Jasey Rae

"You're gonna have to tell them, Jasey. You can't really hide this for much longer." The boy before me shrugged, giving me a sypathetic look. "They're your best friends."

I sighed, knowing he was right. They're my best friends. How can I keep such a secret from all three of them? Well, two, not counting Jack since he already knew. But Alex still doesn't know that and I plan to keep it that way. But, it's been a week since he's known my secret and for the past three days to tell the rest of our friends.  "I guess so. You think they'll think of me any differently?"

"Of course not! They'll still see you as the lovable, crazy, Jasey Rae I know." His grin made me go weak at the knees, causing me to smile. His smile was so amazing.

"I guess. I just...don't want them to treat me like everyone else does when they're with me." I confessed, hating talking about my feelings like this. But I was with Alex, so it made it all the more comfortable to. I can tell him anything. I started picking at the carpet we were sitting on, rolling the little fuzzies between my forfinger and thumb before dropping it back.

"Jasey, look at me." I obliged, locking eyes with his dark brown ones. I ignored my now pounding heart. "They won't look at you differently, and they won't treat you differently. I promise you. I know them. They'll be shocked at first, but then they'll just act like they always do around you. I swear."

I smiled up at the boy, leaning up to give him a kiss on his pink lips. "Thank you. For everything."

"Only for you, my love." He said quietly, the smile on his face still there as he gave me another long kiss. It's weird seeing Alex like this sometimes. It's the complete opposite of what he normally is acting: crazy, loud, talkative. But when he's with me, he's calm, cool, romantic, and collected. 

"You're amazing." I smiled before standing up, doing my best to bring him up with me. It didn't really work, causing him to laugh and help himself up. "Come on. Let's go tell them now. I'm bored as fuck and I'm in the mood."

He laughed, jogging to keep up with me as I ran towards the door. "Let's walk. It's pretty nice out today." He and I put on our jackets over our hoodies and helped each other with our scarves and hats. I started cracking up as inaccidentally pulled his hat down too far, covering his face. He let out a playful scream, causing me to laugh even harder as I pulled it off his head quickly. I didn't think it was possible to laugh harder, but Alex's hair proved me wrong. It was sticking out in every which way, causing him to scowl and try to fix it.

"Don't. I got it." I giggled, reaching up as high as I could. But, since I was so short, he hand to bend down a little so I could reach. I combed through his hair quickly, telling him I was done a minute later. He stood up, shaking his head a little before flicking it to get it out of his eyes. I smiled. "Perfect."

[jaseyrae]

I took a shaky breath as I caught sight of Rian's house came into view. His house was the designated house for us to hang out in, which meant Zack and Jack were already there.

"It'll be alright, Jase. I promise." 

I looked over at my boyfriend, giving him a nervous smile before nodding. I reached for the doornob, slowly turning it and pushing the door open. Alex pulled me in and shut the door quickly so the heat wouldn't escape the house. "Guys?" I yelled, half hoping they weren't in here. But screams back to me crushed my hopes. They were home. Alex and I took off our coats, hats, and gloves, hanging them on the hanger next to the door. We slipped off our shoes and Alex grabbed my hand. 

Looking over at him, I took a shaky breath. Soon, three-technically two-more people in Maryland were about to know my secret. I don't know I'd that's the scariest thing or the worst. Guess I was about to find out. 

Alex gave me a quick kiss before tugging me downstairs, a place where we've all hung out countless days and nights. The boys were downstairs, watching what looked to be the beginning of Elf, one of my favorite movies. Jack was, like always, sprawled across the couch, his feet hanging over the edge slightly because he was so tall. Rian was on the chair, eyes glues to the large TV. And Zack was on the recliner, his fingers typing away on his phone quickly before closing it and going back to watching the movie again.

"I love this movie." I said, smiling as I watched Buddy go through the Candy Cane Forest.

Rian's head turned slightly to look at me before looking back st the TV. I squeezed Alex's hand. A couple seconds later, Rian's eyes went wide and he snapped his head over to me. "J-Jasey Rae Scott?" 

Both Jack's and Zack's eyes quickly found my face, Zack's eyes going as wide as Rian's. I gave an awkward laugh as I rubbed the back of my neck. "Uh, hey, guys."

"You're...wait, huh?" Zack asked, clearly confused as he pointed to Alex's and I's intertwined hands.

Alex grinned, leaning over to give me a kiss on the head. "Guys, she has something to tell you."

They're eyes went straight to me, awaiting anxiously to hear what I had to say. If I remembered correctly, Rian and Zack, especially Zack, were huge fans. I cleared my throat. "U-Uh, guys, it's me, Hayley." 

