And Now the Tables Do Turn

Josh stayed true to his word when he said that I was going to be the one driving home the next day. I was surprised when he handed me the keys to his car after we stopped at a Dairy Queen for ice cream before heading back to Gilbert. We joked about my driving as I slid into the driver’s seat and turned the key in the ignition.

The drive home was much more relaxed than the drive to Flagstaff. Josh had been right when he said that I needed a night away from everything. After cuddling and napping for a few hours, Josh took me out to dinner. We stopped at a liquor store to pick up a bottle of Jack before heading back to the hotel. We got borderline drunk before he continuously stared at my lips before kissing me, and everything went from there.

When we stopped for gas fifteen minutes from home, Josh took over driving again. He told me he planned on just dropping me off at my apartment because he knew that soon, I’d be talking to Stephen. He didn’t actually say that, but he implied it, letting his voice trail off. I was starting to feel anxious again. My mouth was dry and my palms were sweaty. Josh could sense my discomfort and looked over at me with a frown.

“Are you okay?” he asked, reaching for my hand as he started the car again.

I laughed anxiously, lacing my fingers through his. “Not really,” I admitted honestly. I offered him a weak smile.

“Hey, everything’s going to be alright,” he assured me, raising my hand to his lips. He kissed the back of my hand and laughed when I rolled my eyes.

We drove back to my apartment in near silence. My hand stayed in his, yet I was turned away from him and staring out the window. We pulled into the parking lot and my stomach dropped when I saw Stephen’s car sitting near mine. Josh put the car in park and unbuckled his seatbelt, opening his door. When I stepped out of the car, Josh was already searching for my bag in the backseat. He found it, putting it over his shoulder as he shut the door before walking around the car.

I frowned when he handed me my bag. I put it on my shoulder, and sighed softly. I was taken by surprise when he quickly put his arms around me, holding me tightly. I couldn’t hold a laugh back and I looked nervously over Josh’s should towards Stephen’s car. I could make out the shape of Stephen sitting in the car and a lump rose to my throat.

Josh finally released me and I bit down on my lip, hard, as tears stung in my eyes. He kissed my forehead before kissing my lips quickly. He nodded once, saying a million words within that gesture. I stood there, watching him walk around to the driver’s side and get in the car. He avoided my eyes as he turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the parking spot.

I watched him walk away and unzipped my bag, searching for my keys. I put my finger through the key ring, and when I heard the keys clunking together, I realized that I was shaking. I cursed, clenching my fists. I turned and walked towards my apartment, and also towards Stephen’s car.

As I unlocked my door, I could hear his car door open. I pushed open the door as I let out a shaky breath. It was cold in my apartment. I realized, as I shivered, that I’d left the air conditioner on when we’d left. I kicked my shoes off and walked down the hall to my room, where I dropped my bag onto my bed. I didn’t bother unpacking at all.

I returned to the living room to find Stephen sitting on the sofa. I simply stood there in the doorway, frozen. Stephen looked up at me, lips pursed.

“How long?” he asked, licking his lips. I knew what he was talking about, he didn’t even have to specify.

I cleared my throat and tried to think. “Four months, maybe?” I bit down on my tongue the second the words left my mouth.

Stephen scoffed, shaking his head. He muttered a curse under her breath. I felt a lump form in my throat and my face flooded with color. I stood there uncomfortably, crossing my arms over my chest. He was looking around and I could see his jaw tighten.

Finally, I couldn’t stand the silence. “I-I’ve never, uhm, d-done this before,” I stammered, letting out an uneasy breath.

“Done what? Cheated or gotten caught?” He turned to me and a mixture of guilt and rage filled my gut. When I didn’t answer, he shook his head. “So, either you’re telling John, or I am. And you know, if I tell him, he won’t believe me, so he’ll ask you about it. So how’s it going to be?”

I didn’t respond at first. “I-I-I’ll tell him.”

“Good. Give me your phone,” he instructed, holding his hand out.

“Why?” I asked quickly, my hand already moving towards my pocket.

“You’re calling him right now, and inviting him over to tell him. I’m dialing his number for you, so you can’t get out of this.” I pursed my lips and handed him my phone. He unlocked it and dialed John’s number quickly, handing it back to me. It was already ringing when I pressed the phone to my ear. John answered after four rings.

“Spencer?”

“Yeah, hi,” I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking. Tears were already stinging in my eyes. It had only been a day since I’d heard John’s voice, but it felt like so much longer.

“Where the hell have you been? I’ve tried calling you several times. I want to see you,” he paused, sounding rather hesitant. “I miss you.” The sound of his voice broke my heart.

“I, uhm, I-I miss you too, John.” A lump rose in my throat and I could feel Stephen staring at me. I turned, my back to him. “C-Can you come over?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in fifteen. I love you.”

I couldn’t reply, so I just hung up. I felt like a cinder block was resting on my chest and I took a deep, shaky breath. Tears were clouding my vision. I tossed my phone onto the sofa and looked towards Stephen.

“I think you can go now,” I told him, my voice shaking.

He pursed his lips. “You better tell him,” he said. I only nodded. I dropped onto the sofa, my heart pounding. He left quickly and as soon as I heard the door shut, I reached for my phone.

