Listen To Your Heart.

I didn’t wait for Allie I figured Alex would give her a lift home. I turned on the car and started driving, I didn’t even know where to but I needed to get away from him. I closed my eyes; I could still feel his lips against mine. I cringed and drove towards home. I pulled up and ran inside, I ran up the stairs and into my room. I closed the door quietly and stood behind it catching my breath. I smiled at how peaceful John looked; I crawled in next to him and closed my eyes.

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I could hear yelling and screaming coming from down stairs. I sighed and placed my head on John’s chest. When I focused, all I could hear was his heart beating. I smiled; I wish life was this simple all the time. John’s eyes slowly opened, and he placed his hand in mine. “I told you I would be here when you woke up” I smiled and looked up; he was smiling that sweet precious smile of his. John’s voice was weak “Do you know I love you Belle Evelyn Lewis?” I closed my eyes and remembered Alex’s lips against mine; I squeezed my eyes tight so the tears wouldn’t escape. John deserved someone better than me, my voice was just a whisper “I love you John Cornelius O’Callaghan” he wrapped his arms around me and we stayed like this.

The shouting continued, I sighed and got out of bed. I pulled on some slippers and walked to the top of the staircase. I tried to listen to what the voices were saying but I was too far away. It was my house so I decided to just walk down stairs and suss it out. There was a duffle bag at the front door, my heart crumbled a little bit. It was my brother and mother arguing, I closed my eyes. He was going back, he said he didn’t have to go back but now he is. The screaming stopped and Nicholas walked out of the kitchen ruffling his hair. “Bee, sorry for waking you I was jus-” he stopped and looked at me. I brushed away the tear rolling down my face and sniffed. “You said you didn’t have to go back Nicholas” my voice wasn’t louder than a whisper.

He put his head down, “They called us back, I have to leave tonight.” He was awkwardly playing with his hands “How long?” he sighed and looked up “4 years” I lifted my hands to my eyes and rubbed them . “I’ll be 22. I just got you back Nicholas, please don’t leave me again” Nicholas walked towards me and pulled me into a hug. I knew that the army was his life, but I missed him. I hated not being able to sleep some nights because I didn’t know where my brother was in the world, not knowing whether or not he was safe; that’s what killed me the most.

“You know I have to leave Bee, it’s my life” I pushed my face against his chest. “I know” I mumbled. He sighed and let me go, “Make me a promise Nicholas” I looked up to see my own brothers eyes watery. “Anything” I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing. “Come home alive” I opened my eyes and he was still looking down at me. “I promise” I half smiled and kissed his cheek. A honk came from the front of the house. Nicholas looked around the house one more time before picking up his duffle bag and walking out the front door into the cold night. “I love you Nicholas” I called, he turned around and smiled. “I love you too Bee”. I watched my brother drive away, for the second time. Again I was the only person in my family that cared; again I was the only one that was hurting.

I stood by myself watching the drive way even after Nicholas had driven away, that was until Alex’s car pulled up. I didn’t even care he was here, I didn’t even care about what had happened earlier. My face was blank and tired, I want to go to bed but I didn’t want to move. Alex and Allie stepped out of the car hand in hand. It made me sick that Alex could so easily use someone, as they walked towards me Alex could see the emptiness in my eyes. “Bee what’s wrong?” I didn’t have the energy to ignore Alex, it would be easier to just say something and go inside. “Nicholas left, they called him back. 4 years before I’ll see him again.” My voice wasn’t very loud but it was all I could manage. Alex let go off Allie’s hand and gave me a hug, my arms hung at my sides.

“Alex, why do you care so much?” Allie was standing there with a smug look on her face, she didn’t even care Nicholas was gone. Alex turned around looking confused, I simply looked at Allie and spoke quietly before walking back inside. “You’re a selfish little bitch, I hope you know that. Our brother just left, he could die and you don’t even care. I honestly don’t have time for this.” And with that I walked back upstairs, leaving Alex and Allie bickering on the porch.

Nicholas was gone again, tomorrow morning everyone would have forgotten about him, just like before.