And Now the Tables Do Turn

"You seem distracted," John told me at dinner that evening. His words barely registered.

I snapped back to reality and blinked at him. "What?"

He smiled a bit and laughed nervously. "I said you seem distracted." I pressed my lips together.

John and I had stayed in bed until the late afternoon hours. We had only left the comfort of his bed because he had remembered his promise to take me out for a nice dinner that evening. I'd spent half an hour protesting before he finally talked me into going home and getting ready to go out.

All dressed up and at one of the nicest restaraunt in town, all I could think of was what a mess I'd made. While alone with John in his room, I'd been fine, just the two of us in a little safe haven. But add in the people around us, the atmosphere, and everything else, I couldn't focus on anything.

"I'm sorry," I told him with a sigh. I pressed my hand against my forehead.

"It's fine, Spence," he assured me, shifting awkwardly in his seat. "You know I love you, right?"

Right then, my eyes filled with tears. I stared up at the light, begging the tears to go away. I bit down on my tongue and let out a long, shaky breath. I forced myself to focus on John's voice as he spoke and I ate rather quickly, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

John took me home a while later and I invited him in, just wanting to be alone with him to clear my mind. Even in the car, a weight lifted off me chest and I felt better.

John put a hand on my waist as I unlocked my door and we walked into my living room. As soon as we did, he pressed his lips against mine. I melted against him and put my arms around his waist. I pulled away and pressed my face against his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him that I was so used to.

John simply held me as I locked my arms around him. He toyed with my hair and guided me over to the sofa and he sat down, tugging me down into the seat beside him. I sat tucked into his side, my legs across his laps. My hands were clutching the fabric of his dress shirt. We sat there in the dark for quite awhile.

From the steadyness of John's breathing, it sounded like he had drifted off. I pulled away from him a bit an pressed my lips to his jaw. He grumbled something incoherent.

"John," I said quietly, moving my lips over his jaw.

All of a sudden, I felt like I needed him. I thought that if maybe if I was with John, I'd be able to forget about Josh. I belonged to John and I needed to feel that way again.

"John," I repeated, running my lips over his. I straddled his lap, pressing my chest against his. He smirked against my lips, putting his hands on the curve of my waist.

"There's my girl," he said, putting a hand on the back of my neck. I fumbled over the buttons of his dress shirt as his lips moved down to my jaw.

My heart was thundering in my chest and my hands were shaking like mad.

"Spence, are you okay?" he asked, stopping my progress. He held my wrists lightly and I continued to shake.

"Yeah, John, I'm fine," I lied. I licked my lips quickly, and took a deep shaky breath. "I love you."

Even in the dark of my living room, I could tell John was smiling. He laced his fingers through mine and squeezed my hands. My eyes welled with tears and I pressed my forehead against his neck.

Two and a half hours later, half asleep and curled against John in my bed, I felt him gentley untangle himself from me, sliding out of the bed.

"Where are you going?" I asked with a quiet sigh, barely able to keep my eyes open.

"I have to get home, Spence," he told me, gathering up his discarded clothes.

"What, why?" I jolted up and was insantly awake.

"I have stuff to do in the morning." In the dark, I heard him zip his pants and pull on his shirt.

"John, please, can you stay?" I pleaded, flipping on my bedside lamp. He was nearly fully dressed by that point.

"Spencer, I want to, but I can't," he said softly.

I nodded, looking down at the sheers. I bit down hard on my tongue, trying to stop my eyes from burning with tears. I heard him sigh and my face crumpled.

"Baby," he said quietly, sliding onto the edge of the bed. He put his arm out and I took it, crawling towards him. He pulled me into his lap, pressing his lips to my hair.

My guilt was consuming me and I could feel it. My stomach wouldn't stop churning and I bit down on my tongue to the point that I tasted blood.

"I love you, you know that, right?" John asked, rubbing my back soothingly. My face buried in his neck, I nodded. "Good. I'm sorry I have to leave, but come to practice with me tomorrow; I know we're going for drinks afterward. That sound okay?"

I nodded again before realizing that going to practice would mean seeing Josh. I swallowed and pulled away from John. I realized that my eyes were wet and I wiped them furiously. I sighed, nodding again, this time to myself.

"I'll call you tomorrow, I promise."

I closed my eyes and listened to him leave. When I heard the front door shut, I stood up and walked around, pulling on random articles of clothes. Once dressed, I crawled back into bed, angry with myself.

Just to my luck, I couldn't force myself to sleep. I dragged my blankets out to my living room, collapsing on the sofa. I located the remote and turned on the History Channel for something boring to put me to sleep. Staring at the bright light of the television, I swallowed the lump in my throat with a sigh.

What had happened happened and I couldn't change that.

I fell asleep soon, but woke after only two hours. My phone on the coffee table was vibrating violently and I picked it up. The number read as restricted, and usually I would have ignored it, but only half-awake, I answered.

"Hello?" I grumbled into the phone, knowing my response came out jumbled.

"Hey sexy, what are you wearing?" Josh's arrogant voice filled my ears and I bolted upright on the sofa.

