Sexy? Why yes I am.

It was around six in the morning when Vonia decided to wake my ass up just to tell me she’s taking the kids out to the park, then getting them there shots and shopping for clothes for them. I clearly remember us discussing this yesterday; I don’t know why the fuck she would wake me up this early just to tell me that. It pissed me off though; rarely do I ever get to sleep in. It’s as if she did that on purpose just because she’s too busy today for us to hang out.

I got up around eight in the morning because I couldn’t sleep anymore. It’s all Vonia’s fault really, she knows how I like to sleep in, and if you wake me up, I have a rough time going back to sleep. I didn’t always have this problem, it’s just ever since we had kids.

It was pretty nice to waking up to seeing no kids. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my kids, but feeling like it’s just you sometimes feels so amazing.

When I walked past the hallway, I heard crying. Instead of stopping I kept on walking. There was only one person that could be, and that’s Nadia. Before handling her, I needed to eat, but what stopped me from further walking was hearing the sound of a hand punching the wall.

At this point I turned around and started to walk towards the bathroom. When I opened it, Nadia was sitting down and she was holding the razor tightly in her hand, which made it dig into her skin, and make her bleed. I looked at the wall to see blood trailing down the wall, probably from her fist. By this time, I’ve probably walked in on Nadia cutting quite a bit throughout the years.

I just closed my eyes, I was hoping when I opened them this would all go away but of course that didn’t happen. It never does.

“Nadia.” I said her name, and she just ignored me.

I then grabbed her wrist and forced her hand open to grab the razor.

“I don’t know how you keep getting these razors. I hide them all the fucking time.” I said and then tossed it in the trash can and sighed.

Nadia smiled and said, “Mom.”

Of course her Mom supplied her with Razors; I didn’t think she still was…

I looked down at Nadia, seeing tears running down her face as she smiled.

“It’s been seven years and you’ve still been fighting my girlfriend for me. I really don’t understand you anymore.” I said as my blue eyes met her green ones.

“How can you not see that I love you?” asked Nadia in a frustrated voice as she yanked her hand from mine.

“How can you not see that I love her?” I said back.

She shook her head, “No one means as much to me as you do.” said Nadia.

“You should love your son far more than me.” I said.

“I only had him so that I could stay in your life.” said Nadia.

“Yeah, I know, but he’s still your son Nadia. You’re twenty-four now, you should know by now if nothing’s happened between us since Vonia, it won’t ever happen.” I said.

“Why not Nate? I’m amazing, you’ve said so yourself once.” said Nadia.

“I lost interest.” I said and then sighed.

Her eyes went wide and then she looked down at the floor.

I stood there for a good five minutes, before sighing and thinking, fuck it; I sat down and pulled Nadia against my chest.

I could feel her hold her breath when I did that. I haven’t held her like this in a long, long time.

She relaxed against my chest, and I placed my hand on top of her head.

“We had a great time back then.” I said as I slowly began sliding my fingers through her newly dyed auburn red hair.

“Neither of us could ever deny that, but the only thing that’s ever held me back from forgetting you really, is not how you’ve been staying in my place, but how good you are at holding onto me.” I said and then I put my hand over her bloody hand she was staring at.

“Then again you never let me forget, and that’s why you did all of that horrible shit to me.” I said and sighed.

“I love you, that’s why.” said Nadia.

“You aren’t useful to me anymore either, even now, your just one extra person I have to pay child support too.” I said and looked up at the ceiling.

“You’re an asshole Nate.” said Nadia.

I smirked, “When did you ever forget I am one?” I asked.

Nadia just rolled her eyes.

“You look good with auburn red hair.” I said and then I took a deep breath.

Nadia didn’t turn her head to face me, but I could tell she had a smile on her face.

“You haven’t complimented me in such a long time.” She said in a tone of relief, yet sadness.

“Vonia wouldn’t like me doing it, especially when she’s here.” I said.

“Fuck her. You never used to care about what the other girls thought.” said Nadia.

“I didn’t have three children to take care of at the time.” I said.

