Summer of hell

Weeks came and when like they where nothing; I was getting use to Jimmy being out of the house now. I had tokeJon out in the day; we would go to the park. I was shock on how big he was getting right before my eyes. Part of me wanted to have another baby or kept him small forever but I knew I couldn’t. I was going have to do something to get my mine off having a baby. I was thinking of working or maybe college.

Val was going to school for cooking, she was out of the house about three time a week. Then twice at night but it worked out for her and Zacky because they where young and had no baby. Even though they wanted that one so bad, they knew they wheren’t ready then or now. They where both lucky, well I felt they where. There was so much they can do with out worrying about something.

With Shea, she was trying to work with Andy and his band. She was doing great in the music company. She was pretty happy that why but I wasn’t to sure on relationship part. We were over the house a lot well when she wasn’t in the studio or at work. She loved being around Jon as well did everyone else.

Today, the guys where out at studio, Val was on her way to work and not sure where Melody have been lately. I decide to get Jon in his bathing suit and we when out into the pool. I though it was going be cold as hell, no I was wrong. My body wasn’t really the same after having Jon and so I never wore a two-piece bathing suit. But I thought everyone wasn’t home and well I was wrong as hell.

“Jon has a sexy mommy” I turn around and saw Syn standing in the doorway of the house.

“Thanks but no,” I try going for my shirt but he got it before I could. “Can I please have my top back?”

“Why?” he was holding it over my head where I couldn’t reach.

“Brian, please?”

“Why?”

“Because, I have fucking baby fat and marks.” I stop trying and walked to get Jon. I picked him up and when right into the house. I could hear him call for me behind me.

“Anna, wait! Please?” I turned and had Jon in my arm as if you couldn’t see my stomach. “Anna, so what you have marks and you're not fat.”

“Thanks but just please stop.” I walked into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. hoping he would get the hint that I was done talking. I walked over to Jimmy side of the dresser and grabbed one of his t-shirts. I was about to leave the room and I heard the guys talking.

“Dude, Jimmy when was it the last time you and Anna?” I could hear Syn ask from the kitchen. I step back into the room so they couldn’t see anything or me.

“I think week after we moved here maybe. Look we aren’t really on good terms right now and I really don’t want to talk about it.” he slam the door for the fridge and then I guess he walked out to the back porch. I slowly came out of the room and when right in to Jon’s room.

“Anna, you need a baby sitter for a day,” I laid him on the table and looked to see Syn in the doorway with a beer.

“No, why?”

“You and Jimmy should go on a date.” I looked at him and shook my head. “Why not? it’s clear you to have tension and it need to release.”

“Brian, I love you like family but please stay out of my relationship. If something happen with us then that great but if not then fine.”

“Anna, you think you two wont fixes it?”

“Brian, I told you leave it a lone.” I turn back to the baby and when on to what I need down. He tries to keep going but then Jimmy walked in the house and I guess heard us. “Brian, just stop already.” I could feel the tears coming now.

“Dude, what the fuck going on?” Jimmy walked over to the room. I picked up Jon and got pass the two of them. “Anna, what going on?”

“Just leave me a lone.” I got Jon's bottle and got going. Jimmy came over and tries to hold him but I turn him away. “I do this everyday when no one here and sometime when people are here. So no thanks on the help.” I finish making the bottle and Jon started crying.

“Anna, give me the baby.” I looked at him and shook my head no. “Anna, you’re acting like a little bratty kids. Now let me hold the baby or give me the bottle to make it.” I handed the bottle over to rock the baby. “You crying?” I turn away to wipe my eyes.

“No,” I try holding everything in but I couldn’t. He touches my shoulder and I thought I was going to lose it. “Thank you,” I toke the bottle and set Jon up in the swing in the dinning part of the kitchen.

“Anna, talk to me.” I stood up and he put his arms around my waist. I try getting away but that wasn’t really working. “Please, talk to me.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re upset at me and your crying.”

“No I’m not.”

“Then turn and look at me.” I couldn’t, he turned me and as he did, I try getting away but he was too strong for me. “See you are crying, now talk to me.”

“Jimmy! STOP!” I screamed as lowed as I could. He looked at me shock, “Jimmy just let me fucking go.” he did, I toke a small step back and we looked at each other. “I HATE YOU!” he looked at me and I walked into the bedroom slamming the door behind me. I flopped on the bed just crying my eyes out. I kept screaming into the pillow that I hated him.

I was in there for a good hours, Jon had stop crying way before I did. I had cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, Jimmy was laying right next to me with his arm around me. He didn’t say a world to me, looked down at me and then kiss the top of my head. I snuggled up next to him tracing the letters on his chest. We had to lie there for a good two hours not saying a word to one another well until I decide to break the silent.

“Jimmy, I really don’t hate you.”

“I know,” he didn’t look at me but I looked at him.

“I am really sorry, I just,”

“I know babe, I think should you go and talk to someone.”

“What?” he looked at me. He wasn't joking either, “No, I wont.”

“Anna, look at yourself. You act a whole different person now that we are here and I understand a lot have change but look at your self.”

“Fuck it, I’m not.” I got up out of bed and walked into my bathroom. I looked in the mirror and the person I saw. Wasn’t the person that wasn’t me; I was whole different person now. Is this what happen to you when you move and have a kid because I look like shit.

“Anna,” Jimmy knocked on the door but I didn’t let him in. “Anna, just think about it please. I love you,” I heard him walk away and out of the bedroom. I was going think about it, okay I’m done no I’m not going.

