Summer of hell

Another week went by and we where talking more to each other everyday. Even when the guys where leaving the house before I was getting up, he would always kiss me before leaving. It was really working for us and going to talk to my therapist was also helping us. Right now the therapist was really working on knowing what my parents where like before my father left me. The more the doctor talk to me about it, the more he learns about it the more he shows me that I’m afraid to turn out like that.

“Anna, growing up, where you a happy kid?”

“Yea, I think my hard time was when my father left my mother. That was because he when to jail. I saw that it was hard for her because she loved him to a point.”

“What was it like growing up with your father in jail?”

“Well, um,” I sat back on the couch trying to think what my life was like in worlds. I never really talked about it and I wasn’t sure on how to say it. “I guess hard at point mostly the first couple of years. He was the one bring the money in so my mother didn’t have to work. Then she had to go work and school to update her nursing license so she was home very little. By the time I got into high school, it was the two of us and we mostly in away forgot about him.”

“So you grow up thinking you didn’t have a dad?” I nodded, “You’re afraid that you and Jimmy will get married. Something going to happen and leave Jon farther less?”

“In a way yes, I don’t think Jimmy would be the man to go off and put himself in jail in away. If he did, it would be a night or something stupid, which that fine. I know that Jimmy his father maybe not be blood but Jimmy did hell of job then his birth father would have done.”

“Tell me about him?”

“Well he was an asshole half the time well more towards the end.” The timer went off and that meant my time was done. I was going have to talk about Jonnie next week when I came in. I got up and shock the doctor hand before walking out of the office. I think today was okay but the best yet.

“Anna,” I turn to see the doctor’s head poked out the door. “Bring Jimmy in with you.” I nodded and walked out. As I walked to the car I couldn’t help but thinking about having Jimmy there talking about Jonnie. I got in the car and head home, I decide to call Jimmy and fine out where he was.

“Hey baby,” Jimmy said picking his phone up. I could hear the guys in the back around talking. “How was the doctor?”

“It was okay nothing really great, we talked about my dad being out of the house. What are you guys doing for lunch?”

“I’m not sure, I think we are getting pizza or something. You want to stop by?”

“Yea, I will bring food. What should I get? Oh is Val there with Jon?”

“Yea, two pepperoni and plain is fine. She just walked in with him.”

“Okay, I will be there in about an hour then. I love you.” I hung the phone head over to the food market by the studio that had the place where we get out pizza from. While the pizza was being made, I ran to the food store to pick up some water for everyone and juice for my little guy. When I finish in the food store and the pizza was already for me to go.

I put the drinks in the car and then ran over to get the pizza. Once I was in the car with all that, I head over to see the guys. The pizza smelled really good and I was ready to eat. But I decide that I was going to wait and have one piece to. I was about three blocks from the studio; it really wasn’t far from the house or where I was at. I pulled in and there was Johnny and Syn sitting there talking having a smoke. I pulled in and they got up was I parked the car.

“Hey you need help,” Johnny asked as I got out of the car.

“Pizzas, I also got some drinks.” Syn open the passenger door to take the pizza and I open the back doors for the drink. I looked throw the bags because there where thing I bought that I didn’t want anyone knowing. I hand Johnny the waters and grabbed the juice for Jon. I was right behind him as we walked into the place. Jon was the first to come and run to me for a hug. “Hey buddy, you listing to the guys?” he nodded with a smile. He struggled to get out of my arms, so I put him down and he ran over to Jimmy’s drum sets. “Don’t touch!”

“Its fine,” Jimmy came up next to me putting an arm around my waist to kiss me. I looked at him and smile. “You’re happy,”

“Well look at us, wouldn’t you be to?”

“True, going for a smoke. You want to go?”

“Yea,” we walked out while everyone was starting to eat. He lit mine and then lit his as soon as we got out there. We didn’t really talk much I had to ask him to go to the doctor’s appointment. “Jimmy?” I turn and looked at him. He looked down a little at me, “Can you come with me next week to therapy?”

“Yea, I think I have everything close to being done here. Is everything okay?”

