Bedtime

I walk into the house slowly.
My eyes trail over the walls and up the stairs.
I hesitate at the base.

Finally my legs move and I ascend the stairs, clinging to the railing.
I try not to look as I pass the guest room.
But I can't help myself, I glance at it and shiver.
I rush to my room, ignoring the pain in my leg from the stitches.

"Hey"
A voice says as I reach my room.
I jerk around in fear, to see Blake.
My body relaxes, but only a little.

"Yes?"

"I know why your mad at me, I broke my promise, yes. Please just, try and trust me, I'll never hurt you again"
He grabs my arm.

"Can you except that?"

I don't say anything, all I can focus on is the fingers around my arm.
He digs them into my skin trying to get me to answer, but it reminds me too much of him.
How he held me down.

I rip away from him and run into my room.
Slamming shut the door, I lean up against, holding back tears.

I feel overwhelmed.
I feel broken.
I feel dirty.

But most of all I feel alone.
I want Blake, but I fear he might hurt me.
I don't know why I feel that way.
I don't to feel this way.
I want to trust him, but I don't know how to.
Something inside my head rings an alarm when he touches me.

So I stay alone.

*X*

I clutch my bed sheets.
Staring at my locked bedroom door.

What if he comes back?

I bring the fabric above my head, squeezing my eyes shut.

I can still feel it.
I can't still feel him on me, in me.

My stomach threatens to empty and I try to think of other things.

"Do you know what's all about?
Are you brave enough to figure out?
Know that you could set your world on fire.
If your strong enough to leave your doubts"

I sing quietly, holding my pillow tightly.

"Feel it, breathe it, believe it.
And you'll be walking on air.
Go try, go fly, so high.
And you'll be walking on air."

I picture clear blue skies, fresh air and clouds.
I fall into the sky as sleep takes me.

*X*

Morning comes and I wander down the stairs, in search of food.
Something I haven't had since before he took me.

I stop outside the kitchen door, I hear my family talking.
Talking about me.

"Honey she was raped, you cannot expect her bounce back quickly"
My mother says.
I wince as she says 'raped'.
What has happened brings a knew meaning to the word for me.

"I know and I understand, but what if she becomes so distant that she completely cuts herself off from the world?!"
Blake almost yells.

"Your overreacting, it's only been one day, just let her be"

"So your just going to let her lock herself in that room until God knows when?"

"No.."
My mothers voice is soft and sad.

"Your father and I have come to decide that your sister-"
There's a sniffle and my fathers voice enters the conversion.

"That your sister will be sent to a recovery home in Indiana where she can get help and heal from what's happened"

What?

"What?!"
Blake's anger is very evident.
"You can't do that to her! What about her friends? this is her home! You can just take her away from me!"

Silence.

"I-I mean she's my baby sister! She's my family! Your can't just take away my family!"

"Calm down Blake!"
My father demands.
I am frozen in shock and dismay.

"It won't be forever, just until she's more emotionally stable. Besides, a change of settings will be good for her"
My mother sighs.

"But you yourself just said it's only been one day! How emotionally unstable do you think she could be until you watch her awhile!"

"This is not a scraped knee! She was violated in awful ways! This will be good for her!"

"When does she leave?"

"A couple weeks, we have yet to enroll her"

"When will you tell her?"

"Tonight"

I can't listen anymore, I slip back up the stairs to wait patiently for them to tell me.