What Do You Want From Me?

It was about the time school let out that Jessica Flaherty decided her sanity was in question. She sat in her car, still parked in the school’s parking lot, and reminisced about the day’s events, as well as all the previous days during this past week.

Jess desperately wanted to smite her boyfriend; she wanted to smite her parents and her boyfriend. Things had gotten so out of control lately, and she’s tried desperately to keep it together. Now, though, with all the different feelings she’s been having, she realized something had to change and fast.

She’d been planning on paying her cousin a visit for the past week or so now. He texted her a couple Monday’s ago, telling her how much he missed her and that she should come and see him soon. He really was Jessica’s favorite cousin, and she didn’t have any shame in admitting that. He always gave the best advice on relationships, friendships, dilemmas, and life. This is, without a doubt, the main reason Jess decided today would be the perfect day to drive over and see him.

She still sat in her school’s parking lot, though now there was considerably less amount of people and she was almost all alone. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through the many contacts until she stopped at one that read, ‘Mom’s Work’, and hit the call button.

She’d been debating on whether or not to call Marlene’s cell phone, work phone, or to simply just text her. But considering that she didn’t know the exact time her mother got done work, and the possibility of her getting in trouble had she made Marlene’s phone go off obnoxiously in the middle of class, she came to the conclusion that calling work would be the best option.

“Main office,” A woman’s voice spoke after the line rang for a few moments.

“Hi, this is Jessica Flaherty. I’m trying to get a hold of my mother; her name is Marlene Flaherty and she teaches eleventh grade biology.”

“Please hold.”

The line made a faint clicking noise, as Jessica knew they were probably trying to locate Marlene and transfer her call. She considered the conversation in her head, coming up with lines that’ll sound respectful and urge Marlene to simply say yes and not fight her on it.

“Marlene Flaherty.”

Jessica gulped silently and took a deep breath. “Hey, it’s Jess.”

“Oh, hi, sweetie. What’s up?”

Jess rolled her eyes and Marlene’s sugar coated words. “Nothing, really; school just let out and have a question to ask you.”

“And what would that be?”

“Well, Jimmy’s been texting me telling me that he’d like me to come visit and catch up,” Jessica started. “And I was wondering if I could do that today, being I have no homework and everything.”

The other line was silent, and Jessica was starting to take that as a no. She gritted her teeth together and resisted the urge to punch something while she still waited for her answer.

“I suppose it would be okay,” Marlene sighed. “But I’m going to be calling Maryssa and making sure that’s really where you are and you’re not just lying to go do something illegal.”

Jessica rolled her eyes again. “Mom, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything illegal in my life.”

A sudden rush of sadness and guilt overwhelmed Jessica at the thought; remembering back to when she was eight and it all started, when her life was ruined by the man she now hated more than anyone or anything else in the world. She wanted to yell and scream and curse at her mother for even suggesting that Jessica would engage in any illegal activities, when her own husband was the one to be questioned and prosecuted for it.

“Well, who knows with kids nowadays. You’re all running around doing drugs and having sex with everyone and getting pregnant; I just want to make sure my child isn’t like that and you better believe I’m going to be taking every precaution I can to assure you don’t turn out to be one of them.”

Jessica rubbed subconsciously at her forehead as she endured the mini-lecture Marlene was giving her. “I’m not like that, ma, I promise. I’m still a virgin.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Jessie, and I would hope when the time comes that you do lose it, you’ll feel comfortable enough to discuss it with me.”

Sike. “I will, Mom. But I’ve gotta text Jimmy and let him know I’m coming, so can I talk to you later on at home?”

“Okay. I want you home by eight tonight, but if Maryssa wants you to leave earlier than I want you to come straight home.”

“Yes, mother.”

“All right, bye.”

“Bye.”

Jessica clicked the off button and quickly flipped it open to begin texting Jimmy. Her fingers moved fast over the keys as she typed in a short message, simply to let him know she was coming and would be there in about ten or so minutes. After entering the necessary words, she placed the device back in her lap, backed out of her parking spot, and exited the school.



Upon pulling onto the street where Jimmy’s house was located, a smile formed on Jessica’s face. She’d only just realized now how much she truly missed her cousin. Jimmy’s always been like the older brother she never had, but wished for at times when things got really bad at home. She was prepared to make the best of this visit, and hopefully make them more frequently in the future.

Jessica parked her car next to the curb in front of the house and shut off the engine. She grabbed her phone that still rested in her lap and opened the door to exit the vehicle.

“It’s about time you got here!”

Jessica looked up toward the house and giggled a little as she saw her tall, lanky cousin standing in the doorway awaiting her arrival.

“You’d better just shut up,” Jess started with a grin. “Because you have no idea what I had to go through to get over here.”

Jimmy laughed and opened his arms when Jessica came close, pulling her into a tight hug. “Well, I’m glad you did! I’ve missed you, little cuz’.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Her voice quieted just a little as she took the time to enjoy the comforting arms of her cousin. It was insane, to Jess, just how much of her life she owed to this man. He’s kept her alive, kept her sane, kept her from doing idiotic things; she, in theory, pretty much owed him everything.

