Summer of hell

It was the end of the month now and guys where getting ready to finish up the tour. There where many night that I had laid in bed and thought about saying something to Jimmy about getting married. Now that it was the night before they where leaving and I couldn’t leave my mouth shut anymore, I had to say something.

“Jimmy,” I laid there in the bed with my head resting on his chest. “Jimmy what do you think about getting married?”

He sat up in the bed making me move with him, “Well, I don’t think we are ready for it.” I looked at him confuse, “Well, I’m still on tour and you trying to go to school. Oh and I forget working, being a mom and a girl friend to a guy that hasn’t been home in how long. Anna, I’m sorry but I don’t think it right.”

“Okay, night.” I rolled over to turn the light off and I lay there in the dark looking towards the window. I could feel the tears start to fall from my eye. He laid next to me and wrapped his arm around me and I push him away. I was hurt because I felt that he didn’t think I could do it.

“Anna, talk to me.” I lay there acting as if I was sleeping. “I love you.”

I slowly wiped my eyes and with out turning over, “I love you too.”

-Next Morning-

I got up; Jimmy and the guy had already left the house for the rest of month to finish it. Jon was up and I got him dressed and ready for daycare. Once he was dress, I feed him and I. Then I put him in the swing so that I could take a shower to get ready for school. I hated this morning but I didn’t care, I was doing something good for once in my life now. I never was the kind of person to regret any thing but part me felt like I wasn’t going anywhere with my life until now.

After I finish my shower and dress, I head out to the living room. On my way out I grabbed my phone and saw I had miss a call. I checked it to fine out that my teacher called class off for the day. I was a little piss because here I was already to go but no, I could go back to sleep. I walked in the living room, there was Jon asleep in his swing and Shea was there with Andy on the couch talking.

“Why hello guys,” they turn and I smiled at them. “Do I know you?” Andy got up and started to laugh with me. “How are you?” I hugged him.

“Good, I had brake today and I wanted to see you guys. What you have plain today?”

“Well, I was going to go to school but the teacher called out so nothing now. You guys want something to drink?” They both shock their head; I head to the kitchen to clean up from the morning. I head to the kitchen with the both if them behind me. I cleaned off the table for them to sit and we can all talked.

“You want to come out with us and the guys?” I grabbed a beer for him and water for Shea and I . “Well?”

“I guess, I have bring Charlibut I have noone to watch Jon.”

“Yea, so then bring him with you.”

I finish getting the kitchen cleaned up, and then cleaned the living room for a little bit. Andy and Shea had to go food shopping or something so I was going to their place later to hang out with everyone. It was mostly Jon and I at the house for most of the day. Just as lunch was coming up, I had thrown a load of laundry in.

“Hey!”

“Hey Val,” I turn to see her coming down the hall. “What you doing here?”

“See what you were up to?”

“Well I’m going to Shea to meet up with Andy and his friends. You want to come with me? I don’t know if I really know them, you know?"

“Yea, that fine. Where the baby?”

“His room, we have to go in little bit.” She nodded and then when into his room, I finish doing the laundry. Then head to my room to get the next lowed ready for when I got home. I put on a nice top and did some make up even those was just going Shea’s for a little bit. I left the room and walked pass Jon’s, “Hey we ready?” I poked my head in.

“Yea,” Val got up with Jon in her arm and walked out behind me. “Does he need a bag?”

“No, not really.” I grabbed my purse and the little bag for Jon. We where out the door, and headed to the car. Val got Jon into his set and then came around to get in the passenger set. I got in the driver set and pulled out of the driveway and headed down town to Shea’s.

The ride was really nice, Val and I had so much fun sing along to the music that I had in the car. Jimmy had left some of his cds in the car to so we had enough music for the whole ride. Jimmy had called me when I was driving; he wanted to check on me for a little bit. It was nice talking to him. We didn't mension anything on what was said last night. Val and I talked for most of the way there, when I pulled up to the place. I was shock on how nice her apartment place looked. Andy was out side with one of his friends smoking. He waved for me to pull into the stop by Shea’s car.

“Hey,” I got out as he walked over to me. “How was the trip over?”

“It was good, it was a little long but we entertain our self,” I laugh, “I told Shea that I was bring Val with me.”

“Oh awesome,” he let go and walked over to her to say hi. I got Jon out the backset and Andy’s friend came over to help me. He was very cute looking, he just ‘WOW!’ all I could think oh.

