Sexy? Why yes I am.

The first day of the ninth month of Nadia and Vonia being pregnant, was probably the day I was ready to slit my throat. The babies could be coming any day now. Each day that passed I hope no baby will be begging to be born that day.

I’ve spent a lot of my time hanging out with Reia and doing work and school. I almost forgot how much fun I have when I’m with Reia. We did a lot of reminiscing about the past, and we’ve done a lot of the things we did way back when. It was something I really needed though, to revisit old good memories, and I’m pretty glad I got lucky enough to be able to hang out with her whenever I do have time to go out and do something.

When I got home from hanging out at Jeff’s with Reia, I saw Vonia on the couch watching cartoons and when I looked over to see what she was reading during the commercials, it was a book on babies. Vonia is really taking this whole baby thing seriously. She doesn’t even wear her piercings anymore, which really bums me out.

I was quiet enough to where she didn’t realize I was peering over her. So as soon as I saw what she was doing all this time, I quietly walked off down the hallway.

I stopped at the bathroom, only because I heard someone sniffle and make a whimpering noise. The door wasn’t completely closed either, so I gently pushed it open. Something in my gut told me I didn’t want to go in and find out what the hell was going on in there. I ignored it though, which was probably a big mistake, because when I walked in, I saw Nadia sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall, with a razor in her hand cutting her arm and blood gushing out of each cut she sliced, each cut deeper then the next. My eyes went wide, she had her makeup running down her face along with her tears, and her black hair with pink streaks was a mess.

Her eyes were tightly shut, and when I said her name in a small whisper they snapped open.

“Nate…” was all that came out of her mouth in a soft pained voice, and then she took the razor and placed it on her leg, and I cringed as I saw her slice down her leg.

“Stop it Nadia.” I said and grabbed her wrist that held the razor.

“LET GO!” she screamed, and I slapped my hand over her mouth as she struggled to hold onto the razor.

I grabbed it out of her hand and placed it on the sink counter top.

There was blood on the floor, more than just a little bit of blood. Her arm had cuts starting from her wrist all the way up to her shoulder on both arms.

I took my hand off her mouth and caressed her cheek softly and lightly, “What’s wrong Nadia?” I asked.

Normally, I wouldn’t do much for a girl that has baggage. A girl that’s addicted to drugs, or cuts, just because I don’t want to deal with their shit. When it came to Nadia, she never cut around me, in fact I never really knew she cut this much till a while back ago when she told me I was the perfect replacement for her cutting. Of course I just shrugged it off, it was a good deed that I did without even trying to do so. There were some points during my life that I did help her when I could’ve just told her to deal with her shit and not get me into it. Like for example, when her parents divorced, she’d sneak through my window crying, and I did the stupid thing of comforting her. That could’ve been when she fell for me; I was so stupid to have done that. I should’ve just sent her away, or ignored her.

Nadia looked into my blue eyes with her green ones.

“Look at me Nate, I’m so fucking fat. No matter what I put on or what I wear, I’m always fat, even if I exercise, and it’s all because I have a baby inside me. I know I’m the one that caused this whole baby thing with you that night. I was just doing it so you couldn’t get rid of me…but Vonia ended up getting pregnant too, and now she won’t give up her baby so I have to keep mine too. If I let my baby go, you’ll get rid of me so fast. I still have competition; I thought that if I did this, she’d leave, and everything would be over, but it all didn’t turn out as I planned. Nate, why can’t you see why I’ve been trying so hard? I’ve been trying so hard, because I KNOW we were meant to be together, and for once in my life, I know exactly what I want to have in my life for the rest of it. Please…” said Nadia and then she hiccupped towards the end and reached her shaking hand up to touch my face.

I shook my head and sighed, “You’re acting like I’m a saint, a saint that picked you up once I saw you fall. When really, I just saw something that could benefit myself, I wasn’t looking after you, and I really wasn’t looking to save you at all, not one bit whatsoever. You weren’t a princess in distress, for me to save; you were simply a woman with almost every candy I liked, along with all the flavors I was wishing for at that time. Open you’re fucking eyes Nadia; I’m not going to sugar coat anything for you. I’m not one to be completely honest but right now I am being completely honest. You have a lot of issues, and you do need help, but I’m not the man for the job. You should know these things about me, then again, you really don’t know me as well as you think if this is the kind of response I’m getting after all I’ve done to you. You aren’t innocent in all this either, you dangled that piece of candy, and I took it. You’re just as guilty as I am. The only reason I never was a cold hearted guy towards you during the entire time I’ve known you, is because I’m not a cold hearted guy, as much as I wish I was, I’m not. I have two younger sisters Nadia, they’ve known me there whole life, if you were my sister, you’d know this is just how I am. I’m a damn good brother, but I’m not a good lover to have. For one simple reason, you’ll never be able to entertain me long enough to where I won’t get bored of you and move on to something that can offer me the things you can’t. Do you want to know what you can’t offer me that someone else can?” I said and then asked this single question in a firm voice.

At this point, Nadia’s breath slowed down drastically, and her eyes were wide, and the tears just flowed down her face endlessly. Her body was frozen, as if my words had just stolen everything warm she held close to her heart. The pain in her eyes showed so clearly too where I couldn’t keep staring into her eyes without my own feeling that great pain. Nadia’s hand had dropped down to her side during the time I was speaking; she leaned her head against a corner, and let it slide down to the floor. She had her hand on the cold floor and she was staring right at the rug on the floor.

I sighed before sitting down and take a towel and getting it wet to wipe off all the blood that got on the rest of her, the blood coming out didn’t seem to want to stop, so I started to bandage up her entire arm, from her wrist, to her shoulder, on each arm.

“Tell me…” she mumbled softly.

“Huh?” I said.

“Tell me what I could possibly not offer you…I can give so much, and I have.” said Nadia.

“You can’t give me change… because you don’t change into a different person after a year. That’s just life. Even if you could change your personality, you can’t transform your body into something I haven’t had.” I said. I bit my lip in shame. I’ve never had to speak about how I am before out loud. It sounds less shameful and less horrible when I think about it, in fact it sounds like it’s okay in my mind, but when it comes out into words, I sound like a douche bag, but come on, I’m being honest here. Shouldn’t I be left with a good feeling after that?

“What’s so good about Vonia…though? What did she do that got you to fall for her?” asked Nadia in a low voice.

I looked down over Nadia’s body and then at the floor towards the end of her, and I saw liquid. I looked closer to see if it was blood, it wasn’t.

“Nadia, what is this?” I asked.

She sighed heavily and said, “My water broke.”

My eyes widened.

“Shit!” I yelled before pulling out my phone and calling 911, “Hello, a woman named Nadia is about to have a baby, her water just broke, please hurry and get here soon!” I shouted into the phone the address quickly then started to clean up the floor that was covered in blood. I didn’t want them coming in and thinking I was attempting to take the baby out myself or anything like that at all.

I then washed my hands and then picked up Nadia, who was a lot heavier than she would’ve ever been if she wasn’t pregnant and put her down on the chair in the living room.

“What’s going on?” Vonia asked in a startled tone when she saw how her arms were all bandage and how pale she was.

“She’s having our baby.” I said when I looked right into Vonia’s eyes.