A Patience Of Eternity

"And I can honestly say that no matter what, I don't regret a thing," A  boy whispered in his girlfriend of two years' ear as she cried into his shoulder.

She clung to him for dear life, scared to lose him at any second. Scared to let him go. Knowing this would be the last time she would see him, at least for awhile.

"How can you say that?" she whimpered as he rubbed her back, letting her cry.

"It's true baby, don't worry any more, I'm okay." He replied softly, kissing her cheek.

She couldn't process what he was saying, she didn't care what he had to say, she just wanted to keep holding him, to keep hanging onto him, to keep feeling his warmth, his love, to keep hearing his beautiful voice in her ear, and his steady heartbeat calming her as she tried her best to maintain her ragged breathing. She needed to take this all in. She needed to make this all last.

The girls name was Blake, she wanted to die. The boy she held so tightly in her arms was named Jack.

Jack was dead.

He died protecting her, saving her, not letting anything bad ever happen to the girl he loved. Jack was 17.

They were just taking a walk, just like they had a million times, just talking and laughing and being teenagers, when the car jumped the curb, the drunk driver behind the wheel clumsily trying to navigate the huge 4 by 4, but it charged full speed ahead none the less. Blake didn't know what was coming, well maybe she did, but it all happened so fast for her to process any of it. The thing that is stuck in her mind now is what happened before Jack pushed her out of the way, the talk they had, the last one they would ever share together.

"If you could do anything right now, what would you do?" Jack asked her, grinning as they walked hand in hand down the sidewalk.

Blake sighed and smiled back at him, "I don't know..."

He frowned, "Come on, you have to want to do something," he said nudging her with his hip.

She bit her lower lip thoughtfully thinking, "Well... Honestly? This right here?" she sighed happily, "This is all I could ever ask for... Me and you together, if I could have anything, that's what I'd want... Us, forever." She nodded to herself, knowing that was a true answer.

She loved Jack with all her heart and soul. She felt like Jack was a part of her. She knew he felt the same way. She knew deep down in her heart that this boy was the one. The one people dream about finding. The one people write novels about falling in love with. The one that makes your heart speed up just a little when he kisses you on the cheek. The one that makes you weak in the knees when he calls you beautiful and stunning, even without any makeup on in some baggy sweats. The one who still gives you goose bumps when he whispers, "I love you," just because you know he means it. The one you find once in a lifetime.

The one that was gone from Blake's life forever. Her forever love is gone.

"That's a good answer, sweetheart," he said, kissing her sweetly on her lips. He could feel her smiling into the kiss, he loved it when she did that.

"Well what about you? What would you do?" she asked as they pulled apart.

He smiled softly, "Well, you took the best answer... That's what I would do first and foremost, no doubt... But I guess... If I had to pick something, I would pick to fly." He nodded, looking at Blake at she smiled.

"Why is that?" she questioned.

He chuckled softly, "Why not? Sometimes you can just look at the sky, just stare at it Blake, and you can realize that it's never ending. It seems like it could go on forever and ever, and that's where I want to be. Floating on air. Soaring through the sky, looking down at this crazy place and saying, 'Damn that's beautiful'. I want to fly... I want to just fly away sometimes you know? Into the sky, so if I ever just disappear one day, you know where to find me," He laughed, looking up into the cerulean blue abyss above them. Staring in wonder and amazement, picturing what it would be like to live in the sky.

"Wouldn't you take me with you?" Blake asked smiling at him.

He grinned, "Well of course, but maybe only in my heart babe, it could be tough out there you know," He smiled at her softly,  taking in her beautiful face, he could never get tired of looking at her, she made him so happy.

"I would be able to make it up there with you Jack baby, swear," She laughed.

He shrugged, "We'll see huh?"

She nodded, "Maybe one day we will."

He leaned in and kissed her, delicately, sweetly, savoring each moment. Knowing deep down, something about today was special. Either that... Or very very wrong.

"I love you," Jack whispered as he pulled away and wrapped his arms around her firmly, his hands laced together behind her back. She nuzzled her head into the crook of his shoulder, her hands behind his neck.

"I love you too Jack," She whispered back.

He pulled away and put their foreheads together, "Promise," he questioned. Raising his eyebrows.

She grinned and nodded, "Promise."

He kissed her forehead once more and they pulled apart again, Jack lacing his hand with Blake's again, as they continued to walk slowly down the sidewalk.

That's when it happened. That's when she saw the brilliant stream of headlights suddenly creep up behind them. That's when she heard the screeching of tires and the sound of metal hitting concrete as the massive vehicle lurched above the sidewalk, now only feet behind them.

