Goodnight Hollywood Boulevard

“Don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far?”

Charlotte ignored Wyatt as she dug through the box under her bed. She found what she was searching for, after strewing the box’s content all over her bedroom floor, and moved to her desk. She grabbed for whatever writing utensil she could get her hands on first and pulled a composition book out of a drawer.

“Charlotte,” Wyatt said sternly.

“Wyatt, please,” she groaned, annoyed. She looked directly at him. He was sitting on her bed, his legs tucked under him, his eyes glued to her. “I know I told you I was ready to move on, and I am, but you need to let me do this right now.”

He sighed softly, his shoulders falling in defeat. His eyes drifted away from her and onto the mess she had just made. Satisfied that he was going to give her the time she needed right now, she went back to her plan at hand.

Dear Garrett,

I don’t want to pretend to know how much pain you feel right now. And I don’t want to make things worse by showing up all the time so I’m going to give you space and hopefully, eventually, I’ll be able to come by again and catch up with all of you and maybe listen to some of the music you’re creating.

Remember on the bus that night, when you grabbed my journal from me? I was writing down all of my insecurities about you – and us – because I didn’t think you’d want to sit down and listen to me go back and forth about my doubts. I just want you to know, that entry is the only one of its kind. I used to write in it a lot, the entries dating back to the summer days when I was practically living at your house. The journal chronicles the most important times of my life, all of which include you.

I think the only logical thing to do is to let you read it, from start to end, because I know you think I’m the worst person in the world right now. I know I can’t just stop in any time I want, I can’t just call you to hear your voice or have you sing me to sleep. Things have changed. I think I’m the one that forced things to change and I might be regretting it now. But all of that aside, I want you to have this journal so you can remember the good times. I don’t want you to hate me and I don’t want you to forget me. I don’t want things to completely die between us.

I know this isn’t going to fix things but I want it to somehow help. I want you to know that I still do love you and I always will love you, for the rest of my life and with all of my heart

Char

Charlotte had stopped many times while writing the letter. She didn’t want it to sound like she had rehearsed what to write, how to say the things she meant to say. It took her over an hour to finish it, which felt silly after she re-read it because it wasn’t a long letter at all. She folded the letter in thirds, tucking it safely in the inside cover of the journal. Her little red heart ring from last summer sat in front of her now, too. She had no idea what Garrett would need it for but she figured it would help him remember she wasn’t always a terrible person.

“Are you coming with me?” Charlotte asked Wyatt as she slipped into a pair of light blue Keds tennis shoes. She hesitated as she passed by the mirror. Maybe those shoes didn’t match her black and gray raglan shirt with white flowers on it. Maybe tennis shoes didn’t go with her above-the-knee skirt. Wyatt appeared behind her and suddenly she didn’t care if she matched well or not.

“Of course I’ll go with you,” Wyatt whispered in her ear. He kissed her cheek and laced their fingers together. “I’m staying in the car when we get there, but I’ll go.”

Charlotte nodded and they left the house. It was a good idea Wyatt stayed in the car because when she pulled into the parking lot, Charlotte noticed the van and Garrett’s car were both there. She mumbled “I’ll be right back” to Wyatt before gathering up enough courage to get out of her car and head upstairs.

Her heart grew heavy with each step she took, much like it had when she first took the stairs to an awaiting John. She bit her lip hard as she knocked on the door, praying that anyone but Garrett would answer the door. She didn’t think the plan all the way through, she hadn’t thought that Garrett would be at the apartment.

“Charlotte?” Kennedy said, sounding utterly shocked as he pulled open the door.

“Thank god you answered,” Charlotte muttered to herself.

Kennedy laughed softly. “What brings you by, Char?”

“I wanted to leave this for Garrett,” she said, holding the journal out to Kennedy. “I, uh- There’s a note in it. I just.. Can you give it to him for me?”

Kennedy nodded and took the journal. Charlotte felt part of her heart chip and break away, escaping somewhere unknown. That had been her lifeline in high school and she was handing it over to someone who most likely hated her so he could analyze it. Thinking about it just made her feel sick to her stomach.

“I’m sorry about what he said to you,” Kennedy said softly.

“He’s right,” Charlotte mumbled. She cleared her throat. “He had every right to say those things. I honestly thought he’d say a lot more, including a few choice names, but what he said was right and he was justified in his feelings.”

“Look, I don’t think it’s right that he blew up at you because of what you did. From what I understand, you two were broken up. He was the one who left when you confronted him about kissing Rachael, he left things up in the air. He’s the guilty one here, Char,” Kennedy told her. Charlotte felt her eyes watering as he hugged her tightly, “I don’t want you to think you can’t come around here anymore, okay? You’re our best friend.”

“We’ll have to have dinner sometime,” Charlotte sniffled, smiling slightly. “You guys go in the studio soon, right?”

“We start on Monday,” Kennedy proudly said. His eyes lit up and Charlotte could just tell that he was counting down the seconds until they arrived at the studio.

“Well, I’ll buy you guys dinner after your first night in the studio, okay?” Charlotte declared. “I’m so proud of you guys.”

“We’ll hang out before then, though,” Kennedy added. “It’s nap time now, or else I’d say stay and hang out.”

Charlotte laughed, “It’s fine. I can’t stay much longer, anyway. But definitely call me if you guys plan on going out somewhere. I’d love to tag along.”

Kennedy hugged her once more, squeezing as tightly as he could. “I’ll go put this in Garrett’s room, where I know he’ll see it.”

“Thanks, Kenny,” Charlotte smiled. “I appreciate it a lot.”

As Charlotte made her way downstairs and back to her car, she felt a slight worry settle on her shoulders. She didn’t know how Garrett would react, if he would even read it. She wanted the anticipation to go away. She didn’t want to care so much about what he would say but all she could think about was how crummy he was bound to make her feel by twisting the journal and the note around into a negative thing.

“It went well?” Wyatt asked.

“Kenny answered,” Charlotte replied as she drove away. “Sorry it took so long. He was kind of giving me a pep talk.”

Wyatt’s hand rested on her knee. “Do you feel better?”

Charlotte didn’t want to admit that she was anxiously waiting to hear from Garrett. She didn’t want to seem like she was indecisive or regretting her decision to get together with Wyatt; which, in all actuality, she really wasn’t sure about anymore. She was beginning to think that maybe Wyatt was only a best friend, not a boyfriend or someone to hook up with. She wasn’t sure, though, so she bit her tongue on that issue. She had to get through to Garrett first before she tackled that problem.

“Yeah,” she finally answered. “A little bit.”