Jasey Rae

I sighed, watching as the workers carried the furniture outside and into the large moving truck. The house was nearly empty, all the furniture inside the truck. Mom said that the furniture was going to be shipped to our house back in Chicago, then our very close next-door neighbor is going to watch over the workers as they put it back in the house.

I can't believe we're leaving in four days. Tonight is New Year's Eve, and that just made it all the worse. Only four more days left of seeing the four boys that I can barely live without. And I don't even get to see them at all when I'm gone. Except when I'm in Maryland for a game, but that'll only be three days. And that's definitely not enough time. But I guess I shouldn't be so down. I finally - after a really long break - get to continue my dream, and I'm so happy for that. I can't wait, really; I get to see my boys back home, my second family.

But I can't help but fear a little. Alex doesn't exactly have the best reputation for staying faithful, and I really don't want to lose him to some random chick that he's going to have a one-night stand with. Even though Jack had promised he'd keep Alex in check, I just couldn't help but worry a little. I mean, yeah, Alex is my boyfriend and I should trust him one hundred percent, but there's still that little sliver of fear in there. Ever since the other day ago - the day we had sex - he's been acting really weird. He hasn't called or texted me, and when I do, he just says he has to go. And that's getting me really scared. I tried to ignore the gut feeling of something going terribly wrong, but I just couldn't. Something bad is going to happen but I don't know exactly what it is.

Finally, after the movers had finished, I headed over to Jack's house to go hang out with the boys and goof around before the party tonight. They decided to let their practices stop for the next few days so they can spend as much time with me as possible, despite my pleas for them to not do it.

"Hey, guys." I smiled, sitting on Jack's bed. I bent over and went to give Alex a kiss, and he did, but he pulled away as quickly as possible, not saying anything. My stomach churned. I have a very bad feeling about this. I sighed and looked over at the other three, plastering on a fake smile for them, even though I knew they could see it.

"What's wrong?" I heard Jack whisper, his lips on my ear. I only shrugged and he nodded, knowing he'll get it out of me later when the others weren't around.

"So, what do you wanna do before the party?" I asked, changing the subject quickly. Rian smiled a beautiful smile at me, causing me to smile too. "What, Ri?"

"We want to see you play baseball."

[jaseyrae]

"Okay, you got this, Chicago!" Zack said, his fingers pushing through the holes of the black fence in front of him.

I laughed lightly, fixing my baseball cap on my head before tapping my shoes with my bat. Taking a deep breath, I gave Jack the symbol to start up the machine and he nodded, looking down at the rented tennis ball shooter before he started it up. And, a few seconds later, a bright yellowish green ball shot out at full speed. I smirked, taking my little step before smacking the ball at the right second, sending it way out of the field.

"Whoa."

I laughed at the three boys behind me and hit another one, seeing it fly after the first one. This went on for a while, just the boys watching me as I smacked tennis balls in the field for their enjoyment. I thanked God no one else was around to see. Although it wouldn't really matter since I wasn't going back to the school or anything again.

After a while, we all switched places, and Jack went up first, making a fool of himself. Zack went next, out beating Jack by a mile, then Rian went up, and then Alex. A few hours later, we headed back home because we were tired and crashed at Jack's house.

I smiled, seeing my puppy jump at Jack's feet excitedly. Jack perked up instantly and began playing with the young dog, causing me to laugh lightly. They seemed to be like brothers. I was really going to miss Jack's energy, as much as it was annoying in the morning. But I still was going to miss it. It made Jack, Jack.

"I'm going to take a nap." Zack and Rian announced before going separate ways to search for some type of usable piece of furniture for a bed.

"Me too." Alex said quietly before walking upstairs, not even glancing at me. I slouched my shoulders. He always asks me to come with him.

"Jasey, what's going on between you two?"

I shrugged sadly, feeling my chin quiver a little, as I sat on the couch. "I really don't know, Jack. Ever since the other night, he's barely even looked at me. Just a few nights ago, he couldn't keep his hands off me; now he just...doesn't say a word. And I'm really worried about that."

"Don't be, Jase. Alex is probably sad that you're leaving. He loves you still, I know it. And I know you love him too." Jack said, sitting next to me and pulling me into his arms.

I let out a long breath and laid my head on the boy's lap, thinking about what he said. That's all it had to be. He's just sad I'm leaving. It's nothing serious. You got yourself worked up for nothing. My heavy eyelids finally shut, my head moving to rest it on Jack's stomach. I felt Jack's fingers run through my hair slowly, and that really made me even drowsier. As weird and possibly dirty as it sounded, I loved when Jack did that. "I love you, Jack."

"I love you, too, Jasey Rae."

[jaseyrae]

I hesitated, biting my lip as I looked at my hand that was about to knock on the door. Should I do it? Maybe it really is nothing and I'm just overreacting. Maybe Jack's right. I'm just over thinking this. I inhaled sharply as the door opened, revealing a slightly tired looking Alex. His eyes landed on my hand before looking at me. Clearing my throat, I lowered my hand and put it to my side, offering him a small smile. "U-Uh, hey, I was uh, just about to come talk to you."

