Dear John

I got off the bus and looked around for any sight of my family. All around me people were pairing off with their families or leaving in cabs but I couldn’t find anybody for me. Finally as I stepped outside and started to walk towards a bench but then I saw my cousin standing next to her car.

“Allie hey,” She called out waving me over. I walked over to her. ”Just throw your stuff in the trunk.” She pressed a button on her keychain and the trunk opened up. I placed my one backpack into it and climbed into the front seat. “I was surprised when mom said you were coming to live with us for a while.”

“Yeah I think it surprised a lot of people, well it will surprise a lot of people when they realize I’m gone. I only told one person back home.”

“What happened? Why are you here?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s stupid anyways. Such a stupid reason for me to leave.”

“What did you leave because of a boy?” I looked quickly out the window and she started laughing, “Oh my god you did you got chased out of town by some boy. Who would have thought little Alli would let herself get chased out of town. What happened to the Alli who was too independent to even think about boys? Mom is going to freak out when she kinds out her favorite little Alli who was going to take over the world alone just left home to get away from some boy.”

“Shut up Janelle. He wasn’t ‘some boy’ as you like to put it. He was the boy, he was the only boy I have ever loved, probably will ever love and he broke my heart. We were together for three years and now we aren’t and it sucked I’ve never known anything as terrible as that feeling.”

“Yeah well you know you haven’t even talked to any of us in 2 years. What do you have to say about that?”

“I’ve talked to your mom. Please don’t act as if it hurt you at all to not have to talk to me.”

“Oh it didn’t hurt me at all, believe me I don’t care if you talk to us or not. I just wish you wouldn’t have started talking to us again just to use us to get away from some stupid boy.”

“He’s not stupid! Shut up you don’t know anything about him or me or our situation. Hell you wouldn’t understand even if you did know because you are incapable of love.” She slammed on the breaks and turned to look at me.

“What did you just say?”

“You are incapable of love. You never loved anybody and nobody has ever loved you. That is why you can’t understand why I left town. And you know what I’m ok with that. You don’t have to understand and I don’t have to explain it to you, we just have to, I just have to quit being so defensive about something that doesn’t even matter because we broke up and that is that.”

“Yeah why are you getting all defensive over some boy who broke up with you?”

“I broke up with him.”

“You broke up with him and yet you are still heartbroken as fuck about it?”

“Oh no girl I’m taking you to the clubs tonight. We are going to get you a little rebound action.”

“I don’t want a rebound.”

“Then why did you come to LA?”

“I just want to get to the place where it won’t hurt to see him anymore.”

“And a rebound will help with that. I’m taking you to the clubs and that is final.”

“Janelle no I don’t want to.”

“Don’t argue with me, please tell me you brought your fake ID.”

“Yes, of course, but I don’t think I’m ready to go clubbing yet.”

“Too bad you should have said no.” She pulled into the driveway and turned off the car, “We’ll leave at 9.” I got out of the car and grabbed my bag. “I’ll loan you some clothes too otherwise you won’t get nothing tonight.” I let out a heavy sigh but followed her into the house. “You’re staying in Tegan’s room.”

“I have to room with Tegan?”

“No, you’re staying in her room. She only comes home on the weekends and even then normally passes out on the couch. So you can stay in her room and it will be no problem.”

“Are you sure I don’t want to kick her out of her room, I mean she’s what 16? That would be a terrible time to be kicked out of your room.”

“Its fine believe me.” She opened the door at the end of the hall, “Here is where you will stay.” My heart fell completely when the first thing I saw on the wall was a poster of the summer set, but more importantly John. “Are you ok? You look really pale.”

“I’m ok, I just, I didn’t realize she like the summer set.”

“Oh they are pretty good have you ever heard them?”

“Yeah, they are from Arizona. A couple of them live really close to me.”

“Oh really I’m sure she would freak out if she knew that, she’s obsessed with them.”

“I could see how that could happen. They have really catchy songs.”

“Yeah actually they were on tour not too long ago I had to take her, a couple of them were cute so if you see them and want to hook a cousin up feel free.”

“Yeah probably not, ever.” I felt my phone start to vibrate in my pocket, as I pulled it out I noticed Jess’s picture flashing on the screen, “I have to take this call.” I stepped out of the room and made my way down the hall before answering it. “So I’m guessing you’ve talked to John?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked.

“I didn’t want you to talk me out of it. I left you rent money I’ll be back soon.”

“I want you back now.”

“Soon not now, please just understand ok?”

“I understand but I’m upset I just got back and you took off without even telling me.”

“I couldn’t tell you, you would have talked me out of going. And John would have been there. And I would have , I don’t know what I would do. It’s just for a little while then I will be back and I won’t leave you ever again unless you already left me ok doll?”

“You better not be lying. Oh and he did come over and get that shoebox from your closet. We read some of the letters you wrote together. You really did love him huh?”

“With all my heart.”

“You’re going to have to get over him.”

“I’m trying to that is why I left you know.”

“I know, but please get over him quickly and so you can come back before I have to leave again. I need time with you.”

“I’m going out to clubs tonight so that might help.”

“Well girl just promise me you are going to look hot and talk to at least three guys tonight.”

“I promise, well I got to go, it’s been a long bus ride. And Janelle has a lot planned for today, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

“Jess?”

“What?”

“Look after John for me please, don’t let him do anything stupid.”

