Shattered By Broken Dreams

American Idiot blared again that morning, 3 and a half weeks later, and I felt as though I hadn’t slept more than an hour. I probably hadn’t. Matt and I were up for most of the night, as we had been since my vow of celibacy had ended.

“Ugh… Today is going to be miserable.” I grumbled as I pushed Matt’s heavy arm off of me.

“Nooo. You’re warm. Don’t go.” Matt whined and pulled me back to him.

“I have to. I don’t want to, but I don’t get a break until the tour takes a day off. Which is tomorrow, now that I think of it. Thank you, Jesus! Now, off! I have to put on enough makeup to hide my lack of sleep and crying fit last night. That takes effort.” I complained as I rolled out from under the supremely muscular oaf.

I got myself ready and headed into hell.

On top of being tired, there were more absolute morons than I cared to count today. There were broken bones and dehydrations galore, lacerations, contusions, bumps and bruises, horrific cuts that’d require stitches, and even a heat stroke. The wham-bulance was Deb and my new best friend today. We were so freaking busy that some of the band managers with basic first aid training were called in to help and none of us got a lunch break. By the time eight PM rolled around, I was ready to fall face-first onto the first halfway comfortable surface and sleep until the next afternoon. But food had to come first.

I managed to shuffle my way through the maze of busses to the Avenged bus, where there were loud noises and a rhythmic rocking motion.

“Aww, hell. Where are the ones not fucking some bimbo on the bus?!” I yelled to the area at large. Before I knew it, four of the drunken Avenged men were stumbling around the bus and were trying to explain why the ONE member that I had feelings for was inside the fuck-mobile. “Oh, God… It’s Matt in there? Do I want to know who he’s with?” I asked, exhausted and heartbroken.

“His ex flew out to apologize and try to make up with him. It seems to be working in her favor.” Jimmy said, matter-of-factly.

Zacky hugged me as my eyes welled up. “It would appear so.” I muttered lowly. I refuse to cry over what was never mine. I had my bunk, I’d use it. “How long has he been at it? I’ve had a shitty day as it is. I need food, alcohol, and I need to be able to sleep until tomorrow afternoon. Who’s with me?” I asked the group at large.

“OH! Pick me! Pick me!” Jimmy yelled. The rest of the group just nodded and headed off. I followed without question.

After I unhooked my Explorer from the bus (a difficult feat when the bus was moving, by the way), we loaded in and took off to a liquor store and McDonalds drive thru. A hundred dollars in booze and food later, we got back to the bus that had stopped rocking and brought our supplies inside. Matt and the woman that I can only assume was Val were cuddled on the couch, looking perfectly content with themselves.

“Oh thank God! Food!” Matt exclaimed and bounded towards the white and yellow bags.

He reached for one of them and I slapped his hand away. “No. None for you. I haven’t eaten today because there were more fucking morons than I can count at the med tent today. Guys, I’m taking my food, a 2-liter, and a bottle of Jack to the back room. Unless that’s the room that the two of you contaminated, in which case, I’m finding somewhere else to sleep tonight.”

“Um, I don’t know who you think you are, but you have no idea what’s going on here,” said the petite blond in a tone that clearly stated that she thinks that she is just SO much better than I am. She was pretty, I’ll admit. She and Matt looked cute together and I wished them the best, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to be around it.

“I know exactly who I am. I am the one who has kept half of the bands on this tour hydrated, fed, and able to perform as they should. This one included. I’ve run myself ragged with less than 4 hours of actual sleep each night and a headache from hell every damn day for the past month. These guys have been gracious enough to let me stay on the bus with them since the two, yeah, TWO medical personnel don’t have a bus of their own to relax in. So I want to know which room ya’ll fucked in, so I don’t eat and get drunk on my first actual night off in ya’ll’s stanky, infectious, fluids.” I was quite proud of my rant. It had Matt and this bitch completely speechless, and the other guys were exclaiming things like “OH! BURN!”, “Go, Bekah!”, or just hysterical laughter in the background.

“We used our bunk. The back is free for you to get drunk in.” She said, snidely.

“Thanks, Valery.” I smirked.

“Oh, any time, Bekah-Boo.”

“I’m glad we don’t have to go through the uncomfortable introductions now. But if you call me anything other than Rebekah, ever again, it won’t be pretty. Only my close friends and immediate family get to call me any kind of pet or nickname. Thanks much, have a nice night.” I stated with the sweetest smile I could muster, grabbed my stuff and headed past the stunned couple.

I heard the other guys rummaging through the food and booze as I walked into the back. I pulled out my cell phone and called Mikey Way. “Hey, Mikey! I was just wondering if ya’ll still had an open bunk on the bus. I was kinda hoping to hang out with you guys since I haven’t been able to lately.”

“Yeah, Bekah. You know we’d love to have you over.”