He merely nodded, taking out his phone to read a text message before responding and putting it back in his pocket. "I have to go. I gotta run a few errands for my mom."

"Oh, do you want me to come?"

"No." He said quickly, shaking his head. My face fell. He always wants me to come. "No, I've gotta do it alone. I'll see you later."

"Oh, okay. Well, have fun." I said sadly, looking down at our feet. And a few seconds later, his feet were gone from my sight and going down the stairs. Not a goodbye was spoken, nor an 'I love you.' He just...left.

What's gotten into him? I haven't done anything. I went down the stairs, instantly looking for my sweatshirt so I could go out. I wiped away the small tear from my cheek.

"What're you doing?"

I ignored Jack and continued my search, not being able to find my sweatshirt. Jack repeated his question with a little more urgency, and I sighed, looking over at him. "I'm just going for a walk, Jack. I'll be back later."

"I'm coming with you." And he wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer.

[jaseyrae]

"Did you talk to Al?"

I shook my head, looking at the wood chips below my feet as I slowly went back and forth on the swing I was sitting on. Jack was on the one next to me. "No. I was about to but he said he had to leave. And he just...left."

"Do you know what could have happened?"

I shook my head again, letting a tear fall. I didn't care if I was crying in front of Jack; he's already seen me do it and he's my best friend. "No. The other night we were having an amazing time. And then he just stopped talking to me the next day."

"Well, what did you do the day you were talking to each other? Maybe if we backtrack we can figure it out."

I bit my lip, thinking back to the day Alex and I hung out, just us two. "Well, uh, we went out to dinner. That went well. And then we went to the park, which also went well. And after that we went to my house to watch some movies and relax."

"And then what?" Jack asked, raising his bushy eyebrow at me.

I bit my lip, thinking back to the night Alex and I had spent together. My cheeks involuntarily blushed, and I cursed myself mentally. I had to tell Jack; it was going to get out eventually. "A-And uh...well, we kinda had, um." I stopped myself short, the thought of admitting it actually made me nervous. I had no idea what Jack's reaction was going to be. "We had sex." I mumbled quietly.

"Sorry, what'd you say?"

I look up at him in the eye. "We had sex, Jack."

His eyes went wide instantly, and I noticed his Adam’s apple go up and down slowly. "Y-You what?" He whispered.

I sighed, slumping my shoulders and looked back at my feet. "I gave him my virginity that night, Jack. Do you think that's why he won't talk to me anymore?"

A few moments of silence passed, and that worried me. What if he won't talk to me anymore because of what I had just told him? Is he going to look at me differently? What if he won't speak to me anymore? I wiped another tear from my eye. "Please say something, Jack." I whispered, looking over at him. My heart skipped a beat, seeing the empty swing next to me. "Jack?" Sighing, I looked forward, jumping a little when I saw the boy in front of me.

He bent down on his knees, reaching out and lightly cupping my cheek with his hand, a sad look in his eyes. "Jasey Rae." He sighed, taking my hand with his free one, lacing our fingers.

The tears started to brim my eyes, my chin quivering lightly. But, I stood up and shook my head. "Whatever. Let's just go get ready for the party. We don't have much time left."

[jaseyrae]

I got out of the car with Jack, making sure to lock it as I saw hundreds of kids in and out of the rather large house. You could hear the music a few blocks down clearly, mainly hearing the bass of the dance club songs. People were everywhere. Some on the front lawn, already passed out, only a half hour after the party officially started. One couple was making out like crazy, and it looked as if they were going to have sex right on the front lawn. This other kid was puking his guts out next to the house, his annoyed girl standing next to him, not even trying to the least bit sensitive for him and asking if he needs anything. Inside, the music was ten times louder.

Girls and guys were on the dance floor, grinding their bodies against each other to the beat of the song, all having red plastic cups in their hands, no doubt containing the alcohol that was mysterious provided. Some of the people were on the edges, trying to talk to one another, even though there was no use of trying; the music was just too loud.

A lot of people noticed me, gave me waves or mouthing their 'hey's to me. I happily returned them, even though half of the guys’ minds were most likely filled with perverted images, but that was only the alcohol making them think that. Well...for the most part.

Jack kept his arm securely around my waist as we walked through the house. The party was, yet again, being held by Sam Foster, which was great because we were still really good friends and he had the perfect house. Alex, Zack, and Rian said try would meet Jack and me at the house, which was a little saddening because usually Alex and I are the ones who meet up with the rest. But tonight, he didn't even ask me if he wanted to go together. He didn't even talk to me.

I didn't spot my boyfriend in the house, and the boys said they hadn't seen him either. That really worried me. Alex's history of one-night stands was pretty well known in Dulaney High School. But would Alex really do that to me? After all we've been through? I chose to ignore it, telling myself we were just walking in and out at the wrong times, missing the other as we did so.