Suffice to say, they're jaws dropped to the floor and Zack looked like he was going to faint for some reason. "Huh?" They asked, still confused.

Alex laughed and I went into my story of how and why I was here. They didn't say a word during or even after it, and that made me nervous. What if they were going to treat me differently? 

"So...you've been listening to me rant about how Jasey Scott is my favorite baseball player and how we all said she's so hott and sexy and...and amazing, and you were right there the whole time?" Zack asked, completely shocked.

I blushed, nodding. "Yep. The whole time. It was rather fun to hear it actually, kinda weird though." 

They all stared at me, a large, knowing grin on Jack's face. "Well don't just stare at her guys." Alex laughed, and Jack immediately got up to pull me into a bone crushing hug.

I laughed as he spun me around, giving me a kiss on the ear. "Finally." He chuckled breathlessly and pulled back, giving me a quick wink at my blush.

Rian was next in line, giving me another tight hug. "I always knew you had a huge secret. Just never thought it'd be this big." I laughed along with him before he moved to the side. 

Zack was a few feet away from me, an unreadable expression on his face. It looked to be a cross between hurt and anger. I didn't know which one I hated to see on his face more. I sighed, running a hand through my fire hair. "Tell ya what: I'll play baseball with you and you can ask any question about it to your hearts desire. How's that sound?"

"Anything?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I grinned, nodding. "Anything." I confirmed.

A grin tugged at the corners of his pink lips and he pulled me into a bone crushing hug. "I love you, Zack."

"I love you too, Chicago." He pulled back and gave me a friendly wink. 

Suddenly, a familiar pair of thin arms snaked around my waist, pulling me close to the body they belonged to. The boy's lips attatched to my blushing cheek before resting his head on the top of mine. "Let's do something. I'm bored."

We all nodded and I excused myself with Jack to the kitchen, telling the rest that we wanted food. But all I wanted to do was talk to him.

"Jack, you can't tell him you knew before him." I said after a minute of making a sandwich for myself. "He's already really pissed at me for not telling him in the first place."

"He's gonna find out eventually." He said, stealing my sandwich, resulting in me glaring at him and smacking his arm. I started to make another one.

"Not if you don't tell him." I glared, putting all the sandwich stuff away. "Jack, if you let that slip out, he'll have my head and your balls. He'll never forgive us."

"Us? Might I remind you, you're the one who kept the fucking secret." He said, mouth full of food.

"Yeah, but I had a legit reason to. You need to keep your trap shut so you don't lose your best friend and I don't lose my boyfriend." I said, narrowing my eyes at him. 

He merely held up his hands in defense. "Your secret's safe with me. I'll take it to the grave."

"That'll be sooner than you think if you spill." I warned before walking back down the stairs, him close on my heels. I gave Alex a small smile as I sat next to him on the couch, complaining as he ripped my sandwich in half for him to eat. He just gave me a cheeky grin and took a bite. I swear, these boys and their food....

"So...when do you leave?" Rian asked after a few moments of silence. Silence was quickly followed afterwards, awkwardness filling the air.

I bit my lip, tugging at my hair. Not soon enough, I thought. Not soon enough at all. As much as I loved being here with the boys, I wanted to go back home still. "U-Uh, in...in a while...."

"How long is a while?" Alex asked slowly, raising his eyebrow. I looked away from his eyes. I didn't want to see his reaction when I told him I'd be leaving in about a month, maybe sooner.

I swallowed hard, flicking my eyes towards my other best friend. He kept his dark brown eyes looking at the sandwich in his hands. Jack was the only one that knew when I was leaving. He always tells me how much he's going to miss me when I leave and that he should just come with me. Oh how I wish I could bring him. "U-Um...a month." I mumbled, barely audible

"A MONTH?" All but Jack screamed.

I cringed. "Probably less. Like, beginning of January if we get a spot for practice." I looked up, flinching when I saw the expressions on their faces. I refused to look at Alex's though. His would make me break down right then and there. I looked at my watch. "Oh, look at the time. I have to go feed Rambo. See you at home, Jack!" I said before bolting out of the room. I didn't want to deal with their yelling and sadness all because of me. I hated when people were sad because of something I did or said. Disappointing people is one of my worst fears.

Walking down the sidewalk, I heard footsteps pounding on the sidewalk behind me, causing me to flich. I hoped to God it wasn't who I thought it was. It wasn't. Blonde and brown hair found its way into my view and a body collided with mine, causing me to let out a little oof! I sighed, keeping my eyes on my shoes. "What, Jack?"