“Awww! Ya’ll are so sweet. Can I come over tonight? And maybe stay for a few days? If I’m not imposing, that is.” I said with my most honeyed southern accent.

“Absolutely. Let me tell the guys so we can clean up a little for you.”

“You have plenty of time. I’m gonna eat my first and probably only meal of the day, pack my bag, and then head over. I just wanted to make sure it was ok, first.”

“You’re welcome any time, Bekah. We’ll see you in a little bit.”

“See you soon, Mikey. Bye.” I smiled and hung up.

“So, I get back together with my girlfriend and you leave? I thought we were more mature than this. And what the hell was that back there? What gives you the right to go off on someone you haven’t even been introduced to?” Matt asked from the doorway.

I took a bite of one of my cheeseburgers before I answered him. “Matt, I’m not going to sit around and pretend that we didn’t fuck. We did. A LOT. You were the first after a full year of celibacy. You were the first one I trusted enough to tell the truth about what happened to me. I understand that we weren’t ever really together, but I know that the feelings were there. I won’t watch you two be in your honeymoon phase all over again. It hurts. I got off work today and just wanted to cuddle with you. It’s been hell for the past 16 hours. But I come back to what has become my home for the past month to see that the one person that I needed, had gone back to the woman that cheated on him with multiple men. Some of whom were your friends. I’m sorry if it seems that I’m being immature. Truly, I am. But I cannot be around it.” Another bite. “As for back there, I’m blaming stress and a snarky tone. You don’t show me respect, you don’t get it. Now thank you for killing my appetite, I’m gonna pack my bag and get out of your hair.” I said, throwing my half eaten cheeseburger away and leaving the other one and the cardboard container of fries on the table.

I attempted to walk past Matt, but he wouldn’t let me past. I heaved a sigh and looked up at him. He looked down and started leaning in. I recognized that look. It had led to many memorable moments in the past month.

“Oh, hell. Come on, man! No. I’m done with your dumb ass.” I said, stepping back. “Besides, Val is here. Your girlfriend? Despite the nearly seven month hiatus. Ringing any bells for you?”

“Just one last kiss. That’s all I’m asking.” I could smell the definite odor of pussy.

“No. I can smell her loose vagina on your breath. Total turn off. Please mask it with a burger and fries and then scrub your mouth out with bleach. Your cock, too. I don’t want to see you in my tent because you’re itching and burning. Kill those viruses before they take hold.” I advised, patting his chest condescendingly as I passed him.

I first went to the bathroom to put my things into my toiletries bag, after I brushed my teeth, closed it up, and put it into my always-packed luggage. I grabbed my bottle of whiskey from the back room, noting that Matt had taken the bag of food and was no longer there. Good. After I grabbed my bags from the bunks, I headed out past the guys… and Val.

“Guys, it’s been real. But now that you have Val back, I think ya’ll are going to be well taken care of. I’m heading over to MCR’s bus. I’ll see you around. Peace.” All was said as I walked through the room and I peaced out.

“BEKAH! NOOOO!!! Our super sexy best friend has left us! No more home-cooked food… or massages so amazing that they put us to sleep… or blackmail stories on Mark and Michael… or amazing, yet unwitting displays of flexibility… or sign of the day… or that sweet Southern accent that meant that we were being dumbasses!” I heard Jimmy cry out from the bus. The door swung open and at least one pair of footsteps was running after me. “We won’t survive without you! Please stay!” Jimmy yelled as he threw himself in front of me, effectively stopping my brusque walk.

“Bekah, we need you! All of us, even if Matt’s being a douche!” Brian was in front of me next.

“Yeah! You’re the only one who has ever been able to really handle Jimmy! It was so peaceful from day one with you.” Johnny was in front of me now.

Then Zacky, “Bekah. Please don’t go. It was awesome how you told Val off. She’s been getting to be a pain in the ass for the last couple of years. Not gonna lie, I was hoping for a catfight. And if you stay, you may get to beat her ass! She whored around on Matt, so I want to see her be put in her place. Please?”

“Look, guys, I’m touched. I really am and I love you all dearly, but you know what’s happened between Matt and I. You know what a big deal it has been for me. I hate to admit that I’m not strong enough to deal with them together, in front of me, every day. I can’t do it. But I’ll see ya’ll for lunch. Our usual group date. Just please leave Matt and Val. Deal?” I asked, looking each of them in the eyes. They nodded sadly. “Good. I’ll see you all tomorrow, then. Go catch up with Matt’s girlfriend, I know ya’ll haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Fine. You’re right. We’ll see you tomorrow. 1:15, sharp!” Brian demanded.

“I’ll walk you over to the MCR bus, just so I know you made it across the grounds ok.” Zacky offered.

“Thanks, Zack.” I smiled and kissed each of the boys on the cheek as they hugged me for, what they seemed to think, was the last time.