Jack and I stayed with each other for the night, not letting each other out of our site. We drank together, talked together, danced together. We did everything by being attached at the hip. But we didn't care. This was one of my last days and we had to spend as much time together as we could before I left. And, after a while, Alex was still nowhere in sight.

After about two hours of light drinking and mainly dancing, it was getting really hot, even in my short black dress. I went outside and sat on Sam's wooden swing on the front porch to try to get some quiet and fresh air. Everyone's body heat and breath really made the air gross. It was quieter on the porch, not as loud as inside, and I was thankful for that. I really needed some relatively quiet place to think. I really wanted Alex to be my first kiss of the New Year, but by the looks of it, it wasn't going to happen. So, I might as well just be alone.

Sighing, I swiped the tear away from my cheek, thinking about the night so far. It used to always be Alex and I attached at the hip. And now...he barely will even look at me. And I have no idea why.

"Jasey, what're you doing out here? The countdown is about to start any minute now."

I looked up at my best friend, letting out a slow breath through my nose. "I just needed some fresh air. Besides, I don't really care about the new year." I felt the swing move as he sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"You should. It's means new chances and new beginnings." He said wisely. I rested my head on his shoulder. "New relationships."

"I have a relationship with Alex." I bit my lip sadly. "Well, had a relationship. I don't really think it's one anymore."

Jack lifted my face with his finger, making me look him in the eye. "Jasey, Alex loves you."

I gave him a sad smile, shaking my head lightly. "No he doesn't. 'Cause if he did, he'd be sitting where you are right now, not you."

"Well, I guess that's saying something." He said quietly, and I barely heard him. In the background, I faintly heard the people inside the house scream as they counted down from ten.

"What do you mean?" I whispered. But Jack didn't answer, he slowly leaned down, his lips getting dangerously close to mine. I had a feeling knew that the scene at the beach was going to repeat itself. I didn't stop him. "Jack..."

Three...two...one...

Jack's lips connected with mine the second everyone shouted out Happy New Year!. I inhaled softly, finding myself leaning forward to press my lips harder on his. He responded quickly, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer. After a few minutes, my mind finally clicked. I'm kissing Jack. Again.

I pushed the boy back lightly, looking at him. What just happened? Alex should have been my first kiss of the year. Not my best friend; not Jack. Jack and I should have never kissed. I shouldn't have wanted it to happen.

The look in his eyes immediately changed to regret. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry-"

I just shook my head, standing up. I pulled the bottom of my short dress down a little so it covered more skin. "It's fine. I'm gonna head home. It's been a long day and I'm tired."

"No, Jasey, please." Jack said, standing up and grabbing my hand. He tugged me back, bringing my close to his body. His eyes held some intensity and a little regret still. "Please don't go because I kissed you. I-I didn't mean to. Please don't leave." He said, putting his hand on my cheek again. He sighed sadly, whispering softly, "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. I'm really sorry."

I shook my head, speaking as softly as him. "No, you didn't. I would've stopped you if I didn't want it to happen." I took a shaky breath. I opened my mouth to continue, but shut it, unable to find the right words. I did it again, once twice, three times. Honestly, I was at a loss for words.

I wanted Jack to kiss me. I didn't stop him even though I knew Alex was my boyfriend, who I thought I was head over heels in love with. I felt terrible about it. But what I felt even worse about was that Alex didn't even pop up in my mind when I was kissing Jack like he did when I kissed Jack on the beach, and the fact that at that moment, I thought I felt something when Jack's lips touched mine.

"Alex...Alex is my boyfriend."

"Yeah, your boyfriend who hasn't even looked at you for the past few days."

I stepped back from him, looking up at the midnight black sky for a few seconds before looking over at the banana-haired boy. "I need time to think. I'll call you later." I leaned down to kiss his cheek, and gave him one last look before taking Jack's car to his house.

[jaseyrae]

After changing into comfortable clothes, I went into my bed, all the lights out, and just stared at my ceiling.

Jack. Jack Barakat. 'Yeah, your boyfriend who hasn't even looked at you for the past few days.' It's funny; only a few months ago, Jack would have defended his best friend to the ends of the earth and not say something that could break up Alex's relationship with his girlfriend, even if it was true. But now, on January first, here he is saying a sentence that's the exact opposite. Jack wants Alex and I to break up.

Alex. Alex Gaskarth. The boy I thought was a complete jerk and a player the first day I met him, and now I am completely in love with him. Just a few months ago, having sex with the blonde and brown haired boy was the last thing on my mind; just a few days ago, we made love. Every day since he said the three words, Alex has told me that he loves me and will continue to love me forever. Now, he won't even talk to me. And I have no idea why.

My first kiss with Alex was incredible. Sparks flew and my knees went weak, the whole deal. Now, when I kissed Jack, some sort of spark ignited lightly. Although, I don't think it means anything. I'm probably just pining for some type of love and that's where I could find it.

I leave in three days. And in the three days, I need to get my boyfriend to talk to me, and the relationship with my best friend sorted out. In three days, I need to know if I'm going to continue being in love with my boyfriend or if the whole relationship is just going to go down the drain. I really hope it's the former and not the latter.