Jasey Rae

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jasey Rae!"

I smiled to myself, hearing my brother on the other line. "Hey, Jake! How is your Christmas going?"

"Amazing! I got so many things!" He said excitedly, and started listing off all the gifts he received. I laughed lightly, putting in appropriate comments here and there to tell him I was listening.

"That's really great, Jake. I'm so happy for you." I said once he finished his long list that seemed to take ten minutes to tell me.

"Yeah, it was fun. How was your Christmas?"

I smiled instantly, remembering the morning. "It was amazing. Jack, Rian, Alex, and Zack decorated the living room and gave me gifts. It was amazing." I gushed, blushing at the fact that I was getting so excited. "And Alex took me over to meet his family."

There was a pause, and I sighed, biting my lip. I knew what was coming. "Don't you think you're getting a little too serious when you're leaving so soon-?"

"Jake, don't give me that lecture. I know what I'm doing." I mumbled, earning a sigh from him. For a thirteen-year-old boy, he sometimes acts like he's older than me. "Anyways, anything else going on?"

He cleared his throat. "U-Uh, actually J-Jasey. There's someone who wants to...talk to you."

I scrunched my eyebrows together. Who could possibly-oh shit. My eyes went wide and I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably as it fell to the floor. After everything, he wants to talk to me? What's he going to say? Is he going to apologize? Does he still feel the same way about me? Does he think I'll just forgive him?

"Jasey Rae?"

I sucked in a sharp breath upon hearing the deep voice that had yelled at me constantly everyday of my life. The same voice that had called me names; the same voice that had told my mother that he was leaving for good. I felt tears fall quickly down my quivering chin, my nose getting runny, but I didn't care. I sniffled and heard him sigh.

"Jasey Rae, please talk to me. Say something please; to let me know you're listening."

I couldn't help it; I started to sob. He wanted to talk over the phone after all this time. He thinks I'll just forgive him. Well, he's got another thing coming. I choked out a sob. "You think you can just talk to me after everything you put me through?" I found myself scream, shocking even myself, but I didn't care. He just made me so angry.

"Jasey, listen-"

"No! You listen! You put me through so much fucking pain, and you think you can just...talk to me over the phone?" I continued to yell. "Every fucking day of my life, you told me I was stupid, and that there was no hope for me. You constantly yelled at me for my grades and school, always telling me I needed to bring them up and actually try harder! But did you ever realize that I was actually trying my hardest? That I was only C and D material? That I could never get A's or B's for you?"

I let out another sob, cutting him off again. My mind was racing and spinning with memories that flooded it, reminding me of all the nights I cried myself to sleep because of this man. "Why couldn't you just fucking accept me? That school wasn't my strong point? You knew I couldn't do it, no matter how hard I tried. You knew art was my real passion! You knew and you forced it out of my life! You just shoved baseball in my face because it was one of the few things I was good at and the only thing you liked about me. Well, guess what? I make your fucking annual salary in a month!" I screamed, wiping furiously at the tears that soaked my cheeks. A weight was slowly being lifted off my chest, but I chose to ignore it. All I wanted to do was just scream at the man who had ruined my life.

I took a shaky breath, doing my best to keep myself from yelling any longer since my throat started hurting. "All I wanted to do was make you proud for once.... Do you know how many nights I fucking cried myself to sleep because of you? I wanted to die some nights because of what you had said to me. You made me feel so...useless to the world. And trust me, you told me enough times that I actually believed it.

"You promised me you would come here for my birthday. I waited for five hours for you to show up. I was going to forgive you, you know that? I was going to forget all that happened because I believed you wanted a new start and we all could be a family again. But no, you didn't even fucking call. Did you even fly out here? I fucking doubt it. You're such a fucking coward.

"And then you left...on Christmas fucking morning four years ago to the day, the one day where we actually got along. All because you wanted to have a perfect family. Well, I hope you found one so you can love them like you never loved me." I let out a few sobs, my chest hurting from the lack of breathing I was getting. God, I fucking hate him.

A long pause was on the other line before he sighed sadly. "Are you done now?" He asked quietly, and I could hear the regret in his voice.