I dialed Josh's number from memory and held the phone to my ear. My hands shook as the phone rang. I could still feel the weight on my chest and I sighed quietly.

“Hello?” Josh asked, answering on the other end.

“Hi,” I said, my voice more of a whisper.

“How'd it go?” he questioned after a quick pause. I could picture him licking his lips nervously.

“I, uhm, I'm telling John,” I stammered, struggling to get the words out. “Stephen – he offered me an ultimatum. I should have told him when it first happened; it was stupid to continue like this.” My voice broke at one point and tears stung in my eyes. I blinked and the tears spilled over.

“Spence, c'mon, don't cry,” he said softly, trying to calm me down. The pleading sound of his voice broke my heart and only made the tears come quicker. “Everything's going to work out, okay? Just please, stop crying.”

“I'm sorry,” I told him through my sobs. I heard him sigh and I held the phone away for a moment. When I had calmed down, I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “I-I need to go. John will be here in ten minutes.”

“Okay, uhm, good luck?” He laughed softly. “That's probably not the best phrase to use, is it?”

“Not really,” I responded. I couldn't help but laugh quietly, pressing a hand against my mouth.

“I'll talk to you later, okay?”

I gave him a nonchalant response and hung up quickly. I put my phone on the coffee table, screen down and sighed. I stood up, adjusting my shirt. I wiped my eyes and headed for my bathroom, knowing I looked horrible.

I pulled my hair up in a bun, then noticed the hickey on my neck from the night before. I quickly pulled the elastic from my hair and licked my lips. My eyes were red and my cheeks were splotchy from crying. I put on eyeliner, knowing that it would just smear everywhere when I started crying again soon. I changed into different clothes, because I knew I smelled like Josh.

I was sitting in the middle of the bed, toying with the edge of my bedspread when John knocked on my door. I swallowed rather loudly as I left the bed. I walked through my apartment slowly and unlocked the door. When I opened it, guilt flooded into my stomach when I was greeted with his smiling face.

He stepped inside instantly, his arms already around me. I went rigid as his arms looped around my waist and his face buried in my neck. I could feel my heart breaking as he babbled apologies about the fight and about not calling. I inhaled the more than familiar scent of his aftershave and fabric softener, and my eyes were already teary. When he kissed me, I started crying.

“Spence, what's wrong?” he asked, pulling away. He wiped my tears away with his thumbs.

“I'm sorry,” I said, sobbing once. I turned away and walked into the hall. He followed, begging for me to explain why I was so upset. I leaned against the wall, coughing. John tried to comfort me by putting his arms around me, but I walked away again, apologizing over and over.

“Baby, you're scaring me. What's the matter?” John questioned, continuing to follow me. I made it to the sofa and sat on the edge, my head in my hands. He sat beside me, his thigh against mine. He put his hand on my back and rubbed in circles as I sobbed.

My stomach was churning, and I felt like I was going to vomit. I licked my lips and struggled to catch my breath. I wiped my eyes on the heel of my palmed and turned to my head towards him. He looked extremely concerned, his brow creased in a frown.

“I'm so sorry, John,” I repeated, sniffling.

“Sweetie, you've said that a thousand times.” He paused, pressing his lips together. He pushed my hair out of my face and kissed my forehead. “Please, just tell me what's wrong.”

I nodded once, licking my lips. I looked down at my laced fingers and twiddled my thumbs. “I-I-I, uhm.” I paused to swallow and took a deep breath. My eyes flickered to John's face. He look confused, like he had no idea what to expect. “I've been...I've been sleeping with somebody – somebody else.”

The words I had just spoken seemed to ring through the room like a gunshot. John's expression went blank. At first he laughed softly, then rather loudly. As he was laughing, he realized that I wasn't joking. Then, he only stared at me, lips parted slightly. He stood up, still staring at me.

His stare broke and he started to pace. Before I even realized it, I was crying again. Tears were streaming down my face as I watched him, walking back and forth. He silently paced for at least three minutes, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“John, say something,” I said, finally breaking the silence. He stopped, mid-step and turned to face me.

“Wh-what the f-fuck do you w-want me to say, Spencer?” he asked, barely making eye contact with me. He was stammering quite a bit, and I could tell that his frustration was building quickly. “Do you want me to say it's okay? That it's fine?”

“No, I-I don't – I don't know, John!” I said, rather exasperatedly.

He sighed loudly, his breath sounding a bit shaky. “God dammit, Spencer!” Finally, he snapped. His eyes were wide and he was staring at me yet again. There was a swollen vein in his temple and my bottom lip quivered. “Why would you fucking do this?!”

“I don't know! It just, it just happened!” I yelled back, tears still burning in my eyes.

“'It just happened?'” he repeated, running a hand through his hair. “You said that you've been sleeping with someone, not that you slept with someone. That means that it's happened more than once, over an extended period of time.” He was speaking very quickly and he seemed panicked.

“John–” I started, but he cut me off.

“An extended period of time,” he said again. He paused to lick his lips. “How long have you been sleeping with this bastard?” It took a moment for the question to register. I wiped my eyes and didn't respond immediately.

