Sexy? Why yes I am.

When I opened my eyes, the sunlight was shining right in my face. I was hoping that I would wake up in my room and everything that happened would only be a dream. Unfortunately that is not the case. I thought if I told Vonia things that I’ve done in my past, she’d still be just fine with me. I guess I figured it would all end well, but, that didn’t exactly happen. I’m making a guess; that she will come back to me. It’s more like I’m hoping she does. I know in the past girls have always came back to me no matter what, but there is a difference between all those girls, and my first love Ava and Vonia. I’m thinking I probably should’ve told her all this at her place or something. It didn’t really occur to me that she would just leave me here.

I stood up and started to walk towards the road; I just stood there and waited for a car to come by. I figured I could just hitch a ride with whoever would care to stop. When a car from far was driving my way, I held out my hand. What I didn’t know, was that the person in the car was someone I’ve been trying to avoid for quite some time now.

The window rolled down, and I let out a heavy sigh.

“Miss me my dearest Nate?” said Nadia with the biggest grin on her face.

“What do you think Nadia?” I said with a smile. I got into the passenger’s seat and she started to drive. I said that with a smile, but I in no way wanted to reply to that.

“I really missed you Nate, you have no idea how much I had to fight my Mom to get us to come on down here. I want you so bad too Nate, it’s been so long…” said Nadia and she placed one of her hands on top of mine.

I had my eyes closed and my head was resting against the door. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with this right now. My girlfriend is pissed off at me, and the girl I’ve tried hard to avoid has already found me. Does anyone have the slightest clue on how it is to resist someone you’ve had constant sex with? I couldn’t fight anything right now; I was so fucking stressed out.

“So, why were you out there in that field without a car?” asked Nadia. Every word she said sounded curious, she didn’t seem angry at me for ignoring her; not at all.

“Do you want a lie, or the truth?” I said.

“You’ve never given me an option between the two before.” said Nadia, glancing over at me in a slight glaring way.

“I want the truth.” said Nadia, and her grip tightened on her steering wheel.

“I’ve got myself a girlfriend Nadia, and a beautiful one at that.” I said and looked over at her. She said nothing in reply, so I decided that I might as well go on.

“We went here and I told her about you.” I said and Nadia’s eyes widened a bit, she showed an expression of confusion.

“She got mad at you for what we had, and left.” said Nadia finishing my sentence. It wasn’t really correct though. I wasn’t being completely honest about what we talked about; all I’m telling her is the part where I talked about her. Nadia didn’t need to know I told Vonia about Ava.

I didn’t say anything back, and Nadia didn’t ask for me to for a while. I told Nadia where I lived so she could just take me home, she’s probably planning on jumping me right when we got to my place, and I knew I wouldn’t have much time in coming up with an excuse as to why she should leave.

When we were almost to my place, I spoke again, “I love her.” I said and she slammed on the breaks and turned to look at me.

“You love to fuck her, that’s what you mean.” said Nadia chuckling.

“Nah, I love her more than just that.” I said.

Nadia started to laugh as she began to drive again, “You don’t love her Nate, that’s a fucking joke.”

“A lot of things can happen in five months Nadia.” I said.

“You tell such stupid jokes.” Was all Nadia would say. She can’t accept the fact that I do seriously feel this way for Vonia. I did after all tell her in the past that I never wanted to be in love with someone ever again; but that was then, this is now.

We stopped at my house, and I jumped right out. She got out of the car to and followed me.

I turned around to look at her, “Look, Nadia, we can’t be like we used to be.” I said while facing her.

“It’s because I wasn’t here for us to be fuck buddies, but I’m here now, we can be like we were before you moved.” said Nadia.

I blinked, “Is that why you think I stopped responding?” I said.

“It is why you stopped responding.” said Nadia.

“No it’s not. I stopped responding because I started going out with Vonia. I couldn’t have with you what we used to have, anymore.” I said.

“Because you had a girlfriend?” she said.

“Exactly.” I said.

“That’s never stopped you before Nate.” said Nadia.

I sighed, “Well I never loved any of those girls in the past, this one I do love.” I said.

I feel like all I’m doing is repeating myself. Why can’t she just get it? I don’t want her anymore.

“Where is this bitch, Nate?” asked Nadia.

“She’s not a bitch.” I said.

“Yeah she is, and she’s fucking stupid too. She doesn’t have the slightest clue on the type of guy you are.” said Nadia.

“She actually does.” I said.

“As of when?” said Nadia.

“That’s none of your business Nadia.” I said.

“Why don’t I talk to your girlfriend? By the time I’m done telling her about the shit you’ve done she won’t stay with you, and then you’ll realize how stupid you were to have ever thought you were in love with this fucking bitch.” said Nadia.

“Are you seriously out to just make my life a living hell?” I asked.

“I’m not out to make your life hell, I’m out to make it good.” said Nadia.

“How in the hell is you making my girlfriend leave me make me feel good?” I asked.
“It will, because you said from the very beginning you never wanted to fall for another person. You’re making a huge mistake, you might not see it, but I do.” said Nadia.

“I already did fall for her; there isn’t much you can do now.” I said.

“Isn’t much? I can do plenty Nate.” said Nadia.

