Summer of hell

It’s now been two months; the guys are home from tour and its great having them. But I feel that my life in such away has gotten hard now between being a mom and now a girlfriend. I missed Jimmy so much while he was gone but I liked it because I was able to play the rule of just being a mom. But this was getting to be to much for me and I felt as if I was falling into an old pattern. Little did I know, I was just repeating my teenage year but now with a kid.

“Hey Jimmy, I’m going out. Can you watch Jon for me?”

“Yea, but when are we going to get time together? You have been about two weeks in a row and leaving to watch the baby. Anna, you been up to something and I can tell so what is it?”

“What are you talking about? It’s not two week, this is about the third night out that it. You don’t have to watch the baby; I will get someone else or take him. You think you know me but really you don’t.” he just stood there in the living room looking at me. “What?”

“Your wearing make up,” I just looked at him, “Who the baster?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh Anna, don’t play stupid with me. Your fucking around.” He was starting to get piss and moved towards me as I backed myself up. “Look you don’t want to be in this relationship with me. Then that is fine with me but know this! You and your child are not going to live here with me. I will be dam to get fucked over by you, do you understand me?”

“Well if you where home more then I would have to go out with my friend that a BOY!” ‘Shit Anna!’ I felt bad now for saying that. I saw it hurt him and it hurt me too. “ Jimmy, I’m so sorry. You know that I didn’t mean it,” I walked over to him. I could feel the tears coming.

“No Anna, go out. Just get the fuck out.” He push me away so hard that I stumble over my feet. He when out on the back porch and my phone when off, I pulled out of my pocket to look. It was Ash, I just throw it across the room, if Jimmy saw me answer it then it would be all over.

I sat on the floor just crying so hard; I couldn’t believe that I was throwing my life with Jimmy away. That not was supposed to be happening, these where suppose to be tears of happiness because I was going to marry him. I was there for a good hour, as he would walk around me. He was so made me and I didn’t blame him, I don’t think that any guy that came me way should have me. Jimmy really didn’t deserver to have me the most.

“Come here,” I looked up and he was standing over me with his hand out. “You need to eat something and then bed.” He helped me up from the floor to the kitchen. Where he had made homemade pizza with Jon. The three of us sat there,Jon was in his chair loving the pizza. Jimmy didn’t say a word to me and I didn’t say anything to him.

After dinner was over, I got up to clean the dish while he left me. I finish cleaning up and I had gone to the living room for my phone. It was still in the spot that I had throw it by. I got Jon ready for bed and then head out by the beach for my late night smoke and the phone call I really need to make.

“Anna, what happen?” there was no hello or how are you? He just went what happen and I really felt bad.

“Ash, listen you and I can not talk. Well we can but no relationship, I will not throw everything I worked my ass to get to be with Jimmy. He was there for me throw thick and thin. I’m sorry,”

“Anna, I understand. I’m sorry that I didn’t grab you first but shit happen and maybe in a different life, I will be with you.”

“Yea, well I have to go.” he didn’t really say much and then I hung up. I walked back to the house and Jimmy was out side with Bri. I when in the house to head to my room to grabbed blankets to sleep in with Jon.

“Hey,” I turn and saw Jimmy standing there. “You have the big bed and I will take the spare room.”

“Jimmy, I have gone to sleep with out you in this bed. I know your mad at me but please sleep with me.” He looked at me, I wanted him to hold me and tell me that I was forgiven but I knew that it wasn’t going be that easy. “Jimmy, I love you and you know that. I’m fucking….”

Before I could say anymore to him, he walked over to me and picked me up. He laid me in the bed to kiss my head. I looked into his eyes and then he pulled the cover over me before turning to his dresser for clothes. I lay there hoping that when he comes out of the bathroom that he was going to lay next to me. I got out of bed to change my jean to something better but fast. I popped back into bed watching the door open. With out saying a world to me, he walked out of the room closing the door. I didn’t want him to sleep in the other room; I didn’t blame him for not sleeping with me but still.

-Middle of the night-

I was tossing and turning the whole time, I woke up in just sweating all over me. I looked over to where I thought Jimmy would be but he wasn’t there. I got up and walked out of the room seeing the spare room door shut. I walked into the kitchen for a bottle of water and I head back to my room, I checked on the baby and then to my room. But part of me wanted to stop in by him but I decide not to. I got in my room and lay in the bed with the television on. Nothing was helping me go back to sleep, I put pillows under me to make as if he was there and nothing. After of an hour not able to going back to sleep, I decide to fuck it. I got up out of the bed and head to the spear room that he was in. we had a twine bed in it but his buck was a little bit smaller and we where able to fit on that.

“Jimmy,” I slowly open the door. The television was on but he was kind still sleeping, I walked over to him and gently sat on the bed. He turn to look at me, he didn’t say anything. He moved over closer to the wall and I lay down next to him. He warped his arm around me pulling me close. I was kind of able to go back to sleep.

-That morning-

I rolled over and he wasn’t there, I sat up really fast and looked at the clock. It was now eight and I had school. I was going be late for class, I ran to my room to get dress. Then I when to Jon's and he wasn’t in his bed so I knew that Jimmy has him. I ran to the kitchen to pack his bag and to leave. Jimmy was in the living room with Jon asleep in his arm. I looked at him and smile; he looked at me then back to the tv fast.

“I have school today,” he looked at me. “It’s Friday?”

