My Salvation, My Damnation.
"do i disgust you?"
“Mells, you’re a fucking idiot.”
The blonde scowled at the retort. “What did you say, Matt?” The venom in his voice that could make even the toughest of bullies recoil in fear, but it had no effect on the redhead. He wasn’t even looking up at Mello—at least, not that he could see; his eyes were hidden behind the cherry-red strands of hair hanging in his face, too engrossed in his game to mind the fuming twelve year-old above him.
Being ignored only further irritated the blonde, though, so he smacked the hand-held game out of Matt’s hands. The confused and angry expression on his face pleased Mello. He seized Matt’s moment of distraction to grab the collar of his shirt into tight fists, holding him up so that Matt’s face was near his own. Matt could feel the warmth of Mello’s breath on his cheeks and smell the hint of chocolate that lingered.
“Care to repeat what you said just now, Matty?” Mello dared, a threat blatantly layered into his words.
Matt narrowed his eyes at Mello, clenching his jaw. “You’re a fu—“
Thunk.
Shit.
Matt knew that once Mello saw that it was the chocolate bar he was looking for that fell from the pocket of the redhead’s jacket, he’d be in deeper shit than ever. He already knew he was when Mello’s hold on his shirt tightened, the deadliness of his tone sending chills down Matt’s spine.
“You’re a dead man, Matt…”
~
“Come on, Matt. Hurry the hell up.”
“Shut up Mello.”
The blonde hushed as his friend tended to the burns that covered the left side of his body. They had already begun to heal, but since Matt didn’t trust Mello to take care of it on his own yet—plus he wanted to be sure it was done thoroughly—he made sure Mello understood that he was not in charge for the time being.
Matt had to keep himself from wincing at the way Mello forced himself not to curl away from the other’s hands, the smallest amount of pressure on his burns bringing him searing pain, making it almost unbearable to sit and have Matt apply creams and clean gauze to his burns. Mello bit down hard on his lower lip, not allowing a cry leave his lips, no matter how small. As always, he clung to whatever pride he still had, wanting to show he wasn’t completely broken. In each other, they found salvation, and at the same time, they damned each other all the while. And they knew it—while, unlike Matt, Mello was just unable to admit it.
“Mells, you’re a fucking idiot,” the redhead breathed, awaiting the sharp anger that was sure to come his way in a few heartbeats.
When nothing of the like occurred, he dared to look up from the blonde’s burned shoulder to see that said blonde was actually looking away from his healer. In the lighting, Mello’s eyes looked darker, like Matt’s own set of dark blue. Only, the fire that flourished in those chips of ice didn’t seem to be there. His eyes were dull. Matt absent-mindedly crinkled his brow as he noticed this; Mello, without his ferocity, without his whole sense of who he was? When Mello looked over, Matt released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, his cheeks turning as red as his hair. He bowed his head, avoiding the tired gaze his friend was giving him, reaching for more clean gauze.
~
Matt was too indulged in his DS to notice that Mello was staring at him. Sure, back at Wammy’s, Mello would sit on his bed and do whatever while Matt was delved into a game, but they always had light conversation while being occupied. If not, then the silence was comfortable, and neither felt anything odd hanging in the air. Matt didn’t find the current silence weird, but he was probably too into his game to care. Mello didn’t think anything of it, either, but the thoughts running through his mind was the source of his discomfort.
Mello had healed considerably, and was able to be up and about without too much concern. Though, something about Matt..bothered him. Matt was a little overly anxious about Mello’s state of being, but that was to be expected. No, it was something else. He was just too nervous to say it out loud, as though is he said the words out loud and got the response he thinks he’ll get, it’ll be true and then he’ll lose one of the few things he has left.
And it drove Mello fucking crazy.
“Matt, do I disgust you?”
“Mm, what?” He wasn’t even paying attention.
Mello took a few strides over to Matt, who was sitting in an armchair, and took the DS and tossed it on the ground a few feet away, and followed his actions by yanking off those stupid goggles too, leaving them to join the DS. Matt’s surprised and confused and slightly angered expression almost made the blonde smile, just like when they were kids. He put his hands on the armrests of the chair, caging Matt in as he craned his neck, looking in the oceans of what were Matt’s eyes, leaving him no escape.
“Do. I. Disgust. You?” Mello pronounced each syllable slowly, clearly.
Matt stared back at Mello, the question confusing him. There was a small indentation between his slightly furrowed eyebrows as he answered. “No.”
Mello gazed long and hard at him. Matt gulped audibly; Mello’s stare could cut clean through anybody, having the equivalence of a blade.
“Liar.”
Mello was leaning away, his eyes dull once more. Matt didn’t know what made him do it, only that he was thankful, as he reached out, grabbing the collar of Mello’s shirt in tight fists, pulling him back as he crashed his lips against the blonde’s so fiercely they’d probably bruise. At first, Mello froze, the initial bold contact leaving his body in shock. As he felt Matt began to move away, he relaxed into the touch, climbing onto the chair so that he straddled Matt’s legs, his hands resting on the redhead’s chest. As they pulled away, their lips mere centimeters apart, Mello felt the Matt’s racing heart beneath his fingertips. A soft chuckle left Matt’s mouth, leaving the blonde confused.