“Come on, kid; Johnny’s inside and he’s itching to see you too,” Jimmy said, pulling away and standing aside to let Jessica walk inside first.

Jess smiled as Jimmy walked in and led them through the capacious living room. She stopped when she saw Jimmy’s mother, Maryssa, sitting on the couch and walked in to greet her.

“Hey, Aunt Maryssa,” Jessica said with a bright smile.

“Jessie, it’s so nice to see you again. Where have you been keeping yourself?” Maryssa stood and greeted Jess with a hug.

“Oh, ya know, school.”

The two girls laughed. “Yeah, Marlene told me you’ve been making all A’s and are getting the full ride to any college you want. That’s amazing, hon. We’re all so proud of you.”

Jessica smiled; it was nice to hear that other people cared and thought about her. She’d wished almost on a daily basis that she was a real member of the Sullivan Family, instead of just a relative with a different last name.

“Thank you. I’ve really worked hard to keep my grades where they are and I’m beyond happy it’s paying off.”

“Well, I would think so. And Jimmy here just can’t stop talking about you either.”

Maryssa looked over to her son, who was standing in the doorway, watching the scene with mild interest; that is, until he heard his name thrown in.

“Wait, what? Lies!” He exclaimed, gaining a chuckle from the other two ladies.

“Believe me, I know. He’s been texting me for the last week or so telling me how much he misses me and that I need to visit pronto.”

“Oh, I believe you, and I’d better let you two and Johnny get to the catching up. You’re welcome to stay for dinner, too. My sister seems to think you may be overstaying your welcome, but I told her it was nonsense. You’re always welcome here anytime you want, sweetie.”

Jessica’s smile grew even bigger. “Thanks, Aunt Maryssa.”

Jimmy stepped forward and took Jess by the wrist. “Okay, bye Ma!”

He quickly pulled her back into the hallway to continue their route down to the basement. “I fucking hate you guys.”

Jessica laughed. “Why?”

“You always pick on me.” He pushed out his bottom lip and mock pouted.

Jessica giggled and grabbed a hold of the railing as they began their descent down the basement stairs. There was a good twenty of them, something Jess never quite understood, but she relished in it because it was something memorable; just another something that differed from her own house and made it unique. She smiled happily, as Jimmy still held onto her hand and pulled her down the last couple steps. Her smile grew even more once she spotted the familiar, small figure sitting on the lounge, his Mohawk standing tall and bouncing a little when he turned to see Jessica and Jimmy entering the room.

“Johnny!” Jess exclaimed, letting go of Jimmy’s hand and picking up some speed to be embraced in the other’s arms.

“Lil’ sis!” Johnny replied, a large grin allowing his white teeth to shine magnificently.

Jimmy smiled happily at the pair, the two being the most important people in his life and something he missed seeing greatly. He silently made a deal with himself that these moments were going to happen more often from now on.

“Okay, okay,” Jimmy broke in, wrapping his arms around both of their shoulders and gently pushing them toward the couch again. “Let’s sit and catch up.”

Jessica sat down in between the two men as they began to share stories, complete with laughter and sometimes looks of sadness when Jess spoke about the different misfortunes and adversities still transpiring with her parents. The two men comforted her, Jimmy especially letting her know for the umpteenth time that he’d always be there and that she can talk to him about anything, no matter what. It brought tears to the young girl’s eyes, and reminded her that she’d need to make these visits more frequently, if for no other reason than for her own sanity.

“You know that, right?” Jimmy questioned, reassuring her.

“Yeah,” Jess nodded, wiping at the stray tears on her cheeks.

“And the same from me, too. You can always text me or call me whenever you need someone to talk to, and Jimmy’s not available,” Johnny concurred. “Or, if you decide Jimmy’s just an annoying mofo and I’m cooler, you can always call me then, too.”

Jessica grinned and chuckled, looking over at Jimmy to see her cousin’s reaction. He simply smirked and looked at Johnny with an unreadable expression.

“Johnny’s just showing off, Jess,” Jimmy started. “He’ll be begging for my forgiveness later on, though, when it’s just me and him here and no one will be able to hear him scream.”

“Oh, my God! I don’t want to hear this!” Jessica’s hands flew to both ears, covering them quickly.

“Yeah, Jimmy, I can’t believe you just spoke of that with your little cousin’s virgin ears in the room! It’s okay, Jess. He just wasn’t thinking.” Johnny wrapped both arms around Jess and began to rock her back and forth, shushing her and humming a calming tune. Jessica feigned tears, smiling the whole time while Jimmy just shook his head.

“You guys are just too much,” Jim said with a snicker.

They all shared another laugh, before falling quiet. During these moments of silence, Jessica’s mind suddenly flew to thoughts of the one person she hoped wouldn’t be there amidst this relaxing visit. From the almost crash, to the talk, to the glances from across the lunch yard; what was even going on? She closed her eyes tight, willing herself to just stop thinking about him. ‘He does have pretty eyes. What are they; hazel? I never realized how much I liked the color before…’ She opened her eyes rather quickly, into a widened gaze; did she really just think that?