“Yea, we, well I have talk about Jonnie and the therapist want you there for that.”

“Okay sure,” we smiled and the rest of the time we hung out until we where finish. Well really when Jon wanted me to hold him because he was ready for a nap. I sat down next to Val on the couch with the little on in my arms. Jimmy had to go record his part of the song. Johnny was on one side of me and Zacky was on the other side of Val. It was nice hanging out with the guys. It was a long time scent we all just hung out like this and not have drama.

“What new with you?”

“Nothing really, just been seeing you know who.”

“Who?” Johnny yelled into my ear.

I turned and looked at him, “Someone,” I turn back to Val and kept talking to her. We were all family but I wasn’t really quite ready to tell everyone I was getting help because I felt fucked up. It was hard in away to talk to Val because the guys where there but we where able to do it.

About two hours pass and Jon was asleep in my arm so it was time for us to go. I said my good byes to the guys and I told Johnny that I was sorry for snapping at him. Jimmy put Jon in the car for me; we talked a little outside in the parking lot. He let me know that he might not be home for dinner but wasn’t really sure so he will call me. I pulled out and he watches me for a little bit before going back in.

The ride home was quite and weird, I looked over and so the bag from the food store. I didn’t want to go home just yet, I wasn’t really ready to go home. So I pulled in the park up the street from where we lived. I got Jon out and we sat down by the pond where all the ducks where. I loved coming here, it kept me at piece with myself and I wanted to get married here. I pulled my phone out and told Jimmy that. He didn’t get back to me right away but ventrally he did. He was fine with that idea and was happy that I was starting to plan the wedding. It was going be a long process for us but we where willing to make it work. After awhile I was happy with myself an hour had gone by, I got up with Jon and head back to the car. It didn’t take us much to get home, as we turn down the street, Val was just pulling in the driveway.

I pulled in the driveway and drove down to the house. I parked the car and saw her walking my way. “Hey what up?”

“Nothing, where were you two?”

“We when to the duck pond and hung out for an hour.” I open Jon’s door to get him out. “You want come swimming with us?”

“No, its okay. I have work on homework and shit for the bakery but I’ll sit out side.” I nodded and then we when out own way. I took Jon in the house and set him down by his toys and ran out to the car for the bag. I walked out and I saw Val in the front set of my car. She looked up at and I stood there with my arms cross and no smile. “Anna, is this,”

“Val, none of your busyness. Now I will take that.” I walked over and grabbed the bag out of her hand. I turn and walked to the front door of the house. So maybe I could have done something stupid and now I conquest to pay but whatever.

I walked in the house and Jon was sitting there looking at me as I walked in. He had a big smile on his face, it was cute as hell and I loved it. I walked over and picked him to go change him for the pool. Once he was dress, I felt him on the floor in his room to play while I hide something and got change. Once I was change, I grabbed two towel and Jon, we where out the back door. Val was out there with her laptop and work all out on the table. She looked at me and smiled, I had to smile back because she was my good friend. I got in the pool with Jon and he wanted to go but he had been in his tube that he hated. Or attached to me which he rather then the tube.

“Don’t tell Jimmy,” I said walking around the pool and just floating. She looked at me a little confuses. “He has no idea that it could be or that I might be late or anything.”

“Dam girl, he year and your already.”

“No! Not like that, when we where fighting and made up. But Val, I can go throw that all again.”

“I know, don’t worry about it. Hopefully it comes back as nothing and you don’t have to worry about anything. For now just swim around and relaxes an enjoy your time it with Jon.” She smiled at us and then when backs to her computer.

I put Jon in the floatie even those I knew he hated it, I floated around on my back before getting out. The water was worm and I just let everything go and let my body free as I float around the pool. We where in there about an hour when the guys came walking into the main house. I grabbed Jon and head to the towels so I could dry us off. I hated wearing bathing suits around the guys. They made me so uncomfortable.

“There, guys,” Matt said walking to the back porch with Jimmy behind him. I waved to him and then sat down to dry Jon off. CJon wanted to go back into the pool but no one wanted to go in with him. “How was the water?”

