Summer of hell

The hours where going by and I waiting out side the cat scan room pacing back and froth wait for them to come out. I didn’t want to leave that stop, I told Jon that I was going be right here. I could lonely imagine on how scared he was in there with out me. Val and Johnny where in the waiting room, I wasn’t sure who else was with them. I didn’t look at my phone because I didn’t want to see the time. It would make it go even slower. I got tired of standing and I pulled a chair over to sit on and just wait.

“Mrs. Sullivan,” I got up from the chair as the doctor walked out. “Your son is fine, he need stitches and will be on his way.”

“Oh thank god!”

“He will be right out,” the doctor when in and the tech that was with Jon came out with Jon in his arms.

“This way,” I toke Jon and fowled the tech to the emergence room to have the nurse due the stitches. I thanked him before he walked away as I laid Jon on the bed. I rubbed back his hair and softly talked to him.

“He okay?” I turn and saw Jimmy standing in the corner of the doorway. “Look I’m really sorry about what happen.”

I looked at him and shock my head, “This is not the time or the place. Just go and tell everyone that he that he okay just waiting on stitches.” I looked back at the baby and started to talk to him. I felt a hand come around my waist, I knew it was Jimmy. Part of me wanted to turn around and cry into his shoulder but I was just so mad at him I couldn’t. “Get off me,” I said it low enough for him to hear me.

“Baby, I’m sorry and I know that not enough for you. But we,” I turn in his arm and looked at him.

“You're right, that not enough for me. But I want you to take your hands off me now and tell everyone that Jon going be okay.” I turn back around, he tried to kiss me but I pulled away. I felt hurt by him and putting his arm around my waist, trying to kiss was not going to fix everything. I had news for him, it wasn’t and its going be awhile before we can get back on track.

Jimmy let go and finely left me with Jon as the nurse was coming in to do some stitching. Jon was scared and started to try to run out of the room. So the nurse had me sit in a chair with Jon on my lap holding him down. It was done in about twenty minus but it felt so much longer for me. It was so hard for me to watch Jone scream and cry. After he was done, I head out to the waiting room where Jimmy, Johnny, Val and Zacky where waiting for us.

“Johnny can you take Jon and I? I don’t feel be like being in the car with Jimmy.”

“Yea, but Zacky drove your car over so you go with them and Jimmy come with me.” I nodded and head to the doors.

“No I don’t want to go with short shit.”

“Dude come on Jimmy, you just ride with him and work on everything tomorrow. Its to late now and this been one crazy ass night let go,” Zacky, said walking out behind me with Jimmy.

We all got into the cars, I locked Jon in and then I stayed in the back with him. On the way home no one talked. I watch as Zacky drove down the high way, holding Val’s hand and playing with her wedding band. I wanted that with Jimmy but the fact I’m sitting in the back with my child that just got hurt. I kept my eye on Jon the whole time as I started to dose off to sleep.

“Here,” Zacky said pulling in the driveway. He parked the car, I got Jon out and then I got out with him in my arms. Val and I walked in the main house while Zacky when to talk to the guys at my house. Melody was there sitting on the couch watching the television.

“He Okays?”

“Yea, thanks for asking.” Val lead me to the stars to her apartment in the basement. “Thanks for letting us stay with you guys for tonight. I don’t think I can look at him for awhile.” She open the door, I walked in with her behind me. This was the first time I was in her place. We where living here for a year now and this were the first time. “Wow this is a really nice place for you guys.”

“No problem, I don’t blame you. If Zacky was like I wouldn’t know what I would. Thanks, it just right for the two of us. Here this is where you guy can stay.” She opens the spare bedroom door. It was nice size for the baby and I to stay for the night.

“Thanks Val, um we’re just going to hang out here for now. Oh our bags, can you watch him?”

“Zacky bring them down.” She smiled and sat on the bed taking Jon in her arms to play with him. “So do you think that you two will….” I turn and looked at her.

“I don’t know, out of everything happening. The faceted he wasn’t there when I really needed him the most, kills me.”

“Yea, are you going to keep going to the doctors?”

“After this? Yes, I still want to get down to the bottom on why I felt the way I did when he put the ring on me.” I sat down next to her and Jon looked at me. I just smiled at him and then laid back.

The days when on and it was now the end of the week, Jimmy or I said one world to each other. I think it was getting annoing for me but I also felt bad about it to But don't get me wrong; I was helping around the house those. I would help Val with cooking and I would wash the dish. But it was Friday and I decide that I was going to talk to Jimmy or try to. When Val got home from the bakery, she came in and plop on the couch. I walked over to her and she could seee I wanted something from her.

“What?”

“I will give you money, but can you watch Jon awhile I try to talk to Jimmy?”

“Ha, sure. No money just let me shower and change it was a rough day.”

“Thank you! I would hug but you have,”

“Yea, showering in little.” I smiled and when back to the kitchen to finish the dish. Brian had come done to hang out with us. “You know what Val, you and Zacky go on a date. I will ask Brian if he can watch the little bug.” Brian looked at me and I let a big smiled across my face. “This would be a great big help for me.”

“Yea, just bring up some toy to my room.”