I clenched my teeth as I sat up straight. "No. Merry Christmas, you can fucking kiss my ass, you fucking bastard!" I screamed before shutting my phone and whipping it across the room. Thankfully, it landed on the couch safely.

I screamed out, sobbing for a few more minutes. A weight was lifted off my shoulders, and it felt fucking amazing. Seven years of anger and frustration was finally out. I had finally told him how I felt about him after all these years. It was finally all said.

[jaseyrae]

"Jasey, why are you so happy? Not that I don't like it, I've just never seen you so happy before."

I looked over at my boyfriend, a large smile on my face. I gave him a long kiss. Ever since a few nights ago, I couldn't stop smiling. Everything just felt amazing at the moment. "Nothing."

"Come on, tell me." He said, smiling slightly as he brushed a lock of hair behind my ear.

I smiled at him, wider than before. "I talked to my dad a few days ago. On Christmas night after you dropped me off."

His eyes widened a little, shocked at the answer I gave him. I would be too, though. "Really? And what'd you say?"

I smiled from ear to ear, my cheeks starting to hurt, but I didn't care. I was in such a good mood. "I told him off for a good ten minutes. Told him how I felt a about him and how he can never earn my forgiveness." He smiled instantly, his eyes lighting up a little. "And I told him he can kiss my ass."

He chuckled, pulling me in tight for a hug, kissing the top of my head before resting his head there. "I'm so proud of you, Jasey Rae."

I sighed contently, leaning my head on his chest as I shut my eyes. The covers over us were very warm, and lying with Alex in the bed was even warmer because of our body heat. We had my house to ourselves, so no one could interrupt us, not even Jack. "Thanks. I'm pretty proud of myself, too."

He pulled back slightly, a smile adorning his soft pink lips. "Come on. Let's go out to celebrate. Just us two."

I beamed. "Oh? And what did you have in mind?"

He shrugged as best as he could, considering he was lying down. "I don't know. Go out to dinner? Take a walk, come back here and watch a few movies. And a whole lot of this...." He whispered, leaning over and kissing me long and sweetly. The touch of our lips brought a blush to my cheeks and my stomach to get butterflies.

I smiled brightly, feeling my heartbeat quicken at the sound of his planned out evening. "That sounds amazing, actually."

[jaseyrae]

"Okay, your meals will be right out."

Alex thanked the waitress quietly, sending her a small smile before reaching over and grabbing my hand to lace our fingers. "I'm sorry this isn't an extravagant restaurant."

I shook my head, looking around the small diner he brought us to. A dozen people were in here, eating and having a good time. The place had a great vibe to it. "Don't be. It's perfect." I looked over at him, a smile tugging a my lips. "You're amazing, you know that?"

He huffed, sending me a wink. "Not half as amazing as you."

I blushed deeply, causing him to chuckle, which only made me blush even more.

"God, I remember the first day I met you. You blushed at everything I said. It was so cute." He laughed lightly, and I blushed again, remembering my first day at Dulaney High School. The day I met my best friends and future boyfriend. "And you still do."

"Shut up. I can't help it." I smiled, looking down at my hand to cover up my red face. I felt him unlink our hands and a few seconds later, he was sitting next to me in the booth. Looking over, his lips attached to mine, causing me to smile. Gosh, he is so amazing. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He whispered back, giving my lips another peck before wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

[jaseyrae]

"That dinner was really good." I smiled, squeezing his hand a little as we walked through the cold park. It was empty since it was late at night, but we didn't care. It just meant more room for us and less noise around. And yeah, the food was amazing. I was really shocked since it came from such a small diner.

"I'm glad you liked it." The boy smiled, wrapping his arm around my shoulders once more. His breath came out as little white clouds like mine because it was getting colder again. "I'm stuffed."

"Me too." I giggled, then spotted the swings. I grinned. The swings have always been my favorite. "Yes! Swings!" I ran over to the swings, hearing Alex laugh at me, but followed me anyways and got on the one next to me.

"The swings have always been my favorite." He said, using his feet to kind of sway forwards and backwards as his eyes were glued to the midnight blue sky.

I smiled, doing the same. "Yeah. They're so fun. You can never get tired of them."

