What Do You Want From Me?

“H-hi,” Matt spoke first, awkward at best.

Jessica felt her tears begin to dry away, a totally new emotion taking over, as she stood before the guy who’s been plaguing her thoughts and, quite literally, dreams, for the past almost week. To say she was caught off guard was an understatement.

“Uh, hello,” She managed to get out anyway. “I’m sorry; I know I just kind of barged in. I’ll wait outside until you’re done.”

“No, wait,” Matt intervened suddenly, startling Jessica some at his tone. “You don’t have to go, I can. You’re obviously upset about something and...” ‘If you want me to, I’ll pound whoever did its face in...’ “You probably need it a lot more than me.”

“That’s very kind of you, thanks. And I’m not upset I just...have allergies.” Jessica looked down at her feet and wiped at her eyes.

“Allergies? Gotcha.” Matt nodded, pretending to understand. The girl was clearly in some sort of turmoil, and he found himself once again fighting the urge to wrap his arms around her. “Do you, uh, wanna talk or...?”

“Talk?” Jessica looked at him again. “Talk about what? I told you, I’m perfectly fine.”

“Oh, right, I forgot. You and your allergies,” Matt said playfully, trying in vain to get her to smile. She cracked a grin and tore her gaze away once more, feeling utterly embarrassed as her cheeks flushed a brilliant shade of pink.

“Don’t poke fun,” She said. “I’m just...not having the best time, is all.”

“Well, if you want me to leave you alone, I will...” Matt slowly walked forward, making a move to exit the bathroom, before Jessica stepped in his way.

“No,” She prompted, putting a hand on his arm. “I mean, if you’d want to talk then...we can.”

Matt looked at the small hand placed delicately on his limb, before locking eyes with hers again. “Yeah, sure. Let’s...sit down?”

Jessica inspected their surroundings and chuckled. “It’s better than being downstairs, if that’s what you mean.” She sighed, remembering back to before, and letting go of Matt’s arm to plant herself on the floor in front of the sink. It wasn’t the best place, or most comfortable, but she did feel the highest she has all night, and that was saying a lot.

“I guess I’d better actually lock the door this time, huh?” Matt laughed, closing the door again and flicking the lock.

Jessica smiled sadly, but it quickly faded and turned to a sickening feeling. Her stomach grumbled, and she wrapped both arms around her midsection to try and calm it. She’d never been in a situation like this one; having a boyfriend cheat on her, having a best friend betray her to this extent, being totally alone and locked in a room with a boy...; it was almost overwhelming.

“Hey, are you okay?” Matt sat down in front of her, keeping a respectful distance, but still close enough to where they could speak clearly to one another.

“Define okay,” Jessica responded sarcastically. “If your definition of okay is feeling the worst you’ve ever felt in your life, then yeah, I’m super.”

Matt frowned. “What happened?”

“Let’s just say, when you and I had that talk the other day, I probably should have taken what you said into full consideration.” Tears built up behind her sore irises once again.

Matt thought for a moment, going back to the conversation they had, and immediately remembering. “Jason?” Jessica nodded. “What the hell did he do?”

“He’s just...a piece of shit,” She spat. “I truly hate him.”

“What did he do, though?” Matt pushed. “I don’t mean to pry, but you just seem more upset than I’ve seen you be and I know it has to be something bad.”

Jessica sighed, hands now covering her face as if to hide from Matt’s scrutiny. “I caught him and...someone...downstairs in the kitchen.”

Matt could feel his blood boiling. “Doing...?” He already knew the answer, but the girl was obviously devastated so he thought it best not to assume.

“Kissing,” She said, voice fuming. “Groping, tonguing, cheating!”

Matt’s eyes grew two more sizes as Jessica stood up from her spot and began to pace the room. Her face had taken on a fiery shade of red as she grabbed a few tissues from the box resting on the countertop. She dabbed at the tears now marking her cheeks and whimpered almost silently. It broke Matt’s heart. He had no idea what to even do or say, as he’d never dealt with something like this before. He knew he had to do something, though, anything.

“I-I’m so sorry,” He said, looking up at her but not standing up himself as he wanted to give her the space she needed.

“Don’t be. I’m the idiot who stayed with him for so long, knowing it was never going to turn into anything more than a high school romance. Hell, it wasn’t even a romance. I can’t stand the guy.”

“You’re not an idiot. Don’t say that, Jess,” Matt said gently.

“I am! I was stupid to even think I had real friends, either. They’re all the same; backstabbing, two-timing liars.”

Matt furrowed his eyebrows, now totally confused as to what she was talking about now. “What do you mean? What did your friends do?”

Jessica scoffed, tossing the soiled tissues into the waste bin. “Just forget it. I’ve already said too much.” She began walking back toward the door. “I’ll just go back down and pretend, again, like nothing’s ever happened; just like I always do.”

“No.” Matt stood up now, catching her by the arm before she got to her destination. She stopped, but didn’t look at him, shame fueling her veins. “I’m not going to let you do that.”

“What do you mean?” Her voice broke.

“Jess, listen to me; look at what he’s done to you, how far he’s pushed you. I saw how he reacted to you today at lunch, the bruises on your face; you don’t deserve that, any of it.” Matt paused, gathering his thoughts together. “And now you’re telling me that it was your friend who he was cheating on you with. Is that right?”

