The Violet Hour

“You okay?” He asked me as we laid in bed.
“Yeah, I'm okay.” I whispered. I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and got up and tried to get dressed as quickly as possible. I crawled back next to Jon and laid my head on his arm.
“Why'd you do that?” He asked me laughing.
“It's awkward. I feel so...exposed.” I laughed.
“That's kinda the point.” He said playing with my fingers. I just shook my head.
“I love you.” He said quietly.
“Love you too.” I said.
“It could be like this all the time. I mean, not necessarily what we did tonight but you just being here. It was kinda nice having you here when I got home.” He said quietly.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Like, if you moved in.” He said. I just sighed.
“Maybe.” I said.
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“Jon, I would love nothing more than to live with you but don't you think it's too soon?” I asked him.
“I don't know.” He said. I sat up and leaned on my elbow.
“Look, I'll make a deal with you. If we're together when you come back to Chicago next season, I will move in with you.” I said.
“What do you mean 'if we're together?'” He asked me alarmingly.
“I'm saying that so I don't jinx it.” I said.
“Then I guess you'll be moving in in a few months.” He said grinning.
“You're so smug.” I laughed. I just laid there for a while and didn't say much. I listened to Jon talk for a while and then he fell asleep. I was up most of the night and just looked at the city. It was pretty crazy but as it got later, I finally saw some of the lights go off. I sighed and looked up at the person next to me. Could I really move in with him? I was so self conscience sometimes. I worried I didn't look good enough or wasn't smart enough or just wasn't a good enough person to even be around him sometimes. I wondered why I never had these thoughts before with Patrick. I had them plenty of times with my ex-fiance. I just wonder if he feels the same way I do sometimes.