“No, baby it’s the weekend. But we are going to spend the day together, all three of us. Unless you have plans with some Ash person and then well I guess you can leave.”

I walked over and sat down next to him on the couch. “No and I want to spend the whole day with the two men that I love so much.” He looked at me and then back to whatever was on. “Why did you sleep in the spare room last night?”

“I thought it would have been a good idea.” He put his arm up on the back of the couch and I moved in closer to him.

We hung out there on the couch for the rest of the morning. When Jon woke up, he was the center of the show, which was good. Jimmy and I acted as if we where happy and nothing had happen. Around none, I made lunch for us to have a picnic on the beach. We where going to go down beach and it was going be a great day also I was really excited. I got Jon into his bathing suit and then I ran into my room to get out one of my cute ones that I knew I would look good in.

“Baby, you ready?”

“Almost,” I finish getting dress and head it out of the room. Jimmy was packing toys for the baby outside and JOn was in his playpen. I open the sliding door and he looked at me. “You need help?”

“No but get Jon and we are out.” I smiled and nodded. I when back in the house to get Jon and the bag, out the door we when. Jimmy carried the basket and I had Jon.

The walk to the water was really nice, us two hand and hand with each other. Once we found a nice spot to sit. Wasn’t very close to the water or to far, Jon mostly sat next to me on the edge of the blanket playing in the sand. I liked that he was growing up around the beach and everything. Because I remember being almost ten and not really knowing what sand was. Well I shouldn’t say that way, I knew what sand was but really was the first time I remember going to the beach. I never really dreamed of my kid living this close to the beach in a million of years.

“ Are you having fun,” Jimmy laid on his side facing me as I lay down on my side looking at him with a smile.

“I’m having a great time.” I lend over and kiss him. “You having fun?”

“Yea, just going to put everything behind me.” I was really happy that he was going to forgive me. Because this wasn’t as big as when him and I first started to see each other. “Baby, do you think we will fall into our old pass?” I looked at him a little confuse. “Like you cheating and me with the drugs?” I sat up and looked out to the water then looked at Jon back to Jimmy.

“I would hope not with the drugs and for the whole cheating, well I hate to hurt you like that because you’re the only man I truly love.”

“I no,” he smiled at me. “Lets go swimming.” He kissed the top of my head and then jumped up. He walked over to Jon and put his hand out for me to get up.

“I’m going take the pictures.” I toke the camera out and started taking pictures. I wanted to have some memories.

Jon loved the water with Jimmy and he had this big smile on his face. It was the cutest thing. I loved it and I couldn’t help but see that Jimmy had a smile on his face. But part of me was wondering on what he said about the pass him getting into the drugs again or still and me with the whole cheating thing. This was making me nerves the more I kept thinking of it and soon it was starting to ruin my time with them. They spent about twenty minuses or so in the water before getting out. I had the towels ready for them as they walked over to me.

“Here,” I smiled and held the towel out for him. I toke Jon into my arms, then wrapped him up. “You hungry?”

“Yea, so you get really good pictures of us?”

“Ha, yea. I have some that you will really like. Jimmy,” he looked at me from grabbing ice teas for us. “What do you think about getting married?”

“Well, I think we will some day but not soon. I think we need work shit out first and then maybe.”

“Like?” I toke out the sandwich for us and dry cercal from Jon. “What is there for us to work out?”

“Well when I go on tour, I don’t want to sit there and wounder if my girl is fucking around with other guys. And why do we have to fight? I thought us coming out here to get away from that.”

“I’m not trying to fight with you, I’m trying to ask why we cant get married but whatever.” I looked at the water and then down at Jon to make sure he was okay. I felt like having a smoke but I could never smoke in front of Jon. My father would do that to me and I was always sick before he left.

“Anna, I’m sorry.” He finishes eating and moved over behind me. He sat behind me as I laid my head on his chest. “We will get married.” I nodded my head. Jon crewed into my lap. He was trying to get us to play with him, which we did, I just felt bad that I was making something so fun into so, I don’t even know now.

We had spent about two hours out by the water and it was nice. Jon had fallen asleep on the walk back so Jimmy carried him while I had the picnic basket. The walk back to the house, felt so much longer but it really wasn’t. When we got back, Val and Zacky where out there in the pool. They looked so happy and so in love with each other. As soon as we got pass the gates on the patio, she came running over to me about the best news. They where getting married and it was all in Vegas after Matt and Melody unless they decide to call it quits.

“Congrats,” I hugged her and then walked over to the poolside to hug Zacky. I was really happy for them. I sat down on the side of the pool with them in it and had a smoke. We talked for a little bit and Jimmy came out to be with us.

The time when on and I had gone in the water with everyone and we had so much fun. Val and I got on the guys shoulder and played a little game of chicken. It was fucking funny watching us. Brian had come home and sat on the porch talking. When Jon got up, I was getting out to shower and take him. It was nice spending the time with Jimmy.

The day turn into night and we had such a nice dinner with the family. Brian, Val and Zacky had come over. We got to use our dinning room table that we never really use before. I didn’t understand why we had it, until now. When we had about half the family there eating, we where all laughing and having a good time that when I knew why. After we finish eating, Val and I cleaned up. Jimmy did the dish and I headed off to take a shower. It was such a great day that turns into such a fucking awesome night. It was night we both missed for a long time.