Jessica let out a heavy breath, obviously crying by this point. She shook her head and did her best to fight the emotions. “It was my best- well, I thought she was my best friend, Isabel.”

“That girl you’re always with?” Matt gaped, and Jessica nodded. “Oh, my God; and you’re telling me you’d be willing to go face those two after you caught them red handed doing that? Come on now, you need to have more self-respect than that.”

“Well, what do you suggest I do? My whole life is built around being in the ‘popular group’, it’s what my parents and everyone expect from me!” Jessica tore her arm out of Matt’s grip and began to pace again. “It’s not as easy as you make it out to be, just walking away and being someone totally new. This has been who I am for the last...six years, probably. I’m the girl with the great hair, perfect makeup, cute voice, and who all the guys want but can never get. That’s how you and everyone else sees me. Do you think that’s how I want to be? Newsflash, no, it’s not. But to just throw that all away and turn into someone else, I’d lose everything.”

Matt watched her closely, listening to what she said and growing more and more impatient. “Jess, come on. I know you’re not that person, but it’s obvious that pretending to be that person is tearing you apart. And what is this everything that you speak of?”

“I’d lose the friends I’ve made and the group that’s been built; I’d be out casted because Isabel is the school slut and gets around more than a New York City prostitute and would do whatever it is in her power to make sure I have no one. Plus, Jason would be against me, too. So, it’s basically guaranteed.”

Matt visibly chuckled at Jessica’s choice of vocabulary regarding Isabel, but quickly took his serious stance once more. “Jess, how can you even still call those people your friends after all they’ve put you through?”

“They’re not all bad,” Jessica considered for a moment. “Most of them are, but I guess not all...”

“Not all bad? Let’s put it this way then. Say Isabel went around school telling all your little clique members to stop being friends with you. Nine times out of ten, if they refused to stop talking to you, they’d be kicked out as well. Now, tell me again that they’re ‘not all bad’, after they’ve cut you out just because they want to save their own asses.”

Jessica whimpered again, Matt’s words cutting into her deeply. He was right, so right, and it was only then that she realized how far down she’d really sunk. “I’m done for.”

Matt softened his features. “What do you mean?”

She walked back over to her previous spot and sunk down to the floor again. “I’m damned either way. If I go back to being prissy little Jessica, I’ll still be unhappy and wish I could just die.” Matt gasped, to which she ignored. “And if I drop out of it all and do my own thing, they’ll totally ruin me, all of them, and I’ll just be alone.”

He eyed her, still in his standing position, before sighing heavily and walking over to kneel before her. “No.”

Jessica looked up and him. “No? No to which part?”

“No, you wouldn’t be alone. If you choose to leave behind all those assholes and low lives, I’ll be here for you. I’ll be here, and I can guarantee you that Brian and Zack would be there too.”

“Why would they accept me? I’ve been nothing but a bitch to everyone who isn’t in my tunnel vision,” Jessica sniffled.

“Sweetie, listen to me; you honestly haven’t really done anything to us. You’re rather quiet and enclosed, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak until we talked the other day.” Jessica laughed, and Matt smiled. “Me and the guys, we don’t have problems with anyone unless they start it with us first. Jason Kiegan is a pathetic excuse for a human being, and he’s really the only one I’ve got beef with; same with Zack and Bri. Besides, I’m like the leader of our little pack anyway. If I want someone to chill with us, then they’re chilling with us. You’re hardly a threat, anyway.”

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult,” Jessica replied, giggling.

“Trust me, it’s a compliment,” Matt returned, showing off the dimples that the other girl has come to find adorable.

“Well, thank you, then. That really means a lot to me.” She wiped at her wet cheeks with a smile.

Matt reached up and grabbed some more tissues, handing them to her generously. “So, what do you say?”

“About what?” Jessica asked, wiping at her eyes and nose.

“About just...saying fuck it and living how you want. Come and chill with me and my friends and see how you like it. I already know you’re going to, because we’re three kick ass people, but you need to see it for yourself.”

Jessica thought about it, everything inside her saying to just do it and forget about everyone else, but wanting to make entirely sure that it was the right decision to make. “What if...what if something happens and you guys decide you don’t want me around and then I end up all alone?”

“Darlin’,” Matt began, feeling his own cheeks begin to heat up. “I don’t think anything could make me not want to be around you.”

Jessica gasped quietly, eyes locking with Matt’s, and lips forming into an inevitable smile. “I’m just...really nervous.”

“I understand that. But I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll do whatever I can to make you comfortable with us, with the transition, and I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you. They can say whatever they want, but if anyone comes near you, I promise I’ll protect you.”

“Are you sure?”

Matt laughed, reaching forward to wipe a stray tear. “Yes, I’m sure. Jason and whoever else won’t be able to get near you as long as I’m around. I mean, I’m not going to hit a girl, but if you don’t want Isabel near you, I’m pretty sure I can handle it.”

Jessica blushed. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Matt reassured.

“Yes, I’ll do it.”

“Well, halle-fucking-lujah!” Matt smiled, and Jessica laughed, white teeth shining magnificently. “Come on.”

Jessica stopped laughing and looked at Matt, eyes unsure. “What?”

“Come on, we’re blowing this popsicle stand.” Matt took Jessica by the hands and pulled her up off the floor.

“And going where?” Her voice was uneasy, but she didn’t fight him when he began to lead her out of the bathroom.

He opened the door and turned to look at her before exiting. “Anywhere but here.”