“Like what Nadia?” I asked.

“If she loves you, like you love her, she won’t leave you after I’m done with her.” said Nadia.

“If I leave her with you I might not get her back alive.” I said.

“You’re a fucking dick Nate, I won’t kill her.” said Nadia.

“I bet you would.” I said back.

“I don’t believe you when you say you’ve told her about the shit you’ve done. You aren’t the type of guy to do that. I bet she’s just like Ava, she’ll treat you like shit and it’ll be your own fault. Do you really want to repeat this shit with a new girl?” said Nadia.

I sighed, “She’s nothing like Ava.” I said. Why does she have to fight me like this? We were simply fuck buddies, and she just has to take this to a whole new level.

“She probably is. Nate, if this girl you’re dating is a better person then you and I are, then you seriously should rethink this.” said Nadia as she stepped closer to me.

“You and I are alike, that’s why we should stick together Nate.” said Nadia and she wrapped her arms around my neck with a smile on her face.

“If you really knew me, you’d know I don’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion on who they think is good for me, and who they think is not. That’s for me to decide, not you.” I said to Nadia, looking into her green eyes with my blue ones.

She simply sighed.

“Why are you trying so hard Nadia? All we did was fuck.” I said.

“We’ve always had so much fun, why give it up?” asked Nadia.

“I found someone who can make me happy beyond just sex.” I said.

“That should say enough to you.” I said.

“I bet she doesn’t love you as much as you love her Nate. She could probably easily leave you, just like she did out there in that field. She’s proved that to you Nate; wake the fuck up.” said Nadia with a smile and she slid her fingers through my hair.

That is true, she did leave.

She caressed my lips and looked into my eyes with her light green ones, her snake bites, silver, having the light reflect slightly off them. She re-dyed her the pink streaks in her black hair, she always kept up with looking good, there has never been a single day that she’s actually looked like shit.

I grabbed her wrists off my shoulders and leaned my head against hers, “Go the fuck home, I’m done with you.” I said and then pushed her away. She had this stunned look on her face. I turned away and walked right into my place, only to turn around once to say, “Thanks for the ride Nadia.”

I made sure to lock the door before walking into my room and lying on my bed. I basically just told Nadia that I had no use for her anymore. I’m not the type to say something like that in words; I’m more of the type that just shows. How I showed her before was me not responding to her text messages. You’d think she’d get that hint, I think she would have if she didn’t like me this much. I don’t know why Nadia feels this way for me. We made the deal that we would only be fuck buddies a long time ago, but that could’ve been her way of staying in my life, since she knows what type of guy I am.

I checked my phone to see a text from Nadia, “I can’t wait till I see at school tomorrow. xo.”

What the fuck is her deal?

“Nate, are you home?” I heard Dolly call my name.

“Yeah, I’m in my room.” I said.

She came into my room with Chinese food in her hands.

“Scoot over.” She said.

I scooted over and she jumped right on my bed next to me, and handed me some Chinese food, she then grabbed my TV changer and flipped on the TV.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked.

“Hufina went out with friends, and you know Mom and Dad are at work of course.” She said.

I took a bite of my Chinese food and just tried to relax.

“I saw Nadia today.” said Dolly.

“You know she’s going to try and ruin what you have with Vonia, right?” asked Dolly.

I simply nodded and kept my eyes on the screen.

“You know she’ll find Vonia and tell her shit about you, right?” said Dolly.

I nodded again.

“If Vonia can’t handle what Nadia says about you, and breaks up with you, just remember this only means she wasn’t the one for you.” said Dolly.

“Any smart girl would dump a guy like that before they’ve fallen for them.” I said.

“She’s fallen for you though, hasn’t she?” asked Dolly.

“I’m unsure.” I said.

“What do you mean Nate?” asked Dolly.

“Nadia is a lot to fight with; it’ll be like going to war with her. Vonia isn’t a drama type girl; she’s the type that avoids it. If she faces Nadia, she’ll be in drama, and fighting a war. Vonia can easily avoid that by just leaving me, it’s not difficult. If she leaves, it’s really her choice.” I said.

“If she loves you, it will be difficult.” said Dolly before she took another bite of her food.

“Would it be wrong if I told you I’ve been thinking about Ava a lot lately?” I said as I stared at the screen still.

“Why have you been thinking of her?” asked Dolly.

“I told Vonia about her, and Nadia brought her up.” I said.

“Wow. You must really love Vonia if you’re actually speaking Ava’s name.” said Dolly with a surprised look on her face.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I said.

Dolly rolled her eyes and sighed; “Nate, I sure hope you are ready for tomorrow.” said Dolly and she got up and left.

I’m hoping since Nadia doesn’t know what Vonia looks like that she won’t find Vonia. Then again finding someone has always been an easy thing for Nadia.

I guess there is really no sense of me thinking about it right now anymore, since it’s out of my control.

I’ll just have to see what happens tomorrow.

I texted Vonia once, just to let her know I’m home, and that I hope she makes the right decision.

What more could I have really said? I didn’t even know what to say. I’ve said all that needs to really be said.

Life, time, just everything will continue on whether I like it or not.

So fuck it, I’m going to bed.