Summer of hell

The next couple of days, I didn’t really do much. I hung out around the house and just was lazy. I would wear my pajamas because there really wasn’t really anywhere for me to go. But today was the funeral and I had go, because it was Jonnie and I was going stand up front with his mom. I did write a speech for him and I wanted him to hear. Jimmy was staying in my room with me because I was having trouble sleeping. I got up and got dress and did my make up.

“Anna, can I use your black eyeliner? Mine out,” Val ask poking her head out. Jimmy was still asleep because he was up all night with me.

“Yea, sure here.” I walked out to give it to her. “God, I can’t believe this day here. I thought it would be like way down the road and we be old.”

“Yea I know what you mean. Is Jimmy going?”

“I don’t think so, he was up all night with me. I couldn’t sleep at all last night it was so hard. I was thinking because it at the sanitary that I would see my mom too.”

“You want me to go?”

”Sure you all can.” She hugged me. I stayed strong didn’t cry or anything.

“You girls ready?” Zacky ask walking into his room. “Shea coming with us?”

“There meetting us there,” I said sitting on the bed. “ I meet you out front.”

“Okay,” Val said finishing up her make up. I walked out to go my room because I need a pair of my dark sunglasses.

“Hey baby,” Jimmy said waking up as I walked in the room. “You going?”

“Almost, I have get my glasses and then we are out of here. I’m going stop by mom’s after.”

“Okay, you need me to come?”

“No, you stay here and rest.” I grabbed the glasses and walked over to his side of the bed. “You where up late and I thank you for that.” I lend down and kissed him.

“Anything for my Anna,” he kisses me back. “Call me if you need me, love you.”

“Will do, love you too.” I close the bedroom door and grabbed my small black hand bag and out the door. Shea had pulled up in the car with Andy waiting to fallow. “Hey I thought we where meeting you there?”

“You where but we saw you where still here.”

“Oh, waiting on Val and Zacky and then we can leave.” They walked out of the house and the way we when.

Jonnie’s mom didn’t want to do a wake or anything for him, just burial for him because how bad he looked. The drive there wasn’t so bad, Val checked on me once and awhile. I was texting Jimmy, he helped me stay clam and okay but I knew I was going to lose it. When we got there, the car lined up in a line, we got out and everyone we mostly when to school was there. I found his mom and she had me stand next her as people came to say sorry.

“How are you doing,” she asks giving me a hug.

“Okay, you?”

“There no worlds.”

“I know.”

After everyone was all here, we walked behind him to where he was going to be rested. Everyone was around us and his father was there but not up near the front like her family and I where. My friends where behind me and Val had her hand on my should to help me stay strong. The priest came up and say some prays for him and for the family. His best friend got up there and said something to everyone about Jonnie and how Jonnie loved me. It was really sweet, and then it was my turn.

I got up there in front of everyone; I tried holding back the teas. “Well I want thank you all for coming here. It sad that it’s only week after we left high school that we see each other gain. Um, I’m not sure on how I want to start this so I will go right into it. Jonnie was just a little boy when we first meet. He lived right behind my house, our mothers where really good friends.” I toke a moment to hold back the tears, “Jonnie and I didn’t start liking each other until middle school and from that day on, we where together twenty four seven. When we got old, we talked about marriage and that we have a family go to the same college and everything. Jonnie and I when throw so much together, it made us stronger. Then Christmas, we where in a fight we made up and now I’m six almost seven months pregnant with our son. He was so excited to be there for me, we would go the park and he would tell me about the entire thing he going teach his son to do. That his father was too busy to do with him. Then we broke up for good, he was going Florida and he told me that he wanted to be there for his son. Now he here in front of us and he,” I lost it.

Val came up and held me. “Shhh, it’s okay honey. It’s okay” I cried harder and I didn’t want to.

“He wont get to see or hold his son. That all of him and I ever wanted but now he cant, Jonnie you are going be miss by so many people and you will be loved by many as well. I will make sure your son, whom we name Charlie together will know who you are. Thank you.” Val helped me to my set and she sat next to me to hold me as I cried my eyes out.

“I would never have thought that I would be up here to buried my only son. He had a good life, the girl of his life. Friends that cared for him so much and mother loves her child with all that she can. When he asks me if Anna could live with us, I thought sure why not. He was always sneaking over to her house in the night to sleep over. She would do the same at my house and then the first time they toke a brake. I told him that he was crazy for letting her go. She was like a daughter to me, and then she told me she was pregnant. I was excited but sad because they are so young. But now I see that he love her too much that he left her with a little piece of him. In so many ways that what he did with a lot of us, left something of him in us. His smile, laugh and love that he had for this girl. Thank you,” she step down and I got up and hugger her.

After it was all over, everyone came up to us and hugged and pass their respect to us. When everyone left, Andy, Zacky and us girls long with Jonnie’s mother came with us to my mom. I saw Jimmy stand there waiting for us as we walked over. I decide that I was going to introduce Marry to him because this might be the man that would be the father figure in her grandson’s life.

“I’m very sorry for you loss,” He hugged her and then came over to me, “You okay?”

“Yea,” he hugged me. “You get the flowers for me?”

“Yep,” he let go to hand them to me. I smiled and walked over to my mom’s stone.

“Hey mom,” I said placing the flowers down. “Well everyone here with me, if you didn’t hear, Jonnie should be coming up there with you soon or by now. Tell him that I found man that will take good care of his son. I love you guys so much,” I whipped the tears from my eyes. I said a little prays to them and then had Jimmy help me up. “Thanks guys for being here for me and Marry most of all.”

“Anna, you are like my daughter from day one and you have the spot in my heart. I want to see lost of picture of my grandson when he comes.”

“Of course,” I hugged her. We both cried into each other arms. “I love you, you are and will be a good mom.”

“Thank you, you will be a good mom.” We let go and laugh to whipping our eyes. “Well I have to go, my family waiting.” She walked away and Jimmy toke me into his arms.

“Everything will be okay.”

We all left and when back to the house, the guys called for pizza. I when into my room and put on my pajamas. I felt a pain in my side but this time it was worse and I couldn't move. I was hoping that it would pass it was longer and it wasn’t passing now. I was in pain that I couldn’t even yell. I started to throw shit out the door to the wall to make some kind of noise. No one was coming and I couldn’t move my legs the pain was getting worse.