Decembers

The air nipped at Devian's bare arms as he walked down the pathway, out onto the sidewalk. He shrugged, he didn't even care, really; no cold could compare to what he felt this morning embraced within his arms. Devian would never forget that feeling, and the putrid smell of death that seemed to have lodged itself inside of his nose, constantly reminding him, pulling on the inside of his skull, pounding on his mind like a jagged, twisted mallet that resembled a medieval torture device. It wouldn't leave him alone, not for a second. Maybe the odor attached itself to his skin.

"I'm never going to forget," Devian whispered to himself, "I'll never let it go, I'll never let him go."

Devian stared at his feet absentmindedly, walking slowly over the white carpet covering the cement. His footprints were fresh, as it had snowed some more a few minutes prior. It was said that there'd be a cold winter this year, and that people will be doing a lot of shoveling. New England has some of the harshest winters within the states, and everyone in the area was seeing a bad one this year.

Snow started falling again, soft snow. It was hard to see through it, though; it was like a haze of blinding white. Devian had lifted his head, but lowered it again, attempting to keep the frozen powder out of his eyes. Instead, the flakes nestled into his hair, and all over his clothing. He was too cold to even be able to feel it. It was almost like it crept through his body, chilling his insides, making him immune to the icy embrace that was clutching at anything it could grab onto and hold firmly. He didn't even shake.

Devian kept right on walking, heading right past a guy and what appeared to be his girlfriend kissing under a mistletoe under the front door of a house. His heart lept into his throat, and he sighed. This Christmas season wasn't going to be great, and his cheer disappeared. He had gotten Cody probably the coolest gift ever, but now it'd stay under the floorboards back at his own house, unwrapped.

"Christmas isn't going to be Christmas at all, Code," Devian said, barely audibly. "The holiday cheer died with you. Don't worry, nobody'll forget you. I swear, all of us should've actually celebrated Christmas earlier, because we all knew that this was coming. Why is it so hard, then? It was expected. I guess I was just hoping that this wasn't reality, or that this was all a cruel joke, and I didn't have to worry about never having the chance to talk to you, hug, kiss, or anything else to you ever again. Wishing at eleven-eleven was pointless, really; I've been wishing every night since day one.

"Well, maybe not pointless because I was trying to help, but just, a failure. That's it, a failure. I'm so fucking lost right now, I can't even tell you how much I already miss you. You never got my note this morning, or anything, actually. You told me last night that you were afraid to die, but I hope that you died while asleep, the least-painful way. You deserve so, so much more than what life's dealt out to you. I suppose you just got a really shitty hand of cards, baby. I'd trade you every single fucking one of mine to keep you here. I really would do anything, and I hope you know that. You're my world, Cody Xavier Ritson, my entire world. The planets are all going out of orbit, it's so totally uncool. I wonder if people think I'm insane right now because here I am, outside while it's snowing in nothing but a t-shirt and jeans, talking to myself, staring at the sidewalk like it's going to grow a mouth and reply to me."

He was completely alone right now, though. Nobody could hear him even if they were standing beside him, so anyone who could've walked outside wouldn't have heard anything besides what could be whispered through the wind, that was now coursing through the snow like a ribbon. Few people could hear what was said, few people took the time to stop and listen. Making time for quiet moments is a linchpin to accomplish hearing what can't be heard normally.

Devian kept right on walking, heading down another street. There was a Starbucks down a little further, and right now, he could really use something to give him a little energy, a little pep in his step. Devian didn't quicken his pace whatsoever, not finding a reason to. The bell above the door rang as he stepped through, the guy behind the counter smiling warmly. He must be new, Devian had never seen him before.

"Hey, what can I get for you?" He asked, leaning against the counter.

"Can I get a tall Caramel Macchiato?"

"Sure thing." He smiled again before turning around to fix his drink.

The boy behind the counter turned back around, handed him his drink, and Devian paid for it, thanking him.

"Are you new here?" Devian asked.

"Yeah, I started a few days ago. I just moved here from New Hampshire, actually."

"Oh, cool. You in school?"

"I'm a junior."

"Well, this is a pretty small town, so we've only got one highschool. It appears that you'll be attending school with yours truly."

He blushed a little, and when he noticed he'd done it, his face turned redder. "Well, um," he said, hand on the back of his neck, "hi, I'm Bailey. And you are?"

"I'm Devian. Odd name, I know."

"No, I don't think it's odd. I like it. I've never met someone with that name before, must be unique."

"I'm not all too sure about that one." Devian chuckled a little. Bailey seemed like a nice guy, he needed a little cheering up. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a nice smile?"

"Yes. I hope that doesn't sound big-headed."

"Only if it were a lie."

Bailey laughed a little, then got himself back in control, and cleared his throat. "Well yes, I guess that's true. Thanks for the compliment, though."

"You're welcome."

Devian was higly surprised that he even had the ability to have a fun conversation with someone on a day such as this. Bailey was making him feel better, even if he didn't know it. Just talking was helping to ease Devian a little bit, and that was needed very, very much or else he'd cease to speak and bottle anything on his mind up.

"Heh, Devian, I like you. Has anyone ever told you that you're very, very good at first impressions?"

"Actually, no, aha," Devian replied, sipping at his coffee. "I'm usually pretty terrible with first impressions."

"I find that hard to believe."

Devian smiled, a real smile, too. This was like magic.