“Mells, you’re a fucking idiot.”
The blonde scowled at the retort. “What did you say, Matt?” The venom in his voice that could make even the toughest of bullies recoil in fear, but it had no effect on the redhead. He wasn’t even looking up at Mello—at least, not that he could see; his eyes were hidden behind the cherry-red strands of hair hanging in his face, too engrossed in his game to mind the fuming twelve year-old above him.
Being ignored only further irritated the blonde, though, so he smacked the hand-held game out of Matt’s hands. The confused and angry expression on his face pleased Mello. He seized Matt’s moment of distraction to grab the collar of his shirt into tight fists, holding him up so that Matt’s face was near his own. Matt could feel the warmth of Mello’s breath on his cheeks and smell the hint of chocolate that lingered.
“Care to repeat what you said just now, Matty?” Mello dared, a threat blatantly layered into his words.
Matt narrowed his eyes at Mello, clenching his jaw. “You’re a fu—“
Thunk.
Shit.
Matt knew that once Mello saw that it was the chocolate bar he was looking for that fell from the pocket of the redhead’s jacket, he’d be in deeper shit than ever. He already knew he was when Mello’s hold on his shirt tightened, the deadliness of his tone sending chills down Matt’s spine.
“You’re a dead man, Matt…”
~
“Come on, Matt. Hurry the hell up.”
“Shut up Mello.”
The blonde hushed as his friend tended to the burns that covered the left side of his body. They had already begun to heal, but since Matt didn’t trust Mello to take care of it on his own yet—plus he wanted to be sure it was done thoroughly—he made sure Mello understood that he was not in charge for the time being.
Matt had to keep himself from wincing at the way Mello forced himself not to curl away from the other’s hands, the smallest amount of pressure on his burns bringing him searing pain, making it almost unbearable to sit and have Matt apply creams and clean gauze to his burns. Mello bit down hard on his lower lip, not allowing a cry leave his lips, no matter how small. As always, he clung to whatever pride he still had, wanting to show he wasn’t completely broken. In each other, they found salvation, and at the same time, they damned each other all the while. And they knew it—while, unlike Matt, Mello was just unable to admit it.
“Mells, you’re a fucking idiot,” the redhead breathed, awaiting the sharp anger that was sure to come his way in a few heartbeats.
When nothing of the like occurred, he dared to look up from the blonde’s burned shoulder to see that said blonde was actually looking away from his healer. In the lighting, Mello’s eyes looked darker, like Matt’s own set of dark blue. Only, the fire that flourished in those chips of ice didn’t seem to be there. His eyes were dull. Matt absent-mindedly crinkled his brow as he noticed this; Mello, without his ferocity, without his whole sense of who he was? When Mello looked over, Matt released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, his cheeks turning as red as his hair. He bowed his head, avoiding the tired gaze his friend was giving him, reaching for more clean gauze.
~
Matt was too indulged in his DS to notice that Mello was staring at him. Sure, back at Wammy’s, Mello would sit on his bed and do whatever while Matt was delved into a game, but they always had light conversation while being occupied. If not, then the silence was comfortable, and neither felt anything odd hanging in the air. Matt didn’t find the current silence weird, but he was probably too into his game to care. Mello didn’t think anything of it, either, but the thoughts running through his mind was the source of his discomfort.
Mello had healed considerably, and was able to be up and about without too much concern. Though, something about Matt..bothered him. Matt was a little overly anxious about Mello’s state of being, but that was to be expected. No, it was something else. He was just too nervous to say it out loud, as though is he said the words out loud and got the response he thinks he’ll get, it’ll be true and then he’ll lose one of the few things he has left.
And it drove Mello fucking crazy.
“Matt, do I disgust you?”
“Mm, what?” He wasn’t even paying attention.
Mello took a few strides over to Matt, who was sitting in an armchair, and took the DS and tossed it on the ground a few feet away, and followed his actions by yanking off those stupid goggles too, leaving them to join the DS. Matt’s surprised and confused and slightly angered expression almost made the blonde smile, just like when they were kids. He put his hands on the armrests of the chair, caging Matt in as he craned his neck, looking in the oceans of what were Matt’s eyes, leaving him no escape.
“Do. I. Disgust. You?” Mello pronounced each syllable slowly, clearly.
Matt stared back at Mello, the question confusing him. There was a small indentation between his slightly furrowed eyebrows as he answered. “No.”
Mello gazed long and hard at him. Matt gulped audibly; Mello’s stare could cut clean through anybody, having the equivalence of a blade.
“Liar.”
Mello was leaning away, his eyes dull once more. Matt didn’t know what made him do it, only that he was thankful, as he reached out, grabbing the collar of Mello’s shirt in tight fists, pulling him back as he crashed his lips against the blonde’s so fiercely they’d probably bruise. At first, Mello froze, the initial bold contact leaving his body in shock. As he felt Matt began to move away, he relaxed into the touch, climbing onto the chair so that he straddled Matt’s legs, his hands resting on the redhead’s chest. As they pulled away, their lips mere centimeters apart, Mello felt the Matt’s racing heart beneath his fingertips. A soft chuckle left Matt’s mouth, leaving the blonde confused.
“Mells, you’re a fucking idiot.”