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while, just looking up at the few stars we could see in the sky and swayed forwards and back on the swings. It was nice to be able to just look up at the sky without much noise around me. No one was there to bug me or make loud noises. I liked how Alex and I could do such simple things and have so much fun together.

"The swings are the only thing that hasn't hurt me." I said, smiling a little.

Alex looked over, scrunching his caterpillar eyebrows together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

I looked over at the monkey bars, laughing to myself quietly. "I broke my arm off the monkey bars one time."

He looked over, a playful smile on his lips. "Oh? How?"

I shrugged. "How does any kid break their arm on them? I was ten; I was playing with my friend Laura."


"Come on, Laura! Let's go on the monkey bars!" I said excitedly, sprinting off the top of the slide to get to the metal bars hanging a good fifteen feet off the wood-chipped ground. My friend and I ran over there as quick as possible to get there first, and I won.

I laughed, climbing on the stairs to get to the first one, sticking my tongue playfully at her before grabbing the second bar. The first bar was always useless to me. I noticed it started to rain, but thought nothing if it. It meant more fun for us. "Ready?"

Laura nodded quickly, a large yet slightly jealous smile on her face. "Yeah! Go!"

I nodded and quickly hopped off the stair, swinging back and forth on the second bar. I grabbed the third with one, swung myself over to the fourth and continued on the little path. My hands were starting to hurt from the metal, but I didn't care; I had done this many times before. I grabbed the last one with my left hand, swinging my hand over to grab the side bar of the set of stairs there. But, as I grabbed the last one, it was really slippery from the rain. I tried to grab the bar with my other hand, but it was too late; I was falling hard to the floor, and seconds later, a sharp pain went through my arm.


I laughed lightly to myself once more. "Broke my right arm in two places. That was a lot of pain I felt."

Alex chuckled, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. "Ouch. That must've hurt. What did Laura do?"

I laughed even harder. "You mean that little bitch? She fuckin' ran away to her house down the street and left me to walk two blocks to my house!"

Alex laughed. "Aw. That sucks. What a bitch."

"Right?" I agreed, nodding as I looked around. I laughed as I landed on the swinging bridge. "You'll get a kick out of this one: When I was thirteen, a few months after I had tried-out for the minor league and I think one month three months after my dad left, I was playing on the swinging bridge with a few of my friends. And so, I was on in the middle, and they were in front of me and behind me. And, once they started jumping, naturally, the bridge started going up and down. Well, since I was so light, I flew off."

Alex covered up his laugh, but I laughed out loud, waving it off.

"Yeah. Landed on my hand. Dislocated my right ring finger. Hurt like no other." I explained, pointing to the finger that had been dislocated. I flinched a little, remembering when my friend put it back to place. "My friend Jared popped it back to place. You can say I screamed. But no one screamed like my mother. She nearly killed me when I had told her, but she didn't get as mad when I told her it wasn’t on my pitching hand."

Alex chuckled, shaking his head at me. "That must've hurt so much."

"Trust me. It did. I fell off the slide when I was eight. Don't asked me how, I don't even know. I was walking to sit down and then slide, but somehow I tripped and fell off. Honestly, I think someone tripped me, but whatever. I broke my collarbone in three places. That really hurt. But nothing could compare to the dislocation."

Alex shook his head at me once more, a smirk on his lips as he looked up at the sky again. "Such an accident prone."

I laughed lightly, also looking up. "I know. But you love me."

"That I do." He smiled, squeezing my hand a little. I blushed.

"Come on, let's go home and watch some movies. It's gettin' pretty cold out, and the cops should be coming soon to check if anyone's here." Alex said, standing up. It was the town's law to close parks at sunrise. It kept stoners and such to stay out of the parks and not have trouble anywhere.

I nodded, getting up as well and grabbed his hand, starting to walk home, with what seemed like a permanent smile on my lips.

[jaseyrae]

Alex and I watched about two movies before we started getting bored. We had drunk all our hot chocolate (with milk because it's the best) and we had seen the two movies we wanted to watch the most. So now, we didn't have much to do anymore.

"So, what do you wanna do?" I asked, letting out a small yawn. "I'm startin' to get sleepy because I'm bored."