She felt Jack let go of her hand and push her, hard. He pushed her into the street and as far away from himself as he could. She felt him for the last time before she heard it. 

The sickening sound of cracking, and metal crunching, and glass shattering, and she barely had time to think about what just happened. She hit the ground hard, but not hard enough to knock her out, something she now prays would've happened after she was safe, so she wouldn't have looked for Jack, so she wouldn't have expected to see him beside her. She picked herself off of the hard ground consciously, her hands were scrapped and her knees were bloody, she brought her hand to her forehead and it came away red. She didn't care.

She needed to find Jack. She looked around her, then looked at the wreckage. She grimaced immediately at the twisted metal, the mangled car that had flipped at least twice more before coming to a stop. She saw the blood as well.

So much blood. On the ground. The sidewalk. The street. The car. A dark crimson red that made her sick just to see so much, knowing this wasn't like the hundreds of scary movies she's seen, knowing that this was real life made her sick to her stomach.

It couldn't be Jacks blood, none of that blood could've been his. She closed her eyes hard. Her fist clenched at her sides. The searing pain of her scrapped hands didn't matter to her. She wanted to be gone.

She heard the sirens. She saw the people who stopped to help. They asked her what happened. Who she was. She couldn't respond. She just wanted to find Jack, because there was no way Jack was in the mangled wreckage.

He got away. She told herself he was gone. He pushed her, then he flew. He flew all the way into that deep blue sky and escaped this whole nightmare unscaved. He was smiling down at her, floating away, with her in his heart. But why? She told him she could go with him, she could go with him... She knew she could.

Knowing it was ridiculous to do so, knowing that she knew better than to believe the love of her life was actually safe in the sky above her, she looked up anyways, preceding to look for Jack up in the sky rather than in the wreck, she searched desperately. Squinting, trying to find him in the clouds, praying that she might she him floating, and smiling down at her, because she knew if she saw that, he would come back for her. And she was in his heart.

"You know where to find me..." kept echoing in her ears. Over and over again, like a broken record. She heard Jacks voice in her ear, felt his breath on her cheek, she felt him there.

They pulled Blake away. They tore her away from the sky, making her come with them in the ambulance. She fought the whole way. Kicking and screaming, she couldn't stop searching for him in the sky. She knew he was there. Smiling at her.

They managed to put her in the ambulance, though she was in hysterics now, rambling, crying, shrieking. 

"I need to find Jack!" She repeated, screaming.

The EMT's exchanged worried glances as they cleaned up Blake's wounds delicately. They gave her butterfly stitches over her left eyebrow, that's where she hit the pavement pretty hard. She would always have a small scar there, always.

The EMT's tried to get information out of her, but she wouldn't say anything else but that she had to find Jack. It was no use. 

They called her mom from the hospital. She was in a kind of catatonic state. No longer saying she needed to find Jack, no longer saying anything at all. She went home silently. Her mother crying the whole way, saying how sorry she was. How much she loved Blake. How much she wished Blake would speak.

Blake wasn't stupid. She was just in love. She was just hoping for a miracle. She was just hoping it was a nightmare.

She didn't truly believe Jack was alive and floating. But she wanted to believe it, oh god how much she wanted it to be true. Every ounce of her wanted that false hope to be true. But poor Blake was smarter than that.

They found Jack. In the wreckage, they found him. It wasn't a pretty sight. None of it was. Two fatalities. The driver and Jack. She would've been the 2nd if Jack wouldn't have pushed Blake. She would have died, no doubt. And he would've lived. Instead, he saved her.

it was on the news that evening. Blake sat on the tile floor of her bedroom, in the same clothes she had on earlier that day. They had blood stains on them, but she didn't want to shower or change. Her clothes smelled like Jack. She smelled like Jack.

The news told the tragic story of a drunk driver who jumped the curb and killed an innocent 17 year old boy, who was walking with his girlfriend, who he reportedly pushed out of the way before the car hit him, killing him almost instantly.

Blake let out a sob. It was true. He was dead. Jack would never be here again. Never smile again. Never laugh again. Never hold her again. Kiss her again. Touch her again. Never again, anything.

He died. Protecting her. He died.

She felt like her chest was contracting, like her heart was swelling, like her lungs were closing. She couldn't breathe anymore. She couldn't take in enough oxygen, she couldn't function. He was dead.

Jack was 17.
Dead.
Jack was perfect.
Dead.
Jack was in love.
Dead.
Jack was Blake's.
Dead.

Jack wanted to fly away, into the sky. He told Blake he had her in his heart. She knew where to find him. Soaring. Floating. Living. In the beautiful vast space above her. 

