Shattered By Broken Dreams

I was sitting in the garage of my old house, where I’d sit with my mom and have conversations ranging from joking about her funeral arrangements to truly life-changing discussions as we both smoked our respective brand of cigarette.

I was sitting in my normal spot, on a folding metal chair that was on an invisible dividing line between the clutter of bikes, old toys and tools, and a “social smoker area” on the other side. My mother was sitting in her favorite camping chair with her back to the garage wall.

“Bekah-boo.” Her voice was clear as day as she used the nickname that only she, and more recently, my father and older brother, used.

“Mom? What’s going on?” I asked, slightly scared.

“That boy you’re with right now-“

“Matt?” I was now thoroughly confused.

“Yeah, Matt. I like him. I kinda poked around inside his head a little bit, just to make sure he was good enough for my baby girl. I don’t like the tattoo’s or piercings so much, but he’s a good guy.” She said as if it was no big deal, lighting her ultra-light menthol.

I knew better than to question too deeply why my mother had been in Matt’s head or how she got there in the first place. She’d answer one or both of those questions eventually.

“Thanks…? I think…Why are you telling me this? I’ve only ever had like 3 or 4 conversations with the guy in my life. He’s cute, yeah. Would I have sex with him? Maybe when I get to know him better. But the same could be said of Brian and Zacky too. What’s so special about Matt?” I questioned as I took in her image.

She looked exactly the same as the last time I saw her. Her hair was up in a messy bun, her face was entirely make up free. She never liked to wear it. Her large frame was clad in simple jean shorts and a worn out tee. Her naturally tan skin, that I was too unfortunate to inherit, was glowing in the almost unnaturally bright sunlight shining through the open garage door.

“Who cares if you’ve only had a few conversations with Matt?” She nearly yelled. Being dead hasn’t changed her almost scarily bold personality. “That’s about how long it takes for the terrifyingly accurate first impressions my children tend to get take to actually settle in. And don’t try to deny that you like him. I am in your head right now. I know everything that you’re thinking.” She smirked.

“Frankly, Mamma, I don’t give a rat’s ass what you’re saying right this very second. I just want to hug you.” I said, on the verge of tears.

“Oh, baby. Of course. Come ‘ere.” She said as she opened her arms to me.

I practically leapt off my seat and across the 5 foot gap between us and planted myself firmly in her lap, holding on to her as if my life depended on it. I drank in her scent that I had missed so much in the past 8 months, the comfort of her arms that I had needed on several occasions since her death. I sighed, stepping back to my original position across from her once I was content.

I lit my own cigarette before asking, “Now, what were you saying about Matt?”

“Just that I asked around about him up here. Just basics, where his life is heading… Who there are bets he’ll end up with…” She trailed off, smiling slightly.

“You have my attention. Who are the top 3?” I asked as I took a drag.

“Honey, from the day you met him 6 months ago, you were the only contender. And that’s because God, Himself, put his money on you.”

As I’m finding I do more recently when I’m baffled, I blinked rapidly before shaking my head. Me and Matt? Really? What the hell is my mother smoking up there and where can I get some?

“Any bets against the big man?” I asked, laughing.

“Not anymore. There were some on this ‘Val’ chick, but she cheated on him, so that was out quick, fast and in a hurry.” She smiled. “Oh! And you know you’re transferring this year, right? Sterling is fine, well and dandy, but they don’t have what you really wanna do.”

“This is news to me.” I replied with my eyes wide. “Sterling has a damn good pre-med program with one of the highest rates of acceptance into med schools I’ve ever seen. That’s what I’m doing, Mom. I want to go into cardiology, I have since I was like 10.”

“Yeah, but they don’t have Sign Language. That’s where your true passion is and we both know it. Damn. I’m out of time and you have to wake up to go to work soon. Do me a favor and scare the hell out of the boys watching you sleep. That’s just creepy.” Mom laughed as my dream world faded.

I shot up, gasping as if I had been deprived of precious oxygen throughout my strangely vivid dream. It was then that I heard the “HOLY FUCK”s of my new friends. When I looked over, it took all I had in me to not fall back onto Matt’s sleeping form in laughter.

Zacky had jumped into Jimmy’s arms, Scooby-Doo style, Jonny had Jimmy’s drumsticks crossed in front of him as if I were a vampire, and Brian was cowering behind the shorter man. All in all, it was one of the funniest sights I’d ever seen in my life.

I gasped again as Matt’s arm went around my waist, pulling me down onto the bed with him again. “The fuck is everyone up so early for?” He mumbled, still mostly asleep, opening one eye just a sliver to look at me.

“Look at your retarded friends.” I laughed.

Matt rolled his head to the other side of the bed and barely lifted his head to look at his petrified friends, who still hadn’t moved from their positions. “What the fuck…? Babe, what time is it?” Matt asked as he completely disregarded his bandmates.