“Hi, I’m Ashley but you can call me Ash.”

“Hi,” For a minute there I forgot my name. He looked at me, “I’m Anna but call me Ann or whatever you want. This is Jon.”

“Well nice to meet you Ann and you too Jon.” I smiled at him, putting Jon on my hip. “You have a beautiful smile there.”

I looked down and then back at him, I could feel my face turning beet red. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Back when I meet Jimmy while I was with Jonnie, ‘Oh shit! Not this again.’ I smiled and then head to the door where Andy was holding open for me, “Thank you,” I turn back to Ash, he smiled back me. He was very different type of guy in away that I wouldn’t see myself with.

Once we where up stars in Shea’s apartment, she gave Val and I a tour of the place, it was really nice. Really it was the first time that we have seen her place scent we came out here. She was out her about month or so before us and then so much happens that they had move out and get a new place. So I didn’t even know what her old place looked like. We also meet another band mate and his name was Christian but he wanted us to cal him CC. They all had seemed like pretty cool people and I was really happy that Andy had asked me over.

Jon had fit in well with CC at the little drum set they had set up. I was in the kitchen with the girl, well I was sitting at the counter trying to think on where I knew Ash but I couldn’t put my hand out it. Then he came in the kitchen for a beer, he turned and smiled before walking out. “Wow I think someone is liking you,” I looked at Val and rolled my eyes.

“She has Jimmy,” Shea said putting the salad together “Pulse she trying to make a family with him to so nothing going to happen with them.”

“Thanks,” I got up from the stool, “ I love you guys too, I know your not trying to be mean. But do you mine if I go out side for a little?” They both shock their head and I walked in the living room. Shea’s apartment was mostly on one floor but the bedrooms. They where up stars, I looked in my bag for my smoke before turning to talk Andy. “Hey going out side, is okay is I leave the little groupie with you?”

“Yea sure, he reallt good,” CC waved me on; I smiled and head out the door to go down on ground level.

“Ann,” I turn and saw Ash fallowing behind me, “I’ll come with you.” I stop at the front door and watch as he ran down the stars. “You don’t seem like the smoking kind.” I open the door and he shut it behind him.

“Yea, well after I meet my boyfriend. That when I picked it all up but I stopped when I had Jon. But I moved here, things got a little rocky and I picked it up once again”

“Wow, so um, you didn’t call me after that day at the college.”

“No, because I didn’t think I would run into you again and also my pass with Jonnie ends bad. I didn’t want to remember it really and when I see you, it remines me of the time he came home high that he could died.”

“Those days wheren’t my fault,”

“No but you stuck to his side, even if you wheren’t doing it.” I inhaled my cigarette and looked away to blow the smoke out.

“Ann, why can’t we just get over it?” he toke my hand and then looked at me. “The pass is the pass.” The way his brown eyes looked at me, I felt something. Not sure if I had felt this way before. I could have and not even knew it then. I wanted to kiss him but I knew that it would be wrong on so many levels.

“Ash,” I looked at him and I left his lips hit mine. ‘I’m so fucked! What who will know? No one right? So I’m not!’ I pulled away and licked my lips, “You shouldn’t have done that. I have a boyfriend that might hurt you,”

“I had to, I had feeling for you for a very long time.” He let go and started to walk away, I fallowed with my eye. “GOD!” he turns to me, “When I had first meet you. Jonnie and you where dating about a month or so. He brought you to practice and I was like holy shit.”

“Ash, why didn’t you do anything when him and I first broke up?” I put out my cigarette and walked over to him. I touch his shoulder and he turn to me, I looked in him for the answer but it wasn’t there.

“I moved here,”

“Yea, I’ll get them,” we heard the door open and I moved away from Ash. Andy opens the door and looked at us. “Everything okay?” we nodded our head as if we where getting to know each other. “Well lunch ready so lets go.” He held the door open as I passed him, thanked him a little low but he was still able to hear me.

I lead everyone up stars and open the door to Shea’s apartment. Cc was sitting next to Val talking. Shea was sitting on the other side of her with Jon in her arms. I toke him and then when to the kitchen make him a bottle. When I came back, I sat down on the end by Shea. Ash had sat down at the head of the table and Andy was on the other side. It was really nice; we ate and talked most the time. Cc had ask me aboutJon's father, I didn’t really go into much. I kept it short and sweet, mostly told him that I was with Jimmy without saying it. In the middle of lunch, Jon had fallen asleep so I laid him in the middle of Shea’s bed.