“I, uhm, I–” I couldn't answer. I stood up, and started walking into the hall. Of course, John was hot on my tail.

“I said, how long, Spencer?” he demanded, reaching for my wrist. When his hand encircled my wrist, I stopped, letting out a sob. His grip tightened on me and I turned to face him.

“Four months, okay?” I said quietly, wiping my eyes with my free hand. He released me with a curse, and I pulled my wrist to me.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He turned away from me, walking a few steps away. “Why did you have to do this? Why did you have to fuck everything up? I did everything for you – hell, I thought I was going to marry you.”

“I–we–it was an accident at first, then it kept happening. It just wouldn't stop!”

“Is that why you were avoiding me? I-Is that why y-you were making excuses and why you were never here?” He pinched the bridge of his nose as he spoke, as though everything was coming together in his mind. I only nodded. He sighed softly.

“John, I'm sorry, okay? I never meant for all of this to happen, honestly.” I paused to sob once. “I love you.”

He scoffed loudly. “You love me? You fucking love me? If you had ever fucking loved me, you would have never fucked some other guy! I mean, where did you even fucking find this guy?” I didn't answer his question, and he seemed to get a hint from that. “Do I know him?”

“John, t-t-that doesn't matter,” I stammered, trying to reach out for him.

“I know him, don't I? Who is he, Spencer? Tell me who it is, so I can beat his fucking skull in!”

I was against the wall by then, and slightly terrified. John was nearly pressed against me, breathing down my neck. He was furious then. I'd never seen him this way, and it scared me. I burst into tears again and he persisted.

“Spencer, god dammit, tell me who he is,” he growled, staring down at me.

“John!” I stopped him, sobbing. I could hardly breathe and I spun into a coughing fit.

“You better fucking tell me. Honest to God, Spencer, I will find out who it is. Is it one of Mel's friends, someone from work, someone from your apartment complex? Just fucking tell me!” His hands were on my shoulders then, shaking me slightly. He was continuing to speak angrily, and I couldn't stand it anymore.

“It's Josh!” I finally said. As soon as the words left my mouth, I sobbed again, pressing a hand against my mouth.

John stopped and stared at me. He stood there for thirty seconds as I sobbed, motionless. “Josh Montgomery? As in my band mate? As in my best friend?!”

“Yes!” I screamed at him, a sudden burst of adrenaline rushing through my system. “I have been fucking your best friend right under your nose for four months! I've been lying to you and sneaking around, and I feel horrible about it! I love you, I never stopped; Josh was just something different, something new.”

Finally, John took a step back. He ran a hand through his hair and started pacing in the hallway. In my rage, my tears had stopped. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, and I felt more nauseous than before. My heart was shattered, I could feel it. From the expression on his face, John's was as well.

“I just...I just don't know why you would do this,” John said calmly. We were beyond yelling at that point. He walked towards me and leaned against the wall. Slowly, he slid down to the floor. I followed suit, and we maintained our distance.

“It started the night you and Stephen went out of town with your parents. There was that party at Brian's, and John, uh, he asked me to give him a ride home. I took him to his apartment, and he took my keys, so I went in after him, and he gave me a beer, and that lead to shots, and I woke up the next morning, thinking I was with you. I was so drunk that I didn't even remember what had happened until I realized that I was in bed with him...naked.” I paused, taking a shaky breath. “A few weeks later, Em called and asked me to pick him up from a party because he was drunk, and she didn't feel like going and picking him up, so I went. He was plastered, and things just...yeah.

“After that, it kept happening. After a month, he slipped up and said that he loved me. I kicked him out, told him that I never wanted to see him again, then came Cori. They broke up the same night of our fight. I went to a bar after we fought, and called Em to pick me up, and Josh came instead. I was drunk, and it happened again. Dree found out yesterday, and we, uhm, we went to Flagstaff last night. We got back an hour ago, and Stephen was here and he made me call you.”

John didn't respond at first. He looked over at me sadly, and I could see tears in his eyes. When I felt like my heart was already in a million pieces, it broke into a million and one, because of his expression.

“Why didn't you tell me, Spencer?” he asked. He started to move his hand towards my knee, but stopped himself.

“I knew you would hate me, and I felt so horrible about it. I love you, John, honestly, I do,” I told him, looking towards him. He shook his head.

“I just...I loved you so much. I wanted...I don't even know anymore.” He stood up slowly. From the looks of it, his knees were shaking slightly. “You slept with my best friend for four months without even showing a single sign of remorse. I just, I just can't be with you. Not anymore, not after this.” He swallowed and licked his lips quickly. His eyes were darting all from side to side and he wiped his palms on the legs of his jeans.

“P-please, John,” I said, getting to my feet a bit too quickly. “I love you.” I took a step towards him, putting my hands on his chest and clenching the fabric of my shirt in my hands. He looked away from me and took a step back.

“I don't care anymore, Spencer.” He shook his head again, and gave me a final sad look. He pulled away and walked out of the hall. A few seconds later, I heard the sound of my front door opening, then closing.

Once again, I was alone. Completely alone, without even a single person who even cared anymore.