He chuckled, leaning in slowly. "Can't have that, can we? Besides, I promised you we'd do a whole lot of this, didn't I?" His lips played a smirk as he crashed his lips to mine. I instantly smiled, grabbing his shirt and gently pulling him closer. He noticed, quickly wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer. His lips moved in harmony with mine, our tongues battling it out for dominance in our mouths; though since we were such independent people, no one really was winning.

His free hand rested half on my cheek, half on my neck, running his thumb over my skin lightly. My head was spinning and my stomach seemed to get thousands of butterflies, my mind racing with hundreds of thoughts and scenarios on what could happen. Evidently, they all lead to the same thing. And I didn't mind one bit. Though, if it was going to lead to what I thought, it made me beyond nervous. I was so inexperienced, and what made me even more nervous was the fact that Alex was incredibly experienced. What if he doesn't love me afterwards? What if it was so bad that he didn't want to see me anymore?

I gripped his hair gently with my fingers and heard him whimper, but it came out as more of a moan. My heart seemed to skip a beat, not knowing I could actually do that. I smiled into the kiss as it slowed from the frantic pace to a softer, gentle touch. His lips moved against mine quickly still, but it felt feathery and his tongue slid back out of my mouth a few seconds before his lips detached from my own. His eyes met mine and I was breathing deeply for air from a mixture of shock and the intensity of that kiss.

I swallowed hard, our breathing turned to slight panting. He stared down at me, a certain look in his eyes that I could only play out to be as love and want. I bit my lip, watching as my finger traced down his cheek and neck. I flicked my eyes up, once again meeting with his, my voice barely audible as I whispered out, "I love you."

He smiled, leaning down to give me another long and hard kiss. "I love you, too." He quietly said back, biting his slightly swollen lips. "You don't have to if you don't-

I cut him off with an intense kiss, catching him off guard for a few seconds before I felt him kiss back with just as much force. His hands slipped down my sides, pulling me tighter against him, lifting me off the ground some. I could feel his warm hands clutch me, afraid to let me go. I was afraid he’d disappear. I felt him stumble backwards suddenly, something clicking in him. He gripped my thigh, pulling my leg around his waist before doing the same to the other one, making sure I didn’t fall. He walked us backwards towards the door, his hand fumbling for the doorknob, both of us refusing to break away from the kiss.

I barely noticed when he pulled us inside my warm room, the door slamming when he kicked it shut. I thanked all the Heavens that we were home alone all night and day. I clung to him, my lips breaking away for a moment just to breathe. But he was quick at getting his air and quickly placed our lips back together. I could hear his shoes squeak over the floor, and then the sound was gone after a moment: he had slipped his shoes off. I managed to kick my own off with my legs wrapped around his back, the thud against the floor blending in with our heavy breathing.

He dropped me to my feet and broke the kiss, my breath coming back once again. Those butterflies returned, flapping their wings violently in my stomach. Just the way he looked at me was enough to drop me to the floor. My knees felt weak, but I stood strong.

He breathed deeply and reached his hands out suddenly, his fingers shakily grabbing the zipper on my jacket. He pulled it down in one quick movement and pushed it off my shoulders. I shuddered as the cold air hit my cold skin, but my eyes didn’t leave his face. He slid the jacket off my arms and onto the floor, his fingers then curling around the bottom of my shirt. That’s when my stomach did another flip. He hastily peeled the shirt off my body, dropping it to the floor as if it were something that disinterested him. I blushed and grinned sheepishly, lifting my hands, but he was already working on my pants. When he undid the button and the zipper--after his fingers brushed my skin, creating goose bumps--he lifted me up with ease, our foreheads pressing together while I managed to kick off my jeans. I knew he didn’t want to stare, but when he set me down, his eyes trailed over me; his face flushed.

I flushed myself, my mind racing with thoughts. Just the way he took of my shirt and sweatshirt, so smooth and swift, told me I was probably going to be really inexperienced to him. Even though he knew I hadn't given myself to anyone yet, now more than anything was really going to prove it to him. It made me even more nervous, and Alex saw.

"Hey, I don't wanna pressure you." He whispered, taking my face in my hands. I leaned into his warm touch.

