Dear John
Chapter 16
“Guess where we are going!” Jess yelled as she jumped on my bed in the hotel room that we were sharing. My hand gripped the extra pillow tightly as I swung it backwards to hit her. “No John you aren’t getting it, guess where we are going?” I forced my eyes opened trying to find the clock on the dresser, it was barely 3 in the morning lobby call wasn’t until 7.
“Where are we going?” I finally asked. She flopped down next to me a huge smile on her face.
“Who have we missed?”
“Alli.”
“That’s where we are going. Look!” She pulled out a piece of paper that Courtney had given out earlier. There it was in black and blue California. Miles away from where she was staying.
“She probably won’t come out to our show. It’s been two months already, she said she was coming back in a month. She probably won’t come.”
“We should still invite her, unless you don’t want to?” My mind stopped for just a second, did I really want Alli to be there? Was I really as over her as I led everyone including myself to believe? No I wasn’t over her, not completely, but I couldn’t finish the process without seeing her.
“No you should call her, ask her to come. I hope she does. I really do miss having her be my best friend.”
“Have you talked to her since she left?”
“I called her once, it went to voicemail. She called me back but I by that time I couldn’t bring myself to answer. How about you?”
“Yeah, a couple times. She said she wanted to come back but she is rebuilding a relationship with Janelle. She doesn’t want to give that up yet. Last time I talked to her she said she missed you not in like the heartbroken way that it was before but more of a in the way of she and you had a real connection and now she has none of that connection and she wants it back. She misses her friend. You two could be friends now. She can come home.”
“Just in time for us to leave. What a great time for us to start our friendship back up. When do we get to see her?”
“2 weeks.”
“Awesome.”
“You going to be ok? If she doesn’t come?”
“I’m more worried about if she does come. I need to get some sleep it’s still early.”
“Oh yeah sorry, I just thought it would be best to tell you alone.”
“It probably was, thanks.”
“No problem, now get some sleep.” She moved the hair away from my eyes. “I’ll see you at lobby call.” She moved back to her own bed and I waited in silence listening for her soft snores. Once I heard them I slipped out of the room carrying only my phone. I moved through the hallways trying to find a place where I wouldn’t disturb anyone. Finally I found it a corner of the lobby that nobody was in. I dialed the numbers without having to think about it, everything about it just felt so right and natural.
“Hello?” Alli said as she answered her phone, her voice sounding as perfect as I remembered, “John are you there?” I couldn’t find the words to start the conversation. “John, why did you call if you weren’t going to say anything, I know you’re listening to me because I can hear you breathing.” Her voice started to change going from happy to hurt.
“Hi Alli,” I finally said, “Did I wake you?”
“No it’s still pretty early. I’m only one state away from you.”
“You’re actually quite a few away I’m in New York. But I guess you wouldn’t realize that since you don’t have to keep up with my schedule anymore.”
“I guess that is true, So what’s up?”
“Um nothing really I just.”
“Are you drunk?”
“No I’m sober I had to drive tonight so I stopped drinking early. I just wanted to see how you were doing, it’s been a while.”
“A couple months. I guess I missed your stay at home.”
“We’ve been out for a week.”
“That’s cool a tour or?”
“Not really a tour we have a couple shows here and there but mostly it is just photo shoots, promotions. Stuff like that. The boring stuff.” I gave a small laugh. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been good, just reconnecting with my family. You know it’s been nice.”
“We’re coming near you we have a show near you.”
“I’ll be there. When is it?”
“A couple weeks. Jess is going to call you and give you details, don’t tell her I already asked you. We will make sure you’re on guestlist.”
“That’s awesome, you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, I can buy a ticket.”
“I want to, I really want to see you again. I’ve missed being able to talk to you whenever.”
“Yeah I’ve missed talking to you too.”
“I want to be your friend again.”
“That would be great.”
“Yeah great. Umm I don’t really want to but I still 3 hours of drive time in the morning and I barely have four more hours to sleep tonight so I should get back to bed.”
“Alright well you should call me sometime when you have time to talk.”
“I will. Definitely. And if it’s not going to far I can’t wait to see you again.”
“Not going too far at all now go get some sleep. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.” I hung up the phone and let a deep sigh. That was harder than I thought it was going to be, talking to her was harder than it should have been. I started to walk up towards the room before realizing that I had left the key on the table. “Fuck, she’s going to know what I’ve been up to.” I pounded on the door screaming her name hoping that she wouldn’t ask any questions.
“Why aren’t you in bed?” Jess asked when she opened the door. “Did you call Alli?” I nodded my head and slipped into my bed. “Well is she coming to our show?”
“Yeah but you aren’t suppose to know and you are still suppose to call her and she is suppose to not tell you that I already called. I just wanted to be the one who asked her. I wanted her to know that I wanted her there. So it wasn’t a thought of if it was going to be weird in the back of her mind.”