“That’s no excuse. You never helped; all you did was fucking work. It wasn’t until Kari came around that you actually cared enough to even hug your kids.” said Nadia in an annoyed voice.

“Whatever, I worked my ass off to support yours, and the child you forced us to have. Yes, I’m blaming you, because it is your fucking fault for cuffing me up like that. Don’t even try and deny that it wasn’t. I spent most of my time at work, in the mean time you fucked up our son.” I said.

“Oh please, it’s your fault for not helping out. You know how I am Nate, don’t play the innocent card.” said Nadia in a pissed off voice.

“I’ve never been the Fatherly type. I still don’t really like kids, but I’ve come to love my own. It’s kind of odd to think about, but this isn’t the point I’m trying to make.” I said and then I took my hand off Nadia’s bloody one.

“What are you trying to say then?” asked Nadia in a now calm voice as she slid her hand against mine.

I leaned my chin down on Nadia’s shoulder for a moment before whispering in her ear, “I’m saying you need to leave, this is my home not yours. I pay for it after all, and besides it’s not like you help out at all. You are useless.”

I felt Nadia’s body twitch when I said that, and her breath was cut short. The hand that had slid against mine was now covering her mouth, as tears began to fall from her face.

It was as if I could feel Nadia’s heart sink deeper down then it had originally fallen.

“I’m not l-leaving.” She said out in a cracked voice.

“I’ll still be paying your child support. You actually don’t even have to bring Ren with you; I’ll take care of him. If you want him to see you every other week or something, that’s fine with me. We can work something out Nadia. You just can’t live here anymore. You aren’t useful to me.” I said calmly.

“You can’t make me leave Nate. If you try to make me leave, I’ll cause a scene and you fucking know I will.” said Nadia in a threatening voice. At this point she had turned around with her glaring green eyes burning into my calm, cold blue ones.

I only smiled and the emotion from my eyes dropped a bit.

“If you won’t do it the easy way, then I’ll go through the trouble of taking you to court. You’re unstable Nadia, and you’re already taking pills for other issues you have. You also have numerous scars on your body from cutting yourself. If you think you have the slightest chance in getting your way up against me, then you’re in for a rude awakening. I’ve got so much against you I can use in court, you have no idea. I’ve never fought you full on, on a single fucking thing in my life. I’ve only put up with your crap. You know why I put up with your crap? You weren’t worth the energy, but if you intend to not listen to me, then I’ll make sure the worst of what could happen, does happen to you. I can be cold and ruthless as well, Nadia.” I said as I stared my blue eyes into her increasingly wide eyes.

“A…threat…” was all that Nadia could manage out of her lips in her shocked state.

I then stood up and walked towards the bathroom door.

I turned to look back at her and said, “Clean this blood up, and then start getting your stuff packed up. I’ll give you one month to pack and decide what you want to do with Ren.” Then I turned back and walked out of the bathroom and shut the door closed ever so gently, and then walked off into the kitchen to wash my hands.

I haven’t put much effort in ever really taking someone out, but now I feel it’s time I get rid of Nadia. I’ve dealt with having her do the shit she does, and I don’t hate her like Vonia does. Nadia has done more horrible things to me then she ever has to Vonia. This isn’t the big reason as to why I’m now stepping in front of her and telling her to get the hell out. The main and simple reason why I want her to leave is because my daughter Kari is going to need her own room. Yeah, she isn’t my real daughter, but I feel like she is. I want her to have her own room; I don’t like her being in a room with boys. I want her to be able to express herself and have her room as she wants, without having boys around taking it all down. It feels kind of weird confirming with myself that it is my reason. I feel like a parent when I think about how my reason is really such a thing like that…

“Nate I’m home!” yelled Vonia as she came through the front door with bags of clothes.

I smiled, and kissed her lips as she set everything down on the table.

“I also did some grocery shopping.” She said with a smile.

“Good, I’m starving.” I said and grabbed her ass as she turned to take the things that needed to be refrigerated out of the bag so she could put it in the fridge.

She jumped a bit, but then turned to kiss me again before turning back.

I walked out of the kitchen and picked up Kari who had just thrown herself onto the couch.

