loves me, no matter what they say. I know it's because I don't love myself, and sometimes, I don't care. Inwardly, I believe no one would love me anyway."

This was card number two. When I started hanging out with T, I felt guilty, and then I wondered if he would ever love me. Because that's my issue, see; I need love, I need attention. But would anyone ever really love me? The way I loved them? Then I wondered if I would ever believe them if they said they did. What would it take them doing for me to believe it anyway? This was how I fell into the 'Jersey in my Head.' The place I called my fantasy land. It had a fucking name. I named it!? What the hell...??? I know why I named it...the hardest part of my adult life thus far was saved every day by listening to a band...some little shit band called My Chemical Romance. I didn't think they were shit. But they wore make-up, so J made fun of them all the time, and come to think of it now, so does T. But the difference is that T accepts that I need them, that I love their music, and he doesn't verbally abuse me for it. The hardest part of everyday was leaving 'Jersey.' And as I listened to their lyrics, I wondered...would their ever be a reason for me to just like their music, not need it? Would I ever let there be?