Some Kinda Chemical Romance

There is too much food here. I feel like I’m gonna throw up as it is without this huge table of stuff. Mikey has so much! Two different bowls of cereal, four slices of toast, a croissant and a bacon roll. How that boy stays so skinny I’ll never know. Me? I’ve got toast. With some butter. I feel so ill…lovesick?

Oh god…

RayRay has arrived. Brian’s shooting me and him nervous glances, Mikey and Bob looked daggers at him once and then acted as if he didn’t exist. Frankie, he’s been avoiding me all morning. I want to hug him when I first saw him but he’s…off. I think he feels guilty. Maybe he’s angry with me for being…well, me, I guess. And Ray? Oh, yeah, I remember.

”NO GERARD, FUCK OFF!! I HATE YOU!”

It won’t stop ringing in my ears. My RayRay hates me. He hates me. I guess everyone else probably feels the same, but they’re not in love with him as far as I know.

“Hey…there’s still loads of cereal Mikey Way.” I heard Jacoby say.

I looked up to see my little brother, pacing up and down the table, spoilt for choice. How is he still hungry? He shoots me a glance. It’s a very quick, but very pointed look.

“It’s not for me.”

He does try, little Mikey. He tries so much to look after me, and it should be the other way around. We promised we’d look after each other. I can’t even look after myself. I can’t look after myself, the people around me, anything. I bet if I had a goldfish, I couldn’t even look after that, and it’s not hard to look after a goddamn motherfucking goldfish. Unless you’re me of course. Hell, I can’t even keep my fucking band together.

I nearly jump off my seat when Mikey drops a bowl in front of me, and a steaming cup. Oh, I didn’t have my morning coffee!

That’s disgraceful!

I immediately grab for the cup, but my little brother pulls it back.

“Eat.”

By the tone of his voice, I don’t have any other option.

“So. It’s nice to see you again.” He says quietly.

“…Eh?” I ask after my first mouthful of cereal.

“You know this is the first time I’ve seen you sober for fucking…god knows how long.”

He doesn’t sound angry. He doesn’t sound sad. Just…disappointed, but at the same time, he’s got a little shine in his eyes, like he really believes this is gonna last. Poor kid. By the time we get back on stage tonight I’ll probably be fucking hammered.

“Brian said we’ve gotta sort shit out before tonight, and advised that I stay sober so things can be done sensibly.” I mumble into my bowl.

He lifts my chin up, like how I used to when he was sad when we were kids.

“You’re sober now. That’s a start, right?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I guess so but…”

“No buts. Just load yourself up on caffeine.” He shrugs.

“What and then shit myself later?” I ask, not able to refrain from laughing. “No thanks little bro!”

“You’re fucking gross Gerard.” He’s laughing too.

I love my little brother. He’s just the best little guy! Okay, he’s taller than me now we’re “grown ups” but shush! Our giggles are interrupted by a shy, unnaturally high-pitched voice.

“Hey…I’m sorry, I’m interrupting but I really gotta talk to Gerard.”

Alright then Toro. You come and talk to me.

Mikey shoots a look that would make any catty high school girl jealous and then leaves the table for Ray to take his seat. I push the last of my cereal around in the milk, waiting for my poodle to speak.

“Look…I’m gonna start by saying I’m sorry and I don’t hate you. I don’t even know why I said that, I didn’t think about it.” He told me.

“When in doubt, remain silent.” I muttered. “A closed mouth gathers no foot.”

“And a still hand gathers no cupcake.” Ray shrugs.

That wasn’t even funny.

Then I glance at him and when we make eye contact I can’t help but smirk at the cupcake thing. That was fucking funny, and adorable, and…no. Hush Gerard, hush.

“Look, my point is I was in the wrong, I know I was.” He continues. “I know I probably can’t make it up to you, or anybody else, but if there’s any way I can…”

“Why don’t you go and apologise to everybody else, and then come back to me, and then we can take a walk or something. Go to the park we found the other day or something like that.” I suggested, rubbing my eyes.

As much as I wanted to fix things up, I still wasn’t in the mood to be around him, I mean…he hurt my feelings pretty bad…okay that’s a lie, I feel like I could drop-kick him in the face, seeing as he kinda drop-kicked my heart in the ass.

“We could find a Starbucks…grab a coffee.” He offered quietly.

I raised an eyebrow, debating with myself what to say. Either he would take this seriously and freak out, or he would take it as it’s meant to be; a joke.

“Alright Torosaurus, it’s a date.” I winked.

He laughed, grinning. “Alright then G-rex.”

And then he went off to apologize to people.

How he was gonna get past Bob and Mikey I really don’t know. They’re fucking furious with him, I mean…Bob let Ray have his way ‘cause he doesn’t like confrontation, but he’s a tough guy. I think they’re kinda evenly matched, I mean, they hug kinda similar to each other only Ray’s are warmer and more comfy…that could just be me.

Frank? Oh man, the poor little guy probably feels awful, and scared and…come to think of it, he’s probably pretty pissed off too, I mean…he doesn’t make out with me for him, he does it for the crowd. I don’t know, he has this thing for making all the fans go crazy. I think it makes him feel good about himself. What can I say? It makes me feel great when they do that too. I wonder how they’d react to me kissing Ray. I wonder how Ray would react…but no, things aren’t sorted yet. So, what do we do now?

Now…we wait.