“What’ s wrong?” Jimmy broke in. Jess shook her head, not even bothering to look over at her interested cousin. “Don’t give me that. You just went from happy-Jess to sad-Jess in the matter of like two minutes. What’s on your mind?”

Jessica could feel Johnny’s gaze on her as well, and the situation unexpectedly turned from easygoing to awkward. She’d hoped that something like this wasn’t going to happen whilst there, but it was, and now she just wanted to fall in a hole and sleep away every affliction distorting her.

“It’s nothing,” Jess started, quickly continuing as she knew Jimmy wasn’t going to settle with that answer. “Well, nothing that I can talk about right now.”

“Jessie, come on. Isn’t this why you came over; to talk to me about problems?” Jimmy urged.

“It’s stupid, Jim. Honestly, it is. And it’s not worth yours or anyone else’s time, because it’s really not even anything to begin with.”

“It’s obviously something if it has you giving off that expression you just wore a minute ago. Do you really think I or Johnny would judge you, if that’s what you’re worried about? We wouldn’t, and you should fucking know that, kid. Just tell me what’s going on and we can talk about it and maybe come up with some kind of solution.”

Jimmy placed an arm around her shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. Jessica smiled softly and thought a great deal about it, before sighing deeply and nodding. She continued to think her words over, wanting to make sure she didn’t come off as more of an idiot than needed.

“Well,” She began. “I just…I’ve been having these thoughts and feelings lately and I don’t know what the hell they mean.”

“Oh,” Johnny exclaimed immediately. “That’s so my field. Sorry, go on.”

Jimmy grinned in spite of himself at his boyfriend’s actions, but gave his attention back to Jessica.

“I sort of met this guy, and I don’t even know if met is the right word to use because I did know him before a little. But we met for real a couple days ago, and ever since then I just can’t…” She paused and sighed, not even really knowing what she was going to say to begin with.

“You can’t get him off your mind?” Johnny finished for her. She side-eyed the unusually short man for a moment, before nodding briefly in the affirmative. “Well, what’s so wrong with that, hun?”

“Everything is wrong with it! He’s--he’s--Christ, I don’t even know what he is! If any of my friends saw me talking to him or knew what I was thinking…Jesus, if my parents knew, I’d be done for. You guys don’t understand. He’s totally wrong for me on all accounts.”

Jimmy squeezed her shoulder again, trying to calm her down. “It’s okay. Just relax. Tell me, what’s he like?”

“He’s a…Goth? Is that what they call people like that?” Jess looked at both Jimmy and Johnny.

“Goth?” Johnny questioned. “You mean like, he wears darks clothes and he’s just a dark person in general?”

“Yes, that’s it! Well, he’s like that. He seems different than your stereotypical Goth, though. He’s nice, and he was nice to me and that’s a lot more than I can say for any other guy I come in contact with on a daily basis.”

“What does that mean? Does Jason disrespect you?” Jimmy asked, his voice laced with hostility.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that this guy was nice to me, and it just...it was really nice. I don’t know how to describe it.”

Jessica could feel the smile beginning to form on her face, so she tried to hide it reflexively, but to no avail as Jimmy and Johnny both giggled and poked her in the side.

“Aww,” Johnny said. “You’re glowing!”

“I am not! You guys,” Jess moaned, covering her face and still smiling brightly.

“How cute,” Jimmy teased. “How did you meet him, anyway, and what’s his name?”

“His name is Matt and…” She paused, thinking back to the almost-accident and briefly wondering how Jimmy was going to react. “Well, he sort of…almost hit my car the other day. It was a total accident and I’m fine!”

Jimmy went wide eyed and looked appalled. “What?! You got into a car accident and you didn’t even tell me? What am I, chopped liver?!”

“No, dear cousin, you are not. I just told you that I’m fine and it was nothing. Just relax, okay? It wasn’t even a car accident, either. He almost hit me, but he swerved and hit a tree. So, technically, he risked his own life to save mine. That’s what you should be thinking about.”

“Psh,” He scoffed. “Crazy kids.”

“Totally,” Johnny agreed.

“And what are you like, a couple months older than me?” Jessica asked, looking over at Johnny.

“A couple months makes a huge difference. I’m much more mature than you. Right Jim?” He looked hopefully over at his boyfriend.

“I plead the fifth,” Jimmy replied, quickly getting up from his seat and walking across the room to search through some magazines, pretending to look busy.

"You’re such a jerk,” Johnny complained. “But anyway, so you really like this guy, Jess?”

“No! Gosh, when did I say that? All I said was that he was on my mind sometimes. It’ll never go anywhere. It’s only because we met and it was intriguing and probably something I won’t ever go through again so I’m just…savoring it, I guess. That’s all it is, nothing else.”

Jimmy walked back over and sat down next to Jessica, checking her over with concerned eyes. “If that’s what you think, then I’ll support you. I just want you to be sure of yourself, you know? Not make the wrong decision and regret it down the road.”

“That won’t happen,” She affirmed. “I know what I’m doing.”

Jessica looked back to the floor in front of her. The boys stayed quiet on either side of her, and she was somewhat relieved of that. She could only hope, now, that she could convince herself of the same notions she was selling to everyone else.