I shook my head at him, staring at his shirt-covered chest. "N-No, it's fine. I'm just...I'm just nervous, is all." I said quietly, hanging my head down in embarrassment.

He took his index finger, putting it under my chin before lifting my face a little, a small smile on his lips. "Don't be nervous, sweetheart. To be honest, I'm a little nervous myself."

"You are?"

He nodded, chuckling breathlessly to himself. "Yes. I'm about to make love to the girl I'm absolutely head over heels in love with. Of course I'm nervous."

I blushed at his confession, lifting my hand to rest on his cheek, tracing my finger over his face lightly. I bit my lip. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He kissed me again, soft and sweet, almost afraid if he made the wrong move I would leave. "If I do anything that hurts you too much, or if you want me to stop, just say the word, and I'll back off." He mumbled as he went down to kiss my neck.

I giggled softly at the contact because it tickled. "I love you so much, Alex."

"I love you, too, Jasey Rae. Forever." He whispered huskily before lifting me up gently and placing me on the bed, hovering over me.

I ignored my churning stomach and just let everything flow. I just let my heart out, all my love for the boy I was head over heels for out on the floor. This was right. I just knew it.

[jaseyrae]

I felt different when I opened my eyes. Not just my body, but me as a person felt different. A good different. A very good different. I felt...whole. Alex's face was inches from my own, sleeping soundly as his soft breathing escaped through his nose. I smiled to myself, the memories of last night - actually, it was only a few hours ago - flooded my mind, and I instantly blushed. Honestly, I couldn't believe it happened. Only months ago, I didn't want anything to do with the boy sleeping next to me, his arm security around my bare waist. And now, here we were: so in love and finally proved it to one another.

I sniffed, wincing a little while laughing lightly; it didn't smell too great. I got off the bed quietly so I wouldn't disturb Alex and took a quick shower. When I walked back in the room, a towel wrapped tightly around my wet body, Alex was still sleeping. I laughed to myself and grabbed my clothes to change. After getting into some comfortable clothes, I took the hair dryer and straightener downstairs and dried my hair down there so it wouldn't wake the boy sleeping in my bed, and quickly straightened my hair to the way I liked it.

And still, Alex was sound asleep. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, my stomach rumbling for some food - waffles especially - and walked down in the kitchen. Although my waffles can never compare to Nina's, I'd say they were pretty good, but a lot of people still said mine were close to them.

Turning around after hearing footsteps on the stairs, my eyes landing on Alex. He was only in his boxers, and that made my flush, thinking of last night again. I turned back to my waffles, feeling a pair of arms snake around my waist.

Alex's lips attached to my cheek, and I could feel him smile. "I got worried that a beautiful girl wasn't by my side when I woke up. I thought it was all a dream."

I laughed lightly, setting the last waffle on the plate in front of me. "Trust me; I was there. You just seemed to wake up for nothing. I took a shower already even."

"You must've been super quiet then. “Cause I didn't hear a thing." He chuckled, turning me around by my waist. His lips found mine instantly, and I smiled, kissing him back for a few seconds before pulling back, wincing a little at his light grip. Alex noticed, scrunching his eyebrows together. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, waving it off. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me." He said softly, getting on his knees to get a better look. He lifted my shirt up just below my chest and frowned. A few bruises were on my stomach, but they were light, just deep enough to hurt when someone touched them. They weren't bad at all. And there were small red spots that his mouth had left. But it wasn't bad. He stood up quickly, my shirt falling back done. His hands found my face softly, a sadness in his eyes. "Fuck, Jasey, if I was hurting you, you should've told me to back off. I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have been so rough with you for your first time. I'm really sorry-"

I smiled to myself, a warmth brought to my heart as I kissed him to cut him off. He was so adorable. "Alex, don't be sorry. You were perfectly okay. I didn't even notice. Besides, they aren't that bad. Trust me; I've gone through worse pain."

He sighed sadly, resting his forehead on mine. "I shouldn't have been so rough. I'm sorry."

I kissed his nose. "Don't be. There's nothing to be sorry for." I gave him a short kiss before pulling away. "Want some breakfast?" I smiled, raising my eyebrow a little. "They're pretty amazing if I do say so myself."

He grinned, nodding quickly. "I would love some."