“It was nice,” I got up and head to my house to get change. The guys just stayed out there and had a smoked. I didn’t care; I decide that I was going to try to quite for my health.

I change Jon first and then when into my bathroom to change. I saw the bag from the store sitting there. I had thought that I had hided it but when I looked at the bag. It was something else and it had scared me so bad. After I was change, I when into my room and sat down on the bed and was ready to cry. I could hear Jon yelling for me and I really want to go but I had to. I whipped the tear that was falling from my eye and head out of my room. Jon was sitting there with his toys looking at me as if I was nuts. I sat in the rocking chair and I watched him played, I felt a tear start coming again.

“Anna,” I looked up and saw Jimmy standing there in the doorway looking at me. “You okay baby?”

“Yea, just…. a lot on my mine right now.” He walked in and came around the chair to hold me. I rest my head on his stomach as we watch Jon.

The night felt perfect for me and I had to say that feeling was not sitting right for me. I decide that we where going to have a family kind of dinner tonight and if anyone wanted to come that was fine. I wanted to make my mother’s great Italian dinner for us and it called for a lot of people. My mother made this great dinner when I was much younger but once my grandmother pass and my father when to jail. Everyone in the family stopped coming by because most of it was my father side that would come. They where mad at her for putting her foot down and that when we all mostly spilt as a family.

“Can I help?” I turn and saw Val come walking in the house. “Oh it smells really good in here.”

“Thanks, it’s my mom’s sauce. It all fresh tomato and herbs, you want to make the meatballs?”

“Oh cool and sure. So what is going on over here?” I got the meat out and set everything up for her at the table. I didn't really want to tell about the uneasy feeling that I had earlier. I told her everything was fine and left it at that. I ask about her and Zacky, she said the same but her face didn’t make it seam everything was fine.

“What a mater?” I sat at the table cutting up stuff for the sauce. She looked at me like I didn’t know what I was talking about.

“Nothing,” I sat back in the chair and looked at her. “Nothing bad going on just trying to,”

“Hey you need anything,” Jimmy poked his head in cutting her off.

“Yea, take Jon and go to the store for red wine. We need it for dinner okay?” he nodded; kiss the top of my head and left.

“You’re trying what?”

“For a baby,” I was so excited for her. She would be a great mother and that kid would be so loved. “But,” what there was a but in there! Oh man what wrong? “It’s been a couple of weeks almost an month and nothing.”

“Oh hun, don’t worry you still have time and it will come to you. Truest me, I know, look at me okay not but still. Jon came at the right time for me and it worked for the most part. It will come at the right time for you two and I think its not now because he working with the guys and your stress with the store.”

I got up and put the meat in the pot to start cooking them. Then I pulled out the dishes to set the dinning room table that we use I think once already. Zacky came in and helped us set the table while the food cooked and the Jimmy was coming back with the wine. The three of us just mostly talked about anything, it was nice spending time with them. Just like when we live in Jersey.

“We’re home,” Jimmy came walking in with Jon next to him. Jimmy brought the wine into the kitchen and also got some beers. “We need to go shopping,’ I turned and looked at him. I had gone shopping about two days ago.

“What?”

“Look, there no more space for anything.” He smiled and I smacked his arm. “It smells good,” I was standing by the stove mixing every pot when he came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Thank you, you think you can deal with an Italian women?” he looked at me confuse. “Mother was full and dad was less then half. I just never learn how to speak it that all, my father didn’t want me to speak it.”

“Oh well maybe, tonight we can see how carzy my little Italian girl can get?” I turn in his arms and smiled at him.

“I think this little Italian girl might be too tired.” I kissed him and then move to get the bowel that I need for the food.

Once the table was set, everyone had sawed up and I was little shock to see them. Matt and Melody was there, I hadn’t seen her in awhile because she was away with her mother and sister. The rest of the guys where there and it was just a great dinner for all of us. There where so much laughing going on and that how I wanted it to be. Part of it brought me back to when I was younger and my family was there. I remember how happy I was and now I was ten time happier now then I was then.