“Thank you!” I ran over and hugged him. “You're the best.” I got up and headed to the room pack my stuff up. I packed some toys and put them by the door so I wouldn’t forget to bring them up stars. I turned and looked at Brian and smiled again, “You know where Jimmy is?”

“I believe he over at your place watching television.”

“Okay,” I picked up the toys, “They will be by the couch up stars.” I open the door and walked out side. I was scared to talk to him but one of us had to do it and I guess it was going to be me. I walked out on the porch just as he came out of our house. He looked at me and I looked to the floor.

“Hey can we talk?” I looked up at him and nodded. “Let walk on the beach.” He put his hand out and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take it or not. He picked up his pack of smokes and we started to walk. At first I didn’t take his hand but he open the gate to the water and let me throw. I watch him walk throw and closed it behind him, that when I toke his hand. “I miss you,”

I looked at him, “Same but I’m still hurt.” He looked ahead and I looked off to the side. I felt him let go of my hand and put his arm around my waist. He pulled me close to him; we didn’t say a world to each other. “We aren’t getting anywhere with this.”

“I know, there no world that describe how sorry I'm to you.” We stopped at the edge of the water with our arm around each other’s waist. “Baby, Anna, I love you and I understand if you don’t want to make it work.”

“Jimmy, I want this to work but I want the drugs to stop. I want you to fucking trust me, that it.” I looked at him, “ Jimmy, you where suppose to be watching the baby but your in the bed room getting fucking high. Like really? What happen if the guys wheren’t there and something had happen to him?”

“Like when you where suppose to be watching him but you put him on a couch knowing he going to get off it and falls? Come on Anna, you cant pull that shit on me when it happen to you.”

“No! I didn't put him on the couch. He like to cliam and that how he fucking fell. I when out for a smoke but I was in a spot where I could see him. I had put him in a spot where I can see him. You on the other hand, was in the dam bedroom with the fucking door hut.” I let go of him and looked at him to saw him how angry I was with him. “ And everything a side of that, you didn’t come with me to take him the hospital. You didn’t stand with me when he was getting his head scan. You wheren’t there for me when I most need you there!”

“Anna,” he walked closer to me and I took a step back. “Look I didn’t know what happen until we saw you guys leaving. By then I couldn’t catch up to you and for you standing a lone while he got scan, if I knew where you were I would have been there.” I turned and started to walk away from him. “Anna! Wait up! What about the emails?”

“What about them?” I kept my head down and whipped the tears away. “The ones I wrote to Ash saying how I loved you and didn’t understand why I’m scared to get married?”

“Anna,” he grabbed the back of my arms and swung me into his chest. I started to cry even harder now. “Listen, I didn’t do it because I thought you wheren’t being truthful to me. Well in away yes, BUT! I wanted to make sure I was wrong about it and when I saw your emails from each other. I lost it and I pulled out my stash and that was it.” I pulled away to look up at him.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDING ME!”

“Anna, don’t start yelling, just…”

“What do you mean don’t yell? Jimmy, do understand why I’m yelling now? You had a fucking stash in that dam house with my KID! God if something ever happen and some how someone found it, how would that look at me as a mother?”

“So this is about you now?”

“No! Its about my baby protection.” I started walking away because I wanted to hit him so fucking bad.

“Anna, don’t walk away. You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Jon. You know that I love him, he my boy and you dam well know that.”

“Jimmy,” I turned and looked at him. “I understand he your boy and you love him like he yours but he not. I’m his mother and I have to do what right for him.” I turned and headed back to the house. I couldn’t walk anymore, my legs started to give out on me and I fell in the sand.

“Anna!”

“Jimmy!” he ran over to me knelt beside me. “ My legs!” he lifts me up with out saying a world and started going to the house. “Jimmy, I want you come to my therapist with me.” Looked down at me and nodded. I rest my head on his shoulder with my arms around his neck. We got to the house and he put me in living on the couch. He sat at the end were my feet where and started to massage my legs for me. It was nice the two of us sitting here and calming down.

“So why do you go therapy?”

“Well, I guess I started this whole fight with us.” He looked at me confuse, “Well when you gave me the ring, I wasn’t as happy as I always dream to be. I was starting to push myself away from you because I thought that it would fix it. Then you where upset because we where spending time. So I when to therapy to fine out that I’m scared of how thing will turn out.” I sat up and looked at him, “If anyone should be the first to say apologist, is me.”

“Anna, you can’t help the way feel and I think we both need to apologist at the same time. But what have you told your therapist.”

We sat there for about an hour talking about the therapist and how everything going. I told him how we started talking about my childhood life and how I don’t want it to happen to Jon. The night when on and it was great, we where able to talk on feeling. It wasn’t really us but it what needs to happen. Around dinnertime, Brian came in with Jon and the toys. He dropped the kid off and then left, it had turn into family time for us. I also told him on how I felt on how I thought he wanted get married to have his own kids. Which I was kind happy Jon was there because we didn’t yell at each other.

For dinner, I didn’t feel like cooking so Jimmy order pizza and the three of us hung out in the living room for the rest of the night. We put on the movie for us, well Jimmy and I because Jon just played. Even though the night when nice, I still felt like him and I still had unfinished busyness to talk about before we cold plain a wedding. I wasn’t going to give back the ring but I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to wear it.