Listen To Your Heart.

"I have loved to the point of madness;
that which is called madness,
that which to me is the only sensible way to love."
- Francois Sagon

--

“John, let’s go out and do something” I sat there, blankly. I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to think. The last thing I wanted to do was go out and be reminded of Bee everywhere I looked. I shook my head, not bothering with words. Eric sighed, he had been trying to cheer me up, but I knew that might be impossible at the moment.

My mother knocked at my door with an expressionless look, “John there is a girl here to see you” she whispered. I opened my eyes and looked at her intently, I was sure it wasn’t Belle but I still had hope. I still thought she may come home, or someone might jump out and be like ‘You just got punked’. To my disappointment Grace stood at my door with her short shorts, a tank and a lolly pop hanging out her mouth.

My smile vanished and I looked down, I may have been misleading Grace on this last week, I kinda sorta maybe told her that she was amazing and I liked her. I didn’t mean it, it was the day Belle left and I was drunk. That wasn’t a very good excuse but I was sticking with it, besides before Belle came back to town I was whipped over Grace. She was the ‘perfect’girl; but perfect didn't seem possible anymore.

“Hey Johnny, I thought you might like some company” Grace smiled cheekily and bit down on her lolly pop. As she walked towards me I realised that any guy would love attention from Grace, just not ones who were in-love with someone else. Eric stood up and rolled his eyes, “I’ll see you tomorrow I guess John” he turned around and looked at Grace, murmuring “Bye”. I nodded trying not to smile at Eric’s tone towards Grace. When Eric was out of the room Grace climbed onto my lap, throwing her arms around my neck. “So babe, I was thinking we could have a bit of fun” Grace raised her eyebrows and giggled.

I had never really looked at her until now, like really looked at her. I suddenly saw all her flaws, she wore way too much make-up, her hair was unnaturally straight and she had a quite annoying tone of voice. She was everything Belle wasn’t; I closed my eyes and saw Belle’s silky smooth hair, I could feel her smooth hand in mine. I could smell the strawberry shampoo she always used and then I was overwhelmed by Grace’s distinctive perfume. I missed Bee; god only knows how much I missed her. I knew this was going to sound like I’m a pig, but I think I may be using Grace to fore fill my manly needs.

This was wrong on so many levels, but it was obvious that Grace liked me; I mean if she didn’t like me then why would she be here suggesting we have some fun? I attacked her neck with violent and empty kisses; she moaned and pulled at the bottom of her top. It was just like the other night, she was all too eager to take her clothes off. They layed on the floor and mine soon joined hers, her moaning got louder. “John, John, John!” I moved my lips from her neck to her dry lips in hopes of shutting her up. My name only ever sounded right when it was being spoken like that by Belle.

I imagined it was Belle and not Grace, I imagined Belle’s tanned legs. I saw her loving smile and her effortlessly beautiful eyes. I could see Belle in my mind so sleeping with Grace didn’t seem too bad all of a sudden.

Satisfying Grace was easy, she only ever wanted one thing.

Sex.
With Belle it was something far deeper; a touch of her hand in mine sent waves of excitement through my body, a kiss made me shiver, even her smile weakened me. She knew how to tease me but more than anything she knew how to love me. She didn’t have to say the words for me to know what we had been was real; she could just lay beside me and hold my hand. That’s how simple it was for us, how effortless it was.