She screamed in agony, in pure heartache. She screamed for what she lost. For what she would never have again.

Her heart felt like it was being tortured. Burned. Stabbed. Prodded. Poked. It felt completely broken. It hurt so bad. It hurt so damn bad. 

She wanted to sleep. She wanted to fall asleep and not wake up again. If Jack was dead, she wanted to be dead as well. She couldn't bear it. Her heart couldn't take it. Blake was positive it would explode if she put it through this pain any longer.

She figured the least god could do for her now was to kill her too. Put her out of her misery now.

She kneeled beside her bed after she turned off the TV, she put her hands together and started praying.

Her face was soaked with tears, you couldn't see any tear tracks, she had been crying so much there was just moist tears all over her face. Her shirt was getting damp around the collar from where her tears traveled.

She kept sobbing, chest racking sobs, making her want to vomit from crying so hard, her throat raw and scratchy, she fought to find her voice and began to say her prayer.

"G-God... Hey, it's me Blake... I k-know I don't do this nearly enough, but I have to ta-talk to you o-okay?" she stuttered out slowly, "You h-have Jack up there with y-you... I t-think..." she stopped and sobbed a few times thinking about the fact that Jack was gone, every time she said his name, it was as if the truth slapped her in the face again. 

"I-I know he shouldn't be there god, okay? You shouldn't have taken him... Why did you take him from me? Why couldn't you let him take me with him?! Why couldn't you take me instead?!" she practically screamed. Her knees were burning now from the cuts that were bandaged on her knees, still partly bloody. Her head hurt from where her forehead hit the concrete. She was in so much pain.

"God, didn't you see him? Didn't you see the bastard that took him away? Didn't you see him coming? Why couldn't you... Why... You could've..." she stopped herself, letting out a few more chocked sobs, she kept going, "You could've stopped it... But you didn't... So now you have Jack... He's in the sky... Is he happy god? Did he really want to go  all the way up there all alone? All by himself? Did he really mean to push me out of the way? Or... Oh, god... Please take me too, please... I need him, I need Jack... I really do... I love him so much.. He loves me, god.... He needs me!" She cried, she meant everything she was saying, "Or... Or maybe I just need him... But either way... I want him back so badly... So take me up there, please. No one will miss me god, I promise you, if you just let me up there too, I swear no one would mind! I can't do it lord, I just can't do it... Please, please! Take me with you! Jack... Oh baby, I'm so sorry... I-I want you to take me with you, please... Jack please... You... You said you'd never leave me, you promised me Jack! You can't do this! I won't let you! I'm gonna be dead by tomorrow Jack, you'll see... I'm gonna go with you sweetheart, I can take it, I swore to you I could take it, and I meant it baby... I'm coming with you." She put her head in her hands and sobbed some more, gasping for breath, she wanted to die.

"I'm coming up there god... For my Jack, I-I'll see you soon..." She said standing up and making the sign of the cross. 

She meant what she said. She was going to kill herself.

She couldn't picture a life without her everything. A life without excitement, and happiness, and love and security... She couldn't see it one bit. She was going to be dead for Jack.

Because she loved him, she wanted to die with him.

She walked out of her room, in a daze, walking mindlessly into the kitchen. Her mother and sister were in their own rooms. They were letting Blake grieve, they didn't want to upset her anymore. They never thought she would do what she was planning on doing. Ever.

She got a bottle of sleeping pills out of the cabinet. Her mother had them for when she couldn't sleep on occasion, Blake was going to use them now, so she could never wake up again.

She had no doubts in her mind. She was confident in her decision. She wanted this. She wanted out. She wanted Jack. She would get Jack.

She crept back to her room with a tall glass of water and the bottle of pills rolling around in her hand, making a sound that so assured Blake it would do the trick, the bottle was practically full.

She closed the door behind her, confident that that would be the last time she ever would close that door. This was her final day on this earth, the same day Jack died, she would die as well.

She didn't fuss with writing any type of note, any type of apology or explanation, she didn't feel it was at all necessary. She would miss everyone, but she knew deep down that missing all of her family and friends combined wouldn't equal the amount she would miss Jack. 

And with that thought, she swallowed. The chalky pills going down her throat 2,3,4 at a time, swishes down with water, but the pills tasted like candy to Blake, she even smiled when she ingested the final pill. She was as good as dead. That's exactly what she wanted.

Soon she felt the effects. She felt drowsy instantly, she felt a cloud of sleep wash over her, making it hard for her to even keep her eyes open. She didn't fight it, she felt herself go completely numb as she laid on her bed, facing the ceiling, facing the sky. She was on her way.