Listen To Your Heart.

I woke up in tangled sheets listening to the sound of Grace throwing up in her bathroom. I moaned and rolled over, instantly ashamed of myself. Our clothes layed in a heap at the end of her bed, I bit my lip remembering last night and my disgusting behaviour. I pulled on my pants and reached for my shirt, Grace walked in holding her hand to her mouth. I bit my lip and continued to get dressed, “Are you going somewhere” she muttered from behind her hand. “Ah, band practise” I tied the laces on my boots and looked at her. She stood in her underwear and bra, I looked down embarrassed.

“I have to go Grace” I mumbled. I walked to the front door, she followed close behind. “I’ll talk to you later John” she called from her front door. I waved and watched as her hand moved swiftly back to her mouth and ran into the house. “Poor girl” I muttered.

The cool morning air woke me up and sent a shiver down my spine; I reached into my jean pockets for my phone. I ran my hand through my hair when I realised I left it in Grace’s house along with my wallet. There was no way I was going back in there; I had already made myself look like an idiot. I started walking home, my feet still hurting from the night before. I walked past an elderly lady who seemed surprised at my appearance. I looked down so she wouldn’t look me in the eyes, I caught a whiff of myself and gagged; I smelt of alcohol and smoke.

I looked up and saw a park on the opposite side of the street. The only thing I could think of wasBelle, I needed time to think. I collapsed on the seat and massaged my temples; I looked up and saw a couple sitting across from me. I watched them intently, I watched the way their hands laced together and how they were absorbed with each other’s laughter.

I closed my eyes and lowered my voice, “I miss you” I whispered. I could see her behind my eyelids, smiling. “I miss you too” my breath caught in my throat. “You left me Belle” I sobbed. “There is a reason behind every decision sweet heart” she whispered. “Why did you run away?” She breathed out heavily, “Because I was willing to let you go if it meant keeping you happy. Does that make any sense to you?” she asked. “How does that make any sense Bee?” She grabbed my hands and rested her forehead against mine.

“It’ll make sense one day” her breath danced along my skin. “Until then, carry me around with you everywhere you go” her petite hand pushed against my chest. “I have to go now darling, I love you” “No” I chocked. I opened my eyes and was sitting alone, I felt so empty. I chocked on my own tears, closing my eyes to keep them hidden. I just wanted her back, I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let her go again.

“John” my eyes flew open and Kenny stood in front of me. “How’d you find me?” I questioned. He sat down next to me. “Grace called and said you left your stuff at her house, went and got it for you. When I was driving back I saw you sitting here” I played with my hands. “Are you okay?” I sniffed back my tears. “Yeah, I’m fine” I muttered. Kennedy sighed; “You know it’s okay to be upset John, no one is going to think any different of you” I looked at Kennedy and rubbed the tears out of my eyes.

“I’m not okay Kenny, I’m really not” I shook my head. “She was my everything, and I just pushed her away” Kennedy looked down. “I miss her so much”

I squeezed my eyes shut hoping that when I opened them, this would all just be a dream.