-Jimmy-

“Hey buddy, does Aunt Val have you?” I walked into the living room where Zacky, Val and Bri where all sitting. “Come here, buddy.” I toke Jon from her and played with him. He smiled and it was Anna’s smile that I had missed for a while now.

“How she doing?” I looked at Val.

“She okay I think. I told her about talking to someone and I don’t know what she going to do. But I cant live like this or I’m going fall into my black hole.”

“What black hole?” Val looked at me confuse.

“My drugs.” I looked at Jon and when on playing with him.

“Give my kid to Val,” I turn on the couch seeing Anna standing there. “Now, you bastered.” I hand Jon over and then got up from the couch. “I’m done,” I looked at her confuse.

“Anna, let talk about this first.” I looked down and I saw the blood coming down her arm. “Anna, baby what did you do?”

“I’m leaving,” she when to walk away and almost fall to the floor but I catch her in my arm.

“Someone! Call for help,” I looked at her and I couldn’t lose her. “Anna, baby stay with me pleases. I cant do it with out you, baby,” I could feel the tears coming, Brian had ran into the house to help me. At some point in our life, we had save each other some way and some how.

I was able to keep her awake until the help had come to the house. They got her on the stretcher and I rode with her. The guys where able to keep the oxygen mask on her, I held her hand and I knew she was still there because she would rub the back of my hand. Brian was in the car with Zacky fallowing. Once we got to the hospital, I when right in as far as I could go and then I hung out with the guys.

The whole time I wasn’t able to be with her. I couldn’t stop thinking about losing her and what I would do. I love Jon as if he was mine and I would want him to have his mother. If I have to bring him up by myself then I will, the boy is my little guy. I couldn’t help it but cry. Val had come down the hall; she sat next to me on the floor and wrapped her arms around me.

“She will be okay,” she said low and soft. I looked up at her, “She make it every time.” she had that comforting smile on her face.

“Hey honey,” Zacky came down the hall with coffee in his had and Bri next to him. “Where the baby?” the whole time she here, I didn’t ask that well I really didn’t say much.

“He with Matt and Melody. I didn’t tell them what happen, I just said that something came up and I had to meet you guys here.”

“Oh okay, you tell Shea?”

“She better not knowing, not really a hospital person. oh here the doctor now.”

“Jimmy,” the doctor asks as he walked up to us. I got up to my feet to meet him.

“How is she?”

“That you?” I nodded my head. “She fully awake, asking for you but. Just to let you know, before you go in there. She did lose a good amount of blood, she looks very pale.”

“Okay,” Val was behind me rubbing my back. We fallowed the doctor down the hall to her room. We all walked in and I when right to her bed side. She looked at me and I was just so happy to see her pretty blue eyes looking at me. “Anna,” he reaches her hand up to my face and held it there.

“I’m so sorry,” she said really low and soft. I all most missed it what she had to say. I shock my head at her, “Jimmy, I am and I need to go get help.”

“Baby, we will go together. I’m sorry that we had a big fast and everything. I will try to be there for you and we will have date night once a week.”

“Jimmy,”

“Anna, save your energy.” I lend over and kiss the top of her head.

“Hey Anna,” Val said on the other side of her. I forgot that we wheren’t the only two people in the room. She looked over to Val and smiled at her. “I knew you be okay, not like the last time.”

“Yea,” it was really low. I was confused on what Val meant but I just let it all slide.

The evening had turn into night and everyone was leaving. I wanted to stay but Anna wanted me there for Jon. I told her that tonight and tomorrow night I will stay with her and then rest of the night I will go home for Jon. We sat there and talked a little. She had gone to sleep and I sat next to her while as she slept and watch television. I barley slept. It felt like when she was in the hospital with Jon but this place was a lot nicer then that place.

A new day came and I watch the sun rise over the water, it was the more beautiful thing I ever seen that course next to Anna. I had gone down to the food court for a cup of coffee. When I came up, she was just getting up and she may look like shit but I saw pass that and that was the best part. She sat up and smiled at me as I walked in the room.

“Morning babe, you feeling better?”

“Yea,” she was getting some strength back, which was good. “I want to go home,” I sat right next her in the chair.

“I know you do but the doctors have make sure will be okay.”

“I will, I always come out of this fine.”

“About that, you want to tell him how this all started?” she turn her head to look out the window, “You don’t have to but someday, I would like to know.” I got up and open the blinds a little. “Better?” she smiled and nodded, I walked over to her bed and sat down. her hands tangled in with mine.

“Jimmy, I don’t know what,”

“Knock,” I hear Val voice and we turn to see her walk in to the room with Jon. “We brought a friend with us. I thought to day would be a good day for you?”

“Yea,” she let go of my hand and reaches out for Jon. “Hey, baby boy.”

“They let you bring him,” I turn and looked at Zacky walk into the room.

“Yea, we where on our way to the park and stopped by.” I got up and walked over to her. Anna was playing with Jon so I could talk to Val. “How is she?”

“She doing little bit better, she ready go home but it might be awhile before going. Hey what happen in her pass that she thought this was okay?”

“Jimmy, I love you like a fucking brother. I can always go to tell you shit but that is not my place. I would never tell you something about her with out her knowing.”

“Please?”

“Nope,” she walked around me and when to the bed. Zacky and I hung out by the door talking a little. He knew about her pass as well but didn’t tell me shit. Which this boy told me everything that was going on, I was in away like Matt needs to make sure everything was going be okay. But then I try to make joke out of shit as well so it little but it's from time to time.