“I’m glad she’s coming, I’ll call her tomorrow.”
“Where are we going?” I finally asked. She flopped down next to me a huge smile on her face.
“Who have we missed?”
“Alli.”
“That’s where we are going. Look!” She pulled out a piece of paper that Courtney had given out earlier. There it was in black and blue California. Miles away from where she was staying.
“She probably won’t come out to our show. It’s been two months already, she said she was coming back in a month. She probably won’t come.”
“We should still invite her, unless you don’t want to?” My mind stopped for just a second, did I really want Alli to be there? Was I really as over her as I led everyone including myself to believe? No I wasn’t over her, not completely, but I couldn’t finish the process without seeing her.
“No you should call her, ask her to come. I hope she does. I really do miss having her be my best friend.”
“Have you talked to her since she left?”
“I called her once, it went to voicemail. She called me back but I by that time I couldn’t bring myself to answer. How about you?”
“Yeah, a couple times. She said she wanted to come back but she is rebuilding a relationship with Janelle. She doesn’t want to give that up yet. Last time I talked to her she said she missed you not in like the heartbroken way that it was before but more of a in the way of she and you had a real connection and now she has none of that connection and she wants it back. She misses her friend. You two could be friends now. She can come home.”
“Just in time for us to leave. What a great time for us to start our friendship back up. When do we get to see her?”
“2 weeks.”
“Awesome.”
“You going to be ok? If she doesn’t come?”
“I’m more worried about if she does come. I need to get some sleep it’s still early.”
“Oh yeah sorry, I just thought it would be best to tell you alone.”
“It probably was, thanks.”
“No problem, now get some sleep.” She moved the hair away from my eyes. “I’ll see you at lobby call.” She moved back to her own bed and I waited in silence listening for her soft snores. Once I heard them I slipped out of the room carrying only my phone. I moved through the hallways trying to find a place where I wouldn’t disturb anyone. Finally I found it a corner of the lobby that nobody was in. I dialed the numbers without having to think about it, everything about it just felt so right and natural.
“Hello?” Alli said as she answered her phone, her voice sounding as perfect as I remembered, “John are you there?” I couldn’t find the words to start the conversation. “John, why did you call if you weren’t going to say anything, I know you’re listening to me because I can hear you breathing.” Her voice started to change going from happy to hurt.
“Hi Alli,” I finally said, “Did I wake you?”
“No it’s still pretty early. I’m only one state away from you.”
“You’re actually quite a few away I’m in New York. But I guess you wouldn’t realize that since you don’t have to keep up with my schedule anymore.”
“I guess that is true, So what’s up?”
“Um nothing really I just.”
“Are you drunk?”
“No I’m sober I had to drive tonight so I stopped drinking early. I just wanted to see how you were doing, it’s been a while.”
“A couple months. I guess I missed your stay at home.”
“We’ve been out for a week.”
“That’s cool a tour or?”
“Not really a tour we have a couple shows here and there but mostly it is just photo shoots, promotions. Stuff like that. The boring stuff.” I gave a small laugh. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been good, just reconnecting with my family. You know it’s been nice.”
“We’re coming near you we have a show near you.”
“I’ll be there. When is it?”
“A couple weeks. Jess is going to call you and give you details, don’t tell her I already asked you. We will make sure you’re on guestlist.”
“That’s awesome, you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, I can buy a ticket.”
“I want to, I really want to see you again. I’ve missed being able to talk to you whenever.”
“Yeah I’ve missed talking to you too.”
“I want to be your friend again.”
“That would be great.”
“Yeah great. Umm I don’t really want to but I still 3 hours of drive time in the morning and I barely have four more hours to sleep tonight so I should get back to bed.”
“Alright well you should call me sometime when you have time to talk.”
“I will. Definitely. And if it’s not going to far I can’t wait to see you again.”
“Not going too far at all now go get some sleep. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.” I hung up the phone and let a deep sigh. That was harder than I thought it was going to be, talking to her was harder than it should have been. I started to walk up towards the room before realizing that I had left the key on the table. “Fuck, she’s going to know what I’ve been up to.” I pounded on the door screaming her name hoping that she wouldn’t ask any questions.
“Why aren’t you in bed?” Jess asked when she opened the door. “Did you call Alli?” I nodded my head and slipped into my bed. “Well is she coming to our show?”
“Yeah but you aren’t suppose to know and you are still suppose to call her and she is suppose to not tell you that I already called. I just wanted to be the one who asked her. I wanted her to know that I wanted her there. So it wasn’t a thought of if it was going to be weird in the back of her mind.”
“I’m glad she’s coming, I’ll call her tomorrow.”