“I’ll look out for him, but I can’t promise he won’t do something stupid it is John we are talking about.”

“Did him and Brian make up?”

“Yep, they are still friends everything is fine. Now go get settled in I’ll be waiting for your call.”

“Bye.” I hung up the phone and walked back into the room where Janelle was waiting. She had what little I had brought with me spread out on the bed looking over it carefully.

“How do you expect to get guys with these clothes?”

“I wasn’t expecting to get a guy I was expecting to spend some time healing from the guy I had.”

“What better way than to get a rebound it’s ok you can borrow something from me,” She looked me up and down, “Or Tegan she has the same small rack as you do but she works it better.” I folded my arms over my chest as Janelle attacked Tegan’s closet looking for something suitable for me to wear.

“Are you sure we have to go out tonight I just got here maybe tomorrow I’ll feel more like it instead.”

“No, tonight or never. Look you have to get over a guy and going out and having fun will be the best way. You just got to dance it out.” She moved her hips to illustrate her point further.

“Point taken.” Janelle squealed out of delight and threw a t-shirt at me.

“Great then we shall nap since we’ll be up all night anyways, I’ll see you in a few hours.” She left the room and I collapsed onto the bed happy about the idea of sleep.

We arrived at the club around 10:30 it was already crowded with people and a line was formed halfway around the block but Janelle led me to the front of the line. The bouncer gave her a quick smile and quickly ushered us inside. We got to the bar and she ordered us two girly drinks to start with.

“How did you get us in so fast?” I asked as she pulled me upstairs towards the VIP lounge.

“I went to school with the bouncer, he makes sure my drinks are free and I can be up in VIP. Tonight is the only night he works this week because he has finals coming up next week.”

“Oh, I hate fruity drinks by the way.”

“Oh don’t worry these are starter drinks, we look cuter drinking something pink then whiskey. Trust me.”

“Alright,” She pulled me over to a table by where a couple of guys were hanging out sat down. She smiled and started to giggle uncontrollably trying to get their attention.

“Oh Alli all I want to do is dance.” She said taking a long sip of her drink, “We have to hurry and finish so we can dance.” I followed her suit and forced a few giggles out but they just sounded fake. We downed our drink quickly and made our way to the dance floor. To Janelle’s delight the guys followed us. After three dances we each had a guy attached to us.

“I need a drink,” I yelled and started to make my way to the bar, the guy kept close to me determined to be my escort for the night.

“What’s your name?”

“Alli.” I said slightly annoyed that he had followed me, “What’s yours?”

“Like you don’t know,” He said with a slight laugh in his voice.

“I don’t know you never told me.” He laughed again and pissed me off more, “Are you seriously not going to tell me?”

“Do you really not know?”

“No I don’t know.” He moved closer to me, moving his face into the brighter light. “You look familiar but I don’t think I know who you are should I?”

“No it’s cool.”

“So tell me your name.”

“Mike.”

“Pleased to meet you Mike.”

“You’re a good dancer Alli, what’s your poison?”

“Jack and Coke.”

“Perfect.” He waved the bartender over as Janelle grabbed my arm.

“We have to pee be right back.” She yelled pulling me away.

“Oh my god we have band boys, this is perfect!” My heart fell as she said the word band.

“How is this perfect?”

“They just want a little fun then they are gone, this is just what you need.”

“I don’t think.”

“Just do it, this is perfect. Band guys do random hook ups all the time they aren’t a hard target.”

“Janelle, what if they have a girlfriend back home?”

“Band boys don’t date, it’s a well known fact. If you are in a band you leave it at home so you can have fun. We are fun! Don’t ruin this for me. For us. OK let’s get back to them before they find someone new.” Mike and his friend were waiting for us at the bar each of them held two drinks in their hands. I smiled as I took my drink from Mike he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him.

“Stick with me tonight it could be fun.” He whispered into my ear as I finished off my fifth drink of the night.

“What band are you in?” I finally asked, “Janelle told me you were in a band.” He smiled and pushed his black hair away from his face.

“Hey Monday.” I pushed him away and ran over to Janelle pulling her away from her date.

“I can’t be here, I can’t be with him I have to get away from here now.”

“What happened?” She asked looking past me at her date.

“He knows my ex, I can’t be here with him.”

“Perfect it is now a revenge fuck, have fun.” She walked away from me and I made my way back to Mike.

“What’s wrong?” He asked looking concerned.

“Nothing, I just. I was surprised is all.”

“Alright well I’m sorry that you were surprised, would you like another drink.”

“I think it is pretty much necessary for this evening to continue.” He laughed and grabbed my hand leading me towards the bar once again. He ordered our drinks and pulled me to a table away from everyone else. He placed the drinks in front of us moved his arm around my shoulders.

“You’re really pretty Alli.” He said before forcing his lips onto mine. I pushed him away quickly but he didn’t get the hint and came towards me again. He tried to kiss me again but once again I pushed him away. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t, tell Janelle I went home.” I said before running out of the club. I flagged down a taxi and told them my new address. Once I was back I ran into the room and put my sweatpants on and grabbed some ice cream out of the freezer. My aunt was sitting in the living room watching the news and I joined her, without any words being exchanged she switched it to a chick flick and placed a blanket around me.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be happy again someday,” She said as she kissed my forehead, “You don’t need to find a replacement, you need to find strength in yourself.”

“Thanks,” I said softly through the tears, “For everything.”