“Tired cutie?” I asked.

Kari nodded lazily before resting her head on my shoulder.

I smiled and then I looked down to see Ren standing right next to me.

“Turn on the TV.” I said.

Ren only nodded his head and did just that, and handed me the TV changer.

I sat down on the couch with Kari in my arms and Ren sat right next to me and laid his head down on my lap.

When Jayden came up on the couch Ren pushed him off.

“Go away you freak!” Ren shouted at Jayden.

“I want to sleep on Daddy too!” said Jayden shouting back.

“Ren quit being a spoiled brat. Let your brother up.” I said.

“I don’t want too.” said Ren.

“I don’t remember asking you if you wanted to Ren.” I said.

“Why can’t he just go lay on his Mommy?” asked Ren.

“Because Jayden wants to join us, now let him up Ren.” I said looking down at him.

Jayden then came up again, and this time when Ren tried to push him off, Jayden pushed Ren off before he could.

I sighed.

Why can’t kids just listen to me?

An hour later I decided I’d go off for a walk.

When I came back I heard Reia’s voice and Nadia’s.

I stopped and just listened to them talk. Why interrupt when I want to know what they’re talking about?

“Nate’s giving me a month to leave, but I have no intention of leaving.” said Nadia.

“Why?” Reia asked.

“I love him, so much.” said Nadia.

“Nadia stop wasting your time on people who don’t love you. Nate has been the biggest waste of time you’ve ever spent on someone. I mean dude, think about it, you could’ve been banging other men, not wasting your time on one that doesn’t want your ass.” said Reia.

“I need Nate. I need him more than anything in the world. I wish he’d understand why, I really do. I’ve spent a lot of years just trying to hold onto him. Why let go of him when I’ve worked so hard…?” said Nadia.

Reia sighed and I heard her lighter go. She was about to smoke with one of those pink cigarettes.

“No girl should ever forget that she doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her.” Reia said and I saw the smoke exhaling out from her lips.

There was a long silence after she said that.

“You won’t ever find the right person if you keep holding onto the wrong one Nadia.” said Reia.

“I don’t want anyone but him though. I don’t care if I sound selfish. I know what I want.” said Nadia.

“You’re going to grow into an old lady Nadia. You’ll be one lonely desperate bitch. You’ll have no one to blame but yourself for it. If you can’t have Nate just go out and find someone else. Be a big girl Nadia” said Reia.

I heard a heavy sigh come out of Nadia.

“I’m tired of this. I’ve been fighting and fighting. I don’t want what you say to ever come true, but I’ve actually been concerned about that. I don’t want to grow old and have absolutely no one in my life that loves me. I really am worried about it, but I can’t let Nate go. Every man I’ve ever been with, I’ve just thought of Nate whenever I was with them. This is why I can’t see myself being with anyone else for the rest of my life but Nate.” said Nadia.

“You won’t ever have him Nadia, you know that’s true. Nate doesn’t go back for seconds ever once he’s made up his mind, you also know that as well.” said Reia.

I looked up to see Nadia going right next to Reia who was smoking. Nadia had her eyes closed and when she opened them she said, “If I can’t ever have Nate, then no one will get to have him anymore.” Her voice sounded so sure of herself.

“Vonia has Nate, Nadia.” said Reia.

“Yeah, I know, but not for long…” said Nadia.

I heard a pause from Reia before she finally spoke and said, “What do you mean Nadia?”

I heard Nadia laugh and the door shut.

My eyes were wide.

I walked up the stairs and saw Reia with her pink cigarette in her hand, and she was shaking.

“Reia, are you okay?” I asked and then I went over to her and wrapped my arms around her.

“Nate…you need to be careful of Nadia.” said Reia.

“I know, I know.” I said.

“No, seriously, be very cautious. You need to watch out. The look in her eyes, and the way she said the things she said, I know that look so well. She’s planning something, and I know it isn’t good. You need to keep not only yourself safe, but everyone. I have a really bad, bad feeling…” said Reia.

She was shaking, and I couldn’t understand why.

It’s not like Nadia’s ever been stable for long anyways…