"Why the fuck are you calling me at three in the morning, asshole?" I demanded, irritated that I'd been woken up, but fuming that he dared to call me.

"Just to chit chat," he joked with a quiet laugh.

"One person doesn't call another in the wee hours of the morning to 'chit chat.' Especially the night after the two people in question slept together the night before. Now what do you want?"

"Testy, aren't we? Well, I have two questions."

"Proceed," I dared him. By that point, my pillow was calling my name.

"How was date night?" he asked.

"How did you know I went out with John tonight?" I demanded, frowning to myself.

"I followed you guys to the restaurant."

"You're lying," I stated, hoping I was right.

"You caught me. Your boy tweeted about it. Also --"

"Good night," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Hey!" he yelled, catching my attention. "I have one more question."

"Well hurry the fuck up, asshole."

"How did it feel fucking John tonight? I mean, at the time that you fucked him, it'd been less than twenty-four hours since I had you on your back in my bed, begging for more. Did you feel guilty? Honestly though, who was better?" As he spoke, the contents of my stomach swirled violently. I clenched my teeth together, my jaw set.

"Fuck you, you asshole," I hissed at him. "I suggest you watch your mouth and stay the fuck away from me. You disgust me." I ended the call angrily and stood up, pacing the room in the dark.

I felt sick all over again and I went into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I downed most of it instantly before pushing a hand through my hair. Nausea filled my body and I gripped the counter top for stability.

After minutes of just standing there, trying to calm myself, I felt well enough to make it back to the sofa. I collapsed and looked at the time. It was 3:24 and I groaned. The TV was still on from when I'd originally laid down so I turned my focus to it.

Knowing I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, I grabbed the remote and browsed through my DVR, settling on an episode of Tosh.0, but even that didn't lighten my mood. Eventually, I drifted into a doze and slept until eight.

Still drowsy, I rolled off the couch and went to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee, knowing I'd need it. I checked my work schedule and rolled my eyes when I realized that I worked from noon to five. I put two slices of bread in the toaster before returning to the living room to retrieve my phone. I looked through a few things and lurked on Josh's Twitter, making sure he hadn't posted anything about the two of us. I heard my toast pop up and I nibbled on it idly as I tried to think things out, without any luck.

The morning ticked on and being alone in my apartment with only my thoughts was eating away at me. I went into work at ten, just to have something to do. On my way to the hospital, I called Melanie and left her a voicemail, apologizing for snapping at her the day before. I made a mental note to call her later.

Work was somewhat busy, which was good. After dealing with a man who had cut his hand on a table saw, my supervisor let me off ten minutes early, which I didn't mind. I called John on my way home and he said that practice was supposed to have started at 4:30, but they were waiting on Brian to get there. He reminded me that practice was at Stephen's and told me that he loved me, which I said back out of habit.

I arrived at Stephen's and as soon as I let myself into the apartment he shared with Dree, I heard Brian yelling. I made my way to the back room where they were practicing. Dree was leaning against the door jamb, smirking as she watched. I joined her, peeking into the room as they started playing again.

They were at the bridge of Chelsea and I smiled at the familiar song. I caught John's eye and he winked at me. I smiled and looked down quickly. When I looked up, Josh was staring at me. We made eye contact, and he missed a note in the song, followed by another to the the point that he rolled his eyes and tried to catch up. For some reason, my cheeks flushed and I looked away.

"Josh, what the hell was that?" Stephen asked once the song was over.

"I don't know, just slipped," he lied, his eyes darting toward me.

"Hey, you," John said with a smile, putting his guitar down and reaching for a bottle of water. He took a drink before leaning down to kiss me quickly.

"Hey," I said, smiling quickly. "You guys sound pretty good."

"Yeah, half decent, I suppose, considering we haven't practiced in a few weeks." He shrugged, looking around the space. Over his shoulder, I could see Josh staring at us bitterly. Uneasily, I wrapped my arms around John, leaning against him.

"I missed you last night," I told him quietly, my lips against the fabric of his shirt. "I slept on the couch after you left."

"Why?" he asked with a quiet laugh.

I shrugged. "The bed seemed empty." He smirked and kissed the top of my head before releasing me.

"Spencer, get your hands off my brother," Stephen snapped at me as my hands lingered on John's waist.

"Trust me, Stephen, I've had more than just my hands on him," I commented, winking at him. Stephen grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut, mumbling something about his mind burning.

"Why don't you just tell him the positions we use?" he mumbled, his own cheeks a bit pink.

I giggled. "I'm sure his mind is letting him figure that out for himself."

"Spencer, if you're done feeling up John and permanently scarring Stephen, can we get on with rehearsal?" Brian asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, no problem," I said with a wink and a smile, leaving the room. The last person I saw before I left the room was Josh and still, he was watching me.

I wondered why he was suddenly so interested in me when he knew he couldn't have me. Did he just want to make my life a living hell or was there more of a motive to his actions? All I knew was that I was with John, and I planned to stay that way.