"Come on, Jase. You really think I'm not gonna make you talk to me about your recent information?" He asked, making me cringe as I heard the hurt in his voice. "Look at me." I refused, feeling the tears prickling at my eyes. "Jaeey Rae, look at me...please." I sighed, feeling a tear roll down my cheek as I locked eyes with him. I flinched. He looked like he was about to cry. "Beginning of January?"

I sighed, seeing the white cloud of my breath form as I  rubbed the back of my neck. "I was going to tell you yesterday. But I chickened out." I confessed. "I got the call two days ago. If we get the dome, which we most likely will, I leave January third."

He stared at me, a word not leaving his lips. He just stared, looking like he was going to cry any second. I wiped away the tears that had fallen down my cheeks, cursing myself for being so emotional all the time. 

"Please say something." I whispered. I was deperate really. I wanted him to say anything. I wanted him to yell at me for leaving so early. I wanted him to scream at me that I lied to all of them. Anything. I wanted him to say anything.

"What the hell am I supposed to say, Jasey? That I'm happy to see you leave? That I'm glad that my best friend is leaving early?" He snapped, an edge to his voice. 

I sighed, getting a little angry. Why is everyone getting so mad that I have to leave? "Jack, I don't exactly have a choice It's my job for Christ's sake!"

"Then quit!" He said, practically begging. I hated seeing him give his puppy dog face. It was so adorable and I just couldn't ever say no. But I couldn't give in this time. It's my job and my life, and I'm not walking away from it just because of four boys; no matter how special they are to me.

"Don't give me that look!" I complained, pushing passed him so I could continue walking. He followed me right on my heels. "You know I can't quit, Jack! It's my life!"

"It's just a game, Jasey!"

I stopped immeditely at those five words as the last one left his mouth, causing him to run into me. I turned around, furious as ever. It definitely is not just a game. "No. Don't you ever say that again, Jack Barakat." I snapped, causing him to flinch. "Is music just notes and melodies to you?"

"Of course not-"

"Well baseball isn't just bats and balls to me. It may be just a game where adults just hit a baseball on a diamond, but to me, it's so much more. It's...it's my whole life. Baseball is the only thing that my dad likes about me. It's the only thing that keeps me sane in this goddamn state. You want to know something, Jack?" I didn't wait for him to answer. "Two days ago, when I got that call, that was one of the happiest days of my life. It meant that I was going back to my life. My life that I had to fucking leave because I almost died. Yeah, died. Getting that call meant that I was going back to the only family that loves me. That's my life. Those boys are my life.

"And if going back there means leaving you guys, then so be it. It's the only way that I can actually life without hating my life. Sure, it has it's downs. I get into fights, I lose games, I have terrible games, but sometimes, I have amazing games. And no hitters. And it's just amazing. To be out on that field...it's the happiest time of my life each time.

"But you know you four are my best friends too. You know I love you. You're my third family. My family that I know absolutely loves me as much as I love them. I can tell you guys everything. And I know you respect me because I respect you." I sighed angrily, hating that I had to yell at him. But it was the only way of getting it through his head. 

"But if you four are going to be fucking duches about me going back to my life, then I don't even want to be your fucking friend. Because from what I learned about friendship and family, it's that they love each other no matter what and accept whatever they choose. And they don't get all pissy because one of them is leaving because they understand that it's the person's choice." I continued, starting to run out of breath. My cheeks were cold from the cool air, knowing that it was only fourth degrees out. But being from Chicago I was used to it. It was practically sweatshirt weather for us back home. 

"So listen to my choice, Jack Barakat. I'm choosing to go back home, whether it means staying your friends or not." I snapped before looking anywhere but his face. I wiped away my angry tears away, feeling foolish that I was actually crying. I sucked in breath as I saw the remaining three boys standing only a few feet away, shock clear across their sad faces. I refused to look at Alex's though, knowing it was going to cause me to breakdown. 

I just shook my head before turning on my heel and walking the rest of the way home. 

Thing is, I just didn't know which home to go to.

[jaseyrae]

I sighed, blowing on the pad of paper before me, hoping to blow all the rest of the eraser bits and lead pieces off the final copy of the picture. I always drew when I was sad. And right now I was down to half of my pad left. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't a fifty page pad of paper.

I heard the click of the doornob, causing me to look up from my sketch. Sighing of relief, I noticed that it was only Jack's mom. "Hey, Mrs. B."