After lunch, Val and I helped clean up the table. The guys hung out playing games and being guys. Val was looking at me and I new she was up to something or wanted to ask me something. I looked at her, I was putting the lunchmeat away and she was eating the left over olives.

“What?”

“You know what,” I looked at her confuse, “You and Ashley.”

“We are just friends and that it,” I walked over to the refrigerator to put the food in it. “You know I would never do that to Jimmy.”

“Really, you said the same about the other one.” I turn and looked at her. “Pulse you thought having a kid with him would keep him around.” I couldn’t believe my best friend just said that. “I’m sorry Ann, you know that not wasn’t suppose to come out that way.”

“Its fine,” I toke a deep breath before turning around. “Just to let you both know that Ash and I are just friends. I knew that my relationship with Jonnie was coming to the end and it just so happen that when I got pregnant. Now I have use the bathroom.” I walked out of the room and head pass the boys.

I got in there and sat down, that was the first time scent Jonnie’s death that I really cried over him. I wanted Jimmy around me so bad because he didn’t make me think off Jonnie. He always made me feel that Jonnie was never really part of my life and that he wasn’t the father of Jon. Jimmy played the dad roll really good that I put it on the back burner half the time. I sat there just crying my heart out until my phone when off. I pulled it out of my pocket and it was him.

“Hey baby,”

“Hi,” I said getting up and washing my face off as if he could see how red it was. “How the end of the tour coming?”

“Good, you okay?”

“Yea, just laughing really hard that all. Can’t wait for you to get home, I miss you so much.”

“Okay, I miss you too. Couple of days and then I’m there for good, well until we have make music and what not.”

“Yea, well I have to go. I love you.” He loved me too and I hung the phone up. I clean my face and then try to fix my make up as best as I could. I walked out of the room and Cc was there on the couch looking at me. “I’m okay,” smiled and he nodded. “So where is everyone?”

“Val kitchen, Ashley smoking and the other two are babying your son.”

“Well that nice,” I sat down next to him. I felt little relaxes just sitting there and then Val came in sat next to me. “You almost ready to go?”

“Yea,” she rest her head on my shoulder, like a little kid does to their mother when their tired or want something.

“Come on,” I lightly push her up so I could get up off the couch. “I’m going to pack the bag and then go save me son.” We all laugh as I walked to the kitchen. As I was walking into the kitchen, Ash decide that when he was going to open the door to come in. “Oh hey,” He swung the door into me.

“Sorry,” he said closing it so I could pass. “ You okay?”

“Yea, just wasn’t ready for the door.” I smiled and kept walking.

“You getting ready to go?” I dint turn to look at him; I just nodded my head as I walked to make a bottle for the ride. “It’s a shame that you’re leaving already.”

“Yea,” I couldn’t look at him. He touches my shoulder and I had a little jump. “Look, they don’t know that we hung out in Jersey and their not going to know. I’m not planning on cheating on my boyfriend. So I think this should be it for us okay,”

“Anna, that fine with me but I just want to be friends. That will be it, not trying to be an ass or anything. I’m not that kind of person.” I turn and I looked at him, part of me wanted to just kiss him. But what if someone walks in, then I’m fucked right? He walked closer to me; I felt my heart ready burst out of my dam chest. I felt his lips hit mine, his hand came around my waist. He pulled me close to him and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to run my hand throw his hair or push him back. Really I didn’t know what the fuck to do, then I heard the foots. I heard the footsteps walking towards the kitchen. I looked at him and then when back to making the bottle. He walked away to the other side and grabbed the water off the counter.

“Hey,” Andy said walking in with Jon. “What going on in here?”

“Nothing, just getting ready to go.” I turned and smiled. “You ready buddy?” I took Jon from Andy’s arm.

“We change him for you."

“Thanks, well I have to finish packing. He didn’t take out all histoys right.” Andy shock his head. “Okay thanks.” I hugged him and then walked pass him leaving him in the room with Ash. “Val, you ready?”

“Yea,”

“You going?”

“Yea, we will see you tomorrow or so.” I hugged Shea and Cc before leaving. On my way out I said bye to Andy and Ash. Hugging Ash was starting to feel a little funny for me but this was the last time I was going to see him. Andy and Shea walked out with us to the car. I put Jon in his set with the bottle then gave Shea one last hug before getting in and pulling out of the spot.