A Girl in Glass

Johnny and I walked out the shop and to my truck that was parked down the street. I put the new in gauges in as we walked and shoved the tiny bag with the extra O rings in my pocket. Johnny seemed slightly excited by something, but I was too focused on my cell phone ringing. As we sat in my truck, I was trying to figure out where to go while Johnny babbled on about something that I had no interest in.

“Man, that chick was hot.”

“Mmmhmm.”

Johnny’s words tore me from my thoughts and I looked over at him, a wide smile plastering his face from ear to ear. I couldn’t believe how excited he was over the girl in the shop.

“I’m not much for tattooed chicks, but hot damn, she was gorgeous.”

I just agreed, her looks hadn’t quite crossed my mind. It was the truth though. As of recently, ignoring any woman that crossed my path seemed to be the only way to keep my girlfriend from jumping down my throat. I couldn’t even smile at a waitress without it causing problems. She was never a jealous person up until the last year. I don’t know what caused her to become this way but it was getting increasingly worse.

The vibrating in my pocket signaled that it was probably her. It was Anna. I looked out the window and sighed, I knew not answering would exacerbate things but I couldn’t handle another fight right this moment. The fighting was taking a toll on my sanity, my world was spinning out of control.

The phone rang again, Johnny’s voice cut through my thoughts, “You know if you don’t pick it up she’ll just keep calling.”

“I don’t care, I just don‘t care,” I looked at him, “If I pick up she’ll just start yelling. I don’t want to be yelled at right now. I can’t handle it.”

My voice was hollow, I think he saw the dread I was feeling and looked out the window. He didn’t say anything, I wanted him to say something, something reassuring, something to put me at ease, but nothing.

“Let’s go get a beer, play a game of pool,” I offered as I put the truck into gear, hoping that he would be up for it.

He just shook his head, “Nah man, just take me to my place, you need to go home.”

I didn’t want to go home, that was the last place I wanted to be. We drove in complete silence to his apartment. I wished there was some conversation but he kept his mouth shut and didn’t reply to any of my attempts. When we pulled up to his building he told me goodbye, before I could say anything back he shut the door and was walking towards the stairs of his building.

I sat there for a few moments, I felt like I had angered him some how, I felt like I could do no right. What’s wrong with me? I pulled away from the curb and headed in the direction of my place. The closer I got, the more my nerves set me on edge. At the very last minute, right before I got to my street, I turned and drove away. I couldn’t even bring myself to go home.

I drove north up the PCH thinking that a nice long drive would clear my head and hoped by the time I got home she would be calm. I almost got to Santa Monica before the truck was almost of gas, but I was close to the beach. I found a parking spot close by. .

The waves crashed upon the beach, it was beautiful, serene. No yelling, no screaming, nothing. Just the pure sound of nature and it was calming. I was surprised that there were not a lot of people crowding the beach. A few surfers catching their last waves of the day and a few people scattered about the sand watching them.
The sun was going down when I finally decided to drive back to Huntington. I stopped at the first gas station I found, the truck was running on fumes, I almost didn’t make it to the pump. I walked inside, grabbed a bottle of water and a candy bar then pre paid for my gas.

I started pumping my gas and took a swig of water. I looked over across the street, a young couple leaned up against the brick wall holding hands. Her head was rested on his shoulder, they seemed so happy. The girl threw her arms around his body, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. I wondered what they were doing, where they were going, or if they didn’t care because they were happy just doing nothing as long as they were together.

Anna and I were like that at one time before the band, especially when we were young. Not a care in the world. We would walk down the pier hand in hand, her grip was always tight. She would whisper sweet nothing in my ear. All the memories were floating around in my head, all the good, all the bad.

It was time for me to go home and get things straight. The fighting, the ignoring each other, it all had to stop because if it didn’t I was going to lose her. The thought of losing her made my chest ache and tears come to my eyes. Anna was my everything.

When I got home all the lights were on and her big sister’s car was parked out front. Just what I needed. But maybe things were all good and her sister was just visiting for the afternoon. I walked through the door and saw her suitcases and a duffle bag sitting by the couch. I could hear them upstairs. Their chatting got quite as I approached.

“Hey,” I greeted as I leaned up against the door frame.

Her sister walked out of the bathroom without even looking at me. Anna just stared at me then continued on shoving her bathroom things into her bags.

“You two going somewhere?”

She slammed her makeup case on the bathroom counter and turned to face me, but couldn’t make eye contact with me.

She tapped her manicured nails against the tile counter out of annoyance, “I’m leaving Matt.”

Naturally I was confused by the statement, “What do you mean you are leaving?”

“I’m going to stay with my sister, I’ll be back for the rest of my belongings when you leave for tour.”

It took a minute for me to get a grasp of the situation. She was leaving me. I can’t say I was surprised but it still was a sudden shock.

I went still and all I could manage to choke out was, “Why?”

“Don’t pretend to not know why, we have drifted apart, it’s time for us to move on. I need to move on. It‘s not you, none of this is because of you.”

How cliché, but that didn’t matter.

“We can work this out.”

Maybe I was pulling this out of my ass but she was my everything, no matter what she put me through. We had been together far too long to just let this slip from our grasp and let it die.

“It’s over Matt.”

I grabbed her arm and tried to bring her into a hug. It’s all I could think to do. Maybe the embrace would soften her and she would think twice about going. I hoped this was all talk, just a show to make me feel bad.

“Stop it Matt,” She tried pulling away from me, I kept my grip on her arm.

“Don’t leave Anna, I love you.”

Blinding pain clouded my vision, I heard something break against the tiled floor. My knees crumple beneath me. I had no idea what hit me. All I could hear was the sound of doors slamming and a car driving away. I slumped up against the wall and buried my face in my hands.

My body was shaking.

She left. She left me. Why?

I always thought it would be me leaving. But like I said earlier, I am not surprised. I don’t know why I am not surprised. It was always a thought in the back of my mind, her leaving for reasons unknown to me.

What could I have done to make her stay?

Was there anything?