She slipped in, giving me a warm smile before shutting the door behind her and sitting at the edge of my bed. Her deep eyes landed on the drawings strewn across the surface of the bed. A small smile tugged at the corner or her lips as she picked up the one of a mother and teenage son hugging. It was actually her and Jack. I had remembered when they hugged one time and drew it. So far, it was one of my favorites. "Oh my...you're...incredible, Jasey."

A blush crept on my cheeks, a tiny smile finding it's way on my face at her comment. "Thanks. You can have that one if you'd like. It's actually you and Jack."

She smiled brightly, setting it on her lap before taking a long breath. "Speaking of which, do you think you could tell me where he might be? I haven't heard from him in a while and it's starting to worry me."

I swallowed hard, picking nervously at my nails. I knew this was coming up sooner or later. I just prayed it would be the latter. "U-Uh, he's probably still with Alex and them."

"Weren't you with them?"

I bit my lip, looking down at the sleeping puppy next to me. Half his body was blanketed with my sketches. "Y-Yeah. But, uh, I left early."

"How come?"

I sighed, refusing to lock eyes with her. "Jack and I sort of got into a little fight."

"What?" She asked, shocked. It shocked me too even just admitting it. Jack and I have never had a fight. Well, it was more of a one sided fight. "What about?"

I took a deep breath and told her pretty much the whole story. I told her what I told her son, cutting out the curse words so I wouldn't get smacked on the head each time. And she listened. She didn't say a world the entire time, only nodding a few times here and there. Finally, when all was said and done, I wiped away what was now sad tears. Jack was my best friend, and I told him I was leaving whether I was his friend or not. But by the way I had yelled at him, I wouldn't be my friend if I were him. But, there were still angry tears mixed in. I was still angry that he thinks baseball is 'just a game' and that I shouldn't go home because of him and the rest of our friends. 

"Oh, sweetie, don't cry." She smiled softly, brushing the hair out of my face. "Everything is going to be okay. Jack...his heart is in the right place. He means well, he really does. You're one of his best friends, Jasey. He loves you very, very much. And when Jack gets attatched, he tends to..."

"Be obsessive?" I mumbled, smiling slightly when she laughed.

"Yeah. He just doesn't want you to leave, honey." She said, putting her hand on my knee. "We all don't. You're one of the best things that's ever happened to those four boys. So please don't be mad at Jack, because he just doesn't want to lose his best friend." She got up and started to walk put after giving me a small smile.

"Thanks, Mrs. B." I said as she started to close the door. I knew she heard me though.

An hour later, it was nearly midnight, and I had thrown my drawing pad to the side a few minutes after Jack's mom left. I was exhausted and I felt sad still. Alex hasn't even called or texted me since Rian's house. Jack hasn't made it home yet. And I just can't stop thinking about what I said to him. 

I looked over at Rambo, the forever sleeping dog. No cares or worries in the world. Only has to worry about getting food and going out. "Lucky dog." I mumbled, picking him up and nuzzling my face in his soft fur. "All you can do your whole life is sleep, eat, and play. While we humans have the complicated life."

"It doesn't have to be complicated."

My head shot up at the voice, gasping lightly when I saw Jack standing at my door. He shut the door behind him before walking over and sitting where his mother sat, only he sat farther in so he wouldn't fall off. 

"It can be as easy as a dog's." He stretched out his arm to run it down my puppy's body a few times. 

"Jack, I'm sorry-" I started to say.

"No, I'm sorry." He sighed, looking up at me. "I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have said what I said. It was wrong. But you have to understand why I said it." He sighed once more, looking at the small dog in my arms. "Jasey, you're my best friend. And...and I really don't want to lose you. So I just said whatever was on my mind at the time." He took my hand and entwined our fingers. "Jasey, I am so happy for you that you're able to go back to your life in Chicago. I really am. It may not seem like it, but I am. And...and if you have to go to Chicago, I'm with you one hundred percent."

I smiled widely, putting my puppy aside so I could stand up and give him a hug. He stood also and immeditately wrapped his arms around my torso, squeezing the life out of me. "Thank you so much, Jack. I love you."

"I love you too, Jasey Rae."

A few minutes later we pulled back and sat on the bed. "How's Alex?"

"The truth?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. I only nodded slowly, afraid of what he was going to say. I had a feeling it was going to be bad. He let out a long breath. "He's mad. Mostly mad that you didn't tell him you were leaving early. But he's still mad that you didn't talk to him about any of this. You know Alex. If his girlfriend has a problem or something, he likes that she can go to him for anything and not keep or bottled up. So he's